Have you ever hung out with a group of friends or acquaintances when the topic of natural hair or YOUR
hair specifically became the topic of conversation? Sometimes these
natural hair conversations can be funny and empowering, but other times,
they can be loaded with words and phrases that have you so side eyed
and screwed faced, you’re wondering if you’re just being sensitive!
Whether your hair is naturally straight, wavy, curly, or coarse,
choosing to wear your hair in it’s natural state doesn’t (or
shouldn’t) throw you into some kind of “ all natural women are this way”
kind of box. Over the years, I have heard some phrases and comments
about me and my hair that people have just flung at me, assuming that I
would respond, flattered I suppose, but their remarks just come off
sounding kind of…silly. Perhaps you’ve heard a few! Read On!
You must have Indian in your family. This comment
has always made me cringe. It just sounds wrong! Lol! When I ask people
how they figure “Indian”, the follow up response is usually ”Because you
have a good grade of hair and it’s soft”. I typically don’t have the
time to sit there and school these people on my family tree and the fact
that their statement makes absolutely NO sense, so I usually just give
them a card and add CurlyNikki’s website to it. I implore them to visit
both sites and learn more about naturally textured hair. My hair is soft
because I moisturize and condition, not because I have “Indian Hair”.
What the hell? Where do people get this stuff?
I’ve never seen you with your hair uncombed. Doesn’t
it just chap your ass to hear someone toss some back handed remark
about your hair looking unkempt when you’re sporting a funky looking
faux hawk or a fantastic asymmetrical afro that took you HOURS to
achieve? Like seriously. (Straight Face) SERIOUSLY. One night while I
was feeling myself at the club with my knee high boots and my funky fro,
an acquaintance who I hadn’t seen in over a year walked up to me and
said those exact words. I grinned and said “No honey, this is very
combed, and VERY styled.” She looked very confused, but politely smiled
and walked away. All I could do was shake my head and thought to myself
‘Poor lady! She’s so clueless to all of the fabulousness going on under
all this hair.’ Lol!
Oh my gawd! Your hair looks like a wig! Nobody would ever believe that it’s all yours! Ok….lol….Thank
you? Seriously though, how do you respond to a statement like that?
I’ve even had a lady reach over for a quick tug while I was in line at Walmart.
I turned around with a string of Jamaican cuss words and found a
sheepish looking white lady apologizing and confessing that she thought
it was fake. When I asked her what would she have done if it where a wig
and she just snatched it off of my head, she answered ” Well, I didn’t
think that far into it I guess”. Sigh.
You’re Foxy! As in I’m Foxy Brown Cleopatra…..which
I’m not. It drives me nuts when men think that they can reference me to a
black actress with an afro, from the 60′s/70′s and expect me to flip in
glee or something. Why can’t I just be pretty, or gorgeous, or ME?
Other comments referring to me reminding people of Erykah Badu, Lauryn
Hill, or Jill Scott don’t cut it either. Though I agree that all of
those women are stunning, I respond well to be recognized for being a
unique and special human being. I like to think that I am unlike
anything or anyone that a person has met. I pride myself on being an
individual and want to be approached and treated as such.
I love women with natural hair, because when you see a woman rocking her natural hair, you know that she’s low maintenance. *record
scratch* WOOOOOAH! What?!?!?!? Now look, I’m not saying that many
naturals aren’t low maintenance,nor am I saying that there’s a problem
with being low maintenance, but not ALL naturals are low mainatinance! I
can only speak for myself in this situation, but I can certainly say I
am more lazy than low maintenance when it comes to my hair. I prefer
mini twists and braid outs because I don’t like to comb my hair every
day. However, I can be quite high maintenance in every other sense! I’m
particular about having pedicured toes at all times, arched eye brows, I
insist on using only certain skin and hair care products, and not all
of them or cheap. I’m pretty sure that I’m not the only natural gal out
there that’s like this. I also have friends with relaxed hair (I mean
LAYED and shiny) who only care to rock their long, relaxed strands in
ponytails, or they cut it short so they don’t have to bother with it!
The point I’m making is that it’s dangerous to assume that a woman is or
isn’t a particular way just because of the way she wears her hair. Take
her out for dinner and drinks before you assume you know everything
about her based on the way she wears her hair!
"Your hair would look so pretty if you straightened it."
I can understand where some of the comments are coming from. Right now I am natural, but a couple of years ago my aunt cut her hair and started rocking a TWA, when we went up to visit and I saw her for the first time I was horrified. I simply could not understand why she would cut her hair. I had never seen someone around me wear their hair that way, and while I would admit that she looked nice, I wanted her straight hair back. I wanted something that I could identify with.
