by Monica Lake
There are a ton of blogs and Youtube channels devoted to girls and their curls- -how to style them, dress them up, keep them healthy etc. There is almost no information online devoted to young boys with highly textured hair. What about those of us with little princes who don’t want to chuck up the deuces to that beautiful hair and “just get a fade”? Every blue moon I may see a little boy with locs or cornrows, but almost never free flowing a la Jaden Smith. It’s frowned upon to have your son rock his curls after learning how to talk, as the old wives tale goes.
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My son, Kai, is 2 ½, and I decided that I am not going to cut his hair (again…this will be explained later) to conform to the norms of African American society. My son has a beautiful head of hair. His curls have tightened up a bit since he was born, and they are gorgeous. Even while wearing a blue outfit, with airplanes, and tiny chuck taylors, he is mistaken for a girl. I began to think that maybe it was his hair, which I used to keep in box braids. Apparently, many people think that having long hair is more of a feminine aesthetic. My thoughts were confirmed by my BF’s mother when she stressed that he really should get his hair cut. Her reasons were that “he needs to feel like a boy” *side eye on deck*. After much thought, I lopped off a few of his braids. I gave in ya’ll, I cut my baby’s hair . We took him to the barber to complete the job I started, and he cut Kai’s hair to this <> long. It was literally 1 ½” long and lop sided. The “barber” cut his hair with industrial scissors so I had to go back and cut even more to get rid of any split ends that may have emerged from the butchering of his tiny head.
I cried….and cried….and cried. For a week straight. I don’t know if it was because his hair was gone or the fact that I gave into pressure and did something I didn’t want to do in the first place. After that, I vowed to never cut his hair again. That was about 8 months ago. His hair is almost as long as it was pre-cut. I started my own blog that focuses on natural hair kids, especially boys, to help other mothers in this predicament. I provide tips and styling options, and ask and search for answers to the questions: Does long hair really equal feminine? Doesn’t boy hair require just as much care and attention as a girl’s does? This journey is just beginning and I hope there are other mother’s interested in taking it with me.
UPDATE:
Since this guest post was written there have been more resources available to mothers who want to grow their boy’s hair. There are still strides to be made, but here are a couple of resources to start with if you have a little boy and need more information on how to care for his hair.
Youtube – there are many videos now on how to care for boys’ hair, no matter what length. Here’s just one example that you can watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TG2Q6RwG2Gw
Blogs – While there’s still work to be done, here are some blogs that mention taking care of boys’ hair. Let me know in the comments what other blogs you suggest!
- Afrobella – Little Boys with Kinks and Coils
- Manly Curls – African American Baby Boy Curly Hair and How to Take Care of It
- Kidz with Curlz
- Brown Boy Genius – Let’s Talk about Boys and Natural Hair (and no, not just haircuts)
How do you feel about boys getting their hair lopped off on their 1 year birthday?
This guest post was originally written in 2011 and has been updated for grammar and clarity.
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I have a 4 yr old who has been wearing his long hair in cornrows since he was about 1 1/2…after much pressure from his dad mainly I have decided to cut his hair when he turns 5 : ( I want to cut into a nice curly fro similar to how Solange Knowles son has his hair…are there any good haircut picture sites that I can use as a model? I don't seem to be having much luck finding well defined pics
I am having this same problem with my
Mother in law and everyone else that I know. My son is 17 months old and I refuse to cut his hair. I am on love with his hair. It's tightly coiled, soft, full, and beautiful! Coiled, it's about 2.5 inches long. I am thinking of locking it, but I haven't made up my mind yet. I'm happy that his father agrees with me and doesn't want to cut our son's hair. Most of the people who tell me that I need to cut my sons hair think that his hair is "bad" because he doesn't have big, loose curls. I ignore them though and celebrate my sons natural hair. Their ignorance towards hair type will not make me shave my child's head.
I have three beautiful mixed boys and each of their heads are equally as unique as their personality. With all of them my husband and I have each cut their hair down to the scalp, in the summer especially. However, my middle son is now 9 and loves the Usher look, and he styles accordingly. The oldest is 11 & he recently decided not to cut and let it grow out, teaching him how to care for it has been frustrating. He wants cornrows, but not yet long enough. I want to cut it only because it seems like no matter what we do to it, it always has a climbed out of bed look within an hour of combing. The 4yr old has the ctest curls, but wants to look like dad, whos bald. My daughter who is not mixed and the oldest at 16, has straight hair and a granny who's a beautician, so I cant win. Hair which I love to play with has become my enemy.
My son is 6 and has long hair which he wears in two strand twists. There is no mistaken he is a boy especially with the ladies because he is so cute. Originally we were following my mother in law who stated not to cut until he spoke. He was speech delayed and did not speak until 2 1/2. By then he became attached to his hair and now he loves it. He said not everyone needs a haircut and frankly I think he looks great with it. I am finding as a parent we put our labels on our children. My boy adores his hair and I feel cutting it will make him like Samson and will make him lose some of his individual identity.
My son is mixed and he is 18months. I'm going through this everyone telling me to cut his beautiful hair, I don't want to on not ready for that yet I love his his hair, which its starting to turn onto an Afro tho, I was told by one of my friends to put coconut oil on it while its still wet an it him the gerry curl look. Instead of using the oil I got the milk which I think wasn't a good idea because when I get him out of the bath and put it in his hair it will hold the tight curl but the next morning its back to an Afro wwhich I uselly give him a bath at night cause he's a child lol. But his hair is so soft, is it possible to have a soft Afro? I just don't want to cut it and would like advice from u mothers that deal with the same thing as to what to do with his hair. Thanks bunchs:)
I am looking for info on little boys curly hair! My son is 5 and everyone tells me to use the clippers but I don't wanna!!! I love his curls!
