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Curly Nikki

Lies. Lies and Scandal.

By January 27th, 202128 Comments
a re-post for your viewing pleasure!

Lies. Lies and Scandal.

Natural Hair is like a country. There is citizenship that goes along with it and anytime I am either approached by or approach a non-national, about the requirements and possibilities of citizenship, I always hear this line: “But my hair is so hard” (some even liken their natural hair to steel wool).Lies. Lies and scandal. Propoganda. Generational baggage. Falsehood.

Once and for all let me let you know: Your hair is NOT hard. It’s not as if you have wire or twigs growing from your scalp is it? In all likelihood, your hair is actually dry. Not hard. And if your hair is dry, it’s your fault, not your hair’s fault. So, stop the name-calling. This amounts to verbal abuse. If you called me names for the entire duration of our relationship and neglected me, denying me what I vitally needed, the chances are I wouldn’t cooperate with you either. So let’s all take a deep breath and verbalize. Repeat after me: My hair is not hard.

Good. Now that you’ve admitted this and see the error of your ways, you need to acknowledge this to you hair. Apologize. Deep condition. Repeat. It’s going to take time, it’s going to take effort, it’s going to take gentleness and patience. Your perception of your hair is the problem, not your hair. When you decide to see your hair differently, you will.

So many of us were so young when we first parted ways with our natural hair and for so many it was with “good riddance” on our lips. We only remember our hair as the “bush” that our mothers didn’t know how to deal with. Please believe me when I tell you that there is more to your hair than that. It has more character and more potential that you know. Give your hair a chance to win your heart back. If you do your part to repair the relationship, you won’t be disappointed.


  • Kimberly KaleidoscopicSoul Eph says:

    im absolutely guilty of this &embarassed* "My hair is not hard!!!"

  • hunnybun says:

    oh don't get me started with the lies like my hair doesn't grow therefore it should not be trimmed, relaxers make it grow, grease is gods gift to man etc. I had to relearn so much

  • Anonymous says:

    Thank you! I try my best to educate my friends who are natural (but hide under wigs) to understand their hair is dry and needs lots of moisture to feel soft & flexible. One of my friends who has been natural for 7 years but wearing micro braids finally decided to stop wearing them after seeing how well my natural journey was going (not to mention the rate of growth). My advice to her was to infuse her hair with moisture and seal and give her hair a chance to rebound (just like when she first stopped relaxing–the hair takes time to recoup) and now her hair looks fabulous!

  • ♥ tea says:

    I wanna shout this message from every rooftop!

  • Anonymous says:

    Annie L what was the advice your mother gave you to achieve "the long lasting moisture" you were trying to achieve?

  • Emmanuella says:

    Ha, you're ridiculously clever. I enjoyed this article

  • J2daO says:

    Brilliantly written! I love the Natural world because we get to deal with issues and wrong mindsets!As the curly community only WE can do this and re-educate ourselves on how to think.
    Thruth exposes lies so may the truth continue! I did the BC yesterday after 20mths post and i LOVE my hair! :)

  • Annie L. says:

    Can you fit all this on a shirt?! Honestly as children me and my sister had amazing hair growth, moisture and softness with a few simple techniques from my mother who thinks I do waaayyy too much now for the same results. It took me forever to find long lasting moisture which was only after I asked her what she did then! I say look to your past or the past and present routines of the women around you for their successful results instead of as an example of what you think you can't achieve.

    @Anonymous 9:04 and 9:59

    I mist water/aloe until really damp, slather a thick leave-in and seal with a butter, oil or pomade of choice.

    Another option, a hundred years ago my mom kept us and herself super soft and curly with:
    1. a tiny bit of mineral oil daily to put in our 4 plaits at night and take them out again in the morning
    2. some old school hair grease/pomade maybe 2x a week for the hair and scalp :)
    3. and a rinse with just a cup full of water sometimes 1x a day and sometimes just 1x a week. HTH!

  • Anonymous says:

    It's spelled *propaganda* i'm sure its just a typo :)

  • Black Orchid says:

    I have a student who always wants to touch my hair. Each time he says "OMG I still can't believe how soft your hair is" This always pisses me off for so many reasons. The main being that he has been lead to believe that black hair is hough and hard….. What makes me laugh is that I expect him to ask to touch it again this week…."bracing myself…lol)

  • Anonymous says:

    Thank you @ Nov 15 9:04pm. I too have 4c coils, been natural since '09, and right now it's friggin har.. oops… dry!

  • Anonymous says:

    Thanks for the info but now it would be helpful to know how to moisturize and soften 4 c hair !

  • Prinie says:

    I agree! Since I've been Deep conditioning my hair and really getting serious about taking care of it I've found that my hair feel incredibly silky and I love it! Hard what? It's the softest hair I've ever felt!

  • Anonymous says:

    @Kimpur: This is true for some hair types. However, there are ways to make even the driest hair soft. If (generally speaking) your hair STAYS dry, it's because of lack of knowledge on your part, not because of some inherent difficulty of your hair.

    This post is very important because it asks us to shift our paradigm. Many of us have been conditioned to see natural hair as hard, ugly, difficult, etc., and we treat it as such. In reality it just requires a different level of approach and understanding.

    Our descendants' hairlines may very well depend on how far this paradigm shift spreads… :)

  • Anonymous says:

    I can SO relate because I used to be that girl! So glad I finally stopped believing the lies!

  • C'est Moi, Samii™ (The Listener) says:

    OMG… Well friggin said. I have to share this with my FB group. Powerful words. Thank you so much for this CN.

    -Be Blessed…

  • Kimpur says:

    I agree only one thing, isn't natural hair dry by nature tho?

  • sparkspop says:

    THANK YOU!! I have made ammends and now my hair loves me as I do her. :-D

  • Kandy/GoldenCurlGirl says:

    Every word, every sentence of this is THE TRUTH! I'm lovin it:)

  • Anonymous says:


  • ATribitt says:

    *hitting the imaginary "LIKE" button.* :)

  • Auset Abena says:

    Love this!

  • ThisOwl says:

    Wow…this is brilliant!!! Well said…

  • JazzWife says:

    Exactly! And amen!

  • Anonymous says:


  • Annabel says:


  • Jami says:

    Thumbs up! Peace.

  • Anonymous says:

    Well said!

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