There are some plain funny comments and some ignorant ones as well. I must say that I've gotten nothing but love about my hair. I wear it short/medium in wash and go's. I tell you plenty of White men and black women compliment my hair. I love my hair and I'm not concerned about anyone else's ignorance.Keep on rocking your God given natural hair ladies, do it with PRIDE!!
this guy came up to me and ran his fingers all the way through my hair to my scalp! I was like "do I know you? cuz that was an intimate move, bro" I also get, "you must not be fully black" and " how do you make it curly?" Um….I don't make it curly. God did that. I just take care of it.
I have been told millions of times, particularly by elderly women…"you need a perm!" no thanks
I had to add another comment…I had a friend tell me "Oh, you look fine natural, I'm natural too (always wears straightened hair) but I wouldn't wear it unstraightened to work or to a meeting because it would look unprofessional." Fast forward a few months…who sits in meetings with not only HER boss but THE boss every other week, with hair in an afro/twist-out/whatever? I DO!! hmm, must not've been THAT unprofessional….
Wow I'm reading these comments and they made me more upset than amused lol. When I was done I literally said in my mind " these comments really burn my grits!" (I'm a Southerner). Then I felt better and laughed at their ignorance & my corny thoughts C:
Angel3fall89
I am one of those people who announces "I am natural too" when I have weaves/braids because I am trying to RELATE to YOU and YOUR struggles/achievements with being natural. When I had my weave in and talked to several naturalistas, I always mention that I was natural as well yet I would have a weave in because I was growing my hair out and wearing a protective style. In conclusion, just realize that some people just want to relate to you even though it may be in disguise. 😉
Him: Let your soul glow.
Me: Don't make me cuss you.
I forgot one… from an Asian coworker regarding my TWA. "You look like Buddha." Wow…
You're not going to wear it in an afro, are you? Ummm…maybe. Why do you ask?
I can't go natural because my hair would be tight like yours. WTF! Whatever…
How long do you think you will wear it natural? I don't understand your question. Uhhhh…for the rest of my life.
I work with a very diverse group of men who have not seen me since I started wearing my natural hair. Needless to say it was a shock to them but I received the nicest comments until one showed up and asked "what happened to you?". It took all I had to remain calm and professional and not cuss him out!
I'm an Army officer and I've heard "What's WRONG with your hair?" or "you need to do something about your hair" or even worse when an older black man (who I outrank) actually had someone come over to question me about my hair (a white woman who was clearly uncomfortable) and then saw me later and tried to tell me all these reasons my hair would interfere with wearing my uniform properly (which it didn't until it started to grow even bigger! lol), anyways he finally gets the point and references the Army Regulations saying that hair can't be "unkempt or ragged in appearance"! I was FLOORED, I was not expecting that. When I tell him "my hair is NOT unkempt and ragged" he has the nerve to say that he's trying to help me. No that's not helping me or any other young woman who's brave enough to embrace the way that God made her. And I've heard so many times how women cover their hair with these terrible looking weaves and wigs because they're afraid to wear their hair in its natural state because they don't want to be harassed. Makes me sad, people see that you're happy and comfortable in who you are and proceed to tear you down.
Most of my family members either say something nice or don't say nothing at all out of love and respect for me. My mom did, however, tell me that my hair looked a little dry when we were getting ready for family portraits, so I looked in the mirror and added a little oil. No biggie. I do get the "good hair" comments and the "your hair would be long if you straightened it." I mostly ignore negative comments or if i'm not in a peppy mood that day I snap. I don't socialize much so I rarely get any negative comments. My boyfriend of 3 yrs, whom i met before I went natural, respects my choice but I can tell he misses my shoulder length relaxed hair lol. I have had to stop asking his opinion on my hairstyles b/c he is honest about it lol. As the old saying goes, "don't ask questions you don't want the answer to."
Actually, the worst comments come from people who call themselves friends and family. I once got a blow to get my hair trimmed. My friends said I looked like Don King. After my BC, my BF said I looked like a little boy. Once it grew in thick, she said I looked like Jamie Foxx in breaking all the rules. The heathen in me is tempted to tell her to STFU and just live in relaxer paradise with her ignorance bliss. But I refrain. A woman at my college said I looked like I was about to blow something up when I BC'd and was rocking a TWA. And of course, the constant, "Are you ever gonna straigten your hair comments? I've never seen you with sraight hair." Well, don't hold your breath. You just might faint.
My dad has fine, rather silky hair. So do I if i put gel in it but sometimes I don't because I like the fuller look. One day he saw my hair big and out touched it and said "Well i thought you had my family's hair but I see you really have your mothers" (She's been natural for a few years and has gorgeous hair so was that an insult to me AND your wife?) I think he thought it was a harmless tease but it hurt.
The best thing someone has said about my hair is that I look like a diva!
The worst thing was when my mom asked me if I was going to comb it.