My 5yr old son has long hair and often gets mistaken for a girl. It used to bother me but now i really dont care. He is very beautiful and likes his hair long. I often mix it up from braids to jus being out doing whatever it wants to do and even putting it in a pony tail to the lower back of his head. I ask my son from time to time do u wanna get your hair cut like your dads and he says NO i like my hair long the way it is. IIts not that he is afraid to get it cut, he just likes his hair the way it is. To me there is nothing wrong with boys having long hair. Society has placed so many stigments on what is so called acceptable and whats not. Stop breath Its your childs hair do with it as you please. Grow it or cut it because thats what you want to do and not because society says its inappropriate……
I think little boys with big, curly afros are sooo cute! If I had a little boy, I think I'd keep his hair long (not TOO long) until when he's older and he decides he wants it cut. If he does, it's his decision. Many people in my family are against men having long hair but if it's your choice they won't discourage you against it. My older brother used to rock cornrows (before he gave up because he couldn't grow them longer lol)
Reading through all of these comments makes me laugh at u small minded people i come from a family where the majority has natural hair…the men and women..the men have dreads of all lengths pony tails, natural curls worn out, or fades. The women have fades, dreads,natural curls, and also wear it straight w/out relaxing or using any chemicals…i'm also a mother and i have a son who is 20 months he'll be 2 in february, lt. skin and looks very much like me and not his father who also has very long hair…this being said their are the adults who say "she" is beautiful..it's my job as his mother to politely correct them and say HE thanks you 🙂 i let my son wear his natural curls from time to time but i mainly braid it but thats because i enjoy it..if you're not up for the time needed to mantian your son or duaghter's for that matter appearance then too bad…but the length of either gender's hair should not be such an issue.
There is nothing wrong with little black boys having long hair. Also, if a grown man has long hair that he is blessed with then why should he cut it just because of society. My son has never had a haircut outside of a trim. Long hair runs on both sides of the family. His hair is gorgeous, past the middle of his back, well taken care of, and, he along with his immediate family doesn't want it cut. Even the outsiders say to never cut it, so the decision is up to my son. His grandparents were not for it at first, but they weren't given a say. Young caucasion boys and boys of other ethnicities keep their long hair and its not a problem, so what's the difference? This is why children need to be taught not give in to pressure. What makes what someone else says right if the person being talked to doesn't agree. There are a lot of little girls walking around with terrible hair and adult women as well. Leave the males alone .
Ok 1st off to all u hatred bc that's what you are long hair is neither feminine or masculine, bit bc society says that men should have short hair most do. At the same time if you are a male an want dreads then it requires you to grow your hair.. My son has hair to the middle of his back he is one years old an honestly he likes his hair. Some of you may think it is wrong but honestly who are you Jesus had long hair…. I think it just different for everyone an I will not cut my sons hair until he tells me he wants it cut…. Women have short hair now days men long why does it matter honestly?
My father hacked my hair off when i was a little boy,, then pasted it down with brylcreem, and in teen years i was ordered to the barbers on saturdays ( after heated arguements i always complied. This whole thing, from very early on, created a huge division between my parents and myself which never healed.Isn't it pity, they were more concerned about how it should be, the society standards of the day and what others find acceptable.
In late teen years, when i went out to work and earned my living, i grew my hair long and have never changed it since, even as it turns grey.
I thought that we have been attempting to have equality between the genders for more than the passed five decades. A look back through history there has been long hair for males for centuries ( i was brought up with images of a long haired Christ, for one example). Some one has a problem with long hair for males why enforce your limitations on others ? Anyone have a problem with females with short hair ( or wearing the trousers) ?
My take on the topic is that it does not matter if a boy has hair or a haircut.. my son is 2 and he has beautiful long hair. I plan on never cutting his hair because I don't see a reason for it. Even if I did want to cut his hair he wouldn't stand for it..he loves his hair just as much as I do. If I say lets go get your haircut (meaning a line) he will cry as if something happened to him. Then he would say "no haircut mommy". So I have to say lets go get a line. But what I'm tryn to say is let them make the choice after all it is their hair…
I don't think this topic has to come down to conforming to what society wants for Black boys. All of the white executives at my company have short hair. If you as a mother want to do something with your child's hair, then just say it. Don't try to make it like you're helping them to find their identity. If you like longer hair on your child, let him rock it. If you don't, cut it. I personally don't want to deal with my hair and my son's hair, so until he can take care of it himself, to the barber he goes!
I am the parent of a 12 year old boy with very curly, thick hair, and a strong opinion about how he wants to wear it. Long and full.
Some people's comments on here assume all boys care what you think. Yes, he doesn't like being mistaken for a girl, but cut his hair short? I've asked…many times…for the sake of heat and humidity. He says no. He loves his fro.
My son is Ukranian, Spanish, Ecuadorean, Irish, Sicilian-Italian, Russian-Jewish,and Austrian-Jewish. Who knows exactly where his fro comes from? But we love it!
Jesus had long hair, what's wrong with you people?!?!? Narazrites had long hair. I have a biracial child who loves his hair, he likes it braided, twisted, etc. Currently he is attempting to loc it. He is 10 and this summer is going to a church camp with predominantly white kids…a couple of them have been making fun of his hair for the past 2 days. It makes him self conscious. However, anywhere else he wears it proudly. Just like some girls have short hair…(and i'm willing to bet many of the women who are against boys having long hair have short hair themselves), some boys have it long. I believe all that matters is it is clean and kept
I am a young woman with locs.I have chosen not to lock my 19 mnth old son's hair but still wont cut it.He has a beautiful grade of hair and I love it!Sometimes I braid it and sometimes I let him rock his curls loose.I dont plan on cutting it until he is old enough to say so.Society has a stigma on EVERYTHING and I choose to do my own thing!Opinions dont effect me…thus the reasons I have locs.
