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Curly Nikki

How to Confront Your Joy Snatchers

By January 27th, 202119 Comments
How to Confront Your Joy Snatchers

Do you ever feel like you’re constantly being drained of your positive
energy?  Or that you’re so distracted by peripheral things that you
can’t focus on what truly matters to you?  Have you ever slowed down
enough and taken a close look at your life to find the sources that are
draining you?  In this post, we’ll call these things joy snatchers. 
This was originally posted on The Write Curl Diary

What are Joy Snatchers?

Joy snatchers are those little things that pick away at your peace of
mind and make you feel like poop. Joy snatchers can be people, places or
things. They distract you when you are trying to be productive. They
cause strain and stress in your relationships. Perhaps they bring out a
side of you that you don’t like or pull negative energy out of you. They
can trigger feelings of depression and self-loathing and are often
responsible for those random bad days when you’re in a funk and you
can’t really explain why.

What are your joy snatchers? Here are just a few possibilities:


Maybe instead of appreciating what you have, you feel slighted because
you think others have more or better than you. Do you sometimes want to
feel happy for people but can’t seem to see past your own perceived
lack? Have you ever started off the day feeling great and then heard
someone else’s good news and suddenly had an attack of self-pity?
*Raises Hand* This is not a pretty thing to admit in the least, but
we’ve all been there and this does not make you a bad person!

Lack of Reciprocity

Do you overlook the meaningful relationships in your life and focus on
the the broken or non-existent ones? Perhaps you invest a lot of time
and energy into building a relationship with someone who is not giving
you the same investment and you’re upset about it – trying to figure out
what’s wrong with you? Why won’t they like you or love you as much as
you like or love them? They don’t acknowledge your efforts or your
gestures and you keep on trying to impress them to no avail.


Do you entertain any and everything that people have to say to you? The
media? Your neighbors? Your family? Co-workers? If you’re open to it,
everywhere you turn, someone will be complaining about something,
gossiping about something, spreading fear in covert ways and leaving you
wondering why you suddenly feel so heavy. Sometimes it’s intentional
and sometimes it’s not. It’s up to you to restrict access to your
consciousness and not let everything in. You are not a dumping zone or a
vessel to catch and recycle everyone’s fears and bad feelings.

How do you control Joy Snatchers?

First, you have to recognize them and their impact on the quality of
your life. You have to want to be free of their control over you. Get to
know the sources. Search yourself honestly and without judgement to
determine why you are susceptible to these things. Begin to train your
mind to embrace Abundance instead of Lack and Faith instead of Fear.

There’s no magic solution and your journey to freedom will be unique. It
has helped me tremendously to be brutally honest with myself and know
my triggers.

 What has helped you overcome sources of negative energy in
your life? Or, what specific joy snatchers do you need to deal with?


  • Anonymous says:

    Thank you Kemba Roberts and other curlies for your advice I appreciate it so much

    Megan Montgomery

  • Anonymous says:

    @ Megan Montgomery – be your own joy!

    Proverbs 18:24!

    People love exciting, beautiful, bright and shiny things!

    In law school, you will be surrounded by so many like minded people who accept the sacrifices you are going through for your degree!

    Please remember, "Your attitude determines your altitude"!

    "Lively up yourself and don't be no drag
    Lively up yourself, 'cause this is the other bag"

    Those are my goals! I find that when I "lively up myself" like the late Bob M. stated, I garner so much interest from others!

    Pay no mind to what your aunt says (pbbtthh!! on her), because dear heart, to everything there is a season, EccL 3:1!


  • Anonymous says:

    Over-accessibility is a problem for me with Facebook alone. So I don't frequent it as much anymore. Not as important as real world connections right now. I surround myself with people that aren't joy snatchers but it does come up from time to time. Definitely something to think about.

  • Unknown says:

    Ms Megan Montgomery don't believe that.. Don't fall into that trap.. You are special and God will send you the perfect man. Focus on your relationship with God and being committed to HIM. If you don't know him. GET TO KNOW HIM.. Let him be your first husband. The Joy SNATCHER is falling into that trap of believing what your aunt said..

  • Anonymous says:

    Omgsh!! This is so true. I can admit that my joy Snatcher is jelousy. Everytime I hear one of my friend from high school has just met the person of their dreams and are getting married, I get jealous and sad. I am 22 never been asked on a date or never even had a boyfriend! I am in college at UNLV I have 1 more year until I graduate with a degree in criminal justice and I am going to attend law school after. I do not even have a guyfriend to talk to. My aunt told me all the men are going to
    be married and have children before I ever meet someone and go on a date. God rest her soul but I kind of believe that.

    Megan Montgomery

  • Anonymous says:

    @MEIKA I can attest to those two joysnatchers!Dealing with them are exceptionally difficult as you are the only person in control of taking action. No one brings procrastination or laziness upon you, but you make the poor choice on your own. Laughter is the best medicine and with positive action I am slowly but surely snatching my joy back! 🙂

  • Anonymous says:

    Over accessibility!!! I did not even know there was a proper term for what I was doing. I always told myself that I was 'just being open to suggestions so that I can grow' but I realize now that it has caused me to twist and turn at every direction. Thank you for this article, I needed it today!!! <3

  • Unknown says:

    Wow!! Talk about Article.. You hit the nail on the head with this one. I'm going through the same thing. Lack of Reciprocity.. It's been controlling my life and I'm leaning to deal with it. It's tough I'm not going to lie, but I'm slowly finding my freedom. It takes being completely honest with myself and that's brutal. Also I have to constantly keep in prayer. Put God first. The energy that I used to put into these other broken relationship is energy I now used to spend with God. That is bringing so much more healing to my life.

