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Preference, Privilege or Political?

By January 27th, 202171 Comments
Preference, Privilege or Political?Preference, Privilege or Political?

by Shelli of Hairscapades

Last month, a natural friend of mine posted the following status update:

“I definitely prefer wearing my hair straight and blonde over wearing a huge, dark brown afro … It’s simply more flattering. Not a political or cultural statement. Simply a preference.”

Of course this prompted a flurry of responses, including the following question and my friend’s reply:

Q: Playing devil’s advocate here- if this statement is not meant to be political or cultural- why vocalize it on Facebook in the first place? Just curious.

A: I recently unfriended an acquaintance on Facebook who had the nerve to tell me how he thought I should wear my hair and his preference for a more “natural” looking woman. Never mind the fact that I am romantically committed to someone. Never mind that my hair is personal and none of his business. This man felt so deeply offended by what he saw as a deeply political act that he was compelled to send me a message voicing his disappointment. Thus, the status update explaining that fashion, at least in this instance, is a matter of stylistic preference, and not a defense or critique of the how’s and why’s of what other women of African descent choose to do their hair.

Now, generally speaking, I am not one who likes to stir the pot of controversy. It’s just not my thing and that’s probably why I am not a fan of reality shows . I also belong to the “camp” that qualify anyone who doesn’t relax their hair as natural, regardless of whether they weave up, wig out, press or permanently color their hair. It’s just that simple to me. Anywho, my friend asked me to chime in on the topic and my reply was as follows:

“As you know —-, I’m a fan of the huge, dark brown afro … but, you already know, I love huge, curly hair. That being said, I agree with you that how you chose to wear your hair is your decision and a casual acquaintance has a lot of nerve to tell you what HE prefers. I don’t care what YOU prefer. I myself wear my hair curly, but on occasion wear it pressed. If someone who I knew peripherally, after seeing my hair pressed, had the nerve to tell me he preferred my hair straight, I’d be pissed. And, it would have nothing to do with how I view myself, but with that person’s belief that they have a right to tell me what they think of how I wear MY hair [as if] their opinion should matter to me when I know them not.”

At the end day, I found my friend’s statement to be about the presumption of male privilege rather than issues with self-image and acceptance. And, let me clarify, my friend loves her hair in every form and has rocked it in a variety of styles in its natural state. However, she has indicated that she currently prefers it blonde and straight.

*************************************

So, what do you think? Is this about preference, male privilege or racial politics? Can a Black woman’s preference for “straight and blonde” hair simply be an aesthetic choice and not fueled by a deeper, hidden meaning or self-hatred? Did the explanation that prompted the statement change your initial, visceral reaction to it?

71 Comments

  • DecemberPumpkin says:

    i say privilege and a preference just depends on who you are

  • Anonymous says:

    What I think is that people just need to do them! Anyone has the right to a preference – hair, clothes, colour of clothing, style, fashion, whatever the hell they want. SIMPLE. Likewise, people have the right to say whatever the hell they want…sure, sometimes it may be nonsensical or stupid, but whatever…don't like it, move on or ignore it. Politics, brain washing, what-ever else you can come with is not always the underlined reason for a statement. Stop trying to read so hard into everything or trying to figure out someone's motives. If you don't understand the motive, ask – don't assume. If you don't like what someone said to you on facebook of all things – choose the battle; confront it or ignore it. Why do people need to make everything so complicated.

  • Elaine D. says:

    Do you!

  • Anonymous says:

    Anon @ 430 you are wrong. Most white women do not have blonde hair. Blonde is a recessive trait. Most of them live and die by Clariol.

    As for the post, I'd say she has issues, but most sistas do, so… *sigh*

  • Anonymous says:

    I don't care about what some child writes on her facebook page about some boy. I wish I could somehow get the time back that I wasted reading this post.

  • pinkgirlfluff says:

    Topics like this are good for people that need to vent. Personally I love my hair and I would not give a person the pleasure of being the subject of a post on facebook about my hair and why I wear my hair the way I do. that's just me.