People just say anything without thinking but sometimes they say something nice.
Oh, I've heard this one too…people ask, "why did you cut your hair?" So I say, "I'm growing out my natural hair. No more relaxers." Then they reply, "Oh lordy, don't tell me they done got you too!"…wtf, like it's some group that made you bc or transition or something. 3 people said the same thing in the same month…This was a smart thing to do by choice, not by force
Them:What's is that? A texturizer, a perm?
Me:No, it's a few palm fulls of eco styler gel!
I went to church with my brother and his wife. And 3 people which were all natural sat in front of us. My brother bust's out and say's of I wanted to tell you that a lot of people here where their hair in the "Nubian Style". Not that it was a ignorant comment, but I've never hear of anyone else referring to our hair as the nubian style. That was so back in the day! #pleasecatchup
My brother told me last year that he and he believes Black men perceive women with natural hair as being those who can afford to get their hair 'done'. ;/ He crazy.
This just inspired me to write a post about a couple of outlandish people say about my hair. My students are included in this too. I just think its very hilarious.
www.tomikiominded.com
I have to say as a new natural of 9 months, I have gotten so much love from people. Especially black women–in the mall, at church, at work, at the store, so many have come up to me and complimented me on my hair and inquired about what I do to it. I love this because it shows that women can be loving and supportive to one another!
Some of the comments that I get that make me chuckles are:
-"Is that all your hair?" And then proceed to try to touch my scalp for a weave check. lol!
-"Natural hair looks good on you, you have the face for it, not everyone could wear that."
-"You look like you came across some rivers, are you American?"
-"You have a nice grade of hair, my hair is straight up negro. That's why I could never go natural."
I take it all in stride, but like I said before, my experience has been very positive. Before I went natural, I was so afraid and nervous about this big hair change, but it has been one of the best decisions that I've made in my life. I try to encourage other women to embrace their hair and to keep their routine simple, AND have fun with it. I always say "If I can do it, so can you."
~caramelcurls
Have mercy… Uncle Ruckus!! Can't some people just be ignorant?!
I was with a friend earlier this year, we were looking at a pic of someone we knew who had just big chopped – her permed hair was just shy of waist length, her natural is pretty kinky.
So my friend proceeds to say, "Her hair was so long before; I thought she would have had a better grade of hair than that."
…I just looked at her, I ain't got time for this ish.
For kicks: I had some small box braids/pixies in, my white co-worker looks at me and is like, "How long did it take for you to get that WEAVE put in?!"
I just burst out laughing, I can't, I can't!
i would hate to live where yall live. the only thing people have asked was if i had a texturizer and how do i get my hair to curl? but those are just questions and to me no question is stupid. i just answer them and keep it moving. we were all once "them" at one point… just saying.
There have been so many ridiculous shenanigans about my look even before I went natural. "Oh you're so exotic. where are you from?" I'm a Georgia peach born, bred, and raised. When I actually big chopped I always heard, "oh how long have you been in America?". Ummm what? Now that I have some length and my son is a curly baby himself, I typically get "aren't you glad about what President Obama did for illegal immigrants?" ugh I really wish slapping the piss outta folks was legal.
Speak the truth my sista…those are all valid points of concern/interest…its good to hear of what others may go thru, and to know your not alone…i too, have heard the you must have the "indian gene"…i have yet to experience, the reach out and want to touch ya…i dont know, of many black ppl wanting to touch the hair of other ethnic groups…all i can say is, lets respect the space…i appreciate your article, and much success on your natural hair journey…:DDD
Many times, I act like I don't hear people the first time & ask them to repeat themselves just to make them think about the foolishness coming out of their mouths…
1. Good hair/Indian comments
2. "Are you into the whole Erykah Badu, India Arie, spoken word thing?"
3. "I really want you to meet so and so! You'll like her, she has natural hair just like you!"
4. Wig or weave? I dealt w/that while I was relaxed it's annoying!
5."What do you eat to get your hair so long?"
6."So do you think you'll ever straighten your hair again?" or "You should straighten your hair, it's so long!"
7."I like your hair better when you wear this/that (usually more defined curly) style!"
8."You have the face for natural hair!"
9."I love your hair now, but at first I didn't really know what was going on!"
10." I love your hair natural but (so and so)!Unh uhn She needs to get a perm because her hair is not like yours!" -I think this hurts me the most to hear a sister try to praise me by putting another sister down!
11."Oh, so you going natural now?" – Uh no. I AM natural. Have been for a while now, hence the huge fro!
