Have
you ever heard of teens who physically cut their bodies as a way of
dealing with emotional pain? They are called cutters. They commit this
physical act of hurting themselves as a way to focus; thinking that they
won’t feel the emotional hurt if they are focused on the physical pain.
It’s
not always a logical connection, but in many ways adults can be cutters
as well–emotionally. Have you ever felt that “fight or flight”
emotion? Ever felt like there was something you needed to do, but
couldn’t get motivated to do it until you were backed into a corner? You
know—not getting your finances together until you’ve spent 6 months
close to being evicted from your apartment; or not getting a job until
you’re so severely in debt that it will take you years to climb out; or
quitting your job without having a new one because you feel like that
will force you to do the search.
Holding
off on making a change until the very last second is, in a sense,
punishing yourself emotionally–like a cutter would punish his or
herself physically. So how can you avoid getting to this point? With two
very important things: planning and patience.
Planning
Figure
out what your goal is, and then write down the logical steps to get
there. Give yourself a time limit: can you do this in a week? One year?
Five years? Set reasonable expectations for yourself and be adamant
about working consistently toward your goal. You won’t see progress
overnight but you will be able to track that change weekly, or monthly
or yearly—if you stick to it.
Patience
And
that’s where the patience comes in. Yes—you’re frustrated at your
circumstances, but knowing that you have a plan in place to change them
gives you the upper hand. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, just take a
look at how far you’ve come, and then update your plan; this gives you
something to focus on other than what’s upsetting you.
Have you ever felt like you were an emotional cutter? What other tools did you use to turn your frustration around?
is co-authored by Kim Jackson and GG Renee with the intention of
connecting with women through messages of self-love and personal
freedom. We believe that true beauty starts on the inside and
radiates outward, so maintaining emotional health and balance
should be an essential part of every woman’s beauty regimen. We
use this platform as an opportunity to share our personal
experiences, and to help other women who are seeking guidance to
find their own truths and live fabulously.
I'm not a cutter myself, but have seen girl my age (15), in school with cuts all over their arms, you just dont know whether you should say anything.
I actually read this same article on Kim Jackson blog the other day. Great article!
As someone who used to cut this article is just…not what's good. I get where the metaphor was TRYING to go but it was clunky and smacks of disrespect to what self harm really is. Adults do it too by the way. Escapism or procrastination would have been better tie ins for what the author was trying to address and it wouldn't have trivialized a serious mental health issue/disorder. It seems like they just grabbed at something to pull in readers. (The author not Nikki.)
That is awesome to the other comment. The power of a support system.
I was one of those teens that cut myself. It's a horrible cycle that plagued me for years. At first, it helped me handle my depression. But then I had to cut for every little thing that happened. It became such an addiction that I had to cut, even when I was happy. I couldn't go a day without doing it. But I found support in my friends, learned how to channel those temptations into something else, and now I'm proud to say that at 19 years old, I've been cut free for 1 year and a half.
I can attest that this does work. Planning and organiznig my life in order to achieve particular goals. For example when the new year started, I said I wanted to pay off my credit card and car by June. I saved intensly from each pay cheque and June is almost here and my car will be paid off by the end of the month, as will my credit card. Leaving room for other things.
I don't feel like I'm an emotional cutter as I don't deal well with the examples of stress you mentioned, therefore I do everything in my power to keep my proverbial boat floating smoothly. But, with less important things I am a definite procrastinator so I know that planning (and patience) is something that I need to implement in my life pronto.
I definitely have this issue. I wait til the last minute to do things; I feel stuck where I currently in life and overall just not focused. I've been reading and working on staying positive as much as possible so that I can accomplish a lot of my goals. I meet with a life coach in one week to get the ball rolling. The hardest part is proper planning and being patient. It is indeed a process.
I can relate with me it was with food. i would eat complete crap until I had the wake up call of heart disease that was the ass whooping that made me revise my habits for the better. Thank you for shining light onto a taboo subject in the black community.