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Curly Nikki

On the Couch with Mylah

By January 27th, 2021109 Comments
Mylah writes:

On the Couch with Mylah

Mylah today w/ her natural hair

Okay, ladies, I’m at a crossroads here and I’m wanting to get this off my chest. Can I be real with y’all for a second?

I’ve been fully natural for almost 10 months now. I don’t really have any regrets with the decision to go natural. My hair is thick, growing fast (I big chopped to about an inch of hair and it now reaches my collar bone at its longest point), and seems to be healthy. I should be jumping for joy, right? Well here’s my “problem”-

I don’t feel “fly” anymore and my hair up to this point has pretty much always been part of my fly! See, I went natural for health reasons AND because I grew extremely tired of the Battle Against Newgrowth. It just seemed really stupid to me. I love voluminous hair and I work out like a beast so me and perms just couldn’t get on the same page. BUT, when I had a perm, my hair was healthy and very thick. I don’t have any horror stories of breakage, thinning, scalp damage, etc. Whether I wore it long or short, colored or not, wavy, curled or stick straight, it was fine.

Mylah then…

On the Couch with Mylah

At the present, I’m pretty much only able to do styles I don’t particularly like- because of the current length- or protective styles, which I DO NOT like. I pretty much live in a beanie or head wrap. Now I’m dealing with breakage along my edges (due to dryness, perhaps), breakouts on my face from all the oils, and long styling/washing/conditioning sessions that quite frankly I don’t have the time or patience for! I have a 15 month old son and I’m my own boss, so the 4 hour twisting sessions in order to KEEP this growth? Ummm…not so fun or productive.

Lately I’ve been having dreams about going back to my old look because 1) It was VERY cute, 2) it was VERY me, and 3) the maintenance was a piece of cake! Other than the relaxer part, of course. I’m not thinking about the relaxer because I crave straight hair….but because it was easier, less time consuming and my hair was fine with it without a hundred extra steps. HEEEEELLLLLLLP! I don’t exactly want to throw in the towel after these long 10 months, but I’m about at my wits’ end! Am I alone? Am I a traitor?

Help her out!


  • Unknown says:

    Thought about a sew-in weave?

  • Anonymous says:

    If your not happy , go back to the relaxer.

  • Jacky says:

    You have to accept the hair that God gave to you and when you do,you'll feel free and learn to be free with it.There are lots of cute non-time consuming hairstyles like the bun,afro,wash and go,big flat twists(maybe just four on the whole scalp,its what i do and its cute and unique) but it would be much better if you consider styles like braids once in a while to give you more time to spend with your baby and less time on your hair but remember that the hair that God gave you is the hair that's best for you and you'll eventually realise that sooner or later in your lifetime.

  • Alyssa says:

    All I was going to say is, I've been natural for years and have never had a relaxer and I was able to care for my hair while heat styling. You could always blow dry your hair to get more stretch time and style like normal, or press it every 2 weeks. And there are many cute styles you can do with your length, you just have to be a little more flexible. If anything you should look up Simplyounique & ahsiek1118 on youtube. Those girls KNOW how to style their hair and have it looking great every day! Hope this helps sweetz!

  • Anonymous says:

    You are not alone (in my Michael Jackson voice)! I am completely awed by how our journeys relate. You should do what makes you feel tge flyest and at this point I should take my own advice. There is nothing worse then feeling trapped and unpretty because you don't want to disappoint some movement. Everything does not work for everybody. It makes no sense to go from beautiful healthy hair to a broken mess. Find a knowledgeable stylist or go back to what you enjoy.

  • T Carter says:

    Mylah I totally understand what you're going through. I'm also in the Atlanta area so if you find someone who can take care of natural hair, as well as style, please email me at I came across a salon not too far from where I work and it's called Salon Bella Dama ( There is a stylist there by the name of Darcell who gets rave reviews. I have yet to try her but I intend to do so soon. You can check out some of her work and the other stylists there on their website.

  • Anonymous says:

    i think you look better with your hair natural. however, it is up to you. if you do not feel "natural is you", and you prefer to use the relaxer, then i say go for it. however, before relaxing again, you might want to try a flat iron which would probably give you a "relaxed look" without permanently altering your natural locks. by using the flat iron on occasion, you could preserve more styling versatility. you mentioned that you never had any problems with relaxers, like thinning or breakage. but i think that the longer you use relaxers, the more unhealthy your hair may become. i am not an expert but from what i have seen and read, eventually relaxers start to thin one's hair. in summary, do whatever feels best for you, or looks right on you. just be yourself, enjoy life and be well, whether natural or relaxed.

  • Anonymous says:

    Mylah, been there felt that! I got over it by wearing twists in my head which helped my hair grow tremendously and FAST! That helped with the way I was feeling and now that its grown out to where I can do more things with it and I'm feeling it, I love it, but it did take at least 14months to get to this point. In the end, if you don't like protective styles, I think you do have to do what makes you happy. I definitely don't think you're a traitor. Its just hair and there's no law that says you have to stay natural. P.S. I too went through some protective styles that I hated but once I found a stylist that knew what she was doing; the "protective style" phase (twists) worked for me. I wish you all the best and remember to do what makes YOU HAPPY!!!

  • Anonymous says:

    Girl, get outta my head! These are my thoughts EXACTLY! It'll be year in April since I've relaxed. I have been wearing sew ins to get me through the this transition but when the weave comes out it is me against my hair. Just like you, relaxers never hurt my hair. It was HEALTHY, which was my main concern,thick and right at my bra strap. Therefore, my reason for going natural was because I wanted the healthiest hair possible. Now, however, if I don't constantly keep my hair oiled it looks so dry and brittle and honestly it's just so time consuming. Also, you hit the nail on the head w/ the styles. To each her own but I am not a fan of protective styles for myself and I don't wanna keep it straighten because of the heat damage. What I've decided to do was hold out until April (my anniversary). I'm gonna get my hair professionally straightened and see how it does. If it last more than a day and doesn't look all dry and dull I'm gonna try to keep going. If it doesn't, I'm going back to my relaxers, roller wraps and healthy flowing hair. At the end of the day, just do YOU. None of us are there w/ you battling your hair and juggling all that you do. Best of luck and keep us posted!

  • Anonymous says:

    I say do whatever makes you happy and whatever you feel the most comfortable with.

  • AlWell says:

    (forgot to add tips) Oh and what made me start loving my hair again besides growth was blowdrying. I know that many can't do it weekly but I'm not having issues w/ my hair being so coarse/coily. I blowdry weekly after dc on low setting to stretch the hair and I can do more styles. It gives me some stretch and it's easier to manipulate. Exercising made my hair grow much faster and Taliah Wajiid products have been a godsend. At the end of the day do what makes you happy. I think you are beautiful relaxed AND natural so it's about what is easy for your life.

  • AlWell says:

    Haven't read any comments yet but I must say that I really relate to this post. I too had healthy beautiful long relaxed hair and I felt it was part of my persona and flyness. I have heard so many women here and in my daily life say "I LOVE being natural" or "going natural was the best decision I could have ever made in my life." I have never felt that way and I do feel less beautiful since I've been natural. I am coming up on 3 years in August and what keeps me going is that I love my hair more and more the longer it gets so I don't think it is a texture thing as much as a length thing. (Although I loved the look of my hair short too when I was relaxed.) Not trying to debate anyone about my feelings I just want to let Mylah know if she is reading that she isn't alone. I did the Cesar bc and I think if I had it all do again I would have transitioned to miss some of the awkwardness.

