Where do I begin?
I’ve been defeated by a small human and after a three day battle, I’m throwing in the towel. The same towel, in fact, that I just used to clean up all of this…well, we’ll get to that in a moment.
So Hubby has been out of town for a conference since Thursday morning. Somewhere in the last two days “nap time” for Gia became “scream until your nose blows bubbles or the neighbors call DFS”. Somehow, I managed to get food in the oven for lunch and started on chores. You know that awkward moment when you’re in the middle of cleaning and your nose perks up from the fresh smell of burnt fish sticks? Well I do. So I jump up and do my “Shit!Shit!Shit!Shit!Shit!” dance all the way down to the kitchen only to find that the question of original or extra crispy doesn’t really apply to fish sticks. New fish sticks go in the oven.
I’m on my way back upstairs when my nose crinkles up again. Oh shit. But literally this time. My little
fallen angel had somehow managed in those few minutes to defecate, and spread it strategically across her entire body, the bed, and the comforter. Dry clean only.
*a single tear rolls down my check* Seriously y’all, I cried.
I was on the phone with Hubby the whole time, at least until I hung up on him. What’s worse is that all I could do as she looked at me was imagine her maliciously singing in her head:
Man. I barely even have the morale to write this post, but thought you all could share my pain with me, or ruthlessly laugh at it. Which would be absolutely warranted, cause ish like this only happens in movies, right? Wish the hubs luck tonight guys, cause when he gets back he’s going to have a baby with a bow wrapped around her addressed: To Daddy. I’m still debating where exactly I’m going to throw in that aforementioned towel…
My 19 month old pumpkin did the same thing at around 10 months old. It got in her hair, the dry-clean only bumper, and the crib. It was an absolute mess. I took a picture to show my husband. Now we don't dare put heto sleep without a onesie and pants. Good luck!
lol I thought that Gia was gonna have a bro or sis when reading the story i was like poor Nikki one this will stop (i hope)
My dear lil Boogie needs a few booty pops and it will soon stop! One thing I refuse to take lying down…playing & smearing the poop!!!
I really thought number two was on the way too…
The worst I've had was the hand in the diaper, and poo coming out of the diaper up the front and back. Not to mention they are oblivious to the funk.
I thought you meant that baby #2 was in the air. =))
My kids are 11 months apart. After she was potty trained my daughter used to climb into my sons crib every morning and take off his diaper, like it was her job. And every morning he would poop after his diaper was off. They would BOTH be covered in it and there would be poop in the tiniest crevices of the crib. So frustrating! I would snap awake in the wee hours of the morning to the smell of it. The only way I could get it off was for all THREE of us to climb into the shower. I didn't want to sit the both of them in a tub full o' poo. SMH. good times!
the "Did it on 'em" did me in….dying from laughter. you should consider doing a blog about (some of) your family life. the way you recount your experiences is awesome.
Hilarious!! I know it won't be when it is my turn
When I cry, you cry, We cry, together
This SO reminds me of the appropriateness of Sabotage by The Beastie Boys "AAAAaaaah, can't stand it, I know you planned it!!" Hang in there!
My son is 7 months old and this is one of my biggest potty training fears! I guess I'll start sticking up on gloves and Lysol now lol
This just happened to my sister a few months ago. My nephew decided to take off his pamper and start defecating in random corners of the house. He did this more than once by the way. He also likes to stick his hand in his pamper after he has defecated. Smh. I love him but he is just a mess, literally.
I am deeply sorry Nikki. Obviously she brought you to a tear and that is sad in itself. But when I played the video I busted out laughing. Kids say and do the darnest things and Gia is living proof, huh??
Keep your head up. IT's just a Monica. You know, "One of those days."
A year ago my little brother decided to hand me a handful of turds he pulled out of his pull up. Everyone thought it was hilarious, except for me of course. With 3 younger brothers I've had my share of farts and poo on me, clothes, and furniture. So, I feel your pain lol. Poop stories are funny…when they don't happen to you lol
I'm sorry but your despair made me smile.I don't have the blessing of having children…having lost a possibilty last year I live through others…so even though she worked your nerve today look back on all the posts you usually have of her cute shananagan's and pics and brace yourself for more…ahem stuff:-)
I am going to plead Gia's innocence. She does not like the way the poop feels on her so she was trying to clean it off of her. She shouldn't be spanked or blamed. These years are the learning years. They pass by so quickly. I know moms need a break. Try to write down a schedule, take a picture of her or another baby doing each thing. Go over the schedule at each event. (Now we are eating lunch, next we will read a story, then take a nap. We just read out story, now we will take a nap.) Hey put potty time on the schedule. Applaud her for trying. Most of all, listen to your baby. Nap times don't have to be full of tears.
