How to Accept Constructive Criticism

Part of self-assessing is learning to accept constructive criticism. It’s easy to decide on our own what we think our flaws are, or where we have room for improvement. It’s a bit more difficult to accept ourselves as other people perceive us—especially when we don’t agree with what they see.

Do you ever feel like people assign you flaws because they just don’t “get” you? It may be true that they don’t have a complete picture of your personality, but they can only go by the information you’ve given them.

Let’s take the office, for example: I have a rather subdued personality—and my professional personality, even more subdued than that. In a sales driven environment where people equate “energy” with loud, fast-talking, hyper-excited behavior, I’m a bit of an anomaly. More often than not, my performance feedback includes notes on being more “energetic” and “excited about {my} projects”. I know that I’m excited about my projects, and that my energy is exerted in a creative fashion—that standout marketing pitch or beautifully written communication is living breathing proof of my energy (and thankfully my direct manager understands this as well). But some people don’t seem to get that.

So how do we accept constructive criticism? We do just that—accept it. We listen, and take it in and consider for a moment, how we might “improve” in the given area, and we ask questions. Is there validity to this? How will this affect my career/family situation/friendships? Can I adjust this behavior without compromising my core values?

Weigh the balance between what feels like your true self, and what the perception of you might be. Get honest with yourself; this is not an excuse to be lazy or to let yourself off the hook for things you know need to be changed. Accept that this is the perception, and then either acknowledge it as your own truth, and adjust; or relegate it to their opinion and lock it away in that place in your mind of detached awareness. If there is too much of a disparity between what they see and what you feel is true, it may be time to consider changing your environment, if possible.

It is important to be aware of how we are perceived, and that’s why constructive criticism can be positive. Whether we agree or disagree, it gives us an opportunity to self-evaluate and to be more aware of how we are affecting others in our environment.