As I sit here typing this post, a gazillion milestones, experiences, triumphs, defeats and victories are running through my head. 2011 was INSANE! I gotta tell ya though, I had a fantastic time and I learned ALOT this year. Below are just a few of my favorite lessons that I’d like to share with you.
A good cry, cleanses the mind and the spirit. I gotta tell ya, for me, bad days are few and far between. I honestly, don’t have the attention span to be screw faced for longer than 20 minutes. Besides, it causes wrinkles! However, when I do have bad days, they suck, and I typically dissolve into tears. I hate crying, because I don’t like losing control and somehow, it feels foreign to me. I’m so used to being goofy and laughing, that even when my heart is breaking, I’m determined to at least smile through it. But, like I said, there are those times when my eyes just want to sweat. After spending years trying to keep it together, cry into a pillow, or just plain suck it up, I think my body just refused to let me BS myself anymore. I have found that after a nice, good, snotty, ugly, shoulder sobbing cry, I feel much better! I can think clearer and I feel emotionally lighter. I become so resolute, and am determined to resolve whatever it was that put me into tears in the first place. All in all, crying isn’t such a bad thing!
I am not in control of the bigger picture, God is. Not gonna preach a sermon, heck, I’m not even qualified! But, I must say that I had to learn to not have such a tight death grip on everything and everyone around me. At the end of the day, whatever will be, will be. Whomever is meant to stay in you life will stay, and whomever is meant to go, will go. I work hard, and chase my dreams in stilettos, because I expect to catch them some day. But I have learned to include a “God’s Will” clause in my dream sheet. He’s put me here for a purpose and I want to follow whatever path he puts me on. God sees and knows what’s best for each and every one of us and loves us enough to not give us everything we desire.
In life, if you knock and nobody answers, kick the friggin’ door down! Nobody is gonna give you anything. If you’re busting your hump, and losing sleep, trying to accomplish something, nobody is going to appreciate your hard work more than YOU. Don’t be shy about your hard labor and don’t let people down play your accomplishments. If you want something be bold enough to claim it and fight for it if need be.
Value your silly side. It infuriates me when I see gorgeous women who are too pretty to laugh, smile, or be a little silly. I will NEVER be one of those chicks. Hell, I was never “pretty” enough to be one of those chicks anyway! lol! High cheek bones, booties, and boobs, fade and sag over the years. My effervescent personality and sense of humor will be stuck with me for as long as I have air in my lungs, and that’s worth something.
What did life teach you in 2011?
You girls are so pretty! God Bless you and your friendship!
I agree with your statement that one doesn't have to be the 'pretty one' or 'funny one'. Just be the best YOU that you can be.
A person can be more than one predominant label. Strive to be the best you and don't begrudge others who appear to have some traits you think you don't have. Trying to minimize anyone else will never make you more of anything, No matter how hard you may want that to be true.
I have also seen so many people who try to elevate themselves by stating to themselves (and the world) that they are A, inspite of B. The problem comes in when they experience someone who is A, B and C. Then they've got to tear that person down and say, " Well she's not D", and oh yeah, I'M D, so I have something to offer too – or something that she doesn't have.
This, IMHO , is faulty thinking that will lead to pain and disappointment in self in the future. I'm not being negative, but real.
I thought it was just me and I resolved to be surrounded by positivity so I didn't respond but I am glad someone did. I do think that some of the issues the author grappled with as a younger woman are still present. I know that I don't smile very often because so much in my life is awry and when I do smile in putting in a mask. I don't think I'm too pretty to smile nor did I think this gorgeous young woman I met a few years back who had a history of molestation was too pretty to be silly.
I think Tanecia is a pretty woman and in this article it seems IMO that you're using your sense of humor as a crutch of some dirt and you don't need to. Not one bit. Being funny is a great thing but one doesn't have to be the pretty one or the funny one. You just need to be you and in your case they intersect. Stay positive
I guess I took the last line a little differently than most. I read it as the author calling out the ladies( who seem to have grown in number in recent years) that think it's cute or fashionable to have a stank or princess diva attitude.
Here are 30 more lessons:
Anon 5:28 PM
The author states:
It infuriates me when I see gorgeous women who are too pretty to laugh, smile, or be a little silly. I will NEVER be one of those chicks. Hell, I was never "pretty" enough to be one of those chicks anyway! lol! High cheek bones, booties, and boobs, fade and sag over the years. My effervescent personality and sense of humor will be stuck with me for as long as I have air in my lungs, and that's worth something.