OMG noooo… I'm crying laughing Nik, I'm sorry. LMAO!
Right now my son is doing the whole "Lemme take off this dang diaper man, you too slow" thing. I've found diapers in the corners of his room a bunch of times over the past couple months. Plus now he hates being changed so I'm about to put his butt on the potty and get the train rolling.
I'm definitely over the antics, lol.
You should have a seperate section for Gia post. LOL!!!!! This is tooo much. I'm crying for you girl. Been there.
Oh that reminds me of when my neice was around two. My sister used to PARTAYY and when she finally came home and went to sleep it was like she was in a coma.
Well one day sis was sleeping and my neice decided to take off her loaded diaper and spread poop all over the wall above my sister's head and onto my sister's face! So gross!
All I could do was laugh.
Whew! (wipes eyebrow) ok, so my daughter is normal… good to know.. i thought there was some glitch that went into effect when she hit her "terrific twos". From one mother to another. WELCOME TO THE NEXT PHASE… My daughter turns 3 in August and my wishful thinking is that the next phase will be easier…. : /
CN, that was just another moment to let you know you passed the initiation of motherhood. And trust there will be many more. I have all boys so to look at cute little Gia, I can only smile at the little mishap she had.
I did however experience a situation where my son decided to get the runs on a NYC train. Yes it was running down his leg and out his shorts and we weren't even close to home…
@FabFluffy, if he was kicking down the street in pilots, it was him, lol. He was all over downtown from what he shared, hahaha!
Thanks ladies, your comments and support are the bestest. Happy I'm not alone… this poop business ain't no joke! Hubby made it in safe and sound and we're becoming reacquainted 🙂 Gia was so excited to see him! I have a date with a movie and a glass of shiraz tonight!
I feel for you. My son once coated the entire bathroom and his self with baby oil (Daddy was supposed to be watching him…) Anyhoo, when I asked my son what happened, he confidently said "Mommy, I take bath!" like I was supposed to know that! LOL! He was 2 years old. My son is now 16 and as pay back, I make sure to tell his friends that story.
Awwww….I have triplets and they painted their bedroom walls with poop when they were 18 mos so I know how you feel but this too will pass and in the near future you'll be able to laugh about it! But until I'm sending you a bear hug 🙂
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA……*BREATHE*…..HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Oh I'm so sorry dearest, lol that is definitly one for the screen play. Sidenote: your hubs wudn't hap to be at a conf in Chicago? I saw a man walking downtown on my way home last Friday who seriously looked like him! Lol but he was wearing Kanye glasses and I just couldn't confirm. Don't think if i hadn't been rushing to catch early train home I wudnt've totally stopped him….like hey are you Mr. CurlyNikki? lol, now THATS a natural moment…when the only celebrities i'd flip out for are you and Afrobella (and Mr. Blair Underwood, still fine as all h*LL!) 🙂
Girrrl, I my son did that too at that age so don't feel bad Nikki!!! I honestly thought something was wrong with him at first lol!! Yet, most younguns do that At 11:47 Vinegar will try that!! 🙂 Hang in there Nik!! 🙂
Lord, I am going to get fired! I laughed so hard I could not even try to play it off! I've been there and done that with four kids and to this day, I still give them the evil eye when they step out the bathroom! I have had to clean poop out of the clothes, sheets, walls, tile, carpet… everywhere! And don't let them start vomiting… Here's a hug, I know you need one!
Life truly does come full circle…I work with the elderly with dementia and they tend to do what i call "fingerpaint" with poo also. One lady took hers and hid it in her nightstand drawer…took us forever to find where the smell was coming from. Vinegar works wonders at removing the smell of poo and urine out of clothes, bedding, etc. Hang in there !!
Bwahahaha! This is too funny, sorry about your Mommy troubles…it gets better…right?
I feel your pain, my other half just got back for a busines trip in China for 2weeks and then directly followed by another trip to texas for a week. THREE WEEKS alone with my almost 2yr old dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde and his 'Mommy NOOO don't do it cup throwing self. He clocked me a few times with that damn sippy and let me tell you for a brief second when the cup connected, I called out to God and all the angels in heaven for patience…LOL. Yeah as soon as pops is back, (tonight) its a wrap. I'm on mommy leave, got a mani pedi appt lined up and dinner directly after… ALONE!
