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Curly Nikki

(Ages 18+) No Commitment. No Cutty.

By January 27th, 202178 Comments
via AroundtheWayCurls 
 

(Ages 18+) No Commitment. No Cutty.
I, Antoinette Henry am tired of men not being held to certain standards. My friend and 
somewhat ex recently told me that women are ones that hold this world together and that the standards we set for everyone around us are the standards they will live up to! We are the world’s integrity and conscience. It is our job to make sure Earth always has a beating heart. He went on to say and I quote:
“Women need to collectively decide that men who: are not consistent, not reliable have no plan for the relationship and show their ass in the street (literally and figuratively) GET. NO. ASS. Women always say “Yes” and that’s the problem.”
I
couldn’t agree more! We need to wake up and understand that we run
this. I hate to say it but wars were started over women and all that we
posses. Ladies, we are precious! We cultivate, families and land and
civilization. Yes, the men are Kings but they were born and raised buy a
Queen. We are gold. We need to know it! And when we know it, our men
will as well.  In the words of the philosopher Drake – “P*ssy runs everything, so eff that noise.”
(P.S. I’m sorry if I offend anyone with the language in this post but it’s provocative and gets the people going.)

Join Our “No Care/No Commitment, No Cutty Campaign.”  Bring Back The Gentlemen and the Lady!

Join the Campaign. Spread the word.

M.O.B.
Morals. Over. Bullshit. 

WHAT ARE YOUR STANDARDS?

78 Comments

  • Dani says:

    Hey ladies, i am married now for 7 years, but at one time I spent many sad nights (after fun filled nights) alone and wondering why doesnt he love me? It would be ambitious to say it's because I gave it up quick, but in reality nothing is that cut and dry. Since we live in a society where so many are doing it, sex becomes more of a PART of the package of whether you want to be with the guy or the guy wants to be with you. Just because you gave it up, doesnt mean he is any more likely or any less likely to be with you. These things are usually identifiable BEFORE you even sleep with the guy. If he is unreliable before you got down, what would make you think he will suddenly be reliable after you do? If he calls when he feels like it and don't take you out, why would he suddenly start. I had a friendship if you will with a guy who had all this emotional baggage, and when we slept together, it was apparent that I was the fun loving happy person and he was the brooding, sad and depressed one, and being in a relationship with him would have been a strain. I really liked this guy and wonder what happened but just imagine if he and i had stayed together I would have ended up always trying to make HIM feel good about himself, sex or not! I have dated guys that i KNEW i didnt want to be with, we were friends who appeared to be boyfriend and girlfriend, but actually just were doing the dew (as i liked to call it) and going places, but there was no committment and I didnt want it. and then of course there was the one i used to tell myself I should have married. the unreliable one, the one i held out on sex for as long as i could. And when we did do it he REMAINED unreliable so the amount of time between "cutty" and no cutty made no difference, he was who he was and unfortunately I was smitten. My DH and i did the do the within 24 hours of our first date, which ironically was me going to his sister's Quinceneara (yes I am African American and he is PR), while there he introduced me to his family as his future wife (i actually knew him from childhood, but only knew one side of his family) so he and i getting busy was so natural that it was like no issue. We are married now for 7 years, have a 5 year old girl and are expecting a son now. So what does my story prove? YOU WILL ALREADY KNOW!!! SO IF YOU DO IT, DO IT BECAUSE YOU WANT TO and KEEP IN MIND WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET.

  • watkinsabob says:

    preach!

  • Unknown says:

    so true ladies

  • Anonymous says:

    Why do men always want to put the burden of society upon our shoulders. Sometimes we are just to weak to bear it. Men need to set their own moral standards and not be immature, needing a woman to show you the way. Where are the strong men?

  • Nikita Valencia says:

    Someone has to take the first step why not it e us!?!?!? I can't believe how many women are on here arguing against women giving their hearts and bodies to the typical "loser" guy. This article CLEARLY spoke about:" men who: are not consistent, not reliable have no plan for the relationship and show their ass in the street" Yet so many want to be with this type of man and apparently feel that others should do the same!!

  • Elisabeth says:

    Successful relationships aren't built on sex. They're built on mutual respect, love and understanding.

