I’ve come to realize in my coaching practice that most issues boil down to helping my clients with self love and acceptance in all areas of their life. Here on CurlyNikki and other natural hair blogs I notice this message of love as well. Namely, loving your hair, and doing all you can to nurture and take care of it. I’ve decided that loving your hair is so overrated. Just because it’s natural, it’s yours and it’s on your head doesn’t mean you have to love it. I say you don’t need to love, like, or even tolerate your natural hair when it’s so easy to just hate it!
Here’s how to be sure you hate your natural hair:
- Have no hair goals
- Have no regimen
- Try everything
- Compare your hair to others
The first step to hating your hair is to have no goal that you want to reach hair-wise. This will ensure that you don’t commit to treating your hair well and taking care of it so it’ll grow healthy and strong. Be sure to be as wishy washy as you can with setting goals for your hair, or better yet, don’t attempt to set any at all. We wouldn’t want to accidentally reach one.
The next step to hating your hair is to have no regimen to follow. This is key if you want to flounder aimlessly and blame your hair for looking, feeling and behaving the way it does. Treat your hair one way this week and completely different the next, so as to remain unsatisfied and confused with it. Always keep your hair and scalp guessing. This leads to hair hate!
Always do different things so you’ll never know what works best for you. Do not keep things simple, complicate it as best you can. You must try every product, trick, tip, process, and idea you ever hear of, the more outlandish the better! This will keep your hair hate-worthy by ensuring you have no stability and no success. Be sure to try all the products and processes at the same time for enhanced hate results.
The single most important way to hate your hair is to constantly compare it to the hair of others. If you do nothing else to hate your hair, I implore you, please, do this. Look at every curly, kinky, coily, wavy head of hair you see with envy. Look at hair types different than your own and pine away for locks like that. If you have loose 3b waves, pine away for a lush thick huge 4b afro. If you’ve got a TWA, berate it for not being hip length coils. Look at the features of your hair and find a way to make it not good enough. It helps if you have old photos of yourself with permed hair so you can compare your natural hair to your permed hair.
Buck the trend of loving your hair! Follow the steps laid out for you above and you’ll have a long life of hair hatred ahead of you. Good Luck!
I can totally agree with this. Learning to deal with something other than loose curls/coils is exhausting, especially when you add in time constraints. I'm wearing braids for the forseeable future because I simply don't have time to mess/experiment with my hair, work at a new job, AND take care of a newborn. I simply can't chance that my hair will look a hot mess every day while I 'figure it out.'.
Hilarious article. But so true, comparing your hair to others is the easiest way to end up hating your own hair. Just focus on yourself and embrace what the lord gave ya!
if you think it's negative then i'm afraid you've missed it.
I think with goals sometimes we have to reset them. Often times we don't hit our goals the first time. I know for myself I always wondered with it seemed my hair never grew for years. But then I changed my regimen by not getting relaxers as much. My hair grew almost 3 inches in 5 months. Then I just stopped relaxing altogether once I realized what was hindering much of the growth. I also learned that growth is a sign of healthy hair. So if you have length goals….. cool, just make sure its for the right reasons. My almost daily regimen is a wash a go(simple). I BC'ed after 9 months of transitioning, my hair has grown almost a 1/2 inch every month. I think thats a good sign.
I liked this post. I think that when we see the word "regimen" we automatically think it has to be something complicated with like 20 steps and take all day. You can have a regimen that is simple and effective, the key is to be consistent with it.
Great article. Funny. Thanks for all the tips. lol
I totally agree with Donna below me I did not reach my goal of bra-strap length I was disappointed. My hair is right above bra strap lerngth, I said to myself my hair must not grow at all. I felt that my hair was ugly. Excellent article!
Danni: Your post is true to point.
I committed all four of those until I learned how to stop comparing myself to others. Also, I had to relearn to appreciate the hair I have, and it started with accepting my curls are the only ones I have, and I better learn to take care of them appropriately so I don't lose them.
When you think about it, it is most disadvantageous when someone compares his or herself to another, because one doesn't take into account what the other person had go through to get what he or she has.
Great article; I love the tongue-in-cheek slant. Although I don't have any specfic hair goals right now, I definitely don't hate my hair. I take good care of it, and it's flourishing. (I guess taking care of your hair can be considered a goal).
How is your hair really? And when are you most comfortable with it. I.e. wetnwavy wildncrazy straight etc.
I felt like this article spoke to me in so many ways. It made me loook back to when I use to be upset with my hair for not growing as fast as I wanted it to. When I gave up on that "want" and really started appreciating my hair for what it does my hair envy went out the window. I now feel like me and my hair are besties. Lol.
I also feel that this article is in response to some of the comments I have been reading lately. Who care if your hair isn't 3c down to your waist. Who cares is your hair isn't as wild as 4b hair defying gravity. Love your hair accessorize it and style it the way it wants/needs to be and not how someone elses hair is (especially if you are totally different textures. But I promise if you style your hair in the way it wants to be you will grow to love and accept your hair:) I did;)
Wow! You spend that much time on your hair? My heart goes out to you.