  • Anonymous says:

    As much as I absolutely love my natural hair and would never go back to a relaxer, I am definitely not a natural hair Nazi. Our hair, when healthy, is beautiful whether it's permed or natural. You mentioned your hair was healthy with a relaxer, so go for it. You don't have to explain it or apologize to anyone.
    Ironically, my aunt tried to go natural and called me a million times a day asking me questions and sharing her frustrations with me. One day I was about to shoot myself because I was so annoyed and I just told her to get a perm. And I meant it. This natural hair game is a lot of work, and if you don't wanna put in the time to maintain, girl, get your perm.

  • mangomadness says:


  • Shannah says:

    i feel the same way sometimes with my natural hair.. like "my fly" is gone.. sometimes I dont feel as pretty as i did, and just as frustrated with the long processes involved with keeping my natural hair healty. You're not alone in the way you feel, all I can say is to do what is best for you and your lifestyle.

  • monniej says:

    the most important thing is to do you and feel comfortable in doing so. we have so much on our plates daily that hair should be the least of our worries. traitor? no way, sister! being honest with yourself is the road to happiness! :)

  • Anonymous says:

    I see that you mention that you have a 15th month old. I could be wrong, but you could be feeling like this, because of the changes associated with having a baby. It is a joy, but it changes everything in your life. I have two children and with all the changes, the one thing I could control and change easily was my hair. If the crossroad with your hair, is more about getting the old you back, after adding the new role of motherhood, I would try to wait it out and change something less drastic. Discover who you are today and not the person you were in the past. I could be off base, but sometimes, we hate to admit how motherhood has change us and it takes us a while to accept and admit the new person we see in the mirror. You are fabulous and fly not matter what and always, do what makes you happy.

  • Anonymous says:

    I seriously believe you don't need the advice from others about YOUR OWN head of hair. If YOU are not feeling YOU with your natural hair, do YOU and do what YOU want to do to make life easier for YOU. If that means, cutting, relaxing, wearing it bone straight, or roller sets, do whatever YOUR heart or in this case YOUR hair desires. At the end of the day YOU have to live with YOUR hair.

  • Anonymous says:

    Mylah, I felt the same way you did. I stopped relaxing my hair in July 2010. I big chopped after my wedding July 2011. I couldn't take it anymore, the two textures were horrible. I have extreamly thick hair. I can't control the curls. Wearing my hair natural is very difficult. My hair takes forever, like days to dry. So I straighten it. I bought a hair dryer with the comb attachement a conair infinti pro from amazon for Shea Moisture curl, style milk as a leave in to straighten. I oil my scalp with olive oil and use shea butter on my hair ends. I couldn't be happier. Yes, I straighten my hair but to works for my life style. My hair is happy and never looked better. Most important I m happy.

  • Camille says:

    Mylah! Go to Urbanbella! They are fantastic about helping you find products that work best for your hair and lifestyle. That's where I go for my color and cuts. In between I do my hair myself. I can do that, because they helped me figure out what products work for me. You can start with a consultation, where they apply several different products on different sections of hair so you can see what looks best. Then you can apply the price of the consult to a full style, or the price of the products you choose. Or you can skip the consult, and explain what kinds of products you've been attempting to use, and they can help you with application or selection of another product. They also do roller sets (which my daughter has had done) and I believe they do blow outs. I've sent several people there, and they've been very happy. Good Luck!

  • Gabby says:

    I agree with some people on here. DO YOU!! No one said you had to stay natural. But if you want to try and do it, cut your hair, color it, do something funky and different and not average. Have some fun with your hair. Like I always say, it'll grow back, its just hair.

  • Anonymous says:

    I get you Mylah…this is my third time going natural! The first time I just got bored with my hair and my twist-out (didn't know it had a name back then!) staple. Second time around I felt like maintaining it was too much work, I was feeling frustrated. Back then I didn't know of/have resources such as Curly Nikki…so I tried locks, didn't like 'em then eventually relaxed. At the time it made sense to me and I was happy…for a while, but then I just couldn't handle the regular salon visits and full-on hot-iron styling sessions in the mornings. Also, I was beginning to feel like I was sacrificing exercising for my hair. So, I big chopped last year again…best decision EVER! I LOVE my natural hair and I know this time it's for life. Yes, doing finger coils and twists is time-consuming on my rather short hair but it's worth it. Hope my (rather lenghty!) story helps you put some things into perspective. But after all's been said and done, do what makes you happy.All the best!!


  • Anonymous says:

    Do what makes you feel happy! It's your hair not anyone else's! You are the one who has to deal with it and if you feel that you shouldn't be natural now then go ahead and relax it. You can always go back later. And if you do go back to it you'll be more educated on it because you know what you're getting into and how to better care for your natural hair.

  • Anonymous says:

    Life is too short to be worried about what other people think, if you love your hair relaxed…just relax and be happy :)

  • Anonymous says:

    I have scrolled through all the comments and I think only one person has come close to suggesting what I'm about to suggest right now, which is this: Until you have more free time to play in your hair, KEEP IT SHORT.

    Care-wise, the TWA is extremely low-maintenance. Since you say you work out like a beast, you should appreciate this: With a TWA you can just rinse it, put products in (or not) and GO. So long as you find a stylist or barber who can keep you shaped up, there should be no problem. What's the problem? You say you're not "fly" with your natural hair. But you also said you went natural for health reasons. So what you're saying is that your LOOK is more important than your HEALTH. Are you really one of those people who work out just so you can LOOK good? If not, and you really do think about what working out does for you healthwise, why on earth wouldn't you extend the same consideration to your hair?

    Seriously…if I read one more comment on a blog about how "natural hair isn't for everyone" I'm going to scream at my laptop. The ignorance, in 2012, is astounding. Black folks were managing their natural hair THOUSANDS of years before the advent of the perm. It's not about natural hair itself…it's about finding a natural hair STYLE that works for a person's lifestyle. There is ALWAYS a choice that doesn't involve going back to the perm. But you rarely hear "longer or shorter?" or "curly or straightened?" No, it's "natural or relaxed?" as though wearing one's own hair is some kind of zero-sum game.

    Mylah, maybe the natural hair STYLE that works best for you at this moment in time is a TWA. A TWA doesn't have to be forever. Hair GROWS BACK. You do know that, right? If you can't be "fly" with short hair then maybe you need to take another look at what "flyness" costs you…and I'm not just talking about your wallet.

  • Anonymous says:

    check out natural chica's page on Youtube. She goes to a salon in Atl that seems great.