    While I think these ladies have a nice talking point, I think they're missing the deeper issues at stake here. Our society has come to view sex far too casually and that isn't JUST women's fault. This conversation isn't complete until men are involved as well and we come to terms with why it is so acceptable to treat women in a certain way and why men aren't held accountable for their own actions. The line of thinking in this video is dangerous though in that it can essentially absolve men of any responsibility they have in relationships to respect their partner.

  • Anonymous says:

    @anon 3:38 your right, there is nothing stopping a guy from dumping you whether you wait or not.

    But I truely beleave like some have mentioned that it comes down to the person. The way they were raised, their beliefs, how they personally feel about a specific person, etc.

    You can have a couple together for 10 years, the guy never marries the women. Break up, meet another women and get's married in 2 months. Why didnt he marry the women of ten years? May he really didn't love her, she wasn't the one for him…who knows. But that's just how it is sometimes!

    While I do feel like you can't determine who will really commit to you, not cheat, leave you, what eva. I will still hold to a certain amount of standards regardless. Because even if I thought it would go some where and it didnt. You best believe that home boy is RESPECTING THIS SISTA!!!

  • Anonymous says:

    Whats to stop a man from dropping you like a hot potato after the "commitment" and waiting X months? Nothing.

    Whats to stop a man from cheating on you right after your holy wedding? Nothing.

    The girl that waits can get hurt and used just as the girl that cuts after the first date. I have male friends who have told me that they were with girls for months, commited to her and finally slept with her and it was wack. He didnt want to "commit" to poor bedroom activities, so he moved on.

    Stop plotting on people and remember whats important LOVE and when ur dealing with love anyone can get hurt.

  • Anonymous says:

    I also subscribe to this philosophy! However, with that said, there are different events that can happen in a persons life. And people sometimes act out in ways that they NORMALLY would NOT.

    I know for me that was the case! My standards are in place and I demand respect, but after a REALLY BAD relationship! All I wanted was my FREEDOM again!!! This man had mentally abused me and basically held me hostage. Once I got away, I was AFRAID to get close to a guy again for a WHILE!

    I DID NOT WANT A COMMITMENT! I kept it casual for a while. But keep in mind this ONLY WORKED FOR WHILE! Once I got back on track, I realized that "casual sex" and non-commitment was NOT FOR ME! I even have the same guy callin me…thinking that we can just hook up!ugh!!!and it reminded me of how much I regretted lowering my standards like that.

    But even with that said, let's not "judge" people for their actions. Because you don't always know what a person had gone through.

    At last, I'm very happy to report that I "Finally" have a guy at the moment who is on the same page as me! And we are talking about marriage! I'm crossing my fingers that it all works out!:)

  • Anonymous says:

    I'm anonymous “ 1:24 AM, exactly chardae if you subscribe to this philosohpy its fine, also I wasnt trying to say I don't believe in self-respect, I just don't think shaming other women for their choices is admirable. Different strokes for different folks, some people can be casual about it and some cannot and just because you and I can't it doesn't mean other people are “ruining” the game for us or even worse “garden tools”. But that's just my two cents.

  • Unknown says:

    Everyone is entitled to live life however they choose. But I personally subscribe to this philosophy. I know what I'm worth…why should I share it with someone who doesn't deserve it? My standards aren't too high, and I'd rather sleep by myself and wait it out for a special guy. I can't separate intimacy from feelings, and have no intention of trying to.

  • Tiffany B. says:

    I personally don't think it- the MOB campaign – will work because everyone is so different, but if a woman holds herself to a certain standard it will work for her. Because of the world we live in there will always be male and female "garden tools", but it's about being a good person inside who the right man will be attracted to you. A real man would have no issue with standards.

  • Anonymous says:

    Huh. I find this a bit preachy. All men and women are not made the same, we have different beliefs, interests, strengths and weaknesses. Sex is a part of the human experience for both women and men. Holding all women accountable to men's actions in this day and age is ridiculous. There are lots of women who will “sleep around” out of lack of self respect or self confidence, just as there are many others who enjoy sex just as much as they respect their bodies. Bodies aren't prizes a whole human being is a prize, therefore expecting all women as individuals to hold the same set of morals when it comes to sex is ridiculous, people can find self respect in any way they want, not just the way I happened to find it. You can have value and integrity and still be a “loose girl”, you can also have value and integrity in choosing celibacy. Sex and self respect shouldn't be mutually exclusive.