This is deep… And TRUE! I've found myself saying that I 'hate my hair' because I was looking at someone else's hair, wishing it was mine! I have been natural for more than 10-years, but wore weaves, straightened it with the flat iron, which broke it off, and just didn't take care of it! So, now I am starting over. Cut off that hair that I didn't love and nuture… I have now been natural for 6-months and I LOVE MY HAIR, as short and thin as it is! It is getting healthier and I love that!
The things that you have said in this post can be applied to daily life! AWESOME points/post! Thank you!
The author just said hair goals. It wasn't specific to length. Some people set goals about moisture retention or healing their scalp. It depends.
OH this is hilarious!
@ A-in-the-South: I understand COMPLETELY what you mean by," I mean literally t-i-r-e-d of spending hours at night on my hair and
waking up to potential disaster. I got tired of wetting my hair
everyday, buying leave-ins every week and spending 30 minutes on it
every morning with no new results. TIRED"!! I have, what i like to call, "the UN-tameable mane". I was natural for most of my life, then i relaxed it and about 2.5 years ago i SHAVED it all off..BEST DECISION EVER! It's been 1.5 years since and my hair is super chunky thick, ALWAYS has been, and long. My hair, like the weather, is extremely unpredictable. Doesn't matter what "regiment" one does, not everyone's hair behaves the same. I don't follow how-to's or not-to's etc because it's like life….What works for the sample doesn't always apply to the population.
I have eczema on my scalp, which irritates the dog crap outta me most days. I moisturize EVERYDAY, as well as add water to my hair not scalp… I learned that oils, water and such irritate it, so i use lights creams and lotion for my moisturizers…Haven't seen an article on that btw(chances are i missed em).
It's hard dealing with your hair at night, and it DOES take hours. Between the stopping, starting, finding products, deciding styles, parts slipping, hair drying etc etc. My head is of gargantuan proportions lol and it takes a heap load of creams and TIME to get my hair done. I start on the "Mission Damn near impossible," the second i come home from work. Take a break and eat, get back to it. After maybe 2 hours or so, i have just barely gotten my hair fully moisturized or what have you, and now, the styling…*Looks around but no partner to come in and tag team this jungle* I LOVE my natural hair; flaws and all…BUT it would be nice if it didn't take me 2 light years to do something to it…It's not my lack of desire and care for my hair…OH, cuz i care…It's the level of commitment to my hair vs other hair types we read about ALL the time. I don't get too caught up on blogs cuz it's mostly the typical hair types mentioned. If more people spoke out about the "minority percentage type hair" like(eczema, bald spots, thin hair etc.) and included us, therefore maintain some form of standardization and continuity, then maybe "our problems" could be a bit more understood!!
*~The misshapen groove of things
LMBO!! This article was so bogus. I enjoyed it.
wow really negative, yet i see the point
I agree. Length is over-rated. Plus, genetics dictates mush of what our hair does anyways.
I don't think that hair needs goals. You only have so much control due to genetics. Take good care of it and it does what it does. Also the thought of needing a regimen can be overwhelming to many women. Personally, i jump out of the shower and throw in some moisturizer. Out the door in 5 minutes. The point of natty for many is low maintance, right? Many women are tempted to give up and go back to the creamy because we are making this so complicated.
Why were u doing your hair at night before bed? And you expected perfect hair in the morning? LOL… sounds like you had unrealistic goals/expectations for your hair… But good luck with your regimen hope it works out for you!
LOL, loved it!!!!!!
LOL! LOVE LOVE THIS ONE!!!
Does it really have to be THAT complicated though? Sounds like you need a new routine/regime?
idgi, why were you spending HOURS a night on your hair??? It doesn't sound like you hate your hair but it sure sounds like you don't like it. Oh well, it happens to us. anyway, hope you find a way to wear your hair in a way that works for you.
LOL, this is too funny! But so very true.
I don't hate my hair. I hate fooling with my hair. Therein lies the difference. I went natural 4 years ago and at first loved my curls/waves/kinky hair and would correct anyone who called it "nappy" (still do, BTW). About 6 months ago I got tired, I mean literally t-i-r-e-d of spending hours at night on my hair and waking up to potential disaster. I got tired of wetting my hair everyday, buying leave-ins every week and spending 30 minutes on it every morning with no new results. TIRED.
So I went and got a Keratin Treatment and it changed my life – for about 3 months. Now the curls are back but I can't deal with them. The did help my hair grow (it's a protein that protects the hair but it is also a chemical). So now I straighten my hair every week and I'm not satisfied, but at least I can get to work on time. Don't know what's next, but for the moment I'm not fooling with curly hair.
I think the length goals thing actually makes some people hate their hair more than not having one! Since I've switched my goal to focus on health not length, I've been a lot happier with my hair. I know that it's growing, but checking the length all of the time was it's own source of hair stress.