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Curly Nikki

Me, Him + Natural Hair

By January 27th, 202113 Comments
Me, Him + Natural Hair
by Bennii Blast of The Culture Pine


It is not everyday that I sit down and think about how my choice to go natural affects those around me. After all, I am doing this for myself right? My boyfriend however, recently announced that he plans to switch things up a little (maybe a lot) by deciding he wants to grow some luscious locks. I admit I was caught a little off guard, because of course, the roles had now been reversed. This awakened a sense of curiosity about his initial feelings when I started my journey, so I decided I would go ahead and ask the man some questions!

B:When you told me you wanted to grow dreadlocks, I was definitely surprised. Did alarms go off when I first told you I was no longer going to be relaxing my hair also?

D:To be honest, as a person who is accepting of others and their decisions it came as a surprise but I was more intrigued as to the reasons why. I wanted to know what prompted the decision and as to whether you would stick with it or give in to temptation.

B:Why do you think some partners are unsupportive of their significant others currently going natural?

D:My answer to that is because they are selfish. I mean when you get into a relationship you should be supportive of your partner’s desires. I think it has a lot to do with the perceptions of others and the inability to be seen as being different from others. I also believe that there are other issues such as a lack of understanding and knowledge.

B:Society tells us that anything that isn’t straight and sleek is undesirable. How have you managed to break away from these influences?

D:I was there one day trying to make sense of things and I began asking questions. Asking why things have to be done a certain way and why true individuality or doing things different is commonly frowned upon. I came to the conclusion that a lot of people are influenced by family, traditions and what people say. I mean, why should what I look like matter when applying for jobs or gaining new opportunities? Surely as I say, it should be qualities within and skills that matter.

B:Many of us women worry about still being able to look good for our partners in the bedroom while maintaining hair styles at night with scarves etc. Does the night time hair routine put you off?

D:It doesn’t put me off personally because of my understanding about the need to protect the hair. I also know what you look like without the scarf so I do not think it is an issue and doesn’t stop anything from taking place. I think that for a lot of people though, they have a particular image when it comes to the bedroom and the fact that a headscarf or something similar doesn’t subscribe to that image may be putting them off. I think that being able to work around this issue is the key to a good relationship.

B:As the partner of someone currently transitioning, what have you found hardest to deal with? I won’t be offended…much!

D:I would definitely say the amount of time spent on hair maintenance. It seems like every other day 3 hours are spent deep conditioning. I know the need for maintenance though and I guess good things come to those who wait i.e. beautiful natural hair!

B:Finally, what made you decide to go natural and lock it up?

D:Well because I have been an interested observer during the transitioning period so far, I feel inspired. Also the amount of information I have found out through research, and the need not only for good looking but also healthy hair. For a long time I have generally been against people using weave as I think that people should be proud to show off their own hair. My decision was based on what I mentioned earlier about society judging people based on my appearance, and I guess me growing my hair allows me to make a sort of stand by non-conformity, as well as joining in on the natural hair journey.

Have you had the chance to find out what your Significant Other REALLY thinks?

13 Comments

  • Drea (beautyluvrespct) says:

    I enjoyed this article. Its not often that we get to hear a man's opinion about their partners & their natural hair journey. I love the fact that her partner is extremely supportive which can be a helpful tool when transitioning. Great Article!

  • Erica S says:

    Great to hear a man's opinion on a woman's natural hair! A lot of times women make their hair and beauty choices for the men in their life instead of for themselves. And men sometimes don't realize the amount of power they have over that. So it feels good to see a woman making a decision for herself and a man being man enough to accept that. Thanks for sharing!