    Frankly I'm sick of women not seeing beyond their own personal experience, what is best for you isn't always what is best for others, and therein lies the beauty of human beings andindividuality.

  • April says:

    I completely agree with this post. You have to demand respect and go after what you want with a passion. If you want to meet a man who will respect you and treat you how you want to be treated you can't let the bullshit pass. You can't settle for less and then complain about it. Whatever it is that you want, whether it be a casual open relationship, or an exclusive one where he or she is as equally committed as you, you have to go for it and not stand behind your standards firmly.

    I don't think this post is giving men a pass for being cheaters or abusers, I think it's asking women to stand up for themselves and find their value and worth. I can't knock someone for treating me wrongly if I don't stand up for myself or have the sense to leave a bad relationship and search for what I want and feel I deserve.

  • Rachel says:

    "theMsDrake" wrote: 'I totally concur. Men having been running around crazy because we Women haven't been who we are as Ladies.'

    The above is absolutely ridiculous. Are you seriously giving men a pass for treating women in a disrespectful manner because … we as women have "let them"?? Last I checked, they were born with the same brain, the same critical thinking abilities, the same conscience that we were. But when they are wrong – it's OUR fault? When did they become incapable of handling themselves like mature adults?

    Here's an idea: why don't we hold men to an equally stringent standard? Just as women shouldn't be having sex freely, men shouldn't either. Let's encourage our sons and brothers and male friends to not relentlessly pursue sex in lieu of relationships or treat women as conquests to be taken. Why not get upset at the factors that make society (and our culture in particular) SO misogynistic and devaluing of women? Of all you who jumped right on board with this – how many also bumped Weezy "I Wish I Could F*ck Every girl in the World" & bought that album? Sing "If you a bad b*tch lemme hear you holla"?

    It takes two adults to have sex. One suddenly becoming responsible will frankly not have much of an affect. Extend this conversation to INCLUDE men, and then you'll have a widespread change. Address the root issue of WHY men feel its okay to not commit to a woman and then you'll begin to have real relationships. Otherwise, you're merely treating men as pawns instead of thinking humans capable of loving you.

  • Anonymous says:

    Anon 7:14pm
    Sometimes a friend needs to hear the truth. True friendship involves telling the truth, even when that truth is not pleasant. The words may be coarse (i.e trifling heifers), but sometimes coarse words are needed. Unfortunately, there ARE some of us who act like trifling heifers. That is the simple truth of the matter. Ugly, yes, but true.

    We can only be responsible for our own actions, not those of others.

  • JaBari Muhammad says:

    FROM A BLACK MANS POINT OF VIEW I BELIEVE WHAT IS BEING TAKING PLACE HERE IS A BEAUTIFUL THING PLEASE CONTINUE TO BLESS EVERY MIND HEART AN SOUL WITH YOUR WORDS AN ACTIONS I BACK YOU SISTERS 100%

  • Sophie says:

    This is a good topic! My standard is what a few other people on here have stated: that he gets nothing but emotional and spiritual loving until real commitment (which I define as marriage). I'm an emotional person, and I know it would be impossible for me to take the physical without the emotional. Plus, I'm a recent college grad, moving on up in my career, and eyeing an advanced degree, and these opportunities are precious to me… too precious to risk derailing with all kinds of drama with a guy. I've handed too many tissues to brokenhearted girlfriends who thought they could handle "no strings attached" but found themselves feeling rejected when it was over to think that it's as simple as some people make it out to be. I'm a Christian too, and I think sexuality is a gift and a natural urge, so I think it should be respected and protected. Both people need to *earn* the other person by showing respect and loyalty.

  • Anonymous says:

    Although I would love for this to work, a lot of women have got this idea of running around like a man and trying to compete with them. Yes, we have more powerful than we think, and men are slaves to the you-know-what, but that power will never be discovered at this rate. This generation of women want to be like men, so they are going to have sex like men do.

  • Anonymous says:

    As a regular Curly Nikki reader I’m happy to have the opportunity to share my point of view on this topic. I personally cannot identify with the type of men mentioned in this post because the man in my life does not embody any of the characteristics described. I know what type of man she’s referring to, but the reason why my husband and the male friends that we have are not like this is because they are in love with Jesus Christ. These men’s hearts have been captured by God, and they have a REAL relationship with Him. Thus, they are not chasing tale (even when thrown at them), they live their lives by a high standard, they are leaders in their community, teachers of the next generation, and they are holding it down!!

    They are not doing this to show off, get props, or gain attention, but simply because they are believers in Christ and The Bible, and they want to please God. I wish you all could experience men like the ones I’m describing, but sadly many won’t because the lifestyle that I’m referring to isn’t appealing in our culture. Only those that have eyes to see, ears to hear, and a heart to understand will heed the message of Christ.

    My heart breaks to see countless women unhappy with life and the men in their lives, run to the solutions that this world provides only to mask the real darkness inside. This campaign is one of those solutions that simply won’t work. The only solution for these men (and all of us for that matter) is to humbly seek the God that made us, confess that we have sinned, ask for His forgiveness and help, and walk according to His instructions in scripture (Acts 17:30-31).
    That’s what turned my husband from one of those “losers” into the man He is today, it was NOTHING that I did.

    p.s. p*ssy does not run everything, God does!!

  • mstiffrs says:

    Abstinence has been my motto my entire life and it's paid off in [minimal] drama and heartbreak!

  • Anonymous says:

    More importantly than setting standards and boundaries with our men is for us to treat our fellow woman as a friend and not as an an enemy. We keep trying to change the world individually–it won't work. I can't completely agree with this post about wanting men to treat us better while also reading the comments and what not that say "trifling heifer" or "loose women" or whatever is said in that manner. Until we treat each other as loving sisters, men will always find this divide and they will most certainly conquer.

  • Anonymous says:

    YES! YES! YES! FINALLY someone has spoken out on this!! "NO COMMITMENT NO CUTTY"!! Count me in!!

  • Anonymous says:

    Christian values and commandments are like a tall fence. It does not keep us locked in, but instead keeps all the foolishness and mayhem locked out. Abba Father wants the best for us, and this is how we get it.

    That said, we sometimes are worried about "losing" him to someone else, or we want to experience the higher levels of intamacy and ecstacy. That's all well and good, but what if you've chosen the wrong man to share this with? If he gives you an STD, if he lies to you, if he does the old "pump-and-dump", if he gets cold feet but strings you along. You get the picture.

    We mess up by giving men "the Wifey Experience". Any quick Google search will show that having a wife is a gift from God. Not everyone is deserving of the "Wifey Experience".

    I talk from experience. I have 'rolled out the red carpet" for guys and they accepted it gladly and still kept moving.

    Cooking, giving cash, cloting, cutty and being(arm)candy will NEVER BE ENOUGH if the man is not interested in spending the rest of his life with you.

  • Anonymous says:

    when did drake become a philosopher lol

  • Anonymous says:

    Number 1: Don't "pursue" the man. If one continues to pursue the man, one will continue to have numerous, meaningless relationships. The man must pursue you, so the woman (or lady 🙂 ) can see where his interests REALLY lie. And in this pursuit, make sure he's for real, and that requires time. Don't give up the cookie so quickly (for those who do). Holding men to a standard is a huge part, but there are other factors as well.

    Still, I agree with much that these ladies are advocating.
    -Jessica

  • Anonymous says:

    As a happy lady in a wonderful committed relationship, I totally agree with this post and preach it to my single friends. HOWEVER, there are a small minority of women who I have come across (and at one occasion in my single life), who don't want a commitment, don't want a man, but just want a good F***! Maybe just one time. While women are more likely to catch feelings in supposedly casual sex, there are women who don't want a commitment. On one occasion, I have been the women who wanted it to be casual while the guy I was seeing wanted to be my man. While I don't promote casual sex, sometimes all you need is (safe) good sex! lol

  • Anonymous says:

    You ladies are sooo right. If only it were that simple.

    Unfortunately, there are women (girls, actually) who have such low self-esteem that they make themselves readily available to the same men who the rest of us are trying to hold accountable. Many of said men deal with these low-life, trifling heifers rather than 'do the work' it takes to be a powerful, respected force in his own right and becoming capable and desirous of being with a strong, capable woman.

    This makes it next to impossible to elevate a man (boy, actually) to gentleman status. A male was raised to be a gentleman or he wasn't. He has to have the personal desire to be one or have it imprinted in his DNA (preferably both). SOME MALES JUST DO NOT WANT TO AND NEVER WILL be gentlemen.