  • Sophie says:

    I'm definitely not a natural vigilante, but I am a proponent of naturalness in general. Call me a cynic, but I am skeptical when people "prefer" looks on themselves that are nowhere near their natural looks, which require pretty serious upkeep, and say there is nothing to it. Aesthetic preference is socially learned in many instances. It can be benign, like "I curl my hair because my grandma had curly hair' or 'I dye my hair red because it looks fiery and matches my personality' but straightening has just been a way to take away ethnicity for so long that I don't believe that preference exists without that influence in many people. I've straightened my hair a few times and I liked how sleek it looked, but I don't prefer it. I prefer my face makeup free and my hair curly, my body without spanx and my nails without polish. Even if I doll myself up sometimes, I think we need to like ourselves in our natural states. So many people fear showing themselves unadorned because they think being all made up is "better". All this said, this comment seemed kind of off-handed, and maybe not all that serious, but I think this is a discussion worth having!

  • Anonymous says:

    Brainwashing at it's finest, and I really wish Black women would stop using the whole "White women do what they want excuse," as someone previously stated, their hair is already mostly straight, and a lot of them do have blonde hair, those are features that are indigenous to them and like someone else said, when they get those ridiculous surgeries or even bad hair dos they look a hot mess too. I for one have never wanted blonde hair, colored contacts etc, this girl obviously has some issues with herself w/e ..I don't really care, but I just can't let people think that none of our "preferences" aren't direct results of something bigger. It's just hair…what's next it's just skin? Bleach yourself because skin is simply an accessory and you have a preference for lighter hues? get over yourself. She should have taken it as a compliment that brothers even like natural beauty instead of all these made up, fake females out here! Say what you want, but i'm all about BLACK Beauty.

  • Trena says:

    I forgot to answer the question.

    I believe the comment involved preference and mail privilege. The friend's personal preference for her hair, the male acquaintenance who exercised male privilege when he provided his unsolicited opinion about his personal preference for her hair and I guess said it in such a way that the female thought he was coming at her like his preference was law.

    I do not believe politics were a factor here even though people were quick to bring their politcal views into this scenario.

    I like the look of my hair whether I wear it straight or curly. I wear my hair however I feel. I could go a year and feel like wearing my hair straight in a style that I think is more flattering on me than wearing my afro, but then the next year find a cute natural style that I think is even more flattering on me than the straight hair style.

    These decisions have nothing to do with me having a "slave mentality" or being Eurocentric or Afrocentric. These decisions have everything to do with me being a good judge of what does and does not look good on me because we with platinum blonde hair, whether straight or curly, would look a HOT MESS on me!

  • Trena says:

    I completely agree with TMC's comment.

    I frankly think people are overanalyzing this person's comment.

    I am not offended by what she said. You know how some of us do when something pisses us off and we want to express it to our friend through text, FB or twitter and that's what she did. In a heated momemt she stated her preference for HER hair. Her whole statement was talking about herself and how do we know this? She began her statement with "I".

    She prefers her hair blonde & straight because she thinks she looks better with that hairstyle compared to a "huge dark brown afro".

    The fact that some women got offended by that statement says more about them than her to me.

    She said nothing offensive about women who wear there hair natural. The statement she made purely was about how she likes to wear HER hair and which hair style she thinks she looks better in.

    I wear a short dark brown afro. And?!

    Y'all want someone to be PC in a heated comment posted hastily on a person's FB page?! Seriously?! Lol

  • Anonymous says:

    It seems like she should have messaged him. What was the real point if she had already deleted him? That's why I'm deleting some folks now…I don't like agitation all up in my feed. However, he was completely out of line. While I certainly prefer my natural hair. I hate the way so many people(men and women) make special commentary and think they have some special say in how a woman should look…

  • Becky X says:

    While I am definitely a believer of the "do you boo" mantra, I believe that social media and the use of such outlets for personal beliefs blur the lines of what is personal preference or a political statement. The author of the statement might not have received such backlash had she personalized the statement instead of imposing her opinion on others as fact. Saying that straight, blonde hair is more flattering is a very different statement than straight, blonde hair is my choice to make. While she might have simply been trying to defend herself against the sexist beliefs of one individual, when out of context, her statement stinks of the years and years of oppressive dominant opinions that those who fall outside of the "norm" are constantly working to free themselves of. Bascially, for many these are fighting words. At the end of the day, she is and should be allowed to express whatever she believes in whatever way she wishes, but so should her followers. If she didn't want to hear the opinions of those whose beliefs differ from her statement, she should have chosen a different forum. That is the whole point of social media, isn't it?