  • Jeannette says:

    Mylah, you are NOT a traitor. As much as I love my hair, I didn't always like it. I was uncertain how I'd go natural because I didn't know how to maintain my natural hair. It's been six years since I've been natural. In that time I've had about two or three big chops (because I wasn't properly taking care of my hair) The first three years I was experimenting. First I wore braids, then I wore weaves, then I straightened my hair like every other week. It wasn't until '08 that I was fully natural and started actually doing my natural hair. Once or twice I thought about relaxing it but remembered how damaging it is to my hair, then I started getting in touch with my hair. Therefore, I believe that the way you feel about your hair is normal. You are not a traitor and you should know what works for you. It's okay if you remain natural or if you relax your hair. It is your hair and you do what YOU want with your hair. What has helped me is knowledge. Consistently learning what works for my hair and what does not. YouTube was a BIG help. I found YouTubers that had similar hair to mine and lifestyles that are similar as well. I prefer natural products and found many YouTubers that does too. I learned what YouTubers give good thorough reviews about products and I must admit, with those YouTubers input, I've grown to trust their reviews on certain products and they were spot on. Do your homework, have patience, learn about your hair. If you are still undecided about relaxing your hair or keeping it natural, put braids or weaves in it to help with the process.

  • Anonymous says:

    Too Grovey Salon is another great salon in the Atlanta area. They can work some natural hair. they use great products and treatments. Also, your hair will last at least a week even with working out.

  • Anonymous says:

    All I can say is that since '97 I have gone back and forth between relaxed and natural. I have bc'd 5 times! My hair thrives no matter what chemicals I put in it; Yet, I always go back to my natural hair…My husband says natural hair gives me more swagger—he says I look more dignified/sophisticated.

    I said all of that to say, if your hair isn't doing it for you right now, change it! Relaxing it now doesn't mean you won't revisit the natural side in the future.

    Do what makes you happy…Regret is a chance that you might have to take, but if you are happy with the results at least it will be worth it!

  • BKelz says:

    I say try getting it pressed for a while and see how you like it. I can't comment on the relaxer b/c I've never had one but I did get my hair pressed by my granny every two weeks and it worked fine for me all those years before I decided to stop. If you don't like the pressing then get you a relaxer girl! lol Enjoy your hair the way you want to!

  • Dee Emerald says:

    My hair is also at that stage where its not as short and its not long enough and even though I'm not tempted to get a relaxer, I sure as heck wish I didn't have to deal with it so often. I dont want to wear cornrows either!

    I don't know if you like extensions, but thats what I do now, I kinky twist my hair, or braid it myself (dont really wear weaves cuz my scalp itches), keep it in for 4 weeks, wash and condition as normal, take it out and wear my hair for a week or two, deep condition and treat it, then return to the braids. Great thing is it works! I have the reward of another 0.5" of hair each time i take out the braids, I dont lose hair because I'm very careful with my braiding technique and i dont have to "dea"l with my hair for a month at a time.

    Hope this helps

  • Anonymous says:

    Lord knows I am not a fan of Wendy Williams but I heard her made a statement that will always stick with me: "Good hair" makes you feel good about yourself and adds to your confidence. Every woman has to rock the hair that makes them feel true to who they are no matter if its natural or processed, or as the old school saying goes dyed, fried and/or laid to the side. I've never had a perm but always wore a press and curl but my natural hair always spoke to me and that is why I decided to stop pressing my hair and I feel more like myself. Your hairstyle in that pic was hot to death and if that is what you want then by all means go back to it. You are not being a traitor to anyone because your hair is growing your scalp. Listen people are gonna have an opinion be you relaxed or natural. The only person you need to listen to and abide by is you.

  • Anonymous says:

    Maybe try wash and go's with something like Kinky Curly. Do a good detangling session beforehand and then let it dry. My mom has a texture similar to yours and the Kinky Curly left her hair pretty defined and moisturized for at least a week. Tie it down at night and you should be set! If you're going to wear it this way, an edgy cut might take it up to the next level :)

    Btw, I totally understand what you mean about the twists. Although my hair texture is relatively loose, it is cottony and frizzy. There are parts that are nearly waist-length. Twisting just wasn't doing it-my ends could not take the manipulation, and not washing for a week left my scalp disgustingly oily. Plus it was too much time to take out!
    I've given up twists as a style for good, I prefer modified wash and gos with a good leave in conditioner (but I detangle beforehand b/c I have major knotting issues at times, lol).
    Good luck and hang in there! Remember the idea is to have healthy hair that makes you happy and that you enjoy. Don't box yourself in!

  • Anonymous says:

    Girl Lord knows I understand… I began transitioning late into my pregnancy and then relented and got a relaxer when my son was 5 months old because I hadn't been taking good care of it at ALL.

    Now that I have access and the know-how to look around for all of these natural hair sites/blogs/vlogs, and been witness to quite a few beautiful pictures of Black women of all shades and hair types rocking it out, I never want to go back.

    My suggestion to you is: wigs/weaves. LIFESAVERS, I swear. Right after my big chop I wore wigs for almost a whole year (seriously) because I wasn't comfortable with how short my hair was, and I didn't feel like it suited me. I learned how to take better care of it too, but could relax at the same time because I didn't have to worry about styling it with the wigs as an option.

    I lived in protective styles. Twists, braids. That might be your best bet. You will feel fly eventually girl. You will see yourself in a whole new light, it just takes time.

    I have so much fun with my hair now. It's been a long time coming but it was definitely worth it, imo.

  • Anonymous says:

    Directly from the Curlie Girlz Rock site:

    "100% of Curlie Girlz clients are All Natural. Chemical services are provided for those interested in relaxers, touch-ups or texturizers"

    SAY WHAT?!

  • Anonymous says:

    Mylah, I cut my hair completely off when I was 4 months pregnant with my son. My 2 year old duaghter was right behind me when the stylist cut it off she called me daddy :(. I cried lol. But its been 1 year and 6 months. My hair has grown a lot since then its now a little past bra strap length stretched. There were plenty of times I wanted to perm it. I don't like doing a lot to my hair either. After watching videos of how other people did their hair and trying to copy them, I finally came to the conclusion that I don't have to do the same as everyone else does with their hair. I don't wrap my hair instead I have a satin pillow case. I don't do twists (to time consuming) instead i'll do maybe 2 to 6 french braids. The only time I spend Moderate time on my hair is on special occasions other than that I do very simple stuff that I think is cute. My son will be 2 this year and I love that I was patient, but It all depends on what makes you feel better, but personally after all the hormones died down from having my son lol and I looked in the mirror one day and saw all my progress that I could do more hair stlyes I knew it was worth it and my hair is a lot healthier. I had breakage for a time but I found that my hair needed a lot more moisture than what I was giving it. Just find what works for you sweets. Hope that helps.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Shanna…U GOT THAT RIGHT!!!!! :)

  • Anonymous says:

    I definitely understand not feeling fly with natural hair and how time consuming keeping natural hair can be, but at the end of the day you must decide WHY U FEEL that way…it's not because a relaxer is easier!!!

  • Valeria says:


    Don't give in just yet! 10 months is that point where you're definitely in that awkward stage with your hair growth…and trust me- in another two months, you'll be looking back and smirking at this post :)

    In my natural hair journey I always think about where I could be now if I started sooner and let that be my motivation to continue life without relaxers.

