CN: The people are demanding Skinny-Kenny. Where you at?
Kenny: I guess it is high time I come back. *enters stage right* I’m ready like Spongebob.
********************************************
by Kenny of Skinny-Kenny.com
If you could tell the women in that picture anything, what would it be?
“Y’all doin’ too much!”
“Y’all needs ta siddown somewhere”
“This is a hot mess!”
You probably wouldn’t tell them anything positive… I see this scene play out over and over again. A girl walks into a room dressed as if she has just come back from an expedition to Mars, and other women in the room give her the dagger eyes.
Why is that? Has this woman’s form of self expression truly ruined your night? Has her neon pink and yellow weave caused you to cancel all of your plans for the evening and go back home? Probably not. I think it’s a feeling of jealous insecurity.
It’s safe to say that you probably aren’t jealous of her dress or her weave. But you may be jealous of her confidence. Her self-confidence makes you subconsciously insecure, and insecurity leads to outright jealousy and judgement.
And it’s not just women, men are equally as guilty. I’ve been on the receiving end of disdain from men and women alike, based purely on how I am dressed. A very good friend of mine recently told me ‘If I didn’t know you personally I would hate you, because of how you dress’ …Wow.
If I decide I want to dress like a Pirate everyday in 2012 then I should be able to do so without facing backlash. I am an adult… I can express myself however I choose! So next time you see someone wearing something “crazy” just let it go. Sometimes, you got to wear your craziness on your sleeve…
CN Says-
*stares dramatically into the distance*
In college, before natural hair became what it is today, I remember them dagger eyes all too well. The snarky and often underhanded compliments from my straight hair counterparts could have come from a place of jealousy… maybe not of my swirls & curls (despite the luxuriousness), but of the confidence it took to rock them.
Wow. I just couldn't disagree more. But, oh well, to each his own.
Interestingly, K3nny seems to be judgemental on his post on 14th Jan. I thought the point of this post was to allows people to express what they's tell these women?
Well, I would probably stare at these girls to start with, because they are dressed to catch attention and their outfits/hairstyles fit the purpose.
If I could talk to them, I'd probably say that to there is no need to reveal so much to look good or quirky(assuming that is their objective:-).
That upsets me and makes me sad(for a second or two) when I see such characters. I don't like it on television on so called celebrities who were underwear as outfit either to be honest (regardless of ethnicity). But because black women are often protrayed as if they are short of fabric or something, that makes me sad when I see characters who fuel this stereotype (the same would apply, for those being loud and rude).
However, their background does not cross my mind. My issue is that, often, some people would associate this appearance with a certain type of behaviour and associate other black women with the same type behaviour. And as another anonymous wrote above, having to defend oneself from this can be tiring.
My experience is that when a (black) guy tries to grind on me at a party and/or to touch me in an inappropriate manner which I would refuse, he'd go "who do you think you are?". Well, I am not one of those girls, however lovely they are.
The opposite works too. Some of my caucasian friends told me that I do no fit the image they have of a black girl. I did not understand to start with, then, a friend showed me- quite quickly an example of what she had in mind walked by:-( … It was like, "-Wait a minute, most black girls are not like this.- Really? because those are the ones I see."
I think that's what may transform the stare into a glare.
These girls just happen to make it harder for us. Fight a stereotype that, let's face it, is not in our favour. We already have to fight so many of them already…
BTW, I come from a French island in the caribbean (now living in London) so my apologies for any language mistakes.
Hm.. Interesting article I have to say. and Im absolutely guilty of tossing out side-eyes like candy at Halloween, every now and then.
But, I don't think that has any bearing on *my* self esteem, or my confidence.
Im the first one to tell another woman if she looks nice. I can compliment others,I don't think that has any effect on my self-esteem or confidence either..
That said, if you're dressed like a stripper in church, at a funeral, or a wedding, be ready for it.
If you're a size 20, and you're squeezed into a size 14, Just know..people are looking, and it's not good.
if you're 65 and dressed like Rainbow Bright..(good for you!) But you're doing too dang much.
*shrug*
This can be looked at from many different point of views but I clearly see where Kenny's opinion comes from. I can also see why it is a fashion disaster,weave tsunami, hot mess volcano.