Whooo Nik, you need to get out the house and go have a few drinks when hubby gets back, sheesh! G-baby let you have it this weekend. Man wait until she starks stabbing you with a spork, putting food in her hair, and running around the restaurant like a crazy child, smh. Terrible 2's on the rise in my house too, boo:(
I only laugh because a few moons ago, I did the same to my mother (may she rest in perfect peace). She had just changed me and stepped out for a few moments too long, because as you shared N. Minaj's song, I did it on the crib and everywhere my little fingers could find. I'm sure when I have children, they will do ten times worse and I'm ok with it. 🙂
Oooh, that happened to me…TWICE! UGH, the joys of motherhood. I feel you though, I just about gave my child up for adoption after that.
^^That's what I was thinking, get a nanny Nik!
pobre sita – gurl you need a nanny! 🙂
If you're not laughing about it now, then you will next week. Or next year.
If she thinks she's too big to nap, then introduce 'Quiet Time'. She can stay in her bed, listen to soothing music, look at some picture books, and chill. I have two kids and I only know this: It's not worth fighting over. Her body will grab the sleep that it needs.
You can reset her clock by waking her a wee bit earlier in the morning, if she's a late sleeper, then she'll rethink that nap option. Or go to bed a wee bit earlier in the evenings.
And about the poopie. If she did it on purpose, then she should help clean it up. Even if it means, that she just helps push the rolled-up sheets into the washing machine or press the buttons.
Important thing is to keep your cool. We've all been there. Sending you virtual hugs….
You could write a book about your daughter, lol– sorry to hear about your misadventures!
My nephew once pooped on the floor right next to his potty. He then had the nerve to squish up his nose, as if to say "this ish stinks, can you hurry up and clean this" Hang in there!
Oh shoot! Sorry, Nikki! Sending hugs your way. When I saw the title I thought, 'cool, another baby on the way!' But after reading… 🙂
The blowing bubbles is one that my daughter did, too. She will be 4 soon. Oh, girl you have more surprises coming!!!
Hugs Nikki! Poor thing you! At least you will laugh about it tomorrow!
@Anon 12:19am: Same here! This post just postponed parenthood for 10 more years! Good laugh though!
Big hugs Nik! We've all been there!
I was thinking I wanted some babies the other day…lol then I read your post… and after laughing….sorry.. I decided no
awww.. Luv.. Feel better.. and it may feel like you're a lil alone but you're not. Plus once the little muchkin is all cleaned up and in bed.. you'll watch her sleeping and only be able to see and angel. What a day!!! Huggzzz
I was ready to say CONGRATULATIONS until I read the post! I thought you were expecting!
Very funny story Nikki!
i saw the title on my cellphone and i thought you were having another baby, sorry i am West Indian don't use number2 for a bowel movement/BM. But having to potty train with white carpets is not good!been there done that dont want to go back there..good luck!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! All you can do is love them! I have three and each one was worse than the last. The poop sagas will continue, trust me!
Aww I'm having flashbacks of my little terrorist; she's 14 now and her stunts are so much more sophisticated these days *stern smile*. I miss those days sometimes so thank you Nikki for sharing. I laughed hysterically!
I truly believe that moments like this a apart of the bonding experience between parent and child. My son is the only person that was able to bring me to the brink of insanity. I remember right when I broke down crying he would fall asleep. I used to believe that my crying is what soothed him. My son is now three yrs old and looking back I'm grateful for those moments. Those are the moments that bonded us. I mean oer than breastfeeding etc. Being able to show him love and patience even when he's being crazy is hard. That's why we cry. It's a good release.
I feel you. I used to just drop my son in my husbands arms when he got home from work and disappear for an hr. You're a great mom. I want to say that it gets better but I believe that with time we mothers begin to cope with our children's craziness. I laugh and honestly we have a unique was of functioning and understanding one another that I appreciate more because of the journey we took to get here. He has tested my patience and ability to love so much. I'm happy for it. My mother told me that children teach you how to love them and after having one I can say that I believe that now.
I'm in tears, thanks for the laugh! Hugs because I've been there too!
This experience was an excellent example of what mother's have to do eerr day….suck it the eff up and keep it movin'!! Talking about unconditional love; cleaning up somebody elses ishy mess is just ridonculous!
This will be sooo funny years from now and I'm sure you will remind Lil' Miss Gia every chance you get!
Poor Nikki! *HUG* All of us moms have had a shitty day at least once. When my daughter was small enough to bathe in one of those tubs that fit on the bathroom sink counter, she did a poop as long as her…I was on the phone with my mom at the time. She did it and then I said it ("SHIIIIIIIIT") and my mother still laughs to this day about it. Daughter just celebrated her 9th birthday. *SIGH* LOL.
This sounds so familiar. Sorry for the bad day. You'll laugh at this in about…7 years.