My son will turn 5 next month. I'm sure most would say he has girl's hair – it's mid back, sometimes in curls sometimes in braids, maybe pigtails. He loves his hair and so do I. When he gets the inevitable "cute little girl" comments, he just corrects them. I'd probably cut it any time he wants, but so far he hasn't. He loves having it brushed and saw me put mine in curlers once and wanted that too. I don't care, he's got the rest of his life to be a man.
I am a black male married father of 3 boys and in my own opinion I beleive ALL boys , I say again ALL BOYS should have a NEAT hair style ! Long flowing hair (as in permed hair) I believe should be reserved for girls but boys hair should be cut or styled short . When boys mature and become young men (WITH MANLY FEATURES) , if they want their hair in dreadlocks , cornrows , or of the like , I believe they should be able to do as they please . Do any other men respond ? , speak up fathers !
I am in the exact same predicament because I cut my baby boy's hair which was full of curls when he turned 2 yrs old. This was led by pressure from his dad to cut his hair so that he could "look like a boy". So he took him to a baber who cut his hair with electric clippers to 1inch. I wasn't there to witness this unfortunately and I asked for a scissor TRIM but this is not what I got! Now his hair is SO DRY and BRITTLE, I can't even comb through it. Its as though it gets matted whenever he lays down. And the growth has been stunted. How do I manage to get it back to the nice texture it once was without using a chemeical??? Any natural treatment out there? HEEELLLLLPPPPPPP!!!!
Wow! All those long-haired non-conformist curly boys with forward thinking parents are really going to be rocking it with the girls when they are a bit older!
Teach your kids to be themselves and to think for themselves and to LOVE their look and OTHERS! It's what is in the head that counts.
The Intro to Soc language in here is so funny.
To Anon 3:09
You are choosing to grow out your hair. Nobody is forcing you to. Just like i decided to big chop. If you choose, you choose.
brunette fury:blah blah blah! of course things are dictated by society – we do NOT live in as vacuum. go figure.
You make me laugh – you are the one who is hilarious. Just because people are trying to contravene ONE social norm does not mean they are trying to contravene them all – there is no law that states that that has to be the case – so pls! get off your high horse.
The way i see it, it i is the OP's own fault this hullabaloo.
If she wasn't looking for validation with her choices (or whatever it was that she was hoping to achieve), none of this would be heaped on her head.I don't even see why this post is useful.
Her child, her decision. again, no sure about the usefulness of this post.
There are a ton of ignorant comments in here and I can't say I'm surprised though I'm really disappointed. Gender normativity is a very oppressive thing that we can't seem to stop perpetuating.
Sex is a social construct. The things we deem "boyish" and "girlish" are dictated by society in the worst way possible. No one bats an eyelash if a girl wears pants, but the second a boy does something deemed feminine, they're somehow perceived as being less male. Essentially what most of you are buying into is the notion that it's okay for women to adopt male-oriented styles and such because they're seen as the better stronger sex, but it's degrading for a boy to do anything feminine.
Short hair/long hair has little to do with what boys are "traditionally" expected to look like and what girls are "traditionally" expected to look like. Styles are dictated by popular culture and by the style of the era. It wasn't too long ago that men and women alike were wearing long flowing hair and big afros.
As women who are trying to buck the norm of what's considered acceptable it's pretty hilarious how conservative and mainstream everyone's views are.
Yes, the poster upthread said it perfectly but let it be repeated: "you're obviously not doing this for him…you're doing it for yourself."
If it need to be cut for what ever reason just do it yourself. First 5 years of my sons life my husband cut it. we didn't need a major hair cut just one to get the dirt out from when he played.
Wow. Lets not conform to the norms of society and say what little boys should or should not have. There's ways for a boy to have natural hair without appearing feminine so that's not a reasonable explanation in my opinion. I'm a male who's growing my hair out currently and since I'm going the route that most natural women go it can be seen as feminine at times but I'm still a man there's no doubt about that just like these boys will still be boys. Boys and girls hair differ anyway so more than likely it'll still be masculine. It sounds like a lot of people are just making a bunch of excuses. I despise fear. People are fearful of what others may think. The hell with what others think. Ignorance to natural hair is not a reason to avoid it.
Poor kid. Box braids on a boy? really? did you also put in blue ribbons to make it more masculine? the whole not wanting to conform doesn't make sense. It's not like you're going against nature…you're not relaxing,or altering his curl pattern. You're not teaching him not to appreciate what God gave him. Are you saying that if you have a girl you'll cut her hair short because of "society"? Not everything needs to be challenged. If you like long hair, grow your own hair out. When YOU cry for a week because you cut your boy's hair…there is a problem. Hun,you're obviously not doing this for him…you're doing it for yourself.
Ps: Black men have enough problems
Jaden Smith is a celebrity. He has two parents who are wealthy. He is not an example for your average black boy in America who would be doing well to have a mother and a father, healthy food, and a good education.
And undoubtedly to the average person longer hair on a boy is considered feminine. It takes time to primp, time better suited for other matters.
He is a boy, he should look like a boy, instead of people mistaking him for a girl. Why the hell would anyone cry for a week about that? Get a hobby and let it go please.