Interesting post and comments. Never realized there were so many Anonymous commenters here. I must say I'm split on the post, I see both sides.
that should have been respectablely
while i am all for creativity and i also agree that there are times where other races of woman can wear certain things that blacks get critisized for we must understand that black woman are under attack constantly by everyone we are unattractive, loud, ghetto, golddiggers,aggressive,and have no class let some people say it.
let just be honest here black woman especially is viewed as oversexed and promiscuous to all people period we are not respected mainly i gotta say because of the media hip hop artist are a big part of this they degrade black woman especially as just a prop for a video they have no name just a body part any woman rather they be white black asain or latina dressed like these woman will be viewed as a video girl even if they arent
people judge you on their first impression if a man were to walk into a club and see these woman they would be hoes plain and simple even if they wasnt they would probably have men surrounding them trying to get some from her she is putting all her goods out for display its messed up but its true the same goes for man he could be a heart surgeon but if he goes in a club sagging with a white tee-shirt on with some jordans on with braids in his hair with gold teeth in his mouth everybody except those that know if rather they be white or black is going to see a thug plain and simple you only get one chance at a first impression.
if we as black woman want to be respected we got to respect ourselves and when you got every body part hanging out except for what is under undergarments aint nobody going to look at you as being a good woman im sorry but its the truth
I don't know how people mistake this type of dressing as "confidence" when infact it is a lack thereof. Anyone who need loud colored hair and to dress nakedly are seeking attention because they lack confidence. If they had inneer securities they would realize they could cover up respectively, have a modest hair color, walk in any room and command attention (not demand it). Not to say that some women aren't jealous of truly confiident women– just saying that this cry for attention isn't security. While it does require courage to dress like this in public
(just like it requires courage to wear natural hair where it's not completely excepted or understood) it has a different meaning from confidence.
"Seems that "trashy" is a label women reserve for each other"
Kenny: you don't hang around too many guys, do you? "Trashy" is mild in comparison to what I have heard my brothers and their friends say about many a random woman who they considered promiscuous based on their appearances alone.
Another point: when women (of any race) dress skanky like this it's usually accompanied by a certain behavior. Chicks like this don't show up and stay in the corner minding their bizness, ERR-BODY in the joint has to know they have arrived. They're loud, obnoxious and I would say the exact same thing if they were not Black. I think both Katy Perry and Nikki Minaj are talentless hacks who use outlandish appearances to appeal to certain demographics.
And re: other races of women who wear day-glo bright colored hair–How do you know what the women in those races have to say about them? You are on a site with predominantly Black women, so that is the focus here. You lived in Asia, you know there is a culture of Asian young women who are very trendy and wear rainbow hair, along with cutesy, little girl clothes, carry lunchboxes, etc. (I have never been to Asia but i attended design school with a lot of Korean and Japanese students who dressed this way among other trends). They are usually not dressed skanky like these women in the photo above, so why even use that as an analogy just because the only thing in common with the photo above is bright colored hair?
I reaalllly wish there was as much effort in correcting Black male behavior as there is in constantly checking Black women on stupid ish.
Honestly I think Everyone is entitled to do whatever they please. Just because they are dressed in a way one would personally never dress, does not mean they need to be judged. Their people just like everyone else. And I thought this was a natural hair blog? Can we focus on that? lol
OMG! I know those girls and I didn't read the comments, but they are fun-loving girls. I don't know all of them personally, but two of them I grew up with in church. They were at a Jamaican party in South Florida and that's just how some of them dress. The party was themed and to call them whores and such is just not right. Some call it outrageous, others scandalous. I wouldn't do dress like that to any party, b/c that's not my style. But hey, if they like it, I love it!
was this pic take in JA
Kenny, some black people look inappropriately dressed to BLACK PEOPLE. Some of the commenters weren't calling out this look in reference to only how other races perceive us. It also comes down to how we are perceiving ourselves. If we perceive ourselves as poorly groomed and inappropriately dressed (among other negative traits) , when we truly are, is that considered to be jealousy, self-hate OR just a truthful reflection of what we see before us??