  • Mylah says:

    Thanks, Ladies! Again you all are very helpful and it's encouraging to know I'm not alone in this feeling. I will definitely take the advice of giving it 1-2 years…I don't want to do anything drastic just because I temporarily feel super frumpy. And @b. yes, I think the new mom thing lends to the feeling. We're already overwhelmed and working hard so if I at least "looked" good I'd feel great =) I know "good" is relative…but I'm sure most of you can agree that in your awkward stages of growing out your hair, you encounter quite a few weird hair days. And no matter what anyone says, we ALL like for our hair to look nice, whatever nice means to you.

    I don't want to straighten my hair (not very often anyway) because it won't stay straight at all. I sweat a lot when I run and I don't plan on giving that up anytime soon.

    @Anon 12:05…my head was turned away to show the under cuts in my style. And if I look less than enthused, it's because I was about 8 months pregnant in that picture! LOL. But thanks for saying the puff is cute ;)

  • pearlsandcurls37 says:

    Great article Mylah! I've been natural for 2yrs now and it wasn't until recently that I felt like I got my fly back. I went natural because I was losing my battle with psoriasis and the relaxers were too harsh for my "raw" scalp. After I chopped, I couldn't find any styles that I felt confident in and I struggled with finding products. About 1yr in, I was on the verge of relaxing it because like you, relaxed hair was easier and less time-consuming. BUT, I'm finally happy and so glad I didn't do it. I'm not saying you shouldn't relax it…by all means do you. But give it a little while longer because your hair may surprise you in the next few months. I'd set a deadline and if you aren't happy by then, maybe the crack is best. But don't give up quite yet…

  • Anonymous says:

    Groovy salon in atlanta i hear is great…search youtube so you can see for yourself

  • Sydney says:

    Mylah! You are definitely NOT alone. I'm sure all of us at one time or another have gotten fed up with our natural hair. Back in October I remember a particularly frustrating morning where at my wits end, I took a personal day from work, broke out my flat iron and straightened my hair after 8 months of wearing it in braid outs/twist outs etc. I've been natural for a while but I've always straightened my hair until about a year ago. In December I tried curl formers and had been using them faithfully ever 10 days or so but actually decided to blow out and flat iron my hair last night as I am definitely in need of a curly break. You aren't a traitor!!!! Maybe do a tension blow out and a light flat iron just to give your arms a break from the never ending twist outs. I found an amazing heat protectantif you are in need of one: IC Fantasia heat protectant/hair polisher spray. After nice break you will be able to come back with renewed vigor. I know it helped me. Best wishes!

  • Nic says:

    So many great points! Personally, I definitely fall into the "you should do whatever makes you feel comfortable & happy" camp. If that means relaxing your hair, relax your hair. It's all personal preference. Yet I will say that I've been exactly where you are at several points in my natural hair journey. Before I went natural I was all about wavy weaves with a deep side part. At the time, the look was ME. I felt that the style was funky & carefree, just like my personal style. So when I went natural, I really felt as if I had lost a part of myself when I let go of the old. I felt like my style was off. I felt matronly everytime I tried to do a protective style. Safe to say, I had many "well I could just texturize it" conversations with myself! But instead of giving in to frustration, I decided to take some time to research & play with new styles. After some time, I built up an arsenal of retro inspired protective styles & ways to achieve that funky, carefree look I wanted when I wore my hair out. It took some time, but I am SO happy I waited. I now feel like my hair reflects my style better than it ever did before… So maybe you should give it a little more time to actively explore your hair possibilities before making a final decision. 10 months is quite the achievement & you owe it to yourself to make sure you're making a choice because it's what you really want & not out of frustration. Good luck girl!

  • klt828 says:

    Girl I do understand how u feel, I am 10 months natural myself and the length isn't working for me. I am use to long hair and trying to deal with short natural hair is alot of work, but I always just think of all the time I took to go natural and the reasons I decided to go through the journey in the first place and that keeps me from putting the relaxer back in my hair. if after a few more months u decide natural isn't for you there is nothing wrong with that. I am not saying go back to relaxers but if you really get tired of dealing with the natural hair after a long while it is not the end of the world and no you are not a traitor, you have to do what is best for you.

  • b. says:

    I responded earlier about checking out natural selection's site (still recommend it! check out the Damn Fade) and I had another thought…

    Is part of the feeling of "not fly anymore" partially a response to the new joys/responsibilities of motherhood? I don't have children (yet) but I've seen and heard many new moms deal with the life changes by (temporarily) letting their "fly-ness" go a bit. Eventually New Mom looks in the mirror and says "dag, what HAPPENED to me?" So, although I'm not discounting what you've said about your hair, I do wonder if at least some of the anguish comes from new motherhood PLUS being self-employed. #twocents

  • Anonymous says:

    I am sorry to all my beautiful natural sistas…being natural is not for everyone. I get it when I hear you all say how liberated you feel being natural and how fierce you feel when you rock a new style. I love to see the many styles you come up with in so many textures and lengths. Gorgeous!!! But, I honestly do not think natural is right for everyone. The liberation you all feel, I feel because I have a choice on how to style my hair (relaxed, texlaxed or natural). It may take some time but it can easily be done. The fierceness you all feel, I feel when I rock a curly (relaxed) mohawk or straight swaying in the wind (like a white girl) look  It is not a contradiction of who I am nor am I selling out to what society has placed on us to conform in our appearance. White women are now wearing what many would call urban (black) hairstyles and clothes. Dancing and singing urban (black) music. And, lest we forget they love the brothas like we do. It is not a contradiction for them. They love our style so they are combining it with their styles (white) to make it something new. Isn’t this what we are doing when we decide to wear our hair natural or relaxed. When Toni Braxton and Anita Baker got those short boy cuts they were the rage for us sistas. I got my cut and I know a lot of you did to. To be honest for those sistas who always had short hair it was a relief to finally have styles they could wear and not be considered boyish because of the short length. A lot of other women in other races followed suit. White women who always had long hair now had short cuts. Ladies…WE ARE TRENDSETTERS!!! That is why I love being a black woman. We are versatile, bold, beautiful, fierce and fashionable. Please believe if a white woman could wear her hair in a natural fro she would!

  • Anonymous says:

    Someone PLEASE tell me how she's going to work out and maintain a press and curl or flat ironed hair.

  • ABRUNNIN says:

    This is EXACTLY where I'm at right now… I've been natural for 14 months and I dont feel fly anymore either!

  • b jones says:

    I FEEL YOU on this. I've been natural for 9 years and doing my own twists and other styles until last summer. Illness caused me to lose the ability to walk and left my hands very numb, with reduced coordination, and reduced propioception. FINDING someone to style and treat my 4B strands correctly is challenging. I HAVE DECIDED that a change must come soon. BRAIDS, RELAXER, OR SHORTER NATURAL STYLE. I work, have two kids and a husband. I HAVE TO DO WHAT WORKS FOR RIGHT NOW. It's only hair. It will grow back.

  • Abstract says:

    Well Mylah, I'm sorry you don't feel fly :(
    Hopefully you can find some styles that you love but if not you can always get a relaxer again. Or maybe you can just heat train your hair so it stays permanently straight without the chemicals. You've got to do what YOU want to do…best wishes!