I am sorry but i really don't like this. congratulations you have discovered the beauty of natural hair…we get it…you are going too far. Your son probably doesn't care and you are making him go through all this for no reason. It's hair. He is going to be made fun of, he could even grow up to hate his own hair just because of time and energy spent, and mom's ridiculous obsession on something that shouldn't be her decision in the long run. You'll get attached to it and what if he decides to cut it? you're gonna cry again? What's on your son's head is nowhere as important as what's in his head. that's what you should be working on.
I am not saying that i dislike long hair on boys…but if HE decides to grow it long, then he should. You find it cute…that's great but you won't be the one carrying it around in school.
It's interesting to see the many opinions on this topic. I have a 5 year old son who prefers his hair cut low. Just recently he started getting designs cut into his hair that he loves by the way. But for a good two years I didn't put too much emphasis into keeping it cut low because he was infected with ringworm's from a barber. Subsequently making his hair fall out and kept him on and off medication for long periods of time. It was very disheartening to watch his hair suffer. Fortunately he had no clue what was going on. At times his hair would be in an Afro and I had many people give their opinions on this matter. I personally did not mind but, I knew I did not want it too long. I'm a big believer in keeping children gender specific at a young age so that no issues arise as they mature into puberty. Although the incident occurred form a licensed barber, I am not against young boys learning how to sit through a haircut. Just how many of us a young woman were popped by the comb growing up, it took time to adjust to that aspect of grooming. It is totally your decision how you raise your child and what is done to his hair. Every mother has to make choices that others won't agree with but as long as they are made out of love and understanding of consequences its totally up to us! I wish you the best of luck on this situation!!!
My 6 and 9 year old nephews have their hair cut short by my brother (shaves his own head) who has a preference for short hair. I don't think the boys care either way at this point and had their first haircut at age 1. Because my brother is the hair cutter, it is a bonding experience – shared male grooming. When they're older, who knows if my brother would let them grow their hair out; my dad wouldn't let my brothers. If the kids don't have a preference, the parents decide and that seems reasonable.
I agree BrownEmber.
at that age…he's probably not gonna really care how his hair is. So if u didnt want to cut it, dont cut it. As far as that crying for a week…thats some unhealthy emotional connection you have with long hair (in my opinion)
Btw, this topic has really gotten under one youtuber's skin. Check out her video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmKtj2BhB0Y
I don't think anyone was trying to bully people into liking long hair on little boys. I personally have no issue with people having a preference. However, I do have a problem when people infer that a male with long hair equals less masculine or thuggish. Theses types of stereotypes, well stereotypes in general always rub me the wrong way. It's one thing to prefer a certain look, but making absolute statements like boys have to have short hair is kind of outlandish in my opinion.
Something else I thought of: If everyone's aim was to live the most practical, functional life possible–we'd all have short hair. At this point in our evolution long hair doesn't serve much purpose. Wear a hat if you want to keep warm because, speaking from experience, BIG hair doesn't do much on the really cold days.
Despite it's pointlessness, it takes up a hella lot of time–combing, brushing, styling, washing the strands (instead of just the scalp which is a necessity). I could be imagining but I'm pretty sure I read in a historical text that back in the day only women of high status had long hair…servants and working class women wore short hair so it wouldn't take away from their practical duties. Well-coiffed, long head hair is strictly a sign of vanity.
Traditionally, women are seen as more vain creatures than men (take that however you want…we all know it's true) so yeah–a woman's hair is her "glory" and men crop their hair to separate themselves from such "frivolity".
Short hair on males is not a norm specific to African American culture…it's a societal norm in general. If anyone doesn't want to have their boy's head cut…don't cut it! But don't attempt to bully other people into liking it either. Just like it's your preference to see your son with long hair, it may be another's preference to have their son's hair cropped. He won't be treated any differently than a white boy with flowing locks (they're often called bummy hippies for long hair lol). It's not a race thing here.
I think it's a personal decision. I have two boys, one is 25 with a very short, close to the scalp haircut, the other 20 yrs. old with a thick healthy fro. I think they both look great with their hair choices. The reality is that societal norms in this country are that men have short hair but, historically, men of all cultures have worn their hair long, out, big, at any given time period. Just check out the Bible if you don't believe me. I don't think hair defines a man as being masculine per se, it's the man himself. Do what you think is best for you and your child. Don't worry about what other people or SOCIETY thinks.
Well its definitely up to the parent on how they style their childs hair up to a certain a ge for a son. I believe that the little boys hair can be long, but not like BSL or MBL or HL, then it's taken it to far. However, if you have curly,kinky, hair that is bouncy and healthy and you keep it at least about shoulder length then that is fine. Like Christina son "Jayden" off of the Baby Show and TEll this week. That's a good length for a little one all the way to age 3 or 4. But ladies, it's your child so don't let family members or strangers, rule over you and convince you that you need to cut off your childs hair. I've seen little girls that were thought to be boys because they were bald head babies. I've also seen little boys thought to be girls because of having long eyelashes, their facial expressions.. etx… So it doesn't matter what you do someone is always going to have something postive or negative to so say, but they aren't paying your bills and they definitely don't live in your home.
@ Monica–thank you for noting how you actually felt about having your child's hair cut, and that it's more about seeing your baby grow up- i totally understand that. I checked out your blog, great site (so glad we are past the basic products for kids' hair) and your son is a doll. And I'm not challenging you because this is your child, his hair. But you mentioned how you wanted your son's hair to look like Jaden Smith's, and you had to accept that it would not because his hair is kinkier than Jaden's. You also did say you've accepted it, but you can probably see why statements like this can play into the 'i want my kid to have a certain hair texture' discussion. I know Jaden is the one famous celeb kid to use an example, but it does sound like at one point your son's texture was an idea. Other posts here mention boys/men with long locs and cornrows (and maybe a huge, maintained afro, i see guys here in NYC with them sometimes), but i don't know if this is an option for you when your baby gets older.
