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Curly Nikki

Comfortable in Your Own Hair

By January 27th, 202149 Comments

Comfortable in Your Own Hair

Kennedy (not pictured) writes:

After just washing my hair and doing some really quick braided bantu knots, I wondered, “When did I become so comfortable with my
hair?”. Just last year, I was scared to wear my first twist out to
school. A lot of my classmates laughed and talked about me because of “all that hair” and made remarks like, ‘your hair is too thick’ (I’m a sophomore in
high school and kids just don’t know what to and what not to

For the past couple of months, I haven’t straightened my hair at
all and have no problem keeping it that way. When I did straighten it, I
almost immediately washed my hair because I didn’t feel like myself.
I’ve recently been receiving comments on my hair
like, “I love it”, “it smells SO good”, and “I wish my hair would do
that”. Even my dad, who was against my natural hair for the longest,
tells me how soft and nice it looks. I love my
natural hair and I’m not ashamed of it anymore. I even rock my “bad
hair days” to the fullest. So my question for
the rest of you natural hair ladies is,

“When did you become
comfortable with your natural hair?”


  • FR33DUM_MU$3 says:

    Hello fellow teenage naturalista! I transitioned from May 27, 2011 to August 7, 2012. When I big chopped my hair, I was confident, to the point where I was defensive of negative comments, but not that much. When I wear wash n gos, I don't feel as comfortable because my 8 inch hair shrinks to 2 inches. So now I wear stretched hair styles and i feel ultra confident when it is a huge fro.

  • naturalwonder80 says:

    i still have issues with how thin my hair is my fro is not as thick as i would like it so certain styles just dont look right because i dont have that width/volume that i would like to have but i am pretty comfortable with it.
    I tried to wear it down in a wash in go in 2009 but was not ready for i was not confident enough with the natrual hair and i was so self concsious and the fact that i totally had no idea how to style natural hair when it was natural when i was little my mother did my hair i had got relaxers since the age of 8
    so i had just kept it washed and braided and wore a wig for about a year good move to my hair grew so much i was shocked

  • Anonymous says:

    I just wanted to say, keep up the courage. Thinking back I don't think I would have been brave enough to have worn my hair out naturally in high school; probably would've just stuck to braids. Kids can be a real trip at that age.

    I grew comfortable with my hair as soon as it grew out to a length I was satisfied with and I could feel and see my texture and curl pattern. That was a defining moment for me.

  • marianela says:

    To be very honest I am still becoming comfortable with my natural texture and the reason it has taken me so long I guess is because I am still learning how to manage it, moisturize it, and all of the other stuff lol. I enjoy it though and I am not ashamed of it, for me it more of finding a routine for it and my own own style.

  • Anonymous says:

    It's been a work in progress but I must say I've arrived at a very comfortable spot regarding me and my natural hair. In 2007 I put a blow out kit in my hair and it was sooooo knotted up I had to get it cut off. Once I started doing unheated roller sets and they were cute, comfort with my own hair became real. Yep, lovin' it!!
    Allnatural1 (A.K.A Michelle in TX)

  • Anonymous says:

    Still working on it, but I think it has more to do with adjusting to the thick band of grays beating the heck out of the henna! But I love when my grandson unconsciously runs his fingers through my ponytail!

  • Anonymous says:

    I became comfortable with my hair when I started researching and experimenting and finally "understood" my hair. Now I'm at a point where I know what to do to get the required results and that's the best feeling.

  • AcecentriclyNatural says:

    I've been natural for years… Since I could remember but I've only been "comfortable" in my hair the last 11 months.. I'm in Jackson,ms attending undergrad and everyone always asked why don't I get my hair straightened. Well, I did and the "beautican" caused severe heat damage to my hair. I guess after the tram came a new found love for ME..and everything that makes me, me

  • Anonymous says:

    If memory serves me well, I believe I became very comfortable with my hair about 1 to 2 months after my BC. Initially, I had to get used to having only about 2-3 inches of hair, not to mention all the crazy stares I received from strangers. After a bit, I fell in love with my hair and I didn't care if other people didn't like it anymore. I knew that people would come around, after my hair started to grow out and I was right! The longer my hair grows, the more people will drool over it, because I look fierce with a head full of hair! I love my wild, big curly hair! I don't even like to straightened it to get a trim! I hate straight hair on me; it looks so plain and boring! : )


  • mangomadness says:

    I became comfortable with my hair shortly after my BC It's over 3 years later and I love my thick, kinky hair more every passing day.