  • TMC says:

    What is very interesting is that if the woman had been told by her acquaintance that he preferred straight over natural hair, most in this forum would be in an uproar. And, I highly doubt anyone would criticize her decision to respond on a public forum. In fact, I'm quite sure it would be applauded. Since I don't believe in double standards, I see nothing wrong with her posting how she felt on FB.

    My personal opinion is that hair is an accessory, to be changed and worn as we individually see fit. For some, myself included, the decision to wear my hair in its natural state is just my preference at this moment; it has nothing to do with politics or taking a stance. I simply wanted to be able to swim on a vacation that I had planned and decided to transition on a whim. If I liked it, cool, if not, I could always relax, flat iron, etc. My point being that if this woman feels that she looks better with straight and blonde hair, more power to her. And FYI, she didn't say that kinky/textured hair was ugly; she simply stated that it wasn't for her.

    I think that as a people we overanalyze things entirely too much. Do I think straight hair looks good on people? Yes. Do I believe that statement qualifies me as "brainwashed"? No. Sometimes things are just what they are; no pycho armchair analysis required.

    There are so many important issues that need to be resolved within our community and natural hair doesn't make the list to me. As "powerful" as this natural hair movement is deemed to be, it has also created a huge and unnecessary division amongst us. Its just hair.

  • MsJisola says:

    At the end of the day it doesn't matter. It is not my hair, body, life, etc. Each person chooses his/her path in life and what works for one person doesn't always work for another. If you ask my opinion or for suggestions, I will give it but it doesn't mean you have to accept and take it. My thought process "DO YOU!"

  • Auset says:

    It's about all three: preference, privilege, and politics. "The personal is political." All our choices are political whether we are conscious of them or not, whether we care or not. It's also about male privilege because that particular man, like so many others, felt justified in making his preferences known even when they were irrelevant to the particular situation. I have heard of men feeling the need to let women they only know casually that they prefer women who don't wear makeup (while the woman is wearing full face), straight hair (while the woman is natural), or slim women (while the woman is thick), but who cares. If you are comfortable with your choices, that is all that matters. You have to live with yourself at the end of the day. But I still maintain, that all our choices have some political motivation, whether we are conscious of it or not.

  • Anonymous says:

    At end of the day, you gotta do you. Period.

  • Anonymous says:

    Who cares if she wants blonde hair its her own head core there's more to life then worrying about what colour hair someone has and if she likes it straight or not. i prefer having my hair dyed red instead of black because i prefer the colour not because i hate my dark brown hair, seriously most white people we see in the media with blonde hair have naturally a different colour anyway. leave the poor girl alone , i congratulate her for expressing what she likes.

  • naturally beautiful says:

    Maybe this guys meaning of the word natural had nothing to do with the texture of her hair. And more to do with the fact that black women do not naturally grow blond hair out of our scalps.Either way I think she over reacted. Who cares what anyone else thinks about your hair.It is yours to with as you please and if anyone does not like it that is their problem as long as you are happy.

  • Shan says:

    I agree with qubilah shabazz. As a black community, we are brainwashed whether people like this woman want to accept that fact or not. Getting a relaxer is almost a right of passage as a young black girl…it's just something you do (like getting your first bra or kissing a boy). Many of us never had the chance to love ourselves, specifically our hair, for what we are because for years we've been altering it as soon as we can. It's difficult to recognize internalized behavior and even more difficult to acknowledge when you're a victim of it.

  • Annabel says:

    Totally unrelated, but this episode of Desperate Housewives hit a nerve. Vanessa William's character got the afro style as her hair dresser's punishment for setting him up on a bad blind date. However one wears there hair is fine by me, but we have to stop perpetuating this myth that natural hair is something that needs to be fixed.