(In this case, the ladies in the pic you posted)
Men who wear their hair long, etc., whether black or white, in my opinion, are neither quirky or artist but are unkempt–simple as that. The appearance of CurlyNikki's husband, Johnny Gill, Ne-Yo, Jay-Z and P.Diddy are what I call a great classic but modern black man's look. I don't want a guy who can be mistaken as me from the back because their hair is long as mine! Enough said! Get back to the real jokes, please!
In answer to Kenny: I consider today's women trashy when their dress and appearance resemble that of hookers or strippers. Those women usually dress to show flesh in the most tacky way so if a female would like to be thought of as a lady, then she should look AND act the part of a lady! Black women of the 1930s thru early 1960s have always looked the part of ladies even though they were poor and this generation of females have gotten away from being classy!
Thanks Kenny! I can't stand that "you're making us look bad to the white folks" mentality. If a white person judges a black person by their clothes, and then turns around and judges the next black person who isn't dressed like that and makes the same assumptions- they obviously aren't judging clothes only. It's not logical. Racism and prejudice is never logical.
Please…ain't nothing stemming from jealously re that last picture of those hoodrats! Mine would be who let the hookers out!?((sung to the tune of who let the dogs out)). The way they carry themselves don't portray confidence rather, I need to learn how to dress properly!
I agree, if I grow my hair out, at work I'm an angry black man, but when a white guy does it, he's alternative, brilliant, quirky or tortured-genious. Its like his brain must be too big for a regular look.
Reading the comments has raised more ?s Several commenters have labeled these women as trashy. Can a man be deemed trashy based on his appearance? Seems that "trashy" is a label women reserve for each other.
This seems to be the nature of the put down:
Man to his friend: "You look like a bitch!" (calling another man a woman)
Woman to her friend "You look like trash!"
Trash to it's friend: "You look like a man" (obviously trash can't talk but don't break the cycle)
Someone else pointed out that when Asian women or caucasian women wear neon hair and crazy clothes it's "quirky" (Awww that's so cute)
"But when black [women] do it, it's suspect"-Mos Def
And that brings me to this… Why are we trying to hold each other up as ambassadors of the entire race? When I see a woman or man dressed out of the norm I don't put my face in my palm and say, "OHHHHH LAWDD! Please don't let white people see this!" Because I don't care about judgmental white people. To me that is debasing. If the whole motivation of the disdain for someone is centered on the fact they will make black people look bad to other races….
We all know every race has it's undesirables, let's not act like we are the only race with questionable sub groups.
@ Anon 2:41–It's not a matter of everyone not getting his point. No one would go onto a respectable site for Black men, post a pic of thugged out looking guys, and use that as a visual for an article like this. I think Kenny makes good points, but a less stank photo could have been chosen.
I get really freaking annoyed at folks telling Black women how to think and act, no matter the circumstances and examples given. And it's ironic that apparently Kenny was requested to come back, and this is what he comes up with. Yes he did say men are not exempt from the rolling eyes behavior, but come on, the sentiment is primarily directed at women in this post.
to reply back to earlier responses, i think we get the point he is trying to make but his point is somewhat invalid when he used girls dressed inappropriately as an example and tried to say that their inappropriateness is them trying to be creative. And it matters to us black women because when you see one black woman looking back it gets applied to all black people. its sad but its true.
That's a ghetto, stank, hot mess that makes other black woman look bad. Why? Because these hoodrats are the ones who will be on the T.V. This is not confidence. We say it is, but it's not. There was an eccentric white girl in college who dressed weirder and weirder everyday. My roommate got to know her better and found out she had been molested by her father and she dressed like that because it was her way of crying out for help. Her words. So everything is not what it always seems. A lack of confidence is a disease in lower class neighborhoods for lots of reason, so the chics passify themselves by forming a "ghetto girl wardrobe club"? That is not confidence.
"If you could tell the women in the picture anything, what would it be?"
Well the first thing you'd want to ask would be: 'Is it (Jamaican) Dancehall Night up in here?'
If the answer is yes, then THEY are appropriate and you're prob'ly overdressed. LOL!
some people are really not getting the point he was trying to make.
THe point of the article and recommendation for comments was
"If you could tell the women in the picture anything, what would it be?"