"Did you go natural because (enter a celebrity name)went natural?" O_o#toothrough
I laugh when people say "I know you love your short hair because you dont have to do anything to it"….I understand why they would think that but its the opposite. I co-wash everyday, do the LOC method (let it dry 50%) then add gel and style (which includes combing and finger coiling the longer hairs)….plus i have to lay my eye shadow down and where a banging outfit and accessorize….Since my big chop i get up an hour earlier….How's that for no work…
#thisisntjusthairitsalifestyle….
hahaha
a funny post to read and its true
people always ask my mum whether all my sister's hair is hers, because she's dark skinned its like people don't expect her to have long healthy hair and now other sister who very brown skinned also has long hair, however no one questions whether all the hair on her head is hers. They assume it is.
the world we live in!
Naomi
xoxo
www.black-cheri.blogspot.co.uk
to Annie L @ June 28, 2012 3:31 AM
"a game of horseSHOOOOE" ROFL!
I've been wearing my hair in its natural 4c pattern since 2008 (a bout of alopecia brought the relaxers to a lumbering halt), and my Dad still hasn't reconciled with it. He used to make ethnic slurs to my face. Yep you heard me, Black man making ethnic slurs. Soo glad I live +900 miles away sometimes…
FForward to 2012. He makes digs behind my back now. I guess that's an improvement.
I love my Pops, but he is like Uncle Ruckus when it comes to all things Black…
*SMH*
I dislike it when people say "what's wrong with your hair"….such ignorant people. They don't desrve a comment.
'Your hair is so….*blink*blink*…..preeeetty' (fake smiles, clasps hands to chest and tilts head to side as if addressing a small child or pet – random stranger).
'Can't you just…?' (sighs as words fail her on what could possibly be 'done' to my hair – my mother, the same woman with tons of photos of her own big a** fro and criminally revealing hot pants and go-go boots between 1970-79).
'You look like those Brooklyn Buppies (Black yuppy) in one of my districts!' (my naturally wavy and flat-iron addicted sister who works in government). She also swears the 'Buppy-effect' is amplified when I put on my over-sized 'nerd' glasses.
Loudly sings 'a game of horseSHOOOOE….' or 'EX-O-DUS!' (same smartass, jackass sister who'll reference Arrested Development, Bob Marley or other natural singers when talking about my hair. Total buppy.
The worst I get is from my family.
Man your hair is so thick!
Girl your hair is so thick you should just cut it all off!
When are you gonna comb your hair?!
Here comes Simba!
You need to get your hair pressed and forget about all this natural stuff.
You need to go to the shop!
It just goes on and on but I just figured out it makes me happy to be natural so say what you want big hair don't care!
Great piece, made me lol and smh at the same time. The most annoying comment I get is, can you comb it!
Great piece, made me lol and smh at the same time. The most annoying comment I get is, can you comb it!
Well just today a colleague told me that I have to twist my hair right. What ever that means. Meanwhile she has extensions in her hair. I replied that I could twist and that no one will touch my hair except if I decide to blow dry and press which is not any time soon.
LOl @ Curlylocz I love the reply to your colleague. That is priceless.
@ anon 11:03 p.m. that's foul and sad. Guess we know who has the mental problem.
I went to the dentist yesterday and the hygenist said I pretty hair. She mentioned that a lot of women who come in have all these weaves and hairpieces but I was fortunate to have so much thick, pretty hair. Then she told me about a patient who had come in earlier (who was natural) and she was wearing a fro with a part. She said ol' girl looked like Krusty the Clown. I was thinking ummm that's rude but I just smiled and let it go.
I applaud everyone having a sense of humor. I wish I could; I just recoil when ignorant things are said. I find myself not wanting to associate with people who say stuff like this. The "good hair comments" really get me. I feel that with so much going on in the world it just seems so surface to berate another for how they wear their hair. I see styles I don't prefer to wear but I never make negative comments to people or berate them. I just don't get it anymore.
Oh my goodness thank you for this article because I have been asked these say question since I was young. Someone asked me if I was fully black I said yes they said that i was lying because black people do not have long hair or curly hair. I was mad dogged the whole day. In high school several guys (black) told me that I was the only black girl they knew with long hair and that it is not a weave. I never really made alot of friends because girls always did not like me because of my hair they told me that I think I am better and show off my hair not true. People even assume it is a weave any way I wear it until I comb it when it is straight their mouths drop.
Megan Montgomery
"I'd like to make an appt. to get your hair done, my treat" (my mother)
"You wear your hair like that because you don't care about yourself and I think there is something mentally wrong with you".
One of many reasons we are divorcing…
Are you mixed? Is that "your" hair? Is it every gonna grow down instead of up?
People have referred to my hair as "sheep's wool". Not really sure if I should be happy and say thank you or feel offended?
my best/worst was my courtesy of my freshman year roommate. While I was spraying my hair in the morning, she was looking on with a quizzical/concerned look on her face. She broke the awkward silence by saying "I'm glad my hair is… manageable" (she has pin straight hair). I've come up with several witty retorts since then, but I was at a loss at the time.