  • Habiba Kaba says:

    Well, it seems like "rights" are being discussed here a lot. Since it is a free country and all… I think everyone's rights should be able to be exercised, as long as they are not stepping on the rights of others…
    She has the right to do whatever she wants to her hair
    She has the right to share pictures and ideas with whoever she wants to via whatever means she wants to.
    He has the right to comment on it.
    She has the right to respond to that however she wants to.
    However…
    He does not have the right to forcibly make her change her hair
    She does not have the right to try to silence him from voicing his opinion…
    So, really, no one's rights were infringed… so what's the problem?
    Was that rude to say to her? well yes, maybe… thats it. it was just rude and he has the right to be as ugly as he wants to be without being slanderous or threatening.
    Was her bringing it to the attention of the rest of her friends in por taste? perhaps… however, it was kinda tacky, thats it.
    really.. thats it.
    Now about this political issue… i mean, who cares? well, obviously lots of people do… but how does it effect others directly.. is her security or insecurity or ambivalence going to feed, starve, fine or pay anyone else? negative… so whatever. Ive had to learn the HARD way that its unfair to impose your own ideals and expectations upon others and make assumptions on them based on their adherence or nonadherence to your personal ideals.
    So regardless of how much the opinions and choices of others may make u cringe or beam with pride, it doesnt have anything to directly do with you.
    If someone wants to walk around with some blue contacts blonde hair and skin damage from bleaching treatments and w/e else… so what..
    if someone wants to wear a kente cloth, an afro, and quote african poetry… so what…
    its their choice and its their right to exercise… similarly, you would have the right to say whatever u wanna say about it to them or not.. and they can take that information and react however they want without trampling over your rights to safety and w/e else.

    No one can make you feel any way that you dont choose to feel!

    So! I think she can do whatever she wants and he can say whatever he wants and whether she has some self hatred or a firm and realistic concept of her own identity, w/e its her choice and her life and it directly effects no one but her…
    Now, (and this is my personal opinion), these discussions about being brainwashed, imperialism/colonialism, identity, etc are all very fascinating, but SO very tiring! omg! its exhausting to me, because its like going around in a hamster wheel. if youve got your ideas and opinions together, good, now can be focus and discuss something that has a direct impact on the lives of others… like… i know identity can change the lives of others, but, feeling your roots isnt gonna get people fed or help us as citizen exercise our rights and flex our political muscles for justice and transparency. I think that if we as people of color (any color, cuz im sure, and hope, there is a diverse readership on this website) really want to move the country and our respective ethnic groups forward, lets focus on more pertinent political/social/ cultural issues like small business ownership (so many ladies are turning their home-made hair potions into fat paychecks), financial literacy, etc.

  • qubilah shabazz says:

    I don't agree that it is her preference. At some point, she's been trained to prefer hair that emulates hair of people of European descent. It's all about socialization. If many Black women were brought up with their natural hair and had natural hair women in their families I don't think such a "preference" would exist. Association breeds similarity… She might think she prefers straight blonde hair, but I think it has more to do with internalized racism. This can very well not be the case, but I just don't believe any Black person naturally prefers straight and blonde hair. That is taught.

  • Anonymous says:

    @ MrsDjRass White women are most def scrutinized for their hair choices. The blonde ideal is ripe in the white community. White women who choose to dye their hair are usually referred to as brainwashed or supporting the male gaze.
    No woman escapes scrutiny of her choices.

  • Deliliah Nonar says:

    I don't understand how people feel they have the right to tell you how to wear your hair or give you advice. its really no one's business.

  • Micheal says:

    I think this is just over thought out. Hair is hair. If it is your preference to wear it a certain way than that is fine and you do you.

  • Anonymous says:

    "I definitely prefer wearing my hair straight and blonde over wearing a huge, dark brown afro … It’s simply more flattering. Not a political or cultural statement. Simply a preference."

    I definitely prefer wearing my hair kinky curly and black over wearing stringy, blonde straight hair. It's simply more flattering. Not a political or cultural statement. Simply a preference.

  • Anonymous says:

    What's at stake here, I think is that you cant ever really take away the political connotations of wearing natural hair, and I think that has a lot to do with the fact that we call it "natural" hair. It is a term that left over from the Black is Beautiful campaign during the uprising of Black Power politics. "Natural" was born as a political term to signal one's affiliation on the side of black militancy, and so even as we wear our hair now, and especially because women (and men) who wear natural hair are in the minority, we are still working politically against a white dominated standard of beauty in which black women were never meant to fit.
    I told this to my mom one, and she said that she wore her natural hair because it was easy and not for any reason that is political, but I think that we have to realize that our hair speaks for us, and perhaps especially when we DON'T speak.