  • CurlyChellez says:

    Even though I have never had a relaxer, I can relate. Prior to my recent healthy hair journey, I always wore my hair pressed and flat ironed. It was so low maintenance. I would just get my hair done every other week, usually wear it down the 1st week, and in a messy pony the next week. I didnt own any hair products, other than a few hair ties and a paddle brush, b/c that was all i needed. And I didnt spend time on my hair other than when I went to get it done. I sometimes feel like I am doing more damage to my hair by wearing it natural b/c I have to spend so much time trying to detangle, style, restyle, etc… I told myself that I would give this no heat challenge a chance for 3 years, and if I still havent got it together, I would go back to straightening my hair…I got 1 year down so far so I think 2 more years is more than a fair chance.


  • Anonymous says:

    Hey Mylah I totallly understand I'm in exactly the same position I was going to go back to the perm, but i found an alternative…BRAIDS! you can totally get your fly back with them…good luck!

  • Anonymous says:

    Maybe a Brazilian blowout. Idk how damaging it is on natural hair with the heat and all, but it'll keep it straight for a while.

  • Anonymous says:

    I know exactly how you feel. I do know people who have healthy beautiful hair with a perm/texturizer etc.and you if it makes your life easier and makes you feel prettier, do it.
    I personally don't do twists or any of the other protective styles that take lengthy styling or drying times.
    My routine consist of WashandGos or straight hair, blow-drying followed by the flatiron works best for me. Yes, this means you are applying direct heat to your hair, but I use heat protecting leave-ins and have salon quality tools. Roller-setting you hair is also an option. There are You-tube videos on short cut roller-sets.
    Being natural doesn't mean you have to wear your hair in a curly state at all times. Isn't being natural all about your hair not defining who you are? My goal with being natural has always been maintaining a healthy head of hair and learning how to care for it.
    Also, figuring out what works for you and what makes you feel prettiest can take a bit of time. I have been natural most of my life and still struggle getting the perfect WandG. I keep my hair natural to maintain length and minimize breakage.If that doesn't work for, it just doesn't.
    In response to the comments about your pictures. You are beautiful either way, straight or natural hair. No need to over-analyse picture, it's just hair people.

  • Anonymous says:

    I am a half and half natural… I wear my hair natural 2-3 weeks and then I go get it professionally straightened and I rock that for 2.5 weeks. In the summer, I rock my natural hair longer and only straighten every 4 weeks. I work out 3 times a week and I only experience slight reversion.
    Doing this has helped my sanity in the transition and now fully natural process. The time my hair is straight, it gives me the ease of relaxed hair. I enjoy washing my hair after and seeing my kinks and curls come back. Yes, I know about the dangers of heat damage. My stylist specializes in natural hair and takes all the necessary precautions to prevent this. Most naturals don’t support this but I don’t live in fear of heat if used with the proper precautions.
    I feel you have to do what is best for you. I went natural for the versatility in styling. I am enjoying doing just that.

  • Anonymous says:

    I just went to Curlie Girlz Rock's website while reading this and the music came on and scared me. LOL.

    Seriously though, get your hair braided and leave it alone for a while.

  • Anonymous says:

    Do you!!Alot of people say go back to relaxed or stay natural, Dont do it! But at the end oF the day you have to deal with your hair!Sooo…Whatever makes you happy go for it. No Regrets! and if you do have regrets dont worry its only hair, it grows have a lifetime to experiment with your hair!

  • Anonymous says:

    Seriously this is EXACTLY what I'm going through and I think I might go back to relaxers…i say DO YOUU!

  • Anonymous says:

    Mylah, are you me? I have been natural for ten months too and sometimes my hair cooperates other times not so much. And the length I'm at it doesn't really do much and keeping moisture has been an uphill battle (thank God for Carefree Curl Gold activator. Honestly I have worn my hair out barely since I've been natural I'm at a very awkward length now so I wear wigs as a protective style until I get to the length I desire maybe you should try it I love wigs now!

  • Anonymous says:

    I have to say that I dislike the permed look. It looks uptight and fake. You look relaxed and soo cute with the natural look. In the picture with the perm you had a pose and were all played up, like you were in character or something. Your face was even turned away like you don't want to show all of you. In the other picture your just smiling, just you the way your meant to be. I don't know what to tell you about your routines or styles, but I just wanted to remark what different persona the two pictures projected.

  • Anonymous says:

    Hi Mylah,

    I say to you that you should do you. Natural is not for everyone. I can tell by looking at your two photos, that you had this confidence with your perm – from the side profile to the hot pink polish. You were rocking your hawk. I don't see the same confidence in your natrual do photo. It's hard waking up unhappy with your hair everyday. I'm going through a similar situation except, I know my hair does not like perms. But this last time going natural – perm to natural to locs to natural to sisterlocs to natural over the period of about 16 years – my hair is not growing like it did before. I'm so disappointed. I've been in wigs and crochet braids more on that off. But I'm not happy and if my hair did what I wanted it to with a perm, I would get one but unfortunately, perms leave my hair brittle and dry. But you should do what makes you happy. Best of luck to you.

  • Jay-Jay says:


    First I would like to say kudos to your name because my 9 year old daughter has the same name:)

    I say if your issue with the hairstyles that you do because of its length currently. Then cut it to the length that you loved where you could do all of the "Fly" styles while being natural.

    If you want to wear it straight every so often the get it flat ironed but then again that would be short lived because you workout a lot.

    If you just all the way want to just have straight hair and it's waaaaay convenient, then go for the relaxer. Especially if you didn't have any issues when you were relaxed.

    Hair is hair……it grows back. Whatever you choose to do make sure you think it through.

  • Kasey says:

    Personally, I would tell her to go back to using perm. My idealogy is that "if it aian't broke, don't try to change it."
    Some people are blessed with having luscious, thriving hair with a perm. And those that have not– they become natural.
    Go with whatever you feel is the best and healthiest option.
    Don't succumb to the natural hair movement, just because it seems like everyone is doing it.

  • PhenomenallyMe says:

    My younger sister decided to go natural a month after I did. She had a baby and found it extremely difficult to maintain her natural hair so she too got a relaxer. Part of her didn't want to but dealing with a newborn didn't give her a choice especially since she had just started her journey and her hair isn't long or curly, just kinky.

    So in essence, do what you have to do for your situation. But be patient with your hair and just give it a little while longer. You are probably at that waiting period where it is not that long to do much and too short to just keep it moving.

    Have you thought about going to the salon and just getting it pressed and keeping it straight?

  • Anonymous says:


    Try Curlie Girlz Rock Salon in Smyrna, GA. A friend of mine went there and although I have not seen her hair, I heard that it is BANGIN'! She has a very ecclectic & fly style that is very similar to yours, so i'm sure if she went there and came out with a great style, then you may find some satisfaction there as well.

  • Anonymous says:

    Hi, I relaxed this past January after being natural for two years. I loved my natural hair but I was just ready for a change. If you knew how to keep your hair healthy with a relaxer then I say go for it. However, make sure you think about it before you do anything that you may regret. Yeah I got nasty stares from other naturals after I relaxed but at the end of the day it is my hair, and I can always big chop again and start over as well.