I'm surprised by some of the hypocritical comments here. But then again, dealing with double standards is part of life. I'm a mom of 13yr old twin boys. They both have dreadlocks and their hair is longer than mine. When they were young, I conformed to the ritual of taking them to the barbershop and getting their hair cut so they would look "neat". But I tired of conforming. Soon after I went natural and my sons said they wanted dreadlocks, so we did it. We all endured our fair share of grunts, glares (and ignorant comments by our own people). But I was raised with the confidence-and so are my sons-to ignore the judgments & ignorance and keep it movin'. My sons are on the honor roll and great kids who happen to have long hair. And whether they decide to cut it all off or grow it down their back, with their intelligence and talents I believe they will excel in whatever career path they chose. Bottom line: You are the loving parent and you have the right to make whatever decision you want about your child's hair. Stand with conviction and you all will be fine.
My son hates having his hair cut just like my brothers did. He has beautiful large curls which I would like to grow out long but here in the UK old ladies and complete strangers want to play in his hair which he hates. The compromise is to keep it shorter and neat to discourage this (not that even that really works). I really hate seeing very small boys with bald or shaved heads – are their bald daddies jealous of their hair or something? I think all little boys should be allowed to keep some hair on their head!
I am shaking my head at the poster that think moms are holding on to their sons curls because they want to live vicariously through them. I cannot speak for the other mothers, but my son and I have almost identical head of hair, so if I want to just ooh and aww over someones curls I'll look in the mirror. Like I stated before my son is only 2, my husband and I refuse to put him through a experience that we know will cause him unnecessary agony. To me it didn't matter whether he had 4bcz or any other curls, kinks, or naps the decision would have been the same.
I just feel that this age kids go through a lot of changes, why throw all the extra stuff that they don't understand in the mix so early. When my husband and I feel that my son is able to handle the whole hair cutting process, then we will take him to have one. If my son indicates he would like a haircut then most certainly he will get one. Until one of these two events happen, I will continue to let his hair grow and care for it.
http://elitebeauty13.blogspot.com
@Anon 1:22: Thank you so much for the kind words. I really appreciate the support.
@Anon 4:45: a week was an exaggeration and I was not concerned with his hair texture not "growing back the same". I embrace his curls no matter what they looked like. I was upset with the fact that I had looked at this kid for 2 years with these curls and now they were gone. It was a shock. I dont put his hair in ponytails or spend an obscene amount of time in styling. I like his hair to look nice and carefree, which it does.
@ Anon 9:16; Really? This is a 2 year old we're talking about here. Of course there are far worst things in the world. Who determines what should be considered an issue for another person?
Thank you Queen for the feedback. My son is also very bright for his age, in fact we will soon be testing his IQ. I have no concerns whatsoever on the effect his hair (of all things) will affect his intellect or sociability.
@anon at 09:05…Black people aren't the only race to customarily cut their son's hair at the age of one. In some Indian (middle eat) cultures, it is girls whose hair is cut while the boys are meant to grow theirs until age 12. I am wondering what motivated you to single out the black race. While some points were made, I agree about earning good grades in school, you failed to see the positives and spoke only about the extreme negatives.
It is no one's fault that certain images have been stereotyped to less than favorable characters. However, this places impetus on the rest of us to redirect these images through our positive acts and demonstrations. My son gets excellent grades in school, he's well-liked by his instructors and peers and he's just a good boy period. He doesn't stand on the corner, sagging his pants, etc. He speaks very proper English and is respectful towards others. He is helping to change this stereotype.
What are you doing to help?
I know someone mentioned that the Bible says not to cut hair, but (1 Cor. 11:14, 15) says “Does not nature itself teach you that if a man has long hair, it is a dishonor to him; but if a woman has long hair, it is a glory to her?” Not to be offensive to anyone, just saw someone mentioned a Biblical aspect.
Hair is your crown whether you are female or male! Men who choose to express themselves through their hair are equally as beautiful as the women who do the same. My son loves his hair…LOVES IT! People from all backgrounds constantly come up to him to compliment his hair. It makes him feel good about himself. He doesn't look like everyone else. And I'm all for promoting him building a healthy self-image. I think it prepares him for future challenges in life. To achieve greatness, one has to have a healthy sense of self. We believe allowing him the freedom to explore himself is aiding in his achievement of greatness.
All you can do is be your best you. If rocking a wicked curly fro makes my son feel like he's on top of the world, who am I to take that from him?
Peace n' Love…..QUEEn
I think a lot of women live vicariously through their sons' hair. And yes, it's all about texture. You have these women who have boys with curly hair, who don't have it themselves, and as so many of us are so fixated with that nonsense, they want to grow out his hair and play with it, since they don't have it themselves.
So sad that black people are fixated with that is on their heads rather than what is in it. I don't expect this next generation of pony-tail wearing black boys to do any better than the current generation, so I don't think any of them will be doctors, lawyers, or even finishing college for that matter; no need to worry about running into any of them that way.
But their moms won't care, b/c they have hair down their backs like women.
White and Asian males have to conform to norms, and they don't argue about it, so you can continue to argue that you don't have to have a haircut, or wear professional clothes, or speak standard English and your son can show off his long hair standing on the street corner, which is where most long-haired black men seem to be (and no, I don't count professional sports since those guys only make guest appearances in college anyway).