"Is that real!" from a white teacher at my high school. " Do you comb it", "Damn, your fro is huge!", and "Are you growing deads?", "Have you ever straighten it?" from classmates. "You look like Esperanza Spalding." from step mom and brother. "You need to pick it out a little more.", "You know that hot comb can get those roots."from mom. There's more, but too many to type.
I haven't had one yet, with the exceptional "you have good hair". My daughter on the other hand works at Old Navy, and she has been called a "nappy head b#$%&" to a person who accused her of putting a texturizer in her hair and that she should be ashamed of herself for trying to be like white people! WTH?
This ignorance came from 2 African American women, both who were wearing unkept weaves according to my daughter. Peoples ignorance just amazes me at times!
-I had a friend suggest to me one time that I would look "real pretty" if I got a short hair cut. Mind you this is the same friend that told me that little blk girls shouldn't wear more then 3 pony tails in their hair, or else they look ghetto.(aka too blk)
-I recently seen a friend of mine from undergrad at the mall.While I was all happy 2 see her and trying 2 give her a hug and catch up…all she could do was stare at my hair and say.."soooo you went natural?my homegirl was trying to talk me into going natural but I can't do it"-Since when does someone have to talk you into wearing your hair a certain way?" WTF?..Little did she know I've ALWAYS been natural,just stopped pressing it straight and adding heat to it.It just really showed me the insurities and miss conceptions about blk hair
-"Your daddy must have really nappy hair cause your mother's hair is really straight and pretty.You look like your daddy. REALLY???(This was said to me in high school)
I have one that should top all of these comments. My own mother, in front of a family friend, asked why I had turds in my head! Turds! Even the friend was taken aback! Mind you, my hair was freshly washed and I had it in Bantu Knots. I know that it is just ignorance but whatever happened to " if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all"?
When I wear it straight they assume its weave because it's long and if I wear it curly they assume its weave because its long.. I'm from Michigan but live in NY now and always get the you must be from the islands question? OR "it was so long before why it short when curly?!" Then I have explain shrinkage..The one that gets me the most perturbed is "you got that good hair!" OH MY GOODNESS! Haven't we grown further than this comment. Had to school a teenager in the beauty salon who wanted said that my daughter and I MUST be puerto-rican and black cuz our hair is so pretty. Or how about the people who think they are giving you a compliment by saying you must be their nationality. Lady told me once "If you were in the Dominican Republic they would think you were one of us!" She was smiling like I should be jumpin up and down with glee! When you say I'm African-american they say "you MUST have something else in you!" It's insulting that people believe that you have to be mixed with some other ethnicity to be considered attractive. As I tell my nieces over and over again.."no such thing as GOOD hair!" hair. I may wear it straight or I may wear it curly.
I'm sorry but I am rolling on the floor laughing. This was a great piece.
"Is that your real hair" is the #1 crazy talk but I hate when they don't believe and ask again "All of it?" and the crazy thing is my hair isn't even that long…lol. Not only does natural hair make you deal with your own issues, it exposes you to the foolishness of others real quick.
Silly Comments:
"Is that your real hair? I get confused because some days it's straight and other days it's curly and short?" Yeah, curly hair, well, curls up thus making my hair appear shorter.
"My hair doesn't curl like yours so you must be mixed with something." Somehow our hair must exactly the same texture because there's no way my hair can be different without me being mixed with something.
"You have that White people hair." Not comment didn't make sense and still doesn't now. It was meant as a compliment but since I'm Black it just sounds silly to me.
I've also encountered other comments stated in the article. Tired of explaining.
Jas
I'm in high school and occasionally when I'm riding on the bus, someone will pull on my hair. I'm not tall enough to see over the seat without making it obvious and wouldn't have anything to say because I have no people skills. When I get off the bus and look back to see who it was, it's usually someone I would never talk to or don't know well so why do they think it's okay?
I work in corporate and this older gentlman in my office, we'll call him "Mr. Whiteman", had the nerve to tell me that he liked my hair more confined instead of the really big afro I usually sport. He said, "I feel like you have to turn sideways to get through the front door." I said, "And that would be such a bad thing, because???"
I was on the elevator at work, a group of people get on. A white woman gets on and says, "I love your hair, it's so cute". I thank her. A white man says, "I'm sure it was a lot of work". I reply, "No it wasn't". The white lady chimes back in and asks, "It's a permanent, isn't it?" I say, "No, it isn't". She replies, "That's your natural hair!?!" I reply, "Yes, it is." "Well, you're lucky because it looks expensive. It looks just like a permanent", she replies. Needless to say, I WAS ROFL INSIDE!!!
There's no one in the house so that last one actually made me shout, WHAT?!