  • LBell says:

    I became comfortable with my own hair within a week of my BC. That was when I realized that I'd spent the previous 18 years of my life being profoundly UNcomfortable with my relaxed hair. When people see old pictures of me with relaxed hair, they're like, "That doesn't even LOOK like you."

    This is why I say that the only way I'd even consider relaxing my hair is if someone paid me a hella lot of money before taxes AND I had an out clause in the contract. 🙂

  • Melissa says:

    I've never thought about it. It's almost as if it happened overnight. One day I was insecure about wearing my hair out (because it wasn't long enough, or it wasn't this & wasn't that), then the next day I was more confident. I believe I always thought my hair was beautiful. It's just I wasn't confident enough to be different/stand out and rock it. That is no longer the case…The end of this month will make 5 months of being natural (so excited about the future)!

  • Janay says:

    I was transitioning last year but I flat ironed my hair to death and as I was taking out my braids I just made up my mind to chop all the str8 ends off… I love my hair and I can say that I am comfortable with it but Im not always comfortable with the length:-( I miss having long hair somedays and Im so impatient I just want it to GROW! Ive always been a hair chameleon and i hate to wear it the same way for too long and with such a short length I wear it the same way everyday and that is the problem *sigh* but thats all im thru venting lol

  • BabyBZ says:

    When my hair got long enough to wear a headband and actually manipulate with my fingers. I chopped off 18 inches of hair and had a fro so short there was literally nothing I could do with it but wash and go. It took nearly two months before it got to that point. Not long enough for twists but long enough to actually see my curl pattern and accessorize.

  • Glamourous says:

    I needed this! I think I have just become comfortable in my hair over the weekend when I decided to wear a wash and go puff. I usually do a twist out but was tired of the manipulation. I rocked my puff to work today and believe it will be my go to style for summer!

  • Nashira says:

    Bad hair days are what made me comfortable. Once you can leave your house knowing you don't look your best and not worry about what other people say, you've reached a level of confidence that can't be touched.

  • Anonymous says:

    I cut the last of my relaxer out in Feb, and have had it in wng or twist outs since. I knew I was comfortable when I was a bridesmaid in my brothers wedding and wore my twist out with my dress!! Felt great and got so many compliments!! Loving being natural!!

  • mICHELLE says:

    I'm still not. It has been about a year and a half since I last put a chemical on my hair. I cut it all a few months after that but I still cover it up. I have a natural will with a length that I'm cofortable with. I'm ALMOST ready. I keep reading you all for strength!

  • Anonymous says:

    become? always have been. fortunately.

  • Kelsi Mikel says:

    Last Year…my freshman year…I vowed not to straighten my hair the whole year..I did it and I learned soo much and became comfortable with my hair…I've straightened my hair once since then and I dont care for it when its straight because like you said I dont feel like myself!

  • Tamz Lavender says:

    I decided to go natural when I was in the 5th grade. So I grew my relaxer out. More and more soft waves appeared as it grew out and my luv for natural hair grew with it! I always liked curly hair, it was the whole reason I went natural! I always found it more appealing.

    Gradually growing it out also gave me time to adjust to the shift from relaxed to natural.

  • grits says:

    I became comfortable with my natural hair when after almost a year of transitioning (May 2010 – February 2011) I chopped off the relaxed ends in my friends' bathroom during a Chicago blizzard. The relaxed ends looked lifeless and new growth was banging and it became a hassle to style so I took scissors to it and felt 100 times better.

    Funny thing is that now when I feel that I need to do it again (usually if I go two weeks without washing it) is when I get the biggest compliments on my hair! It's big and wild and the curls aren't as defined but that is when everyone compliments it especially men, particularly white men which cracks me up. My white co-worker said that he were a sista he would rock a fro because "no other women can do that therefore you stand out in a crowd".

  • Engineering Natural Beauty says:

    I think is was some point this past winter when I realized how much I love my hair now. Before I always used to tolerate my hair, but now I respect it and do my best to care for it properly.

    I also had a similar experience when I straightened my hair. I didn't know what to do with it. I ended up putting it into bantou knots cause I wanted my curls back!

  • Anonymous says:

    Aww I'm so proud of you!!!