I think we just have the worst values of anyone, and we'll argue in a minute that society is against us b/c of hair texture and skin color, even as we refuse to do the other things that every other race does to get ahead (like getting an education).
Seriously, crying for a week over a haircut? None of these mothers are crying when these boys are at the bottom of the class in high school and drop out. I hope you cry when your son gets bad grades. That is something to cry about.
I thought we were discussing LENGTH, I'm scratching my head wondering just how texture (or curl pattern) got dragged into the discussion by a couple on here. It seems to always spring up no matter the hair subject matter. And it's always someone mentioning the perception that one type is thought to be better than another so that's why people think or do x,y and z. Jaden was mentioned because he was the only high profile or "name" A-A kid that I could think of off the top of my head who wears his hair long. If I thought I could get away with mentioning how super cute Michael Jackson (all the Jacksons ) were as kids with their 'fros I would have. But I thought someone might note that it was back in the day when fros were in style. Again, I think the people always dragging texture into the conversation are the ones deep-seated issues or insecurities about it.
I cut well I guess I should say trimmed my son's hair at 15 months solely to get rid of the straight ends from when he was born. And it took a LOT for me to do even that and his hair is still 6 inches long. I admit it, im hair obsessed, but whats wrong with that? Arent we all on this site and why would it be any different for my son versus my daughter? My son was born with a headful of hair and has constantly been mistaken for a girl even though he is always in "boy clothes and boy colors.". That being said I don't care LoL and I plan to grow it out until he gets to school age (and even then it probably won't be a fade or anything short) or if HE asks me to. Shoot, seeing our son's hair has made my husband want to grow his own hair out. My son who is 16 months loves his hair, to play with, to brush it, and I think it is cute. All y'all who are putting these conditions and restrictions because of societal norms are going way to far with it. If that's the case am I militant because my hair is natural and in an Afro? Is my 10 year old daughter dirty because she has locs? No, that would be ridiculous, and so is the fact that people take issue with a toddler having his hair long.
@ Annie– We're talking about parents who are still making the decisions about the length/style of their young kids' hair, so how is a toddler boy "exploring their creativity" by letting his hair grow long? This is still ultimately the decision of the parent who has their own reasons, so let's not pretend it's the kid who has decided to go against societal norms. And i doubt that a young boy's growth is stifled because his long hair is cut–no one is saying he has to get a fade or bald cut, and hair is more of an issue with girls/women than males–of any race. Do you really think a little boy with long hair faces the same bias and social pressure as a grown woman who cuts her hair into a natural 2" afro? The drama.
And ITA with several other comments–something tells me it's certain textures that are being praised as "soooo cuuuute" on little boys. And i still can't believe a mother would cry for a week over their kid getting his curls cut off -Hair grows back, people-or was she afraid the texture would not grow back the same?
–Black folks— many of us still really have some serious issues about hair.
How sad that blogs dedicated to Black women resisting images and conditions imposed by others on their beauty feel the need to dictate that look on boys and men. Are we seriously in 2011 where adult women feel free to use bigoted terms like 'girly' to describe hair on boys? If your TWA or big chop got 'BALD-HEADED' or 'DYKE' screamed at you in the streets, are you not the same women that would enlist your online sisters in furious debate on sexist and racist stereotypes? If your fears for your child's 'emotional safety' are your concern, maybe you should delve into your own buried insecurities and harbored prejudices with a fine-toothed comb. I don't have children but I am still qualified to have an opinion and was horrified that Monica felt the need to CAVE to community pressure to define beauty and individuality for HER child. When we ask children to express themselves and explore their creativity are we insisting it be done within current societal standards or just not really at all? If we expect White children to resist the bigoted notions of their parents and embrace and respect the 'different' Black child, or for our daughters to have the self-esteem to demand and to be treated equally by boys, how then can we about-face and put the same narrow-minded roadblocks to self-love, individuality and freedom of identity in front of (Black) boys? Lastly, I find it ironic that many women responded to Method Man's stupidity by saying 'I don't care what anyone else thinks of my hair as long as I love myself' but revise this message when it comes to narrow-minded views from others about which length the chorus deems is 'appropriate' for boys. Congrats Monica for making the right decision for you and your child. One ultimately chooses the aesthetic of their partner and makes decisions for their child, I would just hope that while we have preferences, we choose to embrace all and teach that out of such an abundance of choice that no one example sets the standard and all are acceptable – as we do with natural hair.
As I read through the posts, I was thinking the same thing as Anon (Feb 12) re: being hung up on hair texture…I'm just sayin'.
Anyway, even though my general motto is "live and let live" (after all, this IS America!), I personally don't find long hair on men attractive…not that I haven't seen attractive men with long hair, but something about it kinda' turns me off. And I am especially turned off by a man who takes more time than I do to groom and "primp".
If I had a son, I would want his hair to be neat and healthy no matter what the length (or texture). I would support his expressed desire for a longer hairstyle, but it certainly wouldn't be my idea. Not having to do another head of hair is one of the perks of having a boy!
By the way, Monica, I (Anon 11:33) just clicked over to your blog and saw the pictures of your little boy – how cute is he?! And his hair looks good and healthy. Love the Q&A posts where we can read about parents instilling good hair care habits in their kids from a young age. Keep up the good work!
