by Shanti of A Curls BF

My mother was on a tangent about how the world is going to hell in a hand bag when she first made me reconsider the purpose of marriage. Bereft of the many torn and single families that she has seen and experienced in her life she turned to me fired up and serious,


” Marriage is revolutionary these days. To choose to unite with someone and go against the grain of this structureless society is revolutionary.”

I am a mother but I am not a wife. That’s normal these days. It is damn near expected and almost entirely accepted. How many times does the scenario play that a mother takes that deep, sad breath as she looks at her full bellied, young, unwed daughter. How many “everything will be ok”s are spoken to daughters as mothers weigh heavy with the knowledge of the hardship of “the everything” that their naive daughters will endure to get to ” the ok”. Cycles repeat.
Couples stay together for years, undeniably in union yet still clinging to branches of uncertainty and denial. They share their money, love, families, children, homes and dreams with one another yet thoughts of ,”What if he isn’t the one?”, “I’m not ready to settle down?”, “We don’t need a piece of paper”, “We don’t believe in marriage”, “We aren’t financially ready” keep them individualized indefinitely.

Yet, how many marriages do we know that the couples married and stayed together although faithfulness is a failure. Separate rooms and beds are the norm, submission and stubbornness are learned and slowly eat away at tenderness and compromise. Tension fills the once happy home. Children learn to be more mature than their angry parents. They become mediators and counselors. They become cynical, lost adults.

Blended families become blessings. Step fathers become saviors. Step mother’s become best friends trusted and accepted. Love can be reborn if it doesn’t work out the first time.
There are so many reasons why people are weary of marriage. There are so many arguments for it that are strong. There are so many arguments against it that are reasonable.

Regardless, I admire couples that walk down the isle – young, old, naive, wise, heartbroken but hopeful, brave, scared, grateful, certain and ready. I imagine in a world where it seems so much easier and “modern” to go other routes that it requires some revolutionary sentiment to marry.

Do or die. By any means necessary.

But now a days is it really necessary?


What do you think the purpose of marriage is in this day and age?


Shanti Mayers and Antoinette Henry are best friends whose friendship took root in Philadelphia 10 years ago. Now as adults, Antoinette lives in Brooklyn New York pursuing her dreams in theater while Shanti still resides in Philadelphia raising her one- year old daughter. The creation of their blog “A Curl’s Best Friend” is representative of the creators and their love for natural hair, their appreciation of beauty and talent, their need for self -expression and their admiration for the many faces and voices of womanhood. Keep up with them on Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr!