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Curly Nikki

Becoming a Certain Kind of Woman

By January 27th, 202110 Comments

There’s always been something very attractive to me about uncertainty. Attractive and agonizing, that is. How so, you ask? Like my pattern of falling for men who were slightly aloof and emotionally unavailable. Even as I expressed my disdain for their opaque behavior, I secretly savored the mystery. I would ask myself over and over why I always went for guys that challenged me this way. And yet for better or worse, when the ultimate ambiguity knocked, I not only answered but I allowed it to move in, settle down and make three babies with me.

Sorry, I digressed there for a moment. But I do want to talk about knowing yourself, your patterns and how you can use your natural inclinations to your advantage. You know, to become the woman you want to be.

Self-observation is good for the spirit, you know? In my example above, I talk about being drawn to uncertainty. I used to see this as a liability, but I’ve reframed it because, well simply because it pleases me to do so. Thinking of it in a negative way just wasn’t working for me. We have to really search ourselves to find those deep rooted thoughts and stories we tell ourselves that define our self-perception. It’s important because if we don’t do this soul searching work, we’ll continue to place limits on ourselves that are built on false truths and old ideas. For me, instead of wondering why I never could stick it out with “normal” guys, I accepted that normal is subjective and I prefer a little bit of “crazy”. Just a little. I also prefer a little bit of emotional distance. Again, just a little. A healthy amount of detachment is necessary for me to feel free.

So when I say that I want to become a certain kind of woman, the statement has many meanings. To some extent, I am talking about certainty in the literal sense and knowing that my natural instincts are relevant and shouldn’t be devalued. But speaking more broadly, I’m talking about the process of becoming a self-loving woman who lives her truth and exploits her strengths, weaknesses, preferences and idiosyncracies to her advantage.

I am going through some self-analysis right now to get clear on where I’m going and how to focus my energy.

Perhaps it would benefit you to join me in asking yourself these questions:

*What are my greatest strengths and weaknesses that I need to build on or deal with in my professional and personal life?

*What old beliefs about myself and my capabilities am I hanging on to? What false ideas are holding me back?

*Am I currently doing the work that I want to be doing?

*Does the bulk of my energy go towards what I have to do for money or what my spirit calls me to do creatively?

*What are my real feelings about using my creative outlets to make money?

*Do I currently have a support network that supports what I want to do?

*Do I have a mentor, and if not, why not??

*What are the top three things that I need to learn and how can I learn them?

**Questions adapted from Gail McMeekin’s The 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women**

Simply stated, GG is a mama who loves writing, hair and self-discovery. The Write Curl Diary is an outlet for her passions. You can connect with her on her blog, on twitter or at Peace Love and Pretty Things.


  • DecemberPumpkin says:

    these helped me see what i need to work on in life thanks

  • Grown Ass Woman says:

    Talk about being in the right place at the right time. I couldn't figure out all the questions I needed to ask myself, but I knew I needed to be doing some asking. My mind has been so muddled and the only thing I know for sure is that this ain't working, so I've been asking myself "what are you going to do about it?" Been taking baby steps, but this post definitely helps me structure my thoughts into a more actionable plan. Thanks so much!

  • Anonymous says:

    I suppose this is the season for change. This article was enlightening and similar to my situation right now. A bit of advice though for all of the ladies…the first thing to do before proceeding with this life altering process is to remove all distractions from your life. I know this may be difficult, but I've been down this road before and I kept ending up at the same point. It had dawned on me that my environment, my situation, and myself were all interconnected somehow. It was easy removing some elements but there were some long standing elements that was quite difficult to remove. For those of you who are believers in Christ our Lord pray for guidance and assistance..I believe it was he that removed the difficult elements from my life…I feel lighter already! As I stumbled upon this article today I know this is confirmation that I am heading in the right direction this time. I wish you all blessings in your future endeavors!

  • Joyce says:

    This is a great article and definitely questions that I need to ask myself! BTW, this came at exactly the right time, as I'm going through the process of making changes in my life at this season of my life. As someone else stated, it's very easy to become complacent with current situations. However, in order to be better, we have to know better and asking ourselves these questions are the first step.

  • Anonymous says:

    Great article. I had been pondering on topics like these for some time. This was a reminder that I need to take action on those thoughts now. Thanks GG.

  • Anonymous says:

    Thank you for sharing. Sometimes it is so easy to get stuck and become complacent with current situations. These are questions that I can definitely benefit from. I really enjoyed reading this article.

  • Anonymous says:

    This was good…I hope we get to follow up with her to see what she learns. I have been dealing with this for quite some time, and I still haven't found myself…but I'm getting closer.

  • Kirstin says:

    The mentor statement hit me like ton of bricks, I have so many dreams and desire that I want to fulfull but I need guidance! Finding a mentor is now one of my top action items on my personal "to do" list!

  • Fatima says:

    These are definitely questions that I need to ask myself and reflect on. Some questions I know the answers to but others I'd never even thought to ask.

  • Anonymous says:

    This article couldn't have come at a better time for me. Thanks!

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