I feel free when I do the unexpected.
Okay, where to start. I have a lot to say today. A question is usually a good way to get the ball rolling.
How many of you have ever decided to not do something because you were afraid that you would shock/disillusion/bother people in a way that you were not prepared to deal with?
I have. When I went natural, I was freaked out the first time I wore my hair in a bush because it was a completely new look for me and I knew I would get stares. I wanted to be able to experiment and make changes without everyone noticing or asking me about it. Eventually, I got over it. Obviously. But I have to tell you, going natural really boosted my confidence and showed me that I could change whatever the hell I want with or without explanation.
What a feeling.
So, here we are. I have the opportunity to take this blog from hobby to livelihood, to go back to school for what I love and express myself from my truest, most special-est places — steadily removing all the limitations I had in my mind.
Example: I wanted to start experimenting with photography a long time ago, but I was afraid.
I’m a writer, not a model. Who do I think I am? No one wants to see me, they want to read my words. I’m going to alienate readers who don’t come here for all that smizing shit.
That’s what my inner critic would say to me.
But the urge to express myself through photos persisted, so when I decided to take my blog to the next level, I knew that professional photos would be a must. And I’m having so much freaking fun with it.
I’ve promised myself that everything I want more of in my life, I’m going to pursue. No matter how farfetched or unexpected it seems to others.
This is why I left my safe, secure job. So I could become the woman I’ve always been but was afraid to show and start living the life I want for myself, for my kids, for my family. Because I’m not afraid anymore. Life is short and I want to live my truth and not be thinking about who will stare at me, notice me, judge me. I want to feel free to do the unexpected and feel the joy that comes with that.
That right there, makes me feel hella free.