As for being Foxy! Yeah I get that one from my boyfriend all of the time, he's white so one day I said, oh my gosh, Pam Grier and all the other women you named aren't the only black women in the world with fros.
Hurt. Actually hurt, he says that he was complementing me by comparing me to strong, powerful women real or fake.
He keeps trying to encourage me to open up my own natural hair salon in wv. I don't have any money, lol. Love his vote of confidence though.
I've been stalking the Curly Nikki site for weeks in preparation for my own "hair revolution"…I'll be going natural this Friday. Can't Wait! And this article has got me laughing all kinds of out loud (which isn't the best b/c I'm at a desk out in the open for the whole world to see). If these are the comments I have to look forward to at least I know I won't be alone.
I was in the club and this girl tapped my shoulder and said "your hair looks good girl, the curly look is in, next time you should go for longer" I shrugged it off and then she motioned with her hands *thumbs up* and mouths "little longer"… So I approached her and informed her that "yes I am going for longer but…. this is my REAL hair so it'll take a few more months for the length"……Her face was priceless. Silly lady lol
i wasn't planning to post anything but after perusing the readers' experiences with negative comments, i just had to write something. i am absolutely appalled by some of the things certain ignorant folks have the audacity to say to those of us who wear our hair "the way it grows out of our heads". what, pray tell, is wrong with wanting to be who you are, look like who you are, etc. i think i was most taken aback by the comments: the permanent being made so we can look decent, and the "n..hair". puhleez!!!
Last month,I was dressed up and looking good for a night of clubbing in Miami. I have a TWA and I thought I had styled it nicely. This guy came up to me and tried to touch my hair. Then he said "Girl you look like you are straight from The Color Purple!" I had no words.
The only comment I get is from my husband and it's because he misses the length of my relaxed hair. I keep telling him to be patient, it will grow. He'll be ok because I love my hair journey.
Wow, wow wow I have so many.
I've had so many people come up and just touch my hair one lady said I know I'm not suppose to do this but…touch…man you have so much hair!
I told my mom someone thought I was wearing a wig and she said, why would someone pay for hair that looks uncombed.
My mother in law (who is natural by default) gave me a hair product because it makes her hair "ball" (curl) up and she wants straight hair w/o a relaxer…(yeah I can't figure it out either)
People who think EVERY style I wear is an afro, nope a twist/braid/bantu/knot out is NOT an afro.
I told my mom I'm working on growing my hair bra strap length (its collar bone length now) she laughed and said I don't think you have the genes for that, when I told her its more about care than genes she said, ha, good luck with that one…
Got my hair trimmed and I never wear it out in a curly fro but went to the store from the salon, when I came home my husband asked, you went out in public like that?
Ultimate and last one I'll share the question I get from everyone "so how long you are you gonna wear your hair like that/when are you going to get a relaxer?" Coupled with my question for my curly haired 8 month old son, when you gonna cut his hair? And the shocked looks when I say…I dunno when he asks for it…
Mostly women stare, trying to figure out if its all mines…yes it is 🙂 I've had people straight out ask me is that your hair? I even had my aunt's finger in my hair checking for tracks! She said, "I thought it was a piece or something, i wanted to know where you got it." For real auntie?! Anywho I love my hair, and the bigger(style)it is the better!
Well I've had a few ignorant comments/stares. But the worst comment/S was when I seen a co-worker in the hallway and stopped to speak to her. While starring at my head…she made a disgusting look and said, "I'm not used to seeing you with your hair not done!" My hair was pulled back in a ponytail with curly puff. lol
The crazy thing is she wears loc's that she doesn't take care of AT ALL! Her hair is very fine and you can tell that the loc's are way too HEAVY for her butt length loc's. She wear head bands ALL THE TIME…since I've been at the job…that's eleven years!!!!!!lol She has no edges and the loc's look a hot stuck together knottydread mess! I was so surprised to hear this coming from her! I digress.
The other one that stands out. I was speaking to an ex and told him that I had went natural…that I wear my hair in it's natural state now. Then he replied, oh so you wear your hair "in that nappy style! He laughed, then had the audacity to ask me to send him a picture so he could look at it! # Waitonit
The last one REALLY HURT MY FEELINGS! Because this came from a close friend of mine. While I've gotten a few ignorant comments, I've also gotten mostly possitive ones! 🙂 Anyways, back when I first started out, I made natural of the month Jan. 2006 (Motowngirl) remember her site? Yeah, well I was SUPER EXCITED to show all my family and friends! You couldn't tell me I wasn't the ish! But when I showed him the pictures: I seen the look in his face. AND HE DID NOT LIKE MY NEW LOOK!!!:( His reaction LITERALLY DEFLATED THE AIR OUT OF MY BALLON! He couldn't even play it off for my sake. The most he mustered was, I really like when your hair is in braids! #AREYOUSERIOUS
When I first decided to go natural I told this dude I was talking to that I was going natural and he said "so that mean you're going to wear your hair nappy"
"You like your hair like that?"
