Have you ever stepped out looking insanely gorgeous after hours of primping, curling, pushing up, tucking in and unleashing your inner goddess, just to be met by that neighbor, or friend who feels the need to attempt to “burst” you bubble? You know, the one who asks, “Is that really what you meant to do with you hair?” or “The outfit looks good, but the hair could use more work”. I had a friend once offer up a hat because she was concerned that the patrons behind us at the movies would have their view obstructed by my diva sized mane!*side eye* Sometimes I can’t help but wonder if it’s really our hair that makes folks uncomfortable, even perplexed at times. Perhaps, there’s something confusing about the way we rock our hair with complete and utter disregard to what those around us may or may not think or have to say about it. I’ve found that people are most uncomfortable with things they don’t understand. In an attempt to make sense of things, they sometimes try to fix what’s not broken.
For most naturals, I think there’s a stage where we may feel a little awkward. You see the potential in what you have, but it’s just not there yet…kind of like puberty…lol! Somewhere in between that and the “I just don’t give a damn, I’m fine. Say something.” segment of the program, we “earn our stripes”. We get to a point where we make peace with what we’re working with and start to take more and more pride in not only our hair, but our faces, our figures, our personalities, our intellects and our gifts. We not only embrace our strengths, but accept our flaws. By the time we get to that point, it’s kind of difficult for us to be tough on ourselves because our hair doesn’t curl or lay the same way as the next gal’s. It’s at this point that we become so fierce, so unapologetically fabulous, that some of those around us may start to wonder if they’re missing something. Let ’em guess, wonder, and ascertain why you’re so confident while you have fun being that! Now, what are you waiting for? Fluff that hair, flash that smile, and exercise your right to remain fabulous!
Sooo TRUE, I have locs and they just do what they do and I am getting to the point where I just SASHAY and let it do what it do BABY!!! ;o)
Well Stated…I am at that stage now and you can't tell me nothing! lol I really love my hair and as more time passes it gets easier. I have some friends that love it and I can relate to that person who feels some type of way about my hair…she has made several comments on how she would love to see me with a relaxer. Well guess what??? Been there done that you met me too late and right now i'm doing me and loving it!
Thank you soooo much for this article. Today I wore my first braid out ever (I'm currently transitioning: 7 weeks and 4 days post-relaxer), and I loved the results that the various plaits and braids that I put in my hair provided. However, I still got negative comments about my hair from ppl in my church. I read this article a couple days ago, and immediately sought it when I returned home from church because I needed to be reassured that my feelings about how I look are ultimately all that matter. You are so right, ppl try to fix what's not broken simply because they don't understand it. Today, I've decided that no one else's opinion of how I look is going to dictate how I feel about what I love about myself. If they don't get my look, or even attempt to understand why it pleases me, then that's their loss.
I love this article! After 2 years I'm finally getting to this point. It's just as others have said many times – a "journey". You just have to be patient with yourself. I'm finally getting to the point where I really understand my hair, what works best for it and able to style it in the ways that I like now that it's grown out. I'm getting past that awkard stage and it feels really good!
http://www.youtube.com/user/pstaver1?feature=mhee
taneica, i just love you, gurl! what a wonderful feeling to get to the point in your life that demands that ignorant folks get thee behind you! we are not all born with fierceness, but it ain't hard to learn when you make it a point to be yourself! thanks for this! it just made my day! 🙂
Not to be a party pooper but "complete and utter disregard to what those around us may or may not think" IS a problem.
You may not always have something negative said because of what you look like, it may be because of your attitude or lack of concern of how others are affected.
Camille
Enough said…2 snaps up in a "Z" formation. I'm totally getting to this point. Not there 100% but after reading this post I can definitely rock my natural hair with confidence today. Thanks for this awesome post Taneica.
I absolutely love this photo of Taneica!!
Taneica, I needed to read this. I haven't had the greatest hair week and I've been pretty self concious about it. Your words have spoken life into me and I will be exercising my fabulosity tomorrow! 😉
When I was growing out my TWA in 2000, I was teased by family, friends and coworkers alike. As my hair grew out (really slowly), I was called everything from "Foxy Brown" to "Side Show Bob". My response was to wear my hair as big as ever. As a supervising attorney, I wear my natural hair proudly and fiercely in the courtroom and the board room! Now that that my natural hair is long no one makes snide comments anymore. In fact, I get lots of questions from people wanting to go natural. If it wasn't for the necessary detangling, I would wear a 'fro every chance I got. My hair grew slowly but healthy so I was in an awkward phase for a minute! Be patient with yourself and your hair. Hold your head up and be proud! Please believe that many people would like to go natural but are too afraid to make the leap.
when i was in hs, i loved to wear my big. but i also used to ask ppl if they can see with my big hair in the way. i didnt think anything of it, because i never got negative comments back then. everyone seemed to love my hair. but now as an adult…since ive been natural again, i've gotten some resistance…i dont like it, but hey…thats them, not me…and i love my hair
I just finished asking a similar question about my big and fabulous hair and those that commented thought it needed to be regulated and most friends said that it was just "too big"…sigh
http://chocolatemomrants.blogspot.com/2012/01/naturally-beautiful-or-just-too-much.html
Teneica, you definitely have a way with words. I love this post. I am almost nine months into my transition and lord knows I am in the awkward stage.
—MrsDjRass
Loves it! @Shak, thanks for the great idea on how to respond to ppl's comments on natural hair. Way to empower your son!! 🙂 ~H
Well stated!
Tanieca, you have the best posts! I love the inspiration in this.
Whenever someone has attempted to burst my bubble I always make them look stupid. In once instance, a work colleague started his sentence with (in a tone that, with his little audience, was supposed to make me self conscious): "You're hair is just really, wow, really…"
And I finished the sentence for him. I said "humongous? I know. Isn't it great!". And looked his dead in the eye with a big smile on my face while his jaw was wide open, because that was not what he was going to say, and all the folks in his group knew it, and ended up laughing at him!
I tell my son this all the time – because he is a 10 year old who love his big curly do (doesn't want it braided at all, just out and loud and free) – I told him that when kids and adults (yes, adults!) make fun of his hair, a lot of times, I think it's just them being jealous of not feeling free enough in their own lives to be who they are and wear it on their sleeves like he and I do. It doesn't mean they wish they had a gigantic afro, or anything superficial, I just think they wish they didn't care what other folks thought about whatever it is that they want to do, like we don't, lol!
When I have "bad" hair days I just rock a cute pair of shoes and awesome earrings and make it look like it was the look I was going for.
"Unapologetically Fabulous"….now thats serious talk! I love it!!!!!