    And all THAT being said, I too am in the camp who identifies naturally as "not relaxed" because I feel like the transformation has to come from the individual first, which comes in the experience of wearing not relaxed hair.

  • Anonymous says:

    I PREFER LIGHT SKIN PEOPLE. ITS NOT POLITICAL BUT SIMPLY A PREFERENCE. …NOW ISN'T THAT JUST PURE IGNORANCE? I THINK SO! PREFERENCE MEANS THAT YOU PREFER SOMETHING OVER ANOTHER HOWEVER YOU DO NOT DISCRIMINATE ON THE OTHER THINGS. IF YOU PREFER STRAIGHT HAIR, THEN YOU WOULD NOT SAY THAT IT LOOKS BETTER BECAUSE THAT MAKES IT IGNORANT. IF I LIKE THE WAY A LIGHT SKIN PERSON LOOKS, BUT I SAY THAT IT LOOKS BETTER THAN DARK SKIN THEN THAT MAKES ME IGNORANT. THEN IT IS NOT A PERFERENCE. JUST PURE IGNORANCE.

  • curly869 says:

    She's nice to have responded to that guy. I'm so contrary that if someone who is not my friend told me that they prefer my hair a certain way I would be sure to do just the opposite. For some strange reason, random people seem to think that you should value their opinion of how you should wear your hair. My response to that is "If you don't like to see it don't look". After all, it's my head!!!

  • DYTG says:

    rock what you like.

  • Anonymous says:

    I agree with homeskillet and the anon that posted the comment referencing her grandmother's advice.

    Usually the part of us that becomes defensive after someone has made an accusation/criticism is the part of us that believes it to be true. Voicing her preference for wearing her hair straight and blonde on facebook seemed a bit extra- like she did it for attention, to create drama or to recieve some validation for her choice. I think deep down, her motives are more political than she would like to admit.

  • KJ says:

    We all have a preference, it's just a matter of voicing it or not. But just because someone voices their opinion doesn't mean it's the gospel. Just keep it moving. Don't let someone's opinion change your course.

  • Anonymous says:

    @MrsD the reason why white women don't get criticized about their hair that much is that they usually stick with styles that are close to their true texture. In other words, you don't see them walking around with kinky weaves…black women on the other hand tend to favor wigs/weaves that are not close to their natural texture.

  • Katrina A says:

    I'm all about a person doing whatever makes them happy. How she, our anyone, chooses to wear the hair on their head is not hurting me and it's really none of my business. Now when someone starts telling other people how they think they should wear their hair, then it becomes an issue for me.

  • Anonymous says:

    Having heard many folks take a "stance" over natural hair she can take one over blond.
    The armchair shrinks should give it a rest, it's her hair.

    Good for her (And remember to moisturizer the mane!).

  • hyspin says:

    @ Anon 5:01pm

    this the problem with reporting half a story. We don't know if said "dark brown afro" which means we don't know if she just responding to his comment or not. We should keep that as a consideration

  • Erin says:

    @ Anon 4:06

    Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like the status update came after the comments that led to the unfriending. The acquaintance said he was offended by (what he thought was) her "political" act and messaged her about it.

  • MrsDjRass says:

    She has the right to like what SHE likes and do what SHE wants to HER hair. White women don't have to defend why they dye their hair, perm it, cut it or spike it. Why does everything we do have to be over-analyzed? Sometimes we're our own worse enemy. We only live once… jeez.

  • Anonymous says:

    It's a woman's prerogative (sic) to wear/change her hair as she chooses. Whether others think she looks ridiculous or gorgeous.

  • Anonymous says:

    It sounds like this woman is looking for attention. She thought she would look cute with blond/straight hair and when her friend knocked her off her pedestal by pointing how ridiculous she probably looks, she became offended.
    And before jumping on me, trying to say that black women look 'natural' with straight blond hair is like trying to say white women look 'natural' with lip injections. Yes a few look good, but the rest just look a hot damn mess.

  • Anonymous says:

    When this "acquaintance" stated that he preferred more natural looking women, he was probably referring to black women that rock blonde hair because that is highly unnatural, however it looks good on some women and it is a personal choice.

