It is not everyday that I sit down and think about how my choice to go natural affects those around me. After all, I am doing this for myself right? My boyfriend however, recently announced that he plans to switch things up a little (maybe a lot) by deciding he wants to grow some luscious locks. I admit I was caught a little off guard, because of course, the roles had now been reversed. This awakened a sense of curiosity about his initial feelings when I started my journey, so I decided I would go ahead and ask the man some questions!
B:When you told me you wanted to grow dreadlocks, I was definitely surprised. Did alarms go off when I first told you I was no longer going to be relaxing my hair also?
D:To be honest, as a person who is accepting of others and their decisions it came as a surprise but I was more intrigued as to the reasons why. I wanted to know what prompted the decision and as to whether you would stick with it or give in to temptation.
B:Why do you think some partners are unsupportive of their significant others currently going natural?
D:My answer to that is because they are selfish. I mean when you get into a relationship you should be supportive of your partner’s desires. I think it has a lot to do with the perceptions of others and the inability to be seen as being different from others. I also believe that there are other issues such as a lack of understanding and knowledge.
B:Society tells us that anything that isn’t straight and sleek is undesirable. How have you managed to break away from these influences?
D:I was there one day trying to make sense of things and I began asking questions. Asking why things have to be done a certain way and why true individuality or doing things different is commonly frowned upon. I came to the conclusion that a lot of people are influenced by family, traditions and what people say. I mean, why should what I look like matter when applying for jobs or gaining new opportunities? Surely as I say, it should be qualities within and skills that matter.
B:Many of us women worry about still being able to look good for our partners in the bedroom while maintaining hair styles at night with scarves etc. Does the night time hair routine put you off?
D:It doesn’t put me off personally because of my understanding about the need to protect the hair. I also know what you look like without the scarf so I do not think it is an issue and doesn’t stop anything from taking place. I think that for a lot of people though, they have a particular image when it comes to the bedroom and the fact that a headscarf or something similar doesn’t subscribe to that image may be putting them off. I think that being able to work around this issue is the key to a good relationship.
B:As the partner of someone currently transitioning, what have you found hardest to deal with? I won’t be offended…much!
D:I would definitely say the amount of time spent on hair maintenance. It seems like every other day 3 hours are spent deep conditioning. I know the need for maintenance though and I guess good things come to those who wait i.e. beautiful natural hair!
B:Finally, what made you decide to go natural and lock it up?
D:Well because I have been an interested observer during the transitioning period so far, I feel inspired. Also the amount of information I have found out through research, and the need not only for good looking but also healthy hair. For a long time I have generally been against people using weave as I think that people should be proud to show off their own hair. My decision was based on what I mentioned earlier about society judging people based on my appearance, and I guess me growing my hair allows me to make a sort of stand by non-conformity, as well as joining in on the natural hair journey.
Have you had the chance to find out what your Significant Other REALLY thinks?