When its raining, "Naw girl, you can give me that umbrella, I know you happy to be nappy!"
"So you'll neeeever get your hair done?!" It's clean, it's styled, IT IS DONE!! smh
I love your posts! They are hilariously REAL lol. My own sister (who is 16) asked me how do I "make my hair curly like that, and when I explained to her I just wash it and let it be she asked me "Are you sure?" As if she didnt believe that is my natural texture? Wth? Our mothers side of family has mostly fine hair, and we have different fathers, so I am the one with the thick kinky/curly hair and my sister has fine hair. Then she had the audacity to say "Tori you got nigga hair". Needless to say I went completely off. Umm if you meant "black people hair", of course thats what I got, I am Black (and proud). Smh its pure ignorance!
Victoria N. (Indianapolis)
When I told my grandmother that I will not get relaxers anymore she said (in her deep South accent) "Why ya wanna look like a woman from the jungle? That's what THEY made the perm for. For us to look decent!" I was like whoa……..
NaturalFox
"Heyyy Ms. Ross!!" 0_0
Stranger:"How long did it take you to do that to your hair?"
Me:*looks at watch* "about 15 minutes" 🙂
Stranger: "THAT must be convenient."
Me: "It really, truly is." 😉
"I like you hair curly like that, BUT I also REALLY liked it straight." Again… 0_0
"Are you going to ever use a straightening comb or something on your hair?"-my youngest sister
I have only gotten positive comments from mostly non black people. I think black people have more of a problem with natural hair than others. I have had weird stares from all, but I guess some people can keep un nice thoughts to themselves.or they are scared I will do a afro chan on them. Sometimes people look at me and smirk or laugh with their friends. Who cares I just add a little more swag to sweeten the idea that I am confident in my natural hair and really dont care what anyone says or think. I get the indian reference..but truth is my family is mutli-ethnic..It is hard to find a pure black person or any pure anyone in the Western hemisphere.
My ex was always asking me "When you gonna get your hair done?" -__- Hence the "ex".
the worst i've heard is when you plan on getting a relaxer again? and that was from my own mama who i've told milions of times in the 2 years i been natural that I wont be going back.
Ive also heard that go on head diana ross/ erykah badu/ india arie smh
also "why you never wear your hair straight"
and "how you get your hair to curl"
Did you go natural because you saw Good Hair?
I've never seen that movie.
The questions/comments I got that made no sense came mostly before I went natural. When I was still relaxing I got a short "Halle Berry" cut. When people asked what prompted the style change I would say, "Oh, I'm getting ready to go natural" One coworker replied "So you mean you're not gonna comb your hair anymore?" and a coustomer replied "Why you wanna walk around with your hair all matted up and nappy?! She was actualy angry that I was going natural! I kindly replied (cause I was at work) "There are plenty of ways that a woman can wear her hair when its natural"
Another comment that made me upset came after I was natural for about four months, again when I was at work (so glad I don't work there anymore!) Another customer with natural hair came in and I stopped to ask her about what products she used. When I went to write them down and a white coworker asked me what I was so excited about and I said I found out about some hair products that I wanted to try. Her response was "Its about time you did something to your hair" in my mind I was like B*#@! please! But again I kindly explained to her that I "do" something to my hair all the time.
Another thing I hate is when People (white pleople) say that my hair is too "excotic". Come on now, what does that mean???
Toya H
I've only beenc trans. for 3 months. But even when my hair was relaxed, I'd cringe when I heard the "good hair" statement. My mother taught us that all hair was good whether it was kinky or silky straight. I've also heard the "good grade of hair" statement too…which I also cringe at.
#ignorance
You know what is sad, I hear this junk from my black sista's more than anyone! done.com
I'm Trinidadian, so I get all the time "oh, you must be able to grow your hair long b/c you have multiple races in your family". May I please point you in the direct of my Senegalese/Gambian friend, who has always had natural hair, and whose hair currently falls to her buttcrack when straightened. She is not even 1% European, or "Indian", or Asian. She is 1000% African, because when you moisturize and keep your ends trimmed, your hair can be as long as you want it to be.
Yes. All of it.
If I hear 'you trying to look like Jill Scott/Foxy Brown/Chaka Khan or is that a wig?' One more time… somebody is gonna get choked out!
j/k – but seriously, stop it.
It's ok to say my hair looks nice or wow! you have a lot of hair.