I think this statement struck some readers as being negative and lacking of empathy towards 'gorgeous' women who are not smiling at a given time. ANYONE can have a bad day, not feel like smiling or laughing. Why does the author feel the need to point out attractive people and then go on to talk about how although she doesn't consider herself to be gorgeous, beauty fades anyway and SHE has a great personality (that will presumably lasts a lifetime).
What does "hell I was never 'pretty' enough to be one of those chicks" mean??? Everyone has a right to show whatever expression they want to, regardless of how physically attractive they may be.
The article as a whole reads well, but I agree with those who took issue with that last line. I got it loud and clear the first time a read it.
To stop procrastinating because I feel I haven't gotten as far as I think I should be with goals I want to accomplish.
Great read and it resonate within me. We let fear control so much of our lives that it's nice to let go and let God, it's nice to have a nice cry to cleanse your soul and help you keep striving on the path set before us, it's nice to value yourself without looking for someone else to do it. Keep up the good work, keep sharing some of us can really relate and sometimes we need that voice to express in public what we are thinking, feeling and believing in private. Great job!
As I read these comments I smile to myself because as positive as most people want to believe others are, they really aren't. I read the article again after i read the comments and still don't see it as degrading and judgmental. Granted not everyone walking around w/sour faces does it for no reason. There are those type of people out there. Personally i enjoyed the article. Obviously people go through things that make them sad … And those people are clearly not the people she is referring to.
My biggest lesson for 2011: my self esteem is WAY too low. It has been the reason for my thoughts, my actions, and how my life has went these last few years. I always wondered why I was so dependent on others or why I felt I couldn't have anyone I thought was attractive: my self esteem lead me to believe these things. So for 2012, I working hard to fix that simply because I want a better quality of life.
Anon 3:08PM and Anon 2:22PM
I am glad that others felt uncomfortable with the last statement of this article.
Some people have issues surrounding not being perceived as being 'beautiful'. I have experienced many people like this who secretly (and not so secretly) hate on attractive people and tell themselves that, " Well, I may not be gorgeous, but I'M smart, or I'M the one with personality." NOT NECESSARILY! An 'ugly' person with issues is just as unattractive as a 'pretty' one. A bubbly personality or high intelligence is not mutually exclusive to beauty. I've known some dropdead gorgeous people who are extremely intelligent and have infectious personalities too. Degrading someone else in an attempt to elevate oneself never works.
I'm a bit confused, as I thought this site was meant to elevate self-esteem, not allow for the false building of it or the tearing down of others.
@Anonymous 2:22, thank you for your comment. Overall, I enjoyed the article, but that last point kind of rubbed me the wrong way. It's a little presumptuous of any of us to claim we know why a person is acting a certain way. I've certainly been in situations where relative strangers took it upon themselves to make judgements upon my lack of smile, based on physical features, when in reality I was dealing with a major life-changing issue (such as a death in the immediate family). Or, on a more mundane note, maybe that person just was not blessed with the same sense of humor that you have. Oh well, it is what it is. It's ok for someone to have a somewhat different disposition than what you would like to see; imagine what the world would be like if we were actually all the same.
It infuriates me when I see ANY person (no matter how 'pretty') who is not smiling, laughing or able to be silly. It usually means that they are hurting in some way.
It also infuriates me when people judge others on how they look.
Beautiful B&W–very professionally done! Article on point!
I learned the only thing that happens for certain is change. Whether it is good or bad things do change. And yes a good cry is cleansing. When I'm done I start to bounce back. 2012 has got to be a better year. *falls down on knees and prays*
Love these. I couldn't agree with yuo more whne it comes to number 3. In life, if you knock and nobody answers, kick the friggin' door down!
spgdolls always make me smile! 🙂 i loved following you ladies in 2011 and can't wait to see what you have in store for us in 2012!
Excellent and inspiring…thx so much for sharing!!
WOW… speaks volumes.. I really love-Value Your Silly Side… that is something I definitely do, life's too short to be a porcelain doll. My 2011 was GREAT and I plan to make 2012 just as GREAT if not better. In 2011 I valued myself, my time, my family and my friends more. Life is GOOD and I'm HAPPY… I just want to fit as much into this life as I possibly can, so that when I go… people will know that I LIVED 🙂 Also, the pic is GORGEOUS!!!