    I'm a teenager as well(18) and I'm still a little uncomfortable with my hair because I use to have long hair and I was transitioning and rocking it proudly until one day my mom wanted to do my hair and she ended up cutting inches of it off. I was super upset I'm still upset she didn't ask me or anything because I wanted to maintain a certain length to my hair and it's still not where I wanted it to be.

  • JackieC says:

    I wasn't comfortable with my natural hair until 3 months after my big chop. I wasn't concerned about having short hair, because I had worn a short cut for a year before that. I really missed being able to style my hair. Once I had enough hair to do a twist out, I had my swag back!

  • Anonymous says:

    I had, and still have differing levels of comfort on my journey to natural land. I did not big chop; rather I chose to wear braid extensions. Each time I removed the extensions and cut the relaxed ends, my comfort level increased. On days when I wore my hair in 2 cornrows sans extensions, my comfort level increased. When I tried a new product or did a protein treatment for the first time, my comfort level increased. Each step affected my comfort level in either a major or minor way.

  • Mythoughts says:

    I become comfortable with my hair EVERYDAY. Everyday is a different day for my hair, some days are the most banging days and others are days I have learned to say, "ok I leave it to you." I think once you stop worrying about being comfortable with your hair your hair become comfortable with you and it just is. I get more compliments than I think I should and everytime it happens I THANK my hair for doing what it needs to do because it works for me and once you decide to stop worrying so much it will work for you too!!

  • Anonymous says:

    I big chopped November 2010 and the hardest thing to do was trying to be creative with coils and hair accesories because of my TWA. But now my hair has grown alot I constantly wear two strand twist. I got my hair straightened two weeks ago for the first time in a year and I broke my neck trying to wash that mess out and go back to my curls! As you said not having your natural hair just didn't feel right! I love my kinks and curls!

  • MsJisola says:

    For me it took a couple of months and there are still times when I wear a variety of styles that I wonder what people might say. But regardless of what they say, I still wear my hair natural because at the end of the day they can't tell me to change my hair and they do, they have to give me the money to fix it to their standards. O_o

  • TTsGurlBB says:

    I was comfortable with my hair it seemed immediately after taking down my first braidout after deciding to no longer straighten my hair almost 3 years ago. On bad hair days, my motto is "Rock it like that's how you meant to style it". It's on those days that it seems I get the most compliments. 🙂

  • watkinsabob says:

    today is day 63 of showing my curls and my "No heat, no weave" goal. (previously i was hot combing my hair for almost 2 years). Each day i'm becoming more and more comfortable. Its a great feeling.

  • Abby says:

    I became comfortable with my hair when I was about 16 I realized my hair was never going to flick around and be glossy and thick. My hair has a mind of it's own but it's so versatile and as long as people are educated in natural hair care/styles they would realize that there's no point in comparing yourself to other people with different hair textures, just be proud in yourself

  • newnatural101 says:

    After I did my BC, I wore a thick headband around my edges because they were noticeably thinner than the rest of my hair. After about a week I stopped wearing the headband. Then, it was probably another 1-3 weeks before I wasn't self-conscious about my new look. I had always liked my hair, but it was such a different look for me that I felt like other people were noticing and staring more than they actually were. So once I got over that feeling I was good.

  • Anonymous says:

    I've been natural for over a year and it took me a little while but not that long to become comfortable with it. My relaxed hair was sudden breaking off badly, and I was in desperate to do something! I decided to not get relaxers and this transitioned to going on this natural journey. I didn't do the big chop but transitioned and this helped me gradually become more and more comfortable with my hair. I have received positive feedback from others and this has helped me become more confident about my hair as time progressed also. Now if I straighten my hair people do not even recognize me and want me to bring my curls back! My family actually has been the least approving of my transition to going natural but after holding my ground and embracing my natural hair they are beginning to come around. Now that I am all natural I can do wash and go's and I just love my natural curls! I love my hair and wish I would have done this long ago! I no longer care what people think about my hair because I LOVE it. It is natural, beautiful, and healthy and this is the most important thing!

  • honeybrown1976 says:

    I am in the midst of a long transition (2 years, 1 week already, yay!) and I'm getting comfortable as time passes. I realize that not only is this a physical transition; but, it's a mental transition as well. I'm fine with that.