    I don't understand why the girl had to bring a "dark brown afro" into the conversation. She could of just left it at her preference for straight multicolored hair.

  • hyspin says:

    Agree with Anonymous at 4:52 pm men have a way of being obnoxious about looks not realizing they not on the pedestal either.

    I think taking we are only seeing the response to his statement rather that what he initially said to prompt her to post her comment it hard to see whether she being smug back or just trying to teach him that she like the way she looks regardless of his perception.

  • Anonymous says:

    My boyfriend is like this he always make comments like "relaxed was invented so you wouldn't wear your hair like that", " r your flat idk.s broke", you don't see our neighbor wearing her hair like that (she's white btw). He has dreads and forgets I dealt with him and his "ugly" phase. He always holds up a pic of my fro and a pic of when my hair was straight……..pisses me off EVERY MORNING…..by the way I'm 18 months in and LOVING IT!

  • Anonymous says:

    Really? Life is too good and too short to waste a moment trying to figure out someone's motives. At the end of it all, is it really important? Do you as you see fit Boo Boo!

  • phoenixa says:

    I think whats important is are you comfortable with how you look? If yes then screw whoever has anything bad to say….And I know I shouldn't but I gaged everyone who had something bad to say as an unimportant factor and dropped them like a hot potatoe, because if they can't even support my looks they won't support me where it counts the most.

  • Dandelion says:

    I'd say it's preference. I have a friend who says he preferred my hair when it was straight. Do I care? No. His preference doesn't affect my preference. And this is a guy who dyes his hair all sorts of colors. Everyone has their own preference, and that is mainly up to the individual. Whether or not someone else prefers something should not have any affect on you at all. I don't see how something such as hair has any reflection on one's psychological mindset.

  • phoenixa says:

    Like with everything else I think people are simply just used to what the see everyday. And people are different with what they see, for instance some are scared to look outside the box,some people fear change, some fear it so much they voice it hoping to change it back to what they are used to. My uncle had first told me why did you do that to your hair its ugly, your hair is USUALLY long. So I said its downstairs you want it?

  • Anonymous says:

    "Did the explanation that prompted the statement change your initial, visceral reaction to it?"
    So automatically it is assumed that our reaction would be visceral?

    By the way, maybe if Vanessa was smiling in her fake hair afro picture, it wouldn't look as bad. Maybe not a great idea to use her as an example because she does not have afro textured hair anyway.

  • Anonymous says:

    I think that if people switch blond and straight with curly and afro the statement wouldn't seem as harsh as some people are perceiving it to be.

    So it all in the way you view words that you put personal perception on. Like when people change the protagonist from her to him you notice that people view the event that occurred and word said in a whole different context.

    I think people should try that first before view the statement as harsh.

  • JackieC says:

    Everyone is entitled to their opinion and should be able to share it. What we all have to work on is not putting so much stock in other people's opinions. We should be able to have our preferences and do what we want. If someone comes along to pass on their two cents, whether it's positive or negative, it really shouldn't have an affect either way on us.

  • Anonymous says:

    Y'all leave Shelli's friend alone! (OMG I sound like chriscrocker).

    Is it truly a guy thing? Is it even an assimilation thing? I don't think it's either of those things or that deep…

    Shelli's friend said she thinks straight blonde hair is more flattering on her. Well, if "flattering" means you stand out from the crowd, turn heads, and accent your natural features, let her get her flattering on, y'all.

    I'm with #teamdoyouboo on this one! LOL!

    I think she was upset that someone threw shade on her and alleged she looked un-natural.

    Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. One man's drink is another man's poison. Hello!

    If Shelli's friend promotes a causasian style and those beliefs to the public, you'd better believe the public is gonna throw it back at her face. 'Cause make no mistake, everyone in the YouTube public isn't a member of #teamdoyouboo…

    Shelli's friend could've tactfully stated her preference for straight blond without comparing it to the "huge, dark brown afro".

    Hmmmm, unless, like the others insinuated, she wanted to set off a firestorm of hits to her site…Y'all feel free to ruminate on that one.

    I'm out. Peace!

  • Anonymous says:

    If this was a complete random dude I would say ok he was out of pocket! But they were appearantly speaking to each other! And while he came off rude and insensative. She put herself out there by posting it on FB. Also, in they ways that she stated her preference.