  • Paula L White says:

    Mylah: You HAIR and MIND are both in transition so your issue is two-fold. Let's start with the hair – I have very thick hair with texture that looks similar to yours, based on what I can see from your picture. My routine takes 40 minutes in the shower once a week, and IF I feel like it, 30 minutes to retwist midweek. Here's my routine: Wash my hair in the shower, apply a leave in conditioner, then twist hair in sections in the shower with unrefined shea butter. That's it! If I want it longer, I band the twists so that they stretch, if not, I just put a bit of olive oil along the hairline, tie with a silk scarf and go to bed. The next day I fluff and I look great! You can also do a 5 minute blowdry to stretch the curls a bit and give you a different look – just don't blow-dry the ends because it will lead to breakage and sabotage your growth efforts. Now, on to the more important issue that plagues you – YOUR MIND. The fact that you don't feel "fly" is based on your perception of what "fly" is, which is based on society's definition of 'fly', which you have clearly bought into (as we all have to some extent). That's not a hair issue, that's a mindset issue. The picture of you with your natural hair is actually quite fly in my opinion, however that's because of how I define beauty. To Candace, I also say that the amount of time it takes you to do your hair is likely to be a direct reflection of how you define what looks "presentable". The real issue is that you probably feel like you have to do all kinds of manipulation, and gelling and curl defining just to look "ok". When your mind evolves to thinking about it differently, things will seem a lot easier.

  • Anonymous says:

    I would suggest getting a weave, braids or another "no-manipulation" style. I say this because you really don't know what your hair is capable after being natural for just 10months. You may find that with some additional length you really like your styling options and enjoy your hair more. And if you don't, you can always relax it after that.

    Many of us naturals used to be permed; you already know what the permed experience is. If you can wear a perm for 20+ years (I'm assuming you're in your twenties or older), why not give your natural hair at least 1-2yrs? It may seem like a long time, but it actually is quite short considering that you've worn your hair permed for 10x as long. Giving your natural hair more time to grow will also help resolve you on whether natural/relaxed is truly right for you. So I say protect it in versatile styles, let it grow out so you have wider styling options and THEN decide if you want to go back to the relaxer or not.

    Good luck!

  • Anonymous says:

    I say give different styles a try first. Look through some natural hair magazines and see if there are some fly hairstyles that suit you. Some may require extra hair or you may have enough. Go to a natural hair stylist a couple of times and try different looks, color, etc. You may find a different kind of fly style that is natural and low maintenance. Try wigs if you want! Explore your options, and if you find that it still isn't working you can always get a relaxer. It is totally up to you and your lifestyle and preferences. Don't worry about being a "traitor." You are only a traitor if you fail to be true to yourself!

  • Anonymous says:

    Have you considered locing your hair? It’s super low maintenance, cost effective, and a huge time saver. I went from loose natural hair to locs and save 3-4 hours each week that I didn’t have before. Plus it’s great if you work out since they are so low maintenance. At the end of the day it’s your hair so if you want to relax it go ahead, don’t feel like a traitor, but just consider all your options first.

  • Anonymous says:

    I have been natural for a little over two years now and I contemplate going back to the perm at least once a day! I too often feel guilty about the thought of putting perm in my hair again….and based on several of the above comments I see why. I too work out at least 3-4 times a week and am not able to maintain straight hairstyles….which I miss terribly. I say, do what makes you happy…….love yourself for who you are…..perm or no perm.

  • Candace says:

    Mylah, girl, I feel you! I have been transitioning for a year and I have to say it is probably the most unattractive I've felt in my whole life. Before all anyone attacks me and assumes I'm talking about because of my texture, that's not the case. It's the fact of trying to find hairstyles that work and really feeling cute. It's like trying to learn how to do your hair all over again, except I'm not a kid anymore and I DO care if it looks a hot mess! Sometimes I feel like a black baby adopted by white parents who are still learning about black hair -______-

    And the amount of time it takes to do basic things with my hair…ugh! I, like Kimberly up there, have been rocking a bun almost everyday and I'm SICK of it! I'm not a huge fan of the pulled back look…when my hair was permed I rarely wore ponytails.

    I'm continuing on the journey in hopes that when my hair grows longer I'll finally be able to have some new tricks up my sleeve and be more versatile, since that's the reason I decided to go natural in the first place, but sheesh! It's been a tough year.

  • Inga says:

    I know how you feel and for some naturals, you'll probably feel like this a couple of times throughout your journey. I've been natural for almost 15 years and I felt that way SEVERAL times during the first few years and especially once I had children. (I have 2 under 3, and one on the way.)

    Maintenance of natural hair is NOT easy and your hair probably will feel more fragile now more than ever. Also don't sleep on the fact that your hormones since pregnancy also play a role in how your hair feels. That doesn't always happen with everyone, but while my hair flourished during both pregnancies- it acted a fool 3 months after my last son was born. It's usually super soft, but it was dry, brittle and breaking off and didn't respond to products I had used previously. He is now 14 months and it just got back to some normalcy about 2 months ago. Not to mention that you're transitioning mentally and emotionally as a new mom and it might take some time for you to feel FLY again.

    All that to say that it IS a journey and while some love it and say the journey's been fantastic, it isn't and won't be that easy for others. I know how it is to make time for yourself with a young child, but if you can, find a hairdresser in ATL (I know I ALWAYS see banging styles when I visit and have people telling me about their hairdresser so it shouldn't be too hard to find one. Right now a good hairdresser can make ALL the difference. You can do a search on natural sites, forums, or even the yellow pages. I've never been but I've read good things about Taliah Waajid Natural Hair Care Center over there.

    And in the end Mylah, if you decide to get a relaxer again during this time- the wonderful thing is that you can start the natural hair journey again whenever you're ready. The right timing and mindset are just as important as the right products and styles. And if you go back relaxing and decide a natural is not for you, at least you know you tried.

    Good luck! Hopefully you can continue to find the support you need here and throughout whatever choice you make.

  • Akeia says:

    When I was feeling like this, I got braids. But I really did it with the intention of seeing how I would feel after I took them out. If I still hated my hair, then I was gonna get a relaxer. But I happened to do a bomb twist out after I took out the braids and fell back into strong like with it. The other day, I realized I was able to pull it back into a ponytail (that's a HUGE deal for me, I have a thing about ponytails!).
    I agree with the others who say that being relaxed isn't for everyone. Maybe because of the time, maybe because of the look. Perhaps you can try something like braids to put you hair away and give yourself a new look and if after you still feel the same then get your hair pressed or get a relaxer. You won't be a traitor.

  • Anonymous says:

    You can do it is alot of work but you have to figure out a style or styles and work it for a while. I like to look fierce and fly so i plan my styles. I workout 4 times a week so i do twists outs and wash and go. I have 3 young kids and i do me time which is to do my hair. If what i know now and the help of curlynikki and all the natural ladies who give wonderful advice i would have been natural a long time ago. The freedom is truly wonderful…. So good luck and do what you feel to do.

  • Anonymous says:


    It doesn't matter how you wear your hair….you are a beautiful woman. Do you and do what makes you happy.

  • Bobby says:

    I truly think NATRUAL HAIR ISNT FOR EVERYONE! It is a big difference between rocking relaxed and natural hair. Maybe you can have your hair pressed/flat ironed to where straight styles instead of relaxing.