    IMHO, unless a man WANTS to do better and be better, he won't- even in the face of being denied goodies and all. With our communities looking the way they look, I am surprised that the male ego alone hasn't encouraged males to do better. I am all in support of being helpful to any PERSON who wants to live a positive, self-actualized existence, but I choose to select ONE man (a real one ) to have an adult relationship with . Life is too short. I do not want to be a mother to my man. Instead, I have always insisted on having a mutually beneficial, supportive and loving relationship on EQUAL ground.
    If we can't meet each others standards up front, we don't need to be together. As far as I am concerned, any coddling, education in self-respect, etc. is reserved for children and young adults who are just learning their way in the world.

    In other words, the apron strings that many women have attached to their men need to be cut!

  • theMsDrake says:

    I totally concur. Men having been running around crazy because we Women haven't been who we are as Ladies. I've been celibate for a couple of years now, and have been able to focus my Time & Energy on more important things like starting a new concept company with my bestie! I know that Im attracting the kind of man I desire because Im respecting myself, and that is something his spirt will be able to recognize. Excuse my french ladies, but no f#cking for me until I've met el Uno and he's placed that form of commitment on my left hand. Peace. Love. #TeamLady

  • Kayla =] says:

    Fully agree with LuvLayci. Taking away sex from men means that all I had to offer them in the first place was my body, and that's certainly not true. I totally understand the concept/idea and agree, but I don't agree with the method…just a personal thought.

  • Lillian says:

    This was a great post and so true! Even in a two-parent home, etc it is still so easy for girls and women to struggle with low-self esteem and turn to guys/sex for that validation. I completely agree that everyone women and men deserve the best a committed married relationship!

  • Layci says:

    I'm not sure how I feel about this. Yes, we should all hold ourselves to certain standards, but I will not promise that I won't have sex outside of a relationship. I'm not saying that men shouldn't treat women with respect. They should respect us because we're people. We shouldn't have to earn their respect by not having sex with them until they commit to us. That's my opinion anyway.

  • Anonymous says:

    Another common sense post…. (Yawn)

  • Anonymous says:

    lol at the people who are saying things like, "you should've been doing that" or "is this the first time?"
    All I have to say to that is "Lauryn is only human, don't think I haven't been through the same predicament"
    So quick to judge eachother as if we don't learn lessons at different times in our lives or as if we afforded the same opportunities as eachother like having a 2 parent home or a strong male figure in our lives or any factor that would make one hold this near and dear to their heart.

    With that being said, GREAT POST LADIES!

  • Anonymous says:

    One answer to this…And to dig it you'll need to be strong: Check out Rae Lewis Thornton's blog. Yes, The Aids Diva.
    And I think its time for her to have an interview on Curly Nikki. There is nothing new about this subject except now: Sex can be a life or death experience…and who knows and communicates it hard than Rae Lewis Thornton. She's the real deal. She doesn't sugar coat a thing…You know what I mean.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Seriously?! said…

    I was thinking the same thing and to be honest, I was like why is this video here. Women should expect nothing but respect from any a man – boyfriend, family, friend, a stranger. And if a woman does not act in a respectful manner, then why would a man respect her. It's the reality of the matter, and nothing more. And this concept has been around since the human race, so it is not new, and a movie shouldn't be a wake-up call.

    Also, I read "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man." It's a good book, but people also need to be aware that Steve Harvey is on his 3rd marriage because HE cheated on his previous two wives. So acting like a lady still means that you may be cheated on. (Note: I love Steve Harvey's comedy and the Steve Harvey Show, but I don't really agree with his personal life.)

  • mimi says:

    i'm 18 and i'm saving myself for marriage (i'm a christian) and i think its nice to see that other people are 2

  • Unknown says:

    Yes, most definitely agree!

  • Anonymous says:

    This is a good message, however, the majority of the worlds wars were not started because of women or motivated by pu$$y. Greed is/was the primary motivator of conflict. And if women (globally) really ran ish, so many of us wouldn't be at the mercy of men, physically and economically.

  • Niqui36 says:

    Totally agree!

  • Seriously?! says:

    ( ROLLING EYES!!) I am baffled that Steve Harvey's book/movie has caused this "revoultion". REALLY?!? This is the first time anybody has ever advised you not to sleep with somebody on the first night ( no matter how much "chemistry) and not to share your bodies with every guy that buys you dinner,takes you to a movie, or likes your picture on FB??!?!?! Really women? An all-star cast is what it took to hit this message home. NOBODY has ever mentioned this to you before? Oh please.