  • Ayisha B says:

    So, the only person who gets to comment on how much he likes or dislikes my hair is my husband. And even he only gets a slight pause of consideration from me before I let him know that this is my hair and I do not tell him how to style his hair. Someone who has no meaning to your life should not be able to comment, especially when the comment is unsolicited. let me add that I think FaceBook is the devil. People need to become a part of civilization again and stop being drones.

  • Anonymous says:

    I don't understand the big deal with someone telling you that they prefer your hair a different way … it's not like they can force you to wear your hair differently all you have to say is that you respect their opinion but feel differently.

  • Erin says:

    It's a little from column A and a little from column B. I believe that grown women can do whatever they want with their hair, but it is kind of a joke when the connection between European beauty standards and the history of black Americans is outright rejected or downplayed as "just" a preference, as if it's no different than choosing Coke over Pepsi. I'm sure millions of ladies straighten without ever thinking about this, but that doesn't mean it's not there.

    I do have opinions about natural hair and self-acceptance, but I also understand that they are not guidelines that the rest of the world has to follow. I would never dream of telling another woman what to do with her hair; I don't speak for any scalps but my own. So when this random-ass dude thinks it's his business to come out of pocket and tell a woman what he thinks she should do to her body so she can remain/become appealing to HIM, a Facebook acquaintance, that's male privilege, plain and simple. Homeboy needs to sit his ass down.

  • Anonymous says:

    She definately made a STRONG preference statement with her statement! No down playing please!

    She could have avoided being offended if she would have rearranged her words a little bit.

    " I prefer wearing my hair long, straight, and blond, as apposed to wearing it in a natural afro state. I just think it's more flattering on me". NOT A POLITIAL OR CULTURAL STATEMENT! Just my preference, don't mean to offend anyone. That's the same opinion with out that "disgusted" undertone in it!

    Saying that long, straight, blond hair is "simply more flattering" is a generalization! She's coming off like she's stating a fact and she's not!lol

    I wish I could show her picture's of some of the BEAUTIFUL Ethiopian natural curlies I know!:)

  • tinabobina says:

    Honestly, the issue of guys thinking they can tell women whatever–especially when they are not dating–is what irks me most. Maybe I should just start going on men's facebook pages and start telling all the guys with facial hair that I prefer a man with no facial hair…see if they unfriend me.

  • Anonymous says:

    I tend to be very skeptical of people and doubt their ability to accurately define their own motives… so I lean toward the idea that though she may "think" she prefers her hair straight and blond, she's just too brainwashed to realize she's just brainwashed. I'll go one step further and say, I bet she looks 100% better with the big dark fro!
    =D love yourselves ladies. just the way you were made.

  • Asia says:

    I understand why she did it. Guys think we wake up and live our lives to impress them! No, no, hell no! It pisses me off, you're nobody and I couldn't careless what you like and by you randomly messaging me to tell me that you DON'T like my hair takes a lot of nerve! I would've done the same thing.

  • Unknown says:

    If he had stated that he liked her hair the way it is, no, it would not have been an issue. Simply because if he had said he liked it he didn't come at her in a negative way. The fact that he came out and said something negative about her apperance made it an issue for her. Just as some naturals get offended when someone calls natural hair nappy or ugly. She STRESSED the point that she likes HER hair the way it is. She said nothing negative about having a huge brown Afro. Same as saying I prefer my hair in a puff over a twist out.

  • Anonymous says:

    I don't think that the man who stated his preference had a "nerve" to do that. What was wrong with him doing that when she put "her preference" on a public site? Which is the purpose of communication, what eva that is.

    She had to know, that people would respond to such a statement. He said he prefered a more "natural looking women". Was he wrong for stating what he like's more? and besides, he was an acquaintance of hers. I guess he's not allowed to have a preference like she does.

    Why did she get so angry about his statement? Could it be that she thought or thinks that she "looks more flattering" in her "long straight blond hair". And that no one could prefer a more natural look and find it more attractive? Just something to think about! She better ask somebody!

  • Anonymous says:

    Brownish blonde i can see, platinum blonde umm noooo! Shenaynay Jenkins is long gone.