  • Meika says:

    Procrastination and laziness are my joy snatchers but I am working on them. Praying and mediating on scriptures help me get back my joy. I also make sure to laugh and sing and dance because they def bring my mood up!

  • Anonymous says:

    Peace/Blessings (Bella), I am a child of the MOst High, so the world didnt give me this joy and the world can not take it away. However, I allow my own negative thoughts, to steal my joy, its a process, I am working on it.

  • Anonymous says:

    @ anon 12:37 sorry to hear that your mom is a big cause of your anxiety! So sad! I had a aunt like that, she has passed on now. But when she was alive, God forgive me, but that women had some EVIL ways about her! TALKING ABOUT JOY SNATCHER!!! She was the President of the club! She treated me and my siblings and others so badly! It's like she walked around with a black clound over her.

    But in the end, when she was on her death bed. I went to see her a few times. Brough flowers/ballons to her and told her I forgave her for how she treated us! She couldn't believe it! I could see that she had regrets. And felt sorry for the terrible things that she had done. But that was her cross to bear. Me on the other hand, when I walked away. I left behind with her all that pain and hurt she had caused. I felt good afterwards! It was very theraputic for me.

    People remember, no matter what and how people treat you. Do what's necessary to change your negative situation into a possitive one. But FORGIVE those that hurt you (HARDEST LESSON FOR ME TO LEARN, I PROMISE U, IT WORKS!)! This is not for them it's for YOU! It's nothing like walking around MISERABLE when those who caused the pain could care less!

  • Anonymous says:

    I remove my joy snatchers form my life. It is hard b/c some times you love your 'joy snatchers' but they bring too much drama. I prefer to spend my days smiling vice frowning

  • Anonymous says:

    Sadly my mother is one of my biggest joy snatchers. She is negative and often inconsiderate of others. I have a lot of problems with anxiety and she is a constant trigger of my anxiety attacks. I have explained my triggers to her repeatedly and every time she leads me to believe she understands but always returns to her original behaviors in a day or two. I love her but I've begun to realize that in order to live my best life I need to limit the time I spend with her.

  • Anonymous says:

    @ anon 11:17AM thanks for the advice! Yes, I definately plan to keep talking to her. And your right when the chips are down, no one is around for her. lol @ Emotional Vampires, I don't get them either?!

    Also, I had a some experiences with these blood suckers too. So I know what the deal is! Had to "weed out my garden" of all the crab grass so to speak. Some times I feel a bit lonely.

    However, the thing I learned, is that we are never alone (I use to be so afraid to be by myself!). It's so important to tap into your spirital life! Once I got back into tuned with my spiritual self…I realized that God was with me and helping me through all the cray all along. This is the lesson I'm trying to teach my daughter.

  • Anonymous says:

    Still working on Lack of Reciprocity. I'm getting better at this. I've never had a problem with jealousy or envy, so I am thankful for that. I'm good at Over-Accessibility with some things and not others. Working on this. Anonymous @ 10:55 am: I used to be your daughter and had friends like this. Once she gets burned a couple of times by these Emotional Vampires, hopefully she will learn and grow. Keep talking to her and encourage her to seek out relationships – friendships and romantic ventures – WITH EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY PEOPLE. Because with these Emotional Vampires, the minute she has to call someone with her problems, they won't be around to listen. I don't get those Emotional Vampires – we all go through hard times, but all the time? Really? It's all just drama and attention seeking!

  • Anonymous says:

    I was just speaking to my daughter about this just last night. She has a friend, that forces me to pray for strenghth not to choke her arse!

    I swear she plays on my daughter's kindness/feelings. Calling her ALL THE TIME WITH HER PROBLEMS! On top of her like white on rice (u know the type)wants to keep you down and miserable just like they are! She get's her all caught up, and I even caught her crying about her "best friend" issues. #handsclampedtightlytogetherpraying

    I had to really talk to my daughter and explain to her how people can play on your feelings. And while it's not a problem to be there for people. You need to understand how much you can give without it becoming a detriment to yourself! Understand when your joy, strength, energy, etc. is being drained from you! Printing out now, she will be reading this tonight! THANK YOU!

  • Anonymous says:

    Thank you GG (and Nish). The phone rang while I was reading this. The person calling me was checking if recent repairs he made on my vehicle were holding up.

    Later in the conversation, I inquired about his trip plans this summer – we had (really, I had) suggested we travel together to his favorite destination this summer. We had traveled twice together to his destination in the past, but that was more than 10 years ago. He said he was already pricing tickets, and made no mention of me traveling with him. He let it drop just like that.

    The specific joy snatcher I need to deal with is lack of reciprocity.

    I must embrace "abundance instead of lack", or I will see another 27 years wasted on this person too.

    I must embrace "Faith instead of Fear" because I know that when I go out on my own, I will never be alone because He is always with me, even until the end of time.

    The caller responded they were already pricing airfares. Sigh.

    Lack of reciprocity has been an issue. I have been trying to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear with this person for 27 years.

  • Anonymous says:

    Jealousy & self esteem had always been my joy snatchers, I just never knew how to appreciate myself or maybe love myself enough to get past these two demons. I feel that as I've gotten older I can appreciate my self worth even more & know that I'm still a work in progress cause God is still working on me & with me.

    Brooke B.

  • Nish says:

    This article could not have come at a better time, Thank you!
    I recently faced the fact that I was dealing with a joy snatcher- Lack of Reciprocity. It was driving me insane and I started to see my happiness go away day-by-day; not cool. I realized that I was putting up with the situation for as long as I was because of my feelings, which caused me to have blinders on so to speak. I was also giving the other person excuses as to why things may not have been 50/50 like I wanted. Just taking a step back and understanding your worth will make a huge difference.

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