    Anonymous 9:58- well said

  • Ms Au'natural says:

    Kudos to whoever this MAN is !!! If a man complains that I want out of a MAN is too much & I'm not referring to material thingss either, then that's a tale tale sign that my cookie jar stays shut!! Women need to know their VALUES, we are PRICELESS. Stop giving in just to be pleased, for that moment of "satisfaction" , we can satisfy ourselves in that case & still keep our dignity!! I was celibate before & I'm back on that path again!!

  • Anonymous says:

    I think it's great that they want this for themselves, but I thought it was preachy. Maybe it's because I'm young, but I feel like as long as you're comfortable and happy, who cares if you are with X,Y, and Z person.

  • Anonymous says:

    I absolutely agree. Its a long winding road, before you know it you're caught up in a struggle to keep your man at the price of your integrity. So women who are find themselves there, reflect and look back to how you got there and alas change your behavior (it does not have to be an outright change but by tweaking and modifying certain habits you make a big difference. As for those who may feel the need to compromise a part of themselves for the sake of the relationship-it doesn't have to be cutty (remember everything starts small and grows from there)check yourself! and see if it is worth it for that moment and possible consequences down the road.
    I believe that noone will love you as much as you love yourself- thus learn to love you first and know who you are before looking outward to search for love (love-and other values you place upon yourself, will find you once you love yourself first).
    Hotep!

  • Micheal says:

    Our standards should be set high!! I wish I would have waited on a lot of things, but I found Jesus late in life and am trying to do right by him NOW!!! The problem is getting men to pray and agree along side us.

  • Anonymous says:

    How about no ringy, no dingy?! I personally believe that sex AFTER marriage is the way to go, and yes, it is possible!

  • Anonymous says:

    I totally Agree with Patrice! and in addition to that …"We run this"…hmmmm…and then we complain when a man is not a man, doesn't pay his bills, doesn't have work ethic, doesn't do things just do them w/out a reward, and isn't motivated…I am a very strong woman(will always be one)…but I don't want to live my life giving/not giving my man the proper treat for him to consider "behaving" himself…such a shame that women have settled for this way of life.

  • BnNappy - Chocolate Hair Affair says:

    Mine isn't so much a standard for men, as it is a commitment to God and myself… NO marriage, no Cutty. I am celibate… some days are easier than others… but I know that God is worth it, I'm worth it, and my future husband deserves it. I'm not knocking any one… but I'm down for the cause. My campaign is Saving myself for Marriage… who's with me!? lol

  • Toni says:

    Here Here !!!!

  • Anonymous says:

    Interesting Post. I agree with some of the things mentioned, however, I feel as though it should work both ways. Each individual should have their own set of standards.

    Ashley L.

  • Anonymous says:

    I love these women. This is so true. Ladies, no matter how good it is, if he doesn't truly want and care for you, or is ready for a real relationship, he isn't going to commit. You could look like Halle Berry and it could have a cape with an S hanging from it and he still won't do it…NO CUTTY.

  • Patrice E. says:

    The problem with men and women is sin and a desperate need for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Outside of the Gospel, this whole movement is nothing more than behavior modification. Pray for our men and their hearts and their desire to glorify God and honor the women in their lives.

  • Anonymous says:

    Women have started to act like men. I personally believe strongly in gender roles but women that try to be ladies always get beat out by the women with loose morals. I'm one of those that just gets passed over because I'm not compromising myself but with all this chatter of a "lack of good men" it seems women are desperate for anyone that shows them attention at all so they go out of their way to keep these dudes. The lack of ladies turns even the nice guys away from girls that try to do the right thing becuase it's more effort than they deem necessary. I think we're out numbered ladies. You can't beat them so either join them or understand that you may be single for quite some time.

  • Anonymous says:

    Grr. I have mixed feelings about this. Yes, I do think women should have standards. Shoot I have standards (I am a woman). However, the rational behind this is what erks me. It seems like your saying the reason we have standards is because men are too incompetent to come up with their own high standards for their own physical and emotional well being. If that is reality, the male sex is unworthy of my presence. I certainly know men who set high standards for themselves. I don't know. I say if you are setting standards set it for yourself. Set it because you know that you would not be happy in a relationship where sex came before commitment or love. Set it because your creator demands it of you. However, do not set standards because we, women, are the more responsible sex. That just simply erks me!