  • Tracy says:

    I'm with Leah. I have been natural since 2008 after growing out a short cut and deciding not to relax again. For 3 years, I wore my hair straight, then sometime last year after looking at videos on YT, I decided to give natural styles a try. I have had some success, but mostly ho-hum results and a LOT of failures. I get crickets and stares, all day, everyday. I can count the compliments on one hand and still have fingers left. The top of my hair grows shorter than the back, so my hair always looks like a mullet to me and I am convinced that EVERY great style begins with hair that is even, close to being even or longer in the front than the back and unfortunately for me my hair grows the opposite way. So while I can get great curls, twist outs, etc., I find myself having to wear headbands because my hair looks crazy otherwise and I am not a fan of having my hair away from my face. So see, I am jacked from all sides! However, I refuse to relax my hair again. I'll just have to deal with it and keep it moving!

  • Anonymous says:

    I will be natural 2 years in June & I just recently became comfortable with my hair a few months ago once I got a solid regimen/routine together. I use to hate washing & styling my hair cause it kept getting knotted before I could finish. Now that I have my technique down its been smooth sailing & now I can truly say I love wash days.

    Brooke B.

  • Anonymous says:

    I will be natural 2 years in June & I just recently became comfortable with my hair a few months ago once I got a solid regimen/routine together. I use to hate washing & styling my hair cause it kept getting knotted before I could finish. Now that I have my technique down its been smooth sailing & now I can truly say I love wash days.

    Brooke B.

  • Unknown says:

    still hasn't happened yet, its still in an awkward stage, so I'm in a lets pretend I dont care what people think stage.

  • KJam! says:

    I'm in highschool too and I felt the same way! I used to be so scared to wear bantu knots and stuff, and now everyone knows I do and my natural hair is a part of daily life 😀

  • Jeannette says:

    For me there was no defining moment, it gradually happened. One day I cut it all off, let it grown and started playing in it. Before I knew it I wasn't thinking about my hair being natural, I was just doing my hair.

  • Anonymous says:

    I became really comfortable when I was able to pull it into a small puff. Now I have a giant puff and I LOVE it even more. I always wanted a giant puff. I got it flat ironed once last year and I hated it. I like it fluffy and puffy!

    Nicol C.

  • African Violet says:

    I don't think it hit me until yesterday. I transitioned from March 2011 to February 2012, and then at the beginning of April I started wearing twist outs exclusively (because I didn't like the way my twist outs with flexi rods were coming out from the time I snipped my relaxed ends in February to when I stopped using rods altogether). People have complimented my hair–during my transition and after I snip-snipped–and I did love my hair.

    However, yesterday was the first time I blow dried and flat ironed my hair since I started my transition. I have to say that I love the curly hair I've been sporting over the past year and the curly fro after I finally cut the relaxed ends. It didn't hit me until I saw my hair after the blow dry and straightening session. I'm going to wash my hair in a couple of days and go back to my twist out. 🙂

  • Anonymous says:

    I have been natural for one year and 7 months. I began rocking cornrow styles with rod set curls or twist outs in the front/top section of my hair about a year ago. I got alot of compliments and started feeling more comfortable wearing unique styles with my natural hair. I feel more like me being natural. I love it!

  • my says:

    Well, if you really feel that you look good with you hair, for me I feel comfortable for that.. Just don't mind others if they don't appreciate your hair. The important thing is you love it and you feel beautiful with it.. Tanyas Image

  • Sue says:

    Good for you! There's nothing to be ashamed of concerning our hair. It is beautiful and we are enlightened enough to appreciate it.

  • Anonymous says:

    Bravo honey–you keep it up! Kids/Teens can be so dopey. Here's a comeback for those who think your hair is "too" thick. Ask them if they would rather see your hair thin, scraggly and breaking off? What dipsticks!

  • Anonymous says:

    I am currently in my 8th month as a natural after a 10 month transition. I have always had long relaxed hair so doing the "big chop" was very uncomfortable for me because my hair was so short!

    After I cut of the relaxed ends this past September, I had kinky twists installed for 3 months. When I took them out in December, my hair had grown to a length that I was comfortable with and it's been great ever since. I rock twist outs 95% of the time and there is not a day that goes by that I don't receive a compliment of some sort on my hair. As it continues to grow, I am trying different protective styles. Some I am more comfortable with than others, but now I am not afraid to take a risk!


  • Anonymous says:

    It took about a week after chopping the remainder of my relaxed ends. I read Tanika Rays article about giving up the "perfect" hair and thats what I did. I stopped trying to slick my edges or tame my hair AND I felty freer each day. Today is my one year post chop and 3 years post relaxer AND I FEEL f##@ GREAT!

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