Hmmmm, I wonder if these boys hair were 4b or kinkier if they would reconsider cutting it. As i read these comment and descriptions of the hair I get the picture of loose coils, pencil size or so. I have 4b hair and it's a chore to do some times my sons one 4b the other 3 something. I have a feeling that a 4b head on a boy no matter what would be cut short, my boys do have a choice on what they want to do with their hair, and i am educating them and so is dad on how to take care of it. So is it that the boys have these cute coils that maybe you wish you had or you truly just want to break the hair clique. So when my 4b son grows his hair out he gets teased and picked on because his hair is not like all the cute curls and coils mention above, by the children that have them. kid will be kids and find something to tease about. so hopefully your protest on not cutting your sons hair has to do with not having that double standard.
By all means parents should learn how to care for their son's hair/scalp no matter the length. My aforementioned cousin can barely keep her two daughters' hair moisturized & healthy so her son has no business with long hair anyway–it just shouldn't have been cut at 9mos of age.
I'm torn on the issue of little boys having long hair. I think Jaden Smith's hair was kinda cute when it was a little shorter, but I also wonder about the "curly vs kinky" issue when people decide to grow out little boys' hair.
My 1yr old cousin's father also has a 3yr old son by a mexican woman. The mexican child had a 'fro as big as his head consisting of huge loopy curls (think about when a woman w/short hair takes her rollers out in the morning lol). His dad thought that was just the cutest thing. Cut to his other son (all black) with bushy curls and he hacked the child's hair off at 9months. He didn't ask my cousin (the mother) and said he was tired of looking at his hair. We were FURIOUS b/c a baby still has a soft spot @ that age and putting scissors and clippers that close to his scalp was dangerous.
But he couldn't answer me when I asked why he let his other son who was much older grow his hair out. Even though it was a dry dusty mess with no shape, it was "curly" & "fine" so he was "proud" of that for some reason.
I never see little boys with kinky hair with long hair. Just curls–or what some of their mamas THINKS are curls. I really do wonder about that. But hey, people can do what they want with their kids as long as it's not mentally, emotionally, or physically abusive.
I don't think boys should have long hair. I am not saying it should be cut like a fade. I think his curls can be embraced if he wore them short. That is just my opinion. Some men/boys are cute with hair pulled back in a ponytail but I am a religious person and I just can't purchase my son or husband in a suit with his hair in a huge fro or even braided or back in a ponytail. It just doesn't look right to me. I think the defined curls that are not too long or big is cute but anything more I just don't find acceptable.
I only cut my sons hair off at one because it was all un even an it helped it grow better. I cut there hair now because they ask for it(9and 11)Sometimes they grow it out and other times they want it short. Like we make it the decision of the little girls when they get a certain age if they want to relax or stay natural i give my sons the same option keep it cut or grow a fro. No corn row or braids cause mom can't do them anyway and it doesn't fit there personality as of yet. and I know they wont take care of them either. now as they get older and they choose to so be it it's there hair. I asked a similar question, about im-powering our sons and their hair. My baby(also name Kai but is 9yrs)has an issue with his because he has super tight coils and many children around him don't. He wont grow it out much(he is also tender headed) and one time asked if his hair would ever be straight. I always have to remind him/them that his hair is what was meant to be just like mine…. Thats when he smiles. So in the end when you baby is young your the one who takes care of his hair so you make the decision, but when he is older make sure you let them decide and just support him.
Good for you elitebeauty!
There is definitely a lot of conformity in these comments and yeah that's a pretty big double standard, There are many many cultures where men have long hair. Someone mentioned Troy Polamalu.
I'm sure he heard lots of "you can't wear your hair like that " stuff when he started football, but he made a decision to stay true to himself and his culture. How is it we can encourage our young girls to stay natural and know their unique beauty, but boys' preferences whether to wear their hair long or short get the brush off?
Yes people might say slick ish, but guess what that's part of growing up no matter what! ALL kids get teased about something! Better to prepare your kids to be who they are and have a thick skin than encourage them to do what everybody else is doing because it is expected.
There's a lot of conventional gender normativity going on up in this comment thread. Just because it's more the cultural norm at this time for young African American boys to have their hair short, that doesn't mean that it's weird or freaky or feminine for a boy to have his hair long. It's kind of like just because it's more the cultural norm for African American women to have their hair straightened/relaxed doesn't mean that it's weird or freaky or backward for a woman to have her hair natural. A cultural norm isn't some absolute law of what is right/wrong, it's just something habitual based on what we're used to seeing. In the US and Caribbean, we want our little girls to have longer hair, but if you look at pictures of schoolkids in Uganda for example, it's very common for little girls to wear their hair cropped close, and it ain't no thing.
On another note, my little cousin got his cornrows cut when he turned two – it was such a shock the first time I saw him without them! But it wasn't my choice to make, that was a decision for his parents to make especially since they're the ones who have to take care of his hair. Which is to say that my advice to the original poster is to stick with your decision, but later on, when your son is old enough, to allow him to make his own decision about his hair length and to do your best to respect that choice.
Care for the boy's hair the same as you would a girl's in terms of keeping it healthy and nice. I'm not sure if a hair cut so young is the best thing, but each circumstance and preference is different.
There are plenty of older boys and men who get their hair cornrowed on the regular, get inspired by their styles.
If you want his hair long, grow it. You'll face objections (for different reasons), just like when you grew out your own hair naturally. Everyone has an opinion, but he's your son. What's the worst that can happen? A lot of the commenters make it seem like if he has his hair long he's never going to cut it. How many times have we as women grew out our hair only to cut it? Some of us grow locs and then cut them off, and a lot of us have cut off our relaxers. Most of us–men included–go through many different hair lengths and styles. A little boy with long hair isn't always going to keep it long.