  • Anonymous says:

    A few years ago, I realized that I'm not one of those women that can detach my feelings from my sexual encounter. During that time, after a really bad break I also realized that the break-up would not have been so devastating if I never shared my body and so I became celibate. I did this mostly because of my religion and because I payed the emotional price of giving my body to men that didn't deserve it. We should find men that think we are worth the wait. If a man won't wait for you(cheats or leaves), he doesn't think you are worth the wait. It is as simple as that, but we make excuses for men by saying, "he has needs". If he can't exercise enough self control to put your feelings/morals first, then he isn't the man you really want anyways. Some women become so desperate for a man to stay that they compromise their standards and give in to whatever a man wants. We as a society glorify instant gratification but what about self control?

  • Anonymous says:

    What is cutty? Never heard of that term.

    Nicol C.

  • Anonymous says:

    Set your standards high ladies, swear off sex for several months and you too could meet a chubby, weed smoking, great guy with a spiritual foundation.

  • Tinkasmom says:

    No CUTTY!!!!

  • Anonymous says:

    One thing some responses tell me is that there will always, and I mean always– be women who give it to whomever they please for whatever reason. The trend seems to have gone in their direction of late but it has not made men any kinder or gentler toward women. Just listen to the music men sing to US today. It's terribly disrespectful and a reflection of real life. Makes me so grateful I'm not dating. For every woman who has a successful, I gave-it-up-quick story, there are thousands more who don't. So many babies born from the irresponsibility and so many clinics in business. There will always be PEOPLE who use and don't mind being used for sex. That's old as time. I think what this young lady is doing is awesome and you can't discount a man who is honest on the topic as was her ex/friend. I've been telling my husband the same thing for years. Women really control parts of the equation but we certainly don't often try… Yet men pick and choose women based on that every day and they fall every day because of it (see the FBI scandal, John Edwards, Tiger Woods). I would love to see a world in which men are MOSTLY gentleman and the idea that women actually CAUSED it to happen would be epic.

  • leslie says:

    I LOOOVEE what you guys had to say! This goes for us slightly "older" girls as well. I met a man awhile back. He had everything going for him EXCEPT his character. He told me had a girlfriend BUT he wanted to take me out. I told him NO.If that's his GIRLFRIEND, then what am i? A side piece? What?Several months later i found out the girlfriend was his fiance!

  • Jeannette says:

    Anonymous 9:51 AM…that's why before you sleep together, you both get checked out for STD's. If I don't see any results or a negative result as of yesterday, there is no sexing with me today, tomorrow, in the future…NEVER! LOL

  • Anonymous says:

    ^^You can have commitment-free sex with someone who isn't sleeping with multiple ppl, right? on *some* level, there should be an agreement (commitment?) to not put each other in danger of STDs!

  • Sequitta J. says:

    LOL! I was down with the movement before it was a movement! Great post!

  • Anonymous says:

    what if you dont want a commitment? then you dont have sex??

  • Anonymous says:

    sex is so personal though. It is really subjective how it pans out after you have sex, no matter how short or long you hold off. I had sex on my first date w my fiancé, not because it was all pervy and sex-focused but because our date was so beautiful and intimate and we had both been single and celibate for a whiiiile that it naturally went in that direction. That cudda all easily been game and he very easily cudda done a hit n run. But he didn't. We're planning our wedding later this year. while I do think people should hold off on sex and "rules" should be in place to protect both parties' hearts, sometimes rules can be broken. and for me, that's a-ok!

  • Jeannette says:

    I have many standards and that pertains to everyone I interact with. I don't allow people to treat me any way they please. I believe that there is no responsibility that falls on a gender like if Women did this, then Men would act like that. Women are not responsible for the behavior of Men but Women are responsible for the behavior they accept from anyone they come in contact with. I'm a firm believer of people being responsible for their own behavior and the things they accept from people.

    I do believe that if a Women is looking for a committed, monogamous relationship, then she may want to consider not sleeping with the Guy until there is a commitment. I do believe that this will inspire the Guy to take more responsibility for himself and want to live up to those expectations and for Women not to accept disrespectful behavior but again, a Woman is not responsible for a Guy's behavior no matter how she behaves. Also, for Men to set high standards for themselves and all that they are capable of.