A loaded question for sure, but it depends on what one sees in that picture. What one sees in that picture would depend on one's perspective, experiences, personal history and thought processes. That, obviously , will vary. There is no right or wrong here. Just folk expressing their opinions. It is very interesting to read the responses.
Thanks Kenny!
I guess I am still wondering why people are still justifying giving other people "Dagger eyes". Even if they do look trashy, what is it to you? I think that is the main point of the article, not whether or not they have confidence. All we have is a picture. We do not know how many baby daddies they have or what their homes look like.
I always wonder why some black people feel so embarrassed by other black people. I have seen the most hate filled, racialized words thrown from one black person to another in the name of "not embarrassing our race."
I agree with Passions discussion about status. There are people in every racial group that do things that some members of that race despise. But I am too busy enjoying my day, living my life, and working on myself to get worked up over what the next chick is wearing or how many baby daddies she has.
What I mean by fatigue, for example , is that when one has to spend several minutes with a client being faced with pointed questions about your racial background because you don't fit into the 'stereotyped' images of black woman, it gets tiring. I feel annoyed by the client, yes, but it happens way too often (with too many clients) AND when you look around and see too many of us fitting right into the stereotype, it gets to be downright disgusting.
Point Blank…If you come out of the house dressed in iridescent colors looking like a parking cone; wrapped in materials that resemble aluminum foil, latex, panty hose, or lace; items of clothing that can be confused and/or swapped with a 2-year old; or items of clothing that are cut and may reveal any lumps, bumps, crevices, scars (including stab wounds and bullet shots), or any area that would be covered by a blurry box by the FCC, then you not only WANT the side eye (and any other eye) looking at you, you DESERVE the evil eye.
This has NOTHING to do with insecurities of the onlookers (trying to non-verbally convince you to stop shopping at Osh Kosh Bigosh), it has EVERYTHING to do with the insecurities of the wearer, who obviously is so insecure with themselves, that they will wear ANYTHING to get some type of attention…..
Let's keep it real!
I agree with the commenters who make a distinction between creative expression and trashy. There is a definite difference. As a professional black woman, I get so very sick and tired of reading all the overwhelmingly negative comments about black women on various internet news articles. I also get sick of having the predominant image of black women being loud, ignorant, overweight and wearing fake hair. So much so, that even those of us who do not represent ANY of these traits catch hell trying to overcome the image just so that we can do our jobs well and be respected as an INDIVIDUAL who happens to be black and is competent, intelligent, humble, modest, fit and classy.
Until we are representing ourselves AS A WHOLE in a better way than we currently are, we do not have the luxury of walking around like those females in your picture and calling it 'creative expression'. Just my 2 cents . I am not coming from a place of insecurity, but rather, a place of fatigue. Fatigue at the overwhelmingly negative images and opinions of black women which some of us are doing our best to uphold and support., in the name of creative expression.
It makes it tough for the rest of us. THAT IS ALL.
"I'm an adult… I do what I want." I love sayings like this. I definitely catch myself judging and I'd never really thought of it this way, maybe I am a little jealous of the confidence of others.
So it could be assumed that since these women dress this way as a tribute to the way they saw someone else dress, they don't really have an inner confidence, but low self-esteem because they are pretenders.
Maybe the girls are trying to look like Nicki Minaj.I'm guessing people would say nothing negative to her wearing a bright pink weave.
I dropped some friends that would'nt stop acting like this.I ignore their pleading phone calls. They'll bring me down in life with them. Im 22 and in college. There's certain parties i would go to, n places i would'nt be caught dead in, then things i just wont friggen due because i want my youth for as long as i can have it. Also things i wont be caught dead in. As a fashion student i mix and match like crazy, i love colours.I wear random things for fun. ( I LOVE SKINNY KENNY) . I do dress sexy at times (forgive me im still young 🙂 ) I dont come outside naked unless im in my bikini at the beach….. But as for the staring, ppl like that a am differnt, its refreshing. I get smiles, and where did u buy that, or can u make one for me. Its only the hood rats that give me the dagger eyes so i dont think they have any self confidence. women like that are F#$%&^! embarrasing to actually stand on the street with. Its harder to live and BE UR SELF, the way u are. Its easy to copy Nikki Minaj……. they look the 2cent hookers. They only dress like that cuz everybody in there nasty little circle does it. Oh plz. They need God and professional help.