I love that picture of Gia! How could a baby that sweet do all that stuff you claim?! I dont believe it!
I hope your hubby makes it home soon!
I'm over here still laughing Nikki, I'm sorry!
awww i'm sorry boo…couldn't help but laugh but I know I won't be when the time comes for me! I actually thought you were saying you were expecting a sister/brother for Gia….maybe next time!
Reading this post gave me a bit of deja vu. During my adventures in potty training my son and I had reached a point where he realized he didn't like having that mess on his behind but was not motivated enough to tell anyone when he had to go potty. I finish washing the dishes while Nick Jr is babysitting Donovan and realize that there is a different aroma in the air when I walk into the family room to find my sweet little angel boy sitting butt-naked on my BRAND NEW SECTIONAL with his dirty underwear with everything spilling out of it on the floor. The only thing that saved that kid was me remembering those advertisements in all those baby magazines telling you to never shake your baby. Then he had the nerve to go to sleep and look all inocent and sweet like my little baby. This kid is just like his daddy, does something to make me want to shake him and then does something to make me want to just kiss that little face. Turkeys.
lol I so can relate…my Smoody was down for a nap…so I thought. Went in to check on her n found her sitting with her pamper in one hand…and poop in the other, and on her crib, and on the sheets of course…such a wonderful gift right…NOT! #gotta luv'em
LOL! Some of your stories… especially the ones with the kiddos tasting the poop… OMG! Thanks ladies.
I just got back from a walk… fresh air, sun and iphone tunes + fun at the park is always good to get my mood to swing back.
Things were gravy until I just got a text from hubby about his flight being cancelled…
Looks like that celebratory glass of wine is on hold til tomorrow :-/ This town sucks… it's impossible to get in or out of after 5pm.
Wish me luck!
LOOL…It amazes me what these little ones can do with such a short amount of time.
My 1 year old pooped in the closet in the den the other day before his bath & then closed the door. Found it today =)
I like surprises butt…I could have passed on this one.
Hope your day gets better really fast. As soon as she goes to sleep tonight, a nice bath w/lavender & a glass of wine (same time)
I reserve old toothbrushes for scrubbing shit from nails… my two year old does this type thing ALL the time!!! My oldest daughter was the worst… she would have a little taste from time to time!!!
haaaaaaa!! i thought you were talking about another gia in the oven like some of the other readers…well, i don't know what to write…but thank you for sharing…SOOOO FUNNY 🙂
Been there — I remember the time my daughter projectile pooped just after I took off her diaper. On the walls, on the carpet, on me…ugh!
It gets better. But there were days when I considered Freecycling her!
Nikki, you always have me cracking up! Funny thing is my mom would say I was the same way growing up. I think she held it against me for a long time though cause she would always bring it up :-/
I'm with Davina, I thought you were about to tell us number two was in the oven! Poor Nik, you weren't kidding when you said you needed a babysitter!! I'm sorry lady … but, as everyone has alluded to … this too shall pass … and you'll be able to laugh at it and terrorize Gia with the story by telling it to her friends when she's a tween;)! LOL!! Big hugs hun!!
It is this way sometimes; rough days. And then the beautiful days will come. It just doesn't feel like it when its a bad day.
The boo boo part…I guess one of the stages in Erickson was correct…
We've all been through the stage of getting in touch with our inner boo boo…
I hope your day gets better 🙂
Thanks for sharing, sounds like motherhood is quite an adventure! Sorry about your rough day, hope it get better.
I may be difficult to see it now, but these are good times, Nikki. Good times. Enjoy.
My son will be two in September and he's always only taking off his boo-boo diapers. He had carrots one day & those just run through him anyways, let's just the carrots and ish got smeared in my carpet. I was scrubbing that carpet for a while…sigh
I am guessing she might have been imitating you, henna does looks like poo…
LMAO! I feel ur pain. My 2 year old did that to me when she was like 1. And the poor thing was wondering what the brown stuff that fell outta her butt was, so she decided she'd TASTE IT!!! So gross…Hang in there mama!
all I can say is YIKKKKEEESSSSSS ;0
Hugs and kisses! Get that bottle of wine ready for when hubby arrives
All I can say is a woman's work is never done. If it aint one thing it's another. Funny story though.
I'm so sorry! As mothers, I believe we've all experienced one of the "my child is getting on my last black nerve" kind of days. I hope you take a much needed break when your hubby returns. Woosah and take some deep breaths until hubby can rescue you. Or maybe Gia will be the one who needs to be rescued!