  • Sparkle Arts says:

    My bf is still trying to understand why I need to put product in my hair if it is natural. His idea of natural is no product…just let it hang free. I'm working on educating him 🙂

  • Berthia D. says:

    Thats cute. A real man who loves his woman would accept her regardless of how she wants to wear her hair! Ladies if he wont accept it..ehh chances are . He's Not "the one" lol

  • shea_nicole says:

    The guy at the time was not the biggest fan because of course long straight hair as ideal to him but i wanted healthier hair. And i stopped straightening my hair when i saw him so that he would understand this is my hair get used to it or keep your opinions to yourself. Over time he learned to accept it and love my natural styles but still prefers straight but i make sure to not straighten my hair when i see him still ; )

  • MalibuMrsTee says:

    This is just what we (myself and hubby) are dealing with right now I started transitioning May 2011 and he watch videos with me and heard m non stop talking about natural hair and soon started to grow his hair althought my entire transition he was clear that my BC was doomsday in his eyes and I understood because he has always been a fan of long hair but on Dec.17,2011 he started he loc journey and I gave full support (did his twist) and he was so happy with this new journey, so on Dec.19,2011 I BC'd and when he seen me he could totally relate to my joy and new found freedom. I think this made both of us stonger as we accept each for the people we want to be : )

  • Anonymous says:

    LOL, the answers sound like my hubby. He also has locs and he much prefers the kinks on ME! I love that he can accept all things about me. We stand out as a couple rocking our natural 'do.

  • Anonymous says:

    Your boyfriend sounds very thoughtful and supportive!!! I really appreciate his thoughtful comments.

    My SO's only mild complaint with my hair is that I wear it up most of the time. He LOVES the texture and can be found trying to get his hands in it all the time. I have always been a 'hair up' type of gal due to my not liking hair in my face and due to the fact that I have worked out 6days a week for yrs.

    He has seen my hair straight, yrs ago and only on a picture. He thought it looked nice, but not reflective of who I am. He thinks the curls are sexier and more mysterious. Go figure! LOL!
    As a compromise, he gets to play in it, twist it in 2strand twists or just twist it at 'opportune' times. He is very pleased and accepting of the fact that I have chosen my health over my hair. . . In other words, he loves the results of all the working out. 🙂 So, we can both be happy!

  • Anonymous says:

    yes, My husband was definitely apprehensive about the whole ordeal. After all, we have known each other since high school (as friends) and I've always had long "straight" hair. So when I decided to take the journey, at first he was affected emotionally by it…being able to run his fingers through my hair, loving on the flowy curls I'd have upon entering the house after spending time at the salon. So, we definitely had a discussion about it right before I started the journey. Another one of his concerns was definitely the professional aspect of it all…what would my coworkers think, especially my boss, and just simply how I could pull off not wearing straight hair in a cooperate environment. Long story short, when it was all said and done, he told me that he supported me 100% (not to mention how I explained how it would save money and keep me out of the salon ever two weeks especially while paying for daycare for a toddler) his exact words were "go for it" Well, it's been a yr and one month since I started my transition, and 3 months since the BC, and he is more in love with the results now than he was during my relaxed days:-)

  • Netta Dee says:

    My husband is sought of like that kid…peeking in the room as there mom gets dressed for a party. What will she wear now? So far, he has been supportive, and I think it is because I haven't done anything that's loud. I wear my hair pullback because it goes with the shape of my face. I can't do anything super big like wearing a blow out or and Afro. So far, I haven't done anything to alarm him. Therefore, I don't think he cares about the relaxers being gone; it is more of the styling he cares about; oh, and I am buying too many products and spending too much time on blogs and YouTube. I believe at some point I will not visit CN anymore because I believe it is a fad for me to visit site..similar to when I was Facebook and Zumba crazy. My friend got me into the blogs and YT, but now she doesn't anymore.
    Therefore, I wonder if he thinks my change to natural hair is a fad. Sorry baby this isn't…this time. I love my curls.

  • Miche'al says:

    My husband does not like my hair straight at all. When I flat ironed my hair just to trim it, he was like "you are not keeping it like that, are you"? He prefers the kinks!

  • Anonymous says:

    Is this his picture? If so, girl he's a keeper!

    When I ask my husband about my kinky natural hair, he asks if I'm going to loc it. I say no I'm not because I want my hair out. The conversation ends. If asked again, the loc conversation comes up – and ends. I feel he's not really into my natural hair as I'm styling it now, and says I mess with it too much.

    ps. my hubs and oldest daughter have locs, my youngest has relexed hair and extensions.

  • Anonymous says:

    Aww, he's so sweet! And lucky you! You have found someone that will support you no matter what. 🙂

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