Nicole 🙂
I must agree with those who still have the ability to distinguish eccentric from trashy.
I realize that the concept of standards is something that's gone by the wayside across all races but that doesn't mean I have to follow the herd. The cheap hoe look isn't cute and nothing anyone says can convince me otherwise. Jealousy has NOTHING to do with it and in fact "jealous" is starting to join "racist" as yet another word that people drop like a bomb without really thinking about what they're saying.
I need folks to do better in 2012…
I disagree. I doubt people who cut their eyes at girls who present themselves in this way consciously or unconsciously envy their presumed confidence. I believe it is more about our own arrogance that causes us to cut our eyes.
Furthur, I believe its more about the observer's beliefs about group of people who present themselves in this way. Its NOT really about the clothes. Its important to look at the big picture.
What stops you from thinking these girls are bold, creative, individualistic trendsetters? Why are they only whores with multiple baby daddies?
Status is a keyword here. High Status equals respect. High Status allows mercy, grace, and acceptance. High Status equals power. Clearly these girls dont represent high status, at least here in the States.
Race and class wars are still very real and impact us all. Even me. Im guilty of judgment and contempt of people from the hood or ghetto. Being raised in the hood and moving to the suburbs in later years, my perspective has shifted.
I think about the rich and wealthy and how it is easier for people in general to accept their eccentric ways of life, dress, and behavior. Even admire it. In comparison to the culture these girls in the picture represent, do we tend to be more accepting?
Early comments have mentioned how these girls are likely from the hood or ghetto, or just plain classless. Given that, judgment is not really directed towards the fabric the girls wear or the color the wig but more about what the observer thinks of the people who wear the clothing or the neon wig. Whatever label we assign to the "people" it is carried over to WHATEVER the people tend to represent themselves with, whether it be clothing, behavior, language, etc.
this is kind of a tangent but you know what I hate? When a black woman wants to wear neon hair colors or dress in a fashion that is outside of the norm she is called 'ghetto'…yet if a white or asian woman was dressed in the same way, it might be called odd, creative or artsy (maybe even trendy!), but it wouldn't be called ghetto.
I used to be very guilty of this, and I used to judge black women more than other women because I ashamed that certain among us decided to dress a certain way or style their hair in a certain way. But now I've began to reevaluate those views.
I don't think it's a jealousy thing. If I saw some women dress like the picture above, I'm going to look at them like they have lost their mind. I'm certainly not jealous. I'm mad that my 'sisters' look a hot mess and folks of different races most likely will make the assumption that all of 'us' dress like.
This article sounds like BS! WOMEN roll their eyes at loose booties like them because they give black women the low market value we have right now. Clearly their knuckles are dragging on the ground and I don't acknowledge that as a show of CONFIDENCE; It's tacky and cheap and expected. Intelligent woman aren't jealous over these types of women. They don't look like confidence, they look like HIV.
Yes, at times, we need to stop judging and appreciate a person's differences, forms of self-expression, and displays of confidence. However, there's a difference between being confident and being straight-up ridiculous and inappropriate.
I'm not jealous of women who can spice things up, could care less about mixing patterns/colors/textures or whathaveyou; I actually admire that. Trashy and inappropriate is just unacceptable and will most definitely be subjected to judgement….as in…what the…you need to take yo @$$ home….who told you you could come out the house lookin' like that?
i get ur point but like some earlier comments already said, u shoulda used a better pic. these girls look stank. to me thats not confidence thats not having a clue how u really look…sorry.and just like some earlier commenters said its moreso embarrassing and it perpetuates a never ending stereotype. pink weave? come on.
Yay! Skinny Kenny's back!
I LOVE skinny kenny and his website! great feature
I needed to read this. I am sooo guilty of having something negative to say about women who dress a certain way and it really isn't cool. My boyfriend talks about the way I dress all the time, I have a somewhat different sense a style. I go from, Plain Jane, to super professional and conservative, to San Francisco hippie,to vintage all in one week, so I know what it's like to get those daggers. I also like my clothes short and tight at times. I can admit that I have some jealous insecurities, I don't have the confidence to wear my hair like Rainbow Brite, not that I want to but I wouldn't be able to handle the stares and comments. I hate being the center of attention. WTS Thank you!