  • Anonymous says:

    If she likes her hair straight & blonde so be it. There's just too much else going on in the world to worry about how someone wants to wear their hair. And who cares what some guy thinks anyway, especially if you're not even dating?

  • Anonymous says:

    I hear you LOUD AND CLEAR homeskillette! While, everyone should have a right to exercise their preference. This girl was DEFINATELY making a point to STRESS how much she likes "Striaght Blond Hair" no doubt(lol) over Huge Brown Afro's!

    ok, we get that you def love your straight and blond hair…but, did you have to stress it like that? I don't think so. What is wrong with a "Huge dark brown afro"? Would it have made a difference if the afro was blond? and how is it "simply more flattering" is that a fact or just your opinion?!

    anyhow, like homeskillette, I don't think it would have been an issue if he had agreed with her preference! Her response was OVER KILL!

  • Anonymous says:

    My grandmother always taught me that the truth hurts and nothing no one can say to you will ever offend you unless it is the truth or triggers something emotional in you. If she truly chooses to wear her hair the way she does out of preference then so be it but if she became angry at his statement because of a personal insecurity then the first step is admitting that is indeed what it is so she can move on.

  • UniquelyNatural says:

    Sometimes I get all "Black Panther Movement" on folks & try to convince them that they should wear their hair how it grows out of their head. For me, it was self-accepting and NOT political. We do, however, have to realize that we as a people have been brainwashed to believe that European standards of beauty are paramount to ours. This includes our men. There have been countless times when guys have told me that they only like girls with long straight hair. This preference has been deeply engrained in them since childhood. It may take a great deal of effort to change their minds.

    Now, I’ve decided that women should wear their hair however they want. My only problem is when people show distain or disgust towards natural hair. One immature boy posted on facebook that he thinks natural hair is “Nappy & makes black women look like slaves.” I was enraged. It’s that kind of ignorance that upsets me. I’ve learned that you cannot please everybody & you have to do what is best for you. Ignore the haters that wish they had the confidence to rock the natural as well as you do!!! If one man does not find you & your hair attractive, remember that there are lots of other men out there that will love you for it.

  • Anonymous says:

    So agree with homeskillette. Eloquenty said Can. This chick is trying too hard and doing the most.

  • Can says:

    Team "Do You" over here. I like to wear my hair in its natural state; I press it out once a year. Some people try and make a statement with their apperance, I just like natural hair. If I saw a chick wearing blond natural hair the first thing that I would say is "I hope she is moisturizing and sealing properly". If there is a deep dark self hatred they are hiding behind the blond then so be it. Hopefully they can get some acceptance. I think when you are comfortable in your own skin, which is the core, then changing ones appereance is mearly on the surface. Doesn't change who you really are.

  • homeskillette says:

    Normally i don't care how anyone chooses to wear their hair and i'm not really the super sensitive type, but the fact that she felt the need to respond over facebook even after having unfriended the dude sounds like she IS taking a stance. And i have some doubts that she would have had a problem if he had said to her "i love it when you wear your hair blonde and straight".
    I just think that maybe SHE thinks she isn't taking a political stance, but if that was the case, just unfriend him and be done with it. But to make that statement on facebook (not to mention the subtlies on connotation of "huge dark brown afro") just seems like a person trying too hard to get people to care that she doesn't care what they think.

  • Anonymous says:

    I agree with babyu21,
    why is there always so much CONTROVERSY when someone want's to do something "different" with their "own" hair! I have a question…why does this almost always apply to natural's? No one questions when a relaxed person changes their style. Or someone from another race "adds hair, extension, etc. to their hair!

    What about changing up on the foods you eat (healthier choices)instead of fried food? are you selling out on the grease? The clothes you wear (more exspensive or not)? are you acting or dressing like your high-class, hippy, white?

    Does it mean you hate the way black people dress or you don't dive into some fried food sometimes? No, none of the above! People need to STOP with all the nonsense! To each their own, and do you boo! as NIkki would say! lol

  • babyu21 says:

    I love my hair, hair boards and everything hair related but lately folks have been taking it a little to serious. As women we change our minds often and what we like can vary day to day. It doesn't always have to be some deep seeded issue or hate. Just a personal choice for the moment. It seems like we are running out of topics and reaching for small things to make issues out of just to have conversation.

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