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Curly Nikki

Change Your Thoughts and Break Your Patterns

By January 27th, 202115 Comments
Change Your Thoughts and Break Your Patterns
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Ever since my mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia, I’ve been worried that I would eventually face the same fate.

When you have a family history of mental illness, or any health
issue/disease for that matter, you can easily become engrossed with the
idea that you are going to get sick, too. You might mistake normal
bodily changes and occurences as more serious symptoms because you’re
subconsciously waiting for this self-fulfilling prophecy to come to
pass.

Even before she was diagnosed, there were obvious peculiarities to her
behavior that I also recognized in my maternal grandmother. So, I didn’t
need the diagnosis to know that there was something going on with them
that seemed to have been passed down from mother to daughter. With this
awareness, I would look at myself in the mirror and feel so hopeless.
Entering adulthood, I harbored thoughts of being damaged and broken. I
didn’t think I had a chance.

I don’t think that way anymore, but I do hear voices. Not the
persecuting voices that my mother and grandmother would often speak of,
but there are murmurs of fear that linger in my mind that I have to
constantly silence. They tell me that my family history has predisposed
me to a life mental and emotional struggle, and that I won’t be able
handle the life that I want for myself.  I know these are lies, but
sometimes I lose my resolve and I doubt.  I don’t trust my own
experience.

Can you in some way relate these feelings to your life?  Is there
something that you are allowing to hold you back?  Today, I’m asking you
to join me in being brave and facing those fears.  I believe that
personal power starts with awareness.  God gives us everything that we
need and often, due to our circumstances, we are too afraid to see it. 
Give yourself a chance to write your own story.  Just give yourself a chance. 

Promise?  Okay, me too.

PLPT
is co-authored by Kim Jackson and GG Renee with the intention of
connecting with women through messages of self-love and personal
freedom. We believe that true beauty starts on the inside and radiates
outward, so maintaining emotional health and balance should be an
essential part of every woman’s beauty regimen. We use this platform
as an opportunity to share our personal experiences, and to help other
women who are seeking guidance to find their own truths and live
fabulously. 

15 Comments

  • Roc$tar says:

    I can really relate! I am dealing with a father who has been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and anger issues. My mom is also, schizophrenic. It makes mefeel I am predisposed and eventually it will show. It has! And I work everyday to deal with what is inside of me and live better!

  • Jessica Coletrain says:

    Thank you for sharing your story! It really is an inspiration to others

  • giggles says:

    whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorableand seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them].

  • Shashou says:

    I first want to say that I love that quote because it is sooo true. My grandmother passed away last year from breast cancer. She wasn't the first in my family to pass away from cancer. In some ways it has concerned me. And sometimes I have tendencies to fault normal things for those related to cancer. I've instead have been focusing on trying to become a better me in every way to ensure my health. Eating goods foods. Not just eating vegetables and fruits etc, but becoming more aware of where I am purchasing my foods. Seeing if there were pesticides used. Also getting into a better workout routine. And working on better mental health. Purposely thinking positive and on purpose. One thing that has really helped are the people I have in my life. They've helped me to stay focused and on track.

  • Gwenn4ya says:

    I don't hear voices, but I do have a great fear of rejection. I know this to be true and I believe that it has truly held me back from excelling in my career. At first I didn't know what it was, but something always was in my mind telling me that I'd never be good enough and I listened to that voice. It over powered me. It became who I was and I thought it, I believed it, I was it. I now know that it overcame me. Now I am overcoming it! I now know that if I want something, I have to step aside and not let the fear of rejection take over and keep me from doing the very things that I want to do. Because of that fear, I have not moved too much forward. I'm afraid that if I make one mistake, that I won't be able to complete the task or even be good at it. It doesn't matter what it is, fear has definitely held me back. I'm older now and aware of it. It seems perfectly fine for me to help others become optimistic about overcoming their fears, but so hard for me to do what I constantly coach others to do. It feels terrible to feel like you can't move forward and really want to move forwarrd. Something holds me back…guess who it is…me! I hold me back. I'm working towards letting go and stepping into my destiny. I'm not there yet, but I sure as the dickens aren't where I used to be!

  • SavanahRae says:

    So sorry to hear about your mother. I'm a worrier and if someone in the family becomes ill I start worrying that it is hereditary.

