When my daughter Trianna was born, she had a head full of hair. As she grew, the hair went in the opposite direction. Once she learned to move her head side to side, she developed that bald spot at the back as some babies do. Then she started pulling it out…just because. What wasn’t pulled out came out with something some babies develop called cradle cap. Being our first baby, we were clueless as to how to deal with these different stages. Let’s put it this way, after dwindling down to peach fuzz, she was then BALD. Yep…no hair.
I grew tired of people saying “He’s so cute!!” Then it was “She has no hair!!” I am going to be completely honest with you…I developed a complex. It was MY complex. She didn’t know any different. I realized what was happening and I had to stop it…in my own head. It was going to be okay! Was I being vain? Was I going to allow her (by my reaction and disappointment) to know that she was lacking something? I wasn’t going to do that to my baby. I had to get myself in check and show her by example where her true beauty lay. Her confidence needed to be based on who she is inside and I (being her mother) had to teach her that. So I had to get over it. I didn’t want it to define her or stop her from doing anything. She didn’t even realize how little hair she had until we look back now…and her confidence is still through the roof.
By her first birthday, it started growing back “very slowly”. I was anxious to braid, put in clips, hairbands and the like. I had one lady tell me not to worry because her daughter was also bald and eventually had a full head of hair. She was right…though it took a little longer, by three years old Trianna had hair and it’s now a full head of hair!!
She is now approaching her 9th birthday. When she sees people who knew her when she had little hair the first thing they say is, “She has so much hair now…remember when she had no hair?” It doesn’t phase her one bit and I love it.
Whether it may be something as simple as hair, fears, or bad habits…it’s so easy to pass on our own issues to our kids without realizing it. We always want better for them, but little do we realize that it starts with us as parents. Let’s do better, think better, and be the example of what we want them to be. Let’s make sure they are fully equipped with a confidence based on who they are on the inside and that their outer beauty only enhances it!!!
By the way…guess who had to encourage a lady the other day who was so conscious of the fact that her baby girl had no hair? I saw myself in this lady and I saw the disappointment as she tried to laugh it off. I was able to have this conversation with her and it felt awesome to help someone else. It’s more than just hair…go a little deeper…be a little stronger…the little ones are watching and they feel what you think is unknown.
This so me right now. Even though my daughter has more hair then I did when I was born, she was missing hair on the sides of her head. It was as if she came out with hair on the top and bottom but a long line going around her head missing. And I didn't understand it . But so glad she had hair unlike me. I have tons of hair not and I know she will. But I was getting a little mindful because this year I know so many babies born and all the girls have tons of hair. So I really like this article. I need to be grateful for the hair she has and to not think too much of it. I know mommy has tons of hair so I need to realize so will my baby. and not always talk about the missing or shedding hair. Your little girl is too cute.
I was a bald baby too. My mother always knew that bald babies grow up to have a lot of hair. She never worried……old school mothers know that babies with little hair will grow and will be much healthier. You should see how much hair I have now at (45 yrs. old). My hair is healthy and long. I wear it straight in the Winter and then during the summer I am Ms. Curlie. 🙂
Great article hopefully a mother with a two year old will not put a perm in her young daughter hair or add weave to her hair. I feel so sad when I see this because it says a lot about what the mother feels about her self image
I have seen many times where parents transfer their own "complexes" to their children. My son, who is light-skinned, was sitting between two little girls in class once. He said, "I'm a light-skinned boy sitting in between two dark-skinned girls." He meant nothing by it, he was just a 7-year old kid making an observation, no evil intent at all. One of the little girls told her mom about it jokingly and she (the mom) approached my son and me about it. She said, "Your son called my daughter dark-skinned." I'm standing there thinking, well she is. It was very obvious that she had a complex about her daughter's complexion. My son was so confused because he couldn't understand what he did wrong and her daughter was just standing there looking dumbfounded. I thought, this is really sad because her daughter is going to take that on and before you know it, she'll have a complex herself. I walked away wondering if my son were dark-skinned and made that comment, would it have mattered. Be it your child's hair, complexion, weight, etc., please be careful not to do this.
Love it! My mom, and her sisters :-), told me that I was born bald, as in not even peach fuzz bald, and literally didn't grow any hair until I was almost 2 yrs old. My mom would get upset when people would comment on her "cute little boy", even though she kept me dressed in pink and wearing headbands! Lol! Her sisters and mom teased her for oiling/brushing/massaging my scalp daily, but it worked! 🙂 I grew up with a head full of thick hair!
Love this article- especially the part about being aware of what insecurities we may pass onto our children! ~H
This very thing happened to me!lol I was told plenty of times by my mother how "bald headed" I was. I can tell that it bothered her from the tone in her voice when she talked about it. And how RELIEVED she was when it started to finally grow! I forgive you mom! I have a head full of natural hair now!:)
Love this article! She's a beautiful little girl! She was beautiful without hair and is also now beautiful with it!
couldn't have said it better myself. I grew up with an ok amount of hair, but my sister's was so long that people would always ask what happened to mine, which did nothing for my self-esteem. But I just told myself that it takes a special person to look good even with short hair, took care of it as best as i could and then moved on. Thank you for this thoughtful post!
Aw, she's adorable even in her bald stage. My first born was practically bald–his hair was very straight, and fine. His baby-sitter started braiding his hair (he already looked like a girl so wasn't super happy but it did start to fill in–it was fine & curly on top from front to back bt still straight & fine on the sides–he had a mohawk–hahahaha)! Now agt age 30, you would never know he had that texture as a baby and toddler! Just goes to show you white babies aren't the only ones that come here bald or nearly bald!
My Shelbey had a hat for every outfit so trust me I understand! My garland mother kept saying just wait and kuud laws, when that hair came… ��
I can SO relate to this story. I constantly compared my daughter's hair with other little girls', but I soon realized it was my complex that I was projecting onto her. My baby was perfect–I was the one with the insecurities. The last thing I wanted was to raise her with my burden, so I made a conscious effort to teach her how beautiful she is. In doing that, I somehow taught myself to love "me" and the journey has been beautiful.
Beautifully written and well said. I think this applies to different insecurities as well. Growing up, my issue wasn't hair, it was my complexion. I was always told I was too dark. Almost all of my family members at the time had dark skin so it was never an issue or conversation at home. We were who we were. I didn't realize it at the time but even though the teasing from my peers hurt me, I overcame it a lot quicker because that stuff didn't phase my parents. They emphasized God a good education, family, and respect for others and those are the very things that are important to me now. It's about the things we teach and the things we don't teach that make the difference in their lives. I love this post!