I thought this was something only boys did. Both my sons did that, and I had never heard of it before them. Thankfully my daughter didnt but I remember those days all too well and that poor pack and play we had to throw out. It gets better and you can taunt them with these stories when they are older.
Nikki – Your hubby's out of town and there's no family nearby, so you've been on mommy duty 24/7 with no break. Folks are LOL'ing but..this stuff isn't always funny or hilarious while it's happening, especially if you already feel exhausted or overwhelmed. Moms are human. So I want to say it's ok to just take a minute and be pissed off that your baby made a huge poopy mess on herself AND your comforter. Cry for a minute if you need to. Don't feel bad if it takes a while to make it back to that zen Mommy place. And whenever Gia finally goes down for the night, cuddle up with some wine and trashy TV.
When I first read the title, I thought there was a bun in the oven.
I hate to laugh but the ish (literally and figuratively) was a scream!
Poor Nikki, hang in there. After reading this, I think I will ignore my mum for a little while longer while she nags me for grandkids. Do not know how I could cope!
It was really funny though LOL
Sorry to laugh along with everyone else but THAT is hilarious! At least you can be happy that she is not a boy who would pee up on you directly AFTER you have beautified yourself for the day, and JUST washed your hair the night before. Cause that happened to me….
Stop it!!!! Hilarious!
Aww, I can feel your pain, Nikki! Never had a poop incident like that one, but we still tease our youngest — now 11 — for reaching into her diaper and grabbing shi* nuggets and eating them. You can't Purrell, Lysol or bleach a child's mouth, LOL. HUGS!!! and just know that it will pass.
I can only imagine!!! Great story though, as always!
Awww Boo-Boo… I have to admit that out started laughing!!!
…bad Gia! Bad!!
Feel better Mama! ~Huggs
A tear? Lol!!!
This is very normal for kids. Its a sad situation when it happens to you. Sorry!! ((HUGS))
i can understand bad days and wanting to cry…it will get better and tell that child to NEVER do this again, or you will beat the CRAP(pun intended) out of her; she needs to know who's in charge. I'm not suggesting abuse – so don't everyone crucify me, but you know what i mean.
I really tried so hard not to laugh, but that was hilarious! I never experienced the poop spread and ope to God I never have to. **HUGS**
Next time you put her down for a nap, be sure to cover the bed in one of those plastic covers. Like the ones that your sweaty legs would stick to on the couch in the summertime back in the day! Wage the war against the 2s! She's so adorable looking that picture!
Awww, Nikki! I'm really sorry, I hope you'll feel better later on today & hopefully things will work out as far as Gia's concerned.
Well Nikki I feel your pain. I was trying to get my child to sleep in her own room. after 30mins I went to check on her thinking she was peacefully sleeping. WRONG! She went poo in an ottament and wiped it all over the walls, into the carpet, her play tent, her hair, her body, her bed basically her entire room and her room smell like poo for weeks no matter how much bleach I used. Oh and let me add this happened at least 2 more times.
I have a set of twin cousins who used to do that…so imagine cleaning up double the POOP! Not cool, but I'm sure you kept yours in normal Curly Nikki fashion. After you put her down tonight, open a celebratory bottle of wine and….TAKE IT TO THE HEAD! Bump the glass. Luv Ya!
All part of it! This had happened to my daughter when she was about 1, only she had a bad habit of taking off her diaper and make the biggest mess. BLEACH was my best friend then. LOL
the joys of motherhood. That must have been frustrating…but in a few days or weeks (maybe it'll take some year lol) but you will be cracking up with her about it. Like "Gia, you spread that poop EVERYWHERE!" She'll be like.."Who me?! Naaaaah. Lol"
oh yes the poop disasters. im not a mom but i have babysat enough to know that if there is a place to put poop, a toddler will find a place to put it. but my question is why does a toddler have a dry clean only bedset? you will learn.
awww..*hug*!! It will get better!!
As a MOM, I feel your pain. My son once "did it" in his Pull Up, changed a fresh one, and laid back in bed. this was during his nap time while I was doing chores around the house. I only noticed his handywork because he wiped up his "spillage" with a sock…By "wiped up", I mean ground the ish into the carpet before casting the sock aside…The pullup was in the toybox, and his behind still had poop stuck to it…. I couldn't even be angry, because he was only 2……..
Awww Nik! I'm sending you a virtual hug. I know you need it girl. Hang in there, it'll get better. That was funny though. Thanks for sharing.
I have a 17 month old boy. I know this scenario all too well. All my friends and family on FB get their laugh on regularly at my expense.
Baby Gia is hilarious! She's testing you Nikki! Too funny!
LMAOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sorry Nik, I can't help but laugh lolololol