    I thought I was the only one dealing with the oils breaking out my face and the dryness is terrible. My hair was never dry relaxed!

  • Anonymous says:

    Couple tips one busylady to another
    1. If you're not a big fan of protective styles consider only wearing twists 1day a week and the twist out the other 4 days, fro day 6 and wash day day 7.
    2. Consider droppin a couple hunnets on a weave and keep it in 2 months. ONYC hair is bangin and reuseable.
    3. Maybe make your twists larger. 4 hrs is ridiculous!
    4. Half wig curly hair is inexpensive and looks great. You can wash hair under it every two weeks do 8 braids to the back and twist the front. Release twists in front of half wig for natural hairline

    I went natural the 1st time around and lasted 6 months. This time I'm a year and a half in. When I got the itch to perm at month 6 I got a weave. Leaving my hair aloneshort term gave me some much needed time off. Afterwards I was happy to retwist and style.


  • b. says:


    Take a look at Natural Selection's blog. Her hair looks similar to yours and she's done ALL KINDS of things to it, including a fab cut. She's been featured on here before.

    You can cut your hair in all kinds of styles and still be fly…even while curly.


  • Anonymous says:

    Have you ever considered locking your hair? Or you could experiment with some braid styles to get yourself a much needed break? If you do decide to go back to your old hairstyle don't feel like a traitor..shoot if you get tired of that you can always just do the big chop again…a journey has 1000 of steps.

  • Anonymous says:

    JUST GET IT STRAIGHTENED! DONT PERM IT. I have had the same frustrations (Im transitioning) and I said to myself "who says I need to be "nappy" all the time to be natural?" I got it washed/set & straightened my roots one time and it last 3wks! Probably could've been four…It was worth it! $40 once a month, heyy I'll take it. I am very sensitive about my hair, as long as the hair salon is taking proper care and protecting it from heat, keep your ends trimmed… DO IT! I have an appt at 11am LOL

  • MizzFugeela says:

    If you want to go back to relaxing your hair then do it. I don't understand why you view yourself as being a "traitor." Its just hair! Do whatever works best for YOU! Perms eat up my fragile fine and and my sensitive scalp so that's why I will never go back, but if you don't have that problem and you like you styling your hair relax then do it.

  • Anonymous says:

    Um, she said she worked out a lot so a press and curl or a flatiron isn't going to get a lot of mileage with her. It's not great advice for her lifestyle.

    I think you should do what makes you happy and happy with yourself. I don't think everyone needs to have natural hair just like everyone doesn't need to have a relaxer.

    But if you were having actual skin issues with the relaxers, you might just need to get more practice styling your hair AND seeing yourself with your new hair. But hiding it sounds like it is damaging it.

    I'd say that if you are reacting badly to some products, just try others. I'd recommend something creamier and less oily and of course keeping your hair off your face. I work out a lot, and my hair is in twists but under a scarf at the gym. I also use a lot of creamy textured products that I feel dont' melt at get all over my skin, so no breakout issues.

    You might try Vitamin E b/c it is good for skin and hair so maybe if it gets on your skin it won't have that reaction.

    Sorry, it really is trial and error but if it doesn't work and the "health reasons" you are talking about are just the generic "relaxers are unhealthy" and not a serious problem for you then I think you shouldn't feel any guilt about going back to them.

  • CurlyInTheA says:

    @anonymous 8:49, Maintenance is an issue for her, at least according to what I read. Why NOT use that explanation to switch back to permed hair?

    Many of us act brand new when it comes to the time it takes for natural hair maintenance. Style,detangle, wash, condition, deep condition — whew, I'm tired, and that's not even half of most naturals' regimens for one week!

    DIYers complain about how much time salons took when were permed up, but if you think about it, many of us spend just as much, if not more time on our natural routines, too.

    It takes time — time that she as a relatively new mom and business owner doesn't have. Our journeys may be different, but that doesn't mean they're any less important. Like others have said, do what works for you! If you like it, I love it — whether that's permed or natural.

  • Kay says:

    Mylah! You took the thoughts right out of my head and I'm not even fully natural yet! I have been transitioning for a little over a year now. My hair is supperrr thick and combine that with the two textures, I'm almost at wit's end as well. It's hard to style because of the awkward length and I'm too stuck with unattractive (well, to me) styles that I don't feel my best in. I'm going to try to stick out my journey as well and so far, I have been using a combination of sew-ins and braids. It gives you some versatility, a break from the time consuming upkeep and a chance to grow your hair out to a better length which may allow you to try out more styles! Good luck hun, I'm right in there with you! :)

  • Mylah says:

    Thank you, ladies, for all your input/insight! I am definitely going to give it a few more months. Does any one know of a really good stylist or salon in the Atlanta area? I haven't had much luck.

  • Shanna says:

    Girlfriend Fly is not look fly is a state of mind, I was worried when I went natural I wouldn't feel "Fly" but for me it was a=all about finding a style that works for you, me I blow dry and then twist for a dry twist-out it gives me great bouncy, big curls. Natural hair is sexy it's just all about how you embrace it girlfriend :-)

  • Anonymous says:

    Go to those girls have perms and treat their hair as if it were natural, they take care of their hair better than i do lol and better than i did when i have a perm. But thats not the only option but it would be less time consuming. There is hope for you, you can go " get you hair did" and braided up. A months tops and you can take a breather.

  • Tammy says:

    I wish I could say I was surprised by the lack of support but I am not. I have been natural since 2007 and have noticed that naturals seem to think that they are better than people with perms or that people with perms are "trying to look white". I BC'd because I wanted a different look, now that my hair is long (BSL) it can sometimes take a very long time to do. When I had a perm my nightly hair routine took maybe 5 minutes and my hair was also BSL. I know it is hard to believe but some people get perms just because they like the way their hair looks, just like some people go natural just for a change and not for a political or social issue. Can't we all just agree that Black is beautiful in all of its forms?

  • Kimberly says:

    Mylah, just get your hair pressed or flat ironed. There's no rule that says you have to wear your natural hair in its curly/kinky/nappy state. I've been transitioning since May of 2011 (almost a year); when I was relaxed, all I used to do was wash, deep condition and wrap my hair. That's it! My transitioning style is a bun. EVERYDAY! It works for me, it's not the flyest style but I make it my own. I decided to go natural because I wanted a change. I wanted to see my real hair (which I haven't seen since the age of 4 or 5). When I'm completely natural, I plan on only wearing my hair out on special occasions or when I feel like it. I honestly don't have the time to be twisting and re-wetting and twisting again, LOL!!! A bun will be my style of choice. It's easy and gets me in and out my house on time. Plus, I live in hot and humid Houston. During the summertime, a cute & fly hairstyle doesn't stand a chance with the battle of humidity. Give yourself some more time before you go back to the relaxer. Being fly is a state of mind. I think you can rock it either way (natural or relaxed)!

  • Pecancurls says:

    Mylah, you look really cute permed and natural, however, I think your natural pix gives you a more glowing, fresh and youthful appearance. :) — just my two cents. Perms, roller sets and press and curls don't work really well with intense workouts. Maybe take a little break from the styling and try braids, wig or even a weave. I am about 6 months post cutting the last strands of permed hair (after a one year transition) and I can understand your frustration. Hope you find something that works for you.

