Okay, ladies, I’m at a crossroads here and I’m wanting to get this off my chest. Can I be real with y’all for a second?
I’ve been fully natural for almost 10 months now. I don’t really have any regrets with the decision to go natural. My hair is thick, growing fast (I big chopped to about an inch of hair and it now reaches my collar bone at its longest point), and seems to be healthy. I should be jumping for joy, right? Well here’s my “problem”-
I don’t feel “fly” anymore and my hair up to this point has pretty much always been part of my fly! See, I went natural for health reasons AND because I grew extremely tired of the Battle Against Newgrowth. It just seemed really stupid to me. I love voluminous hair and I work out like a beast so me and perms just couldn’t get on the same page. BUT, when I had a perm, my hair was healthy and very thick. I don’t have any horror stories of breakage, thinning, scalp damage, etc. Whether I wore it long or short, colored or not, wavy, curled or stick straight, it was fine.
At the present, I’m pretty much only able to do styles I don’t particularly like- because of the current length- or protective styles, which I DO NOT like. I pretty much live in a beanie or head wrap. Now I’m dealing with breakage along my edges (due to dryness, perhaps), breakouts on my face from all the oils, and long styling/washing/conditioning sessions that quite frankly I don’t have the time or patience for! I have a 15 month old son and I’m my own boss, so the 4 hour twisting sessions in order to KEEP this growth? Ummm…not so fun or productive.
Lately I’ve been having dreams about going back to my old look because 1) It was VERY cute, 2) it was VERY me, and 3) the maintenance was a piece of cake! Other than the relaxer part, of course. I’m not thinking about the relaxer because I crave straight hair….but because it was easier, less time consuming and my hair was fine with it without a hundred extra steps. HEEEEELLLLLLLP! I don’t exactly want to throw in the towel after these long 10 months, but I’m about at my wits’ end! Am I alone? Am I a traitor?