  • Derika says:

    I'm sorry to hear about your mom and grandmother! I believe in the power of healing. Do you? I believe they can be healed and delivered if someone prayed over them. Jesus did it and he says that we have the same power. Don't let the devil make you believe that you will become schizophrenic as well. He is a liar and he wants to put fear in you! I just wanted to give you some encouraging words! God bless!

  • eb says:

    Thank you so much for sharing, and for having the compassion for others to share. So many times we try to hide these things, and the truth is many of us are dealing with the same challenges.

    As a child I realized my mother had "issues", while she is not schizophrenic, she has been depressed the majority of my life, and suffers from other mental health challenges, as do other family members. To be honest as I get older, it scares me…. to realize that my mother wasn't just this way by "choice" but also do to an illness…. takes the control out of my hands if this is heriditary.

    However, I recently realized that even if I am predisposed, knowledge is power. I can seek treatment, I know to be vigilant, and I know to tell my loved ones what's going on with me so that they too can support and help me if there are changes in my behavior.

    I also took into account that a lot of mental illnesses are excerabated by stress, so I take steps to relieve stress in my life and to support my total health and well being. Taking my vitamins, working out, proper sleep ( I BIG ONE) and understanding more about the physical side of mental illness has been helpful as well.

    My mother's illness, and the way she has dealt with it is hers, not mine. My story is still being written and I'm making a concious decision to write it differently.

  • Megan M. says:

    I needed this I can relate to this post. My thoughts have made worry so much and I have stressed over it were I am having trouble sleeping and get chest pains because I am worried about my mother and myself as well, I get emotional just writing and thinking about it.

  • Thetruthisoutthere says:

    I wholeheartedly agree SM!

  • Thetruthisoutthere says:

    Dear GG – thank you for such a moving and encouraging story – I read your link to the original article which was beautiful and thought provoking, especially the following quote:
    "Whatever you have been through in life, please realize that challenges aren't meant to punish us. They are meant to make us more loving, more faithful and and more aware that there is more going on than what meets the eye. How could we ever appreciate beauty if we never saw pain? Or how could we empathize with anyone, if we never went through our own struggles?"

    I am a new nurse – and I want to state that I've read theories that illnesses like schizophrenia are a susceptability that could be passed from parent to child, but would NOT become manifested in the child unless the child underwent extreme stress during childhood (abuse or neglect), or extreme stress during early adulthood (difficult marriage, difficult finances, difficult childbirth). I reference the "Stress Diathesis Model" for schizophrenia.
    I have enjoyed your posts for so long – and I have learned so much from you. Your knowledge speaks from a place of truth and love, and reading the paragraph from your previous post confirms this for me, as I will adapt this to my life and interactions with others.

  • Carla says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story….SO powerful. My Grandmother was diagnosed with Dementia and watched my mother and Grandfather struggle to take care of her while she was alive. I live with the fear that either my mother or myself will have the same fate since it is hereditary. I'm with you in letting go of the fear and living life to the fullest 🙂

  • SM says:

    Hey GG,
    I can really relate to your story. I applaud you for being so brave and try to deal with all of the difficulties that come with having a close family member with mental illness. My mother is also schizophrenic. An illness that was born, I believe, out of suffering many years of unhappiness and prejudice (she lived in apartheid era South Africa), a lack of fulfilment as well as any genetic predisposition. By some strange twist of fate my husband's mother has bipolar disorder. I am conscious of a general anxiety, not about myself, but about my oldest son, who is now aged 5 and a very sensitive soul. But history does not have to repeat itself. A repetition of such a condition is not inevitable. Hopefully, our circumstances and life experiences and our reactions to stress and difficulty will lead to a different outcome. Self awareness and living, if possible, in a nurturing environment mean that we and those around us are not bound to develop this illness. For better or worse, we are in a unique position to tackle the condition if it does develop. Meanwhile, I try to focus on the positive and accept that for my mother, I can only do the best I can.

  • Davina916 says:

    I can relate to some of this post. Powerful, indeed!

  • Miss Anne says:

    I Promise 🙂

    That's a really powerful message and touches me right now. A lot of change is happening in my life and sometimes I admit I am scared. As I turn 30 in 4 weeks… I pray I can let go of some of those fears and truly, truly start to live for real and plan my future. Change happens… change is good… and I believe it will be real good for me 🙂

    God bless you GG

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