  • Anonymous says:

    At the end of the day, you have to do you. As a new natural (10 month transition, big chop in September 2011), I know it can be a frustrating process at times. As much as I love my curls and the compliments, some times the long washing sessions and twisting can be overwhelming. Natural hair takes a lot of work–period. Conditioning and moisturizing are a must. But once you find the right products for you, it will become easier. Braidouts and twistouts are easy styles that can last you a week, and they keep the hair stretched and less tangled.

    I do miss the convenience of long, relaxed hair at times, but I don't miss the breakage in the nape and the front of my hairline, and overall thinning that I was experiencing. You have to line up the pro's with the con's, and make the best decision for you.

  • Anonymous says:

    I'd say at least wait until your hair is longer because then you can do styles that you could potentially adore (because I've def seen some FLY natural do's)

    In the meantime, you can do weaves like sew-ins/wigs to increase versatility and decrease maintenance time

    The best thing to do though is to see how you feel about your hair once your hair grows more because its a whole different experience at a different length

    HOWEVER, if you get there and the maintenance is outweighing the styling benefits…then relax that sucker! Its your life do what fits it :)

  • Anonymous says:

    Mylah, I understand your frustration. I have a TWA and I am keeping a TWA because it is easy and cute, but I can't imagine what my hair would be like if I grew it out. It is very thick and maintaining it would be difficult. Take some more time and think about it though. Being natural is pretty awesome.

  • Anonymous says:

    I know people have suggested straightening your hair and roller setting it, but I happen to work out a lot and I can tell you that those two options are only going to result in a puffy mass on top of your head after your workouts.

    Since you're short on time but like your texture, I would suggest trying some corn row updos. The ones where some of your hair is left out making a bang or pompadour are really pretty. They'll help you preserve your length and are super fly. I think it'll give you the extra umph you're looking for. You can also try braid outs. Just put your hair in 8 huge braids before bed and take them out in the morning. It'll give you a huge, fluffy, sexy fro. If those don't work then perhaps you should go back to the relaxer if it's what makes you feel good.

  • Monz03b says:

    You are such a lovely lady. I think every natural has felt overwhelmed by their different hair textures. It took me a while to figure out my hair. I started doing research and finding natural hair products. I have learned so much with all of the information on the internet (ie. Curly Nikki) and so on. I would give it more time. Your natural hair is AMAZING! Like others have said, maybe you should go to a natural hair stylist to help you out.

  • Random Black Chick says:

    I'm glad you bought this up as an issue and I hope you truly get constructive advice from the folks on this site. I've had locs for about 4 years now and I've definitely been there… whoever said natural hair was easier had it all wrong! And yes, sometimes it just feels like my banging hair days come once every so often.

    My advice? Stay with it for a few more months… hell, even a few more days. This may just be a passing feeling. If you still feel the same way, why don't you do something fun with your hair? Color it, cut it, shave a side or two, do an unexpected style. Your relaxed hair pic does look pretty fly and it looks like you've done non-conventional looks; you don't have to grin and bear it just because everyone else thinks the holy grail of natural hair is BST, etc. Maybe for you what works now is funky styling and later on in life you can go for the whole protective styling and length retention.

    Just remember that this is YOUR hair and YOUR journey. There are many ways to be natural. You can make your own.

  • Anonymous says:

    Being natural comes with a different kind of beauty. Your saying, I still look beautiful, with curly, nappy hair. It willl get better, when you get your length. I felt the same way, i use to hide behind my straight shoulder hair, looking back, it use to define me. Hang in there, a year from now, your going to be able to do more stles, your beautiful.

  • Anonymous says:

    I agree to get a stylist. I was feeling the exact same way, but I have found go to products to keep my sanity. I would definitely say get a goood natural stylist and remember sometimes less is more when it comes to products and don't count out cones. Good luck

  • Jin says:

    maybe you should try bantu knots. I recently started knoting my hair and I love the results AND it only takes me like 10 min the twist my whole head. I don't think there is anything wrong with getting a relaxer if thats what you want to do, it's you hair and your time. Goodluck with everything–let us know what you decide :)

  • Anonymous says:

    two words….DO YOU!!! nobody is forcing you to benatural or relaxed at the end of the day do what you feel is the best for you :)

  • Tracy says:

    As someone who has finally figured out that what is good for my scalp is not good for my hair when it it natural, I say do what works best for you.

    I have been fighting with my natural texture for years. I decided to go natural because I thought it would be better for my overall health. Before that time, I got relaxers because it was easier to deal with my hair. I, like you, had no problems. But since being natural, every time my hair gets past the TWA stage, I have scalp problems. I now attribute it to the oils I put on the rest of my hair to to try to keep it from breaking off and then not shampooing as often as I should. I have also tried the no-poo method and have determined that it doesn’t work for me.

    Relaxers help people with hair that it very hard to manage deal with their hair, period. If you had no hair or health problems when you had a relaxer, you aren’t being a “traitor” by going back to it. You are simply doing what it best for you and also works well for your hair.

    At the risk of pissing people off, I think this whole idea that people get relaxers in order to be “white” is a bunch of bullshit (pardon by French) and I really get tired of reading about it.

    That’s my opinion for what it is worth.

  • Anonymous says:

    If you're not happy I would go for the press and curl or do a roller set instead of a relaxer.

  • Camille says:

    Have you been to a hair stylist who specializes in natural hair? A stylist might be able to advise you on a style that lets you get back your fly without the relaxer. She could help you choose products that don't break you out, and a routine that doesn't take four hours. I understand the frustration with the time. I have no patience, and after a full deep condition/detangle/styling session, I'm ready to cut my shoulder length hair back down to a TWA. But I've got things figured out well enough at this point that I know which products may take longer to dry, but hold my style for a week if I know I won't have time to redo it, or what will dry fast, but maybe not hold a curl if I need to get out the door today, but can redo my hair later in the week.

  • Q says:

    Agreed with Alana but If you can find a REAL good hair dresser (like I did) who does press and curls better than the creamy crack can you'll be golden without the added stress of the chemicals.

    Also maybe braids may help. SUPER low maintaince and the styles are versitile.

  • Anonymous says:

    If you want to go back to the relaxer, then go for it but let's not use maintenace of the natural hair as an excuse or justification for doing so

  • Anonymous says:

    If your having all of these issues with being natural, just get a relaxer. Nothing wrong with it. Do what is convenient for you

  • Anonymous says:

    I definitely understand and can relate to your frustration, I have been natural for 2 years and I have a 9 month old daughter. Since having my daughter I barely have time to eat dinner much less spend a lot of time on my hair, so here is what I do:

    1) Wear my hair straight, wrapping it at night ( don't bash me people..LOL). This style lasts till I wash my hair again.

    2) Wear my hair in a wash and go style, putting in a loose ponytail under a bonnet at night. I usually have to do my hair again in 3 days but it only takes 20 min

    3) Wear a twist out, this typically only lasts 3.days..on the fourth day I either wear it in a pinned up style or in a bun for the remainder of the week.

    Hope this helps…..

    Nicole P

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