The girls in that photo need to either siddown or go take a hot bath. The only people who are jealous of women like this are other hoodrats.
But aside from that, I am usually intrigued when I see someone dressing "different". I used to dress like Denise Huxtable back in the day, so I know all about the "wtf she got on it don't even match" comments which always made me laugh. They were usually made by girls who dressed head to toe in one label, purse matching shoes, etc. This is why I really hate those fashion sites with the hit or miss features which invites everyone to chime in on the outfit of some pooe unsespecting celeb. It's so damn high schoolish.
Those women have neck tats and tramp stamps… good night!If you hate on someone for being different thats one thing, but is it even possible to hate on these women in the photo that have a mountain of confidence for absolutely no d*mn reason? Being different is cool, being trashy….. not so much.
Confident? Or oblivious? I see plenty of confident people who dress differently and it makes me smile. People like the first photo above make me wonder if they realize how they actually look. They strike me as oblivious to
a) the image they project versus the image they may have in their heads
and
b) the prevailing style of the day versus the way they carry out that style.
I'd liken it to someone in cosplay versus someone with TP stuck at the back of their shoe. One is intentional. The other…they may not realize exactly what vibe they are really portraying.
It's all subjective tho.
There's a difference between dressing in an eccentric manner and dressing like a low class, I look like I don't smell good, hood booger. No no, that is not ok. The judgement comes from disgust not jealousy. Disgust because black people, especially women, are already stereotyped to ALL act and dress that way. Women in particular that dress like that make me cringe. I happen to dress in very…. odd way but I'm not showing my goods to the world. But you can catch me with some pretty odd combo's of colors and patterns at any given moment.
You'll need to workout
As I look more closely at the outfits, it seems they are dressed for a Halloween or Masquerade party.
It doesn't look like club-wear to me. It's a little too "way out"
Because this photo is taken out of context, it makes these Sorors look like every negative stereotype ever conjured up about the American Black Woman.
But back to your original theory about envy of self confidence Kenny – yeah, methinks you are right about that one.
One woman's trash is another man's treasure.
lmbo j/k
I just came to admire the jackets and chuckle at the comments. That is all.
I must say your post served it's purpose… I will definitely check myself for the hater bug before I judge, but the women in that picture get the dagger eyes because of the negative connotations they conjure. I can imagine those girls walking into a club I'm in and immediately being seen as "ghetto" or "hoodrat". Images of how their homes must look and how many "baby daddies" they have will pop into many people's head. And I'd be annoyed, not that they had the confidence to wear what they wore out, but that I may be looked at in that same light because we're i close proximity. It wouldn't consume my night, but it would certainly give me pause for half a beat
YES, CN. YEEEESSSS! That confidence will have them HATING you. LOL!!!!
I don't really agree with this post, those girls in the picture are beyond confident, they're inappropriate. There's a difference between being confident and ridiculous. Maybe if you would of used another picture to compare with I could agree, but I will never approve of black WOMEN going out in public not carrying themselves as such. I understand what you mean about being jealous of someone's confidence but I do not believe you used any of the right situations to compare it to.
it makes you wonder sometimes….good post!
yay…skinny kenny…great article.
luv your jackets…bofe 'of'em…can I borrow them?
No?
ok, now i'm jealous. >:-(
Guilty guilty guilty! I never thought about it that way.
That's great and all. And I agree that we should express ourselves and be confident, but there is a time and place for everything. And there is also a fine line between class and trash. I'm just saying ….
Your back, but I am too ashamed to comment on the post 🙁
I love this post and completely agree. Who are we to judge?
Guilty as charged! I know that I have given people the dagger eyes in instances such as this. I never associated it with their confidence causing me to feel insecure though, I think at those times, that it came from a place of embarrassment. I think that as black people that when we see our people doing something that isn't accepted as "normal" that it reflects poorly upon all of us as a race.
Who knows, maybe deep down it was because I wasn't confident in who I was! Interesting post…
You are so right why do we comment about a person's self expression and confidence, we need to stop, think and appreciate a person's differences.