    However, if the two consenting adults are not in a committed relationship, they can date whom ever they please. I don't concern myself with whom he is dating when I'm not in a relationship with him, as well as he should not be concerned with who I am dating because he is not in a committed relationship with me. I'm in my late 30's and will do as I please, my virtue is what I set it to be. Now, I have pretty high standards but if someone wants to do things that I don't when dating that doesn't make her any less of a Powerful Woman, she just has her values and beliefs and I have mine. I know many divorced Women who don't feel like being committed to a Man and just want to have some fun (if you know what I mean) and hey…More power to her!

    Young Ladies DO NEED to learn that they don't need to give it up to get a Boyfriend, take their time, get to know the boy. Be Friends and be patient and be responsible for themselves but also learn not to judge others that have sex earlier, they don't know what the Female went through to make her the way she is.

  • AusetAbena says:

    Great post. I could not agree more. I will repost this to Facebook.

  • Chela Bella says:

    Personal experience: I have never been boy crazy, but I started dating at 17. Never dated a guy who had pants to his knees, couldn't read/spell, had no ambition, no curiosity about life, had braids (it signifies, to me, that he is immature), has no education, etc. By 23, I was fed up. It's like all of these things- which I thought were simple, basic things to look for, was too much to ask for. So I swore off dating and promised to only focus on me and my goals. I was celibate for several months that year.
    Then, when I turned 24, i met him. He had everything I was looking for and more- he has a spiritual foundation, so he's sensitive and abhors things like lying and cheating, but isn't so corny about. He has style and flair and manners and a southern accent and all of these things that I adore about him. And in 2 wks, 4 yrs after our first date, we're getting married! 🙂
    My point? Having your standards and sticking to them is never a bad thing. KNOW what you want in a man and be *reasonable* in that expectation. my guy was a lil chubbier than i was used to, smoked weed a LOT- all things that I had never been around. But I saw the quality man he was and he's grown to be an exceptional man today. Work to be the best woman you can be, going against that whole "independent woman" campaign (why encourage being alone?) and more towards rooting yourself in self-love. And KEEP YOUR STANDARDS! Worked for me, it might work for you.

  • Anonymous says:

    God's moral trumps all. Sex is intended for the married. Point. Blank. Period. Ladies hold yourself to that standard because it is the ONLY way.

    Posted in love,
    Taja

  • Ayisha B says:

    Excellent, Excellent. While I am already a married woman I couldn't agree more, with no commitment no cutty. Ladies it is absolutely time to stand up and take charge. Yes we need more gentleman, more ladies and less bofoonery. I'm sending this video to every single woman I know.

  • QueenDBW says:

    This is the way I was raised. Mama always said people only do what you allow them to do. Set a standard and if people can't live up to it, pity them, but don't hold yourself down/back!!

  • Fabulously Fluffy says:

    Lol I've been doing this my whole life. My family raised me to believe that what I have is very worthwhile; the same was taught to our boys – their hoo hoo is worth something too, and not to just be passin it out all willy nilly (as Cedric from Steve Harvey Show would say.) It's not about playing some power game or holding the goodies for ransom; it's about respecting yourself and realizing that if someone wants to get at you tell them to come correct. Go hard or GO HOME!

  • Anonymous says:

    I agree with Jeannette, I think its actually quite harmful to create 'standards' that encourage adults, i.e. men, to avoid responsibility for their own actions. That is ridiculous and sounds like a major hoodwink men are trying to play on women. Each individual adult,woman or man, is responsible for her or his own actions.

    I can understand the notion that if a man starts to see a pattern of behavior in the standards a women accept, then those standards will begin to color his expectations. However, that is why men ( and women , for that matter) each have their own moral compass. By the same token, if I see that any given group of people allows another group of people to treat them a certain way, that doesn't mean I will automatically engage in the same behavior, I have my own conscious, integrity and personal standards that would exhort me to act more sensibly and honorably.

  • Tiara J says:

    I swear I've been doing this for a long time. It just crazy that when you do this your consider stuck up, but I'm so fine with that. Get some standards ladies…

  • jamie_marqui says:

    Im down to join because i am so tried of not being treated the way I deserve m.o.b!

  • Anonymous says:

    Hurrah! Ive been doing this for years now. Ladies lets get it together!

  • Jeannette says:

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  • Anonymous says:

    I couldn't agree more and have already started that campaign months ago lol

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