“You got that GOOD hair, it is easy to maintain if you had hair like mine you would not know what to do with it." EXCUSE me? So you’re trying to say my hair just magically play nice and I don't have to worry about moisture, oiling, washing, ssk, detangling, protein treatment, henna or maintenance so that it can be healthy….OOOOO I just sit around and be lazy and POUF like magic it is healthy. I hate comments like that… they made it seem as if I never work hard for what I got. The last time this was told to me by one of my friends and to challenge this comment I told her let me take care of your hair for a few months and let us see what comes of it….few months later her hair got even thicker, was stronger, less split ends, less ssk and retain length…CHILE I do know what to do with YOUR hair look in the mirror. smh
A friend of mine just posted this: "This dude just said Afrocentric hairstyles are for married women, or chics who enjoy not getting chose at the club." Really?! Lol all I could say was bless his heart!
My favorite is always "I'm natural too!" with this ever-so-hopeful look on their faces; because this comment usually comes from someone wearing a wig, or weave. Not that there's anything wrong with either of those options, but why do you feel you have to announce to me that you are natural, but you aren't willing to show it?
Most often asked: "What you put in your hair to make it do that?";
Most ignorant: "You got a good grade of hair/good hair." (what grade is that, A+? ..and how good because it definitely don't do what I say! lol)
Saddest (after discussing how the relaxer she had was thinning her hair): "I can't do that though, I'd rather go gradually bald than go natural" <— true story
Ok I understand the frustration when someone assumes that your hair is not real and how their comments might make one feel uncomfortable. However, I also see a flip side here. It is incredible that you have been blessed with a natural God given asset and that you receive compliments and attention from it. People are so used to everything being fake and manufactured (i.e. nails, tons of make-up, botox, and yes hair) that of course they will automatically default to such conclusions) Not saying I excuse or condone such behaviors. However I do feel some of the reactions are petty and could be taken in stride with your head (of gorgeous natural hair) and say yea I got this!!!!
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I was wearing a twist out set on rollers at a conference and this white lady actually complimented me. She wanted to know how I did it because she could never get her hair to curl. Other than the usual "what do you use to get your hair so curly" when I wear a wash and go, most inquiries come from other naturals with a genuine interest. I did have a male colleague tell me that the "Afrocentric" look can be intimidating to some men. I nicely told him that I'm allergic to bullsh*t, so I guess we all have our pet peeves. 🙂
People say stuff that makes you wonder. I personally can't remember all the stuff people say, but my main pet peeve are people who touch my hair or think it's fake. Both of these things happened when my hair was relaxed, people thought my hair wasn't real because of how straight it would get. Now people just want to touch it. Then and now I do not like people touching my hair especially if I don't know where your hands have been.
But I will say as I see more natural hair ladies rocking their curls, I realize and embrace the breadth of textures we all have and that you can be darker than coal and have a loose texture or lighter than rice and have the tightest curl/coil ever.
Our hair is awesome!!!
How do you get your hair to do that? (Most often get this while wearing a wash and go, even from my own Mama).
What are you mixed with? (Doesn't help that I'm light skinned. Then they really think I'm mixed).
I see you Macy Gray/Erykah Badu/Jill Scott. (Sigh)
I like your hair but I could never go natural. (You mean, you don't want to go natural).
You are so particular about your products. (Then, when on a retreat/trip, can I borrow some [fill in the blank] because I know you use that good stuff on your hair).
Naturals can be so judgmental about relaxed girls. (You mean as judgmental as you are right now by applying a generalization to an entire group of people).
Look at those waves in your hair, you've got some good hair or I've known since you were younger you had good hair. I couldn't be natural cause it looks like you could break some combs. What motivated you to wear your hair like that? The list is endless.
Brooke B.
"how do you get your hair like that?" My answer: I wet it and put condtioner in it, sometimes gel. "yeah but what do you do to it?" but…i just told you…augh. "ok but what makes it curl?" I think they are implying that I must have some sort of chemical process, or maybe they think i use a tiny curling iron to get my hair curly. Or that I use some magic activator..i don't. If your hair is curly/spirally it will curl up no matter what you do to it/put in it. Nothing against perms lol sometimes I miss it, but some people just don't know anything about the hair coming out of their head.
you know what??? i have heard all of those and while i was reading this article, i was cringing and cracking up!!! i think the most disturbing comment i have gotten was, "i see that you are black (dark complexed) but someone snuck into the quarters way back when…" chile, i didn't know if that was a compliment or a slight…smh
"oh you got that good hair" while touching the hair
The list gets longer as minutes go by in a day!
:oh your hair is so cool! Do you use carol's daughter or all of the other stuff that natural girls go crazy over?
-if i do why does it matter?
:oh I get my hair keratin processed AND RELAXED…you have to be really careful not to touch it for two days or it could leave your hair permanently bent…you should try it…ummm, no I shouldn't! What kind of mess?!