So if long is what you like on your child right now, go ahead and do it.
i'm not wasting my time caring for hair that doesn't "have" to be..chop chop..now when he gets older and can take care of it himself…sure
my son could have a lil curly fro probably up into 1st grade, but nothing i could put in a ponytail…i just dont like long hair on boys, especially not braids or ponytails…and the longer you wait to cut it, the more attached he might become and then he'll want to have long hair as a teen or adult, and i dont want that for MY son
1) I too was determined to grow my son's hair into a wild, adorable fro. It started growing unevenly so I had to cut it. He had Krusty the Clown hair.
2) I don't have a problem with men/boys with long hair, as long as it looks nice. Heck–my husband's hair is longer than mine. Braids, fros, whatever–just keep it clean and tight.
3) I honestly don't need another head of hair to do lol… I have a four year-old daughter as well, so for ME it's easier to keep his hair on the short side. Plus, he looks so darn cute after a fresh cut 🙂
"Caring for his hair like a girls hair could bring about some identity issues."
No it won't. Caring for hair means keeping it clean and relatively neat. Being clean and neat =/= feminine at all, it just means being clean and neat.
At the end of the day, if he has a penis, he is a boy. Tell your kid that and tell your kid to tell other people that.
My son got his first haircut right after he turned one. One of the main reasons I wanted it cut was because it was uneven from laying on his back as a baby.
My stylist cut it with scissors and he had little curls all over, once he turned 3 he went to the barber shop with my husband and has been going ever since. I wash and condition his hair every week and I try to make sure that it stays moisturized.
Do what you feel is best for your child and then when they are old enough to express what they want to do with their hair… let them… (as long as it's within reason of course)
TiAnna May said: "Let's face it, as beautiful as Jaden Smith's hair is, would you want your President, your doctor, or your lawyer to wear their hair like that?"
Ummm, heck yes I would! I've always admired people that have no problem going against societal norms (being that I am one myself) whether they're doing it intentionally or not. I do think it's extremely sad that so many of you ladies feel that it's inappropiate for little boys to have long hair.
My brother had gorgeous hair and my father couldn't wait till he turned two to get it cut because he, like many of you was tired of people mistaking him for a girl. My mother was very upset (and may have even cried) when he did it.
When my brother was in middle school he decided to grow it out because he wanted braids. Now he's in his first year at Morehouse University rocking dreads that are shoulder length. He looks just as fresh and professional as the young men with fades and other cuts.
Does anyone think Troy Polamalu is a girl? I sure don't. Did people think Snoop Dog was a girl when he had long hair?
My son is 4 and I have not and will not cut his hair until he asks for it. If he gets mistaken for a girl, but he simply says to them,"I'm not a girl just because I have long hair" Most people think he's adorable and has a Corbin Bleu thing going on! His curly hair is shoulder length and very appropriate for a boy style wise. Then again, I do like men with long hair anyway.
People have brought up Jaden Smith's hair. It has struck me in the past that the ONLY reason the Smith's have kept his hair long is because it is curly and not nappy. That is part of his golden ticket. A light skinned boy with curly hair. If it were nappy I bet he'd have a short cut like Will's. You never saw Willow Smith with a wild afro like Jaden's, and some extensions were slapped in her head (braided and otherwise) asap.
I can't help but wonder what the real intentions are behind some women who want their boys to have long hair.Hmm….
If his hair is going to be out and curly, why not find and in between length? Not long hair and not a fade, maybe ear length, trimmed and shaped nicely. Caring for his hair like a girls hair could bring about some identity issues. Its always best to foster strong male qualities in little boys from day 1 IMHO.
-Jai
WhoKnowAtlanta.com
DistinguishedElements.com
I personally am not in favor of little boys with long hair that is braided, straightened or otherwise styled in a traditionally feminine manner. Longer hair (a few inches) that is in a neat afro is fine. (think Eric Benet). Locs on a grown man are fine by me as well.
But I do not care for little boys with long, hanging hair.
I also do not care for black boys/men period with the super short coifed cuts (i.e. Ludacris). Those look silly to me, and I think they should have a little length (think Don Cheadle)
I think it all comes down to a personal preference. Personally, I prefer little boys hair cut it doesn't have to be in a low fade or whatever but just long enough that it looks suitable (around ear or chin length to the most) after a certain length what more else can you do with it besides braids? I don't have children but could you compare going to the barber shop for the first time similar to going to the doctor and dentist? I mean kids are traumatized going to the doctor because they think it is only for a shot at that age so it is kind of a catch 22 if you want to lump in the barber shop. As for the questions, I don't think long hair is automatically equate to being feminine but most people view it as a feminine trait and both gender hair/scalp should require the same TLC but in different ways. And it seems that the kids don't mind either way, it seems like the parents do. But I must say I know a father with very long dreads and his son hair is cut, his philosophy is that he will let his son decide if he wants to grow his hair out when he can make a legitimate decision about it.
I went through something very similar. My son had beautiful long curly hair…I held out until kidnergarten but after years of people asking what "her" name was when he obviously was a boy. I mean his dress, demeanor, everything is soo totally boy. But to this day, he is now 8, I miss it and have told him that if he wants to grow it back out that we can. Lucky thing his hair grows very quickly.
As for the barber…we started off going to one because I thought he needed that male bonding thing. But after being charged $40 a pop plus tip and having the guy cut his hair with clippers after I repeatedly asked him to use scissors. I moved him to a predominantly white salon that caters to children and they always cut his hair with scissors (necessary because although he has curls, the shorter his hair is the straighter it is) and they only charge me $20 which includes wash, cut and tip.
I do not believe boys/men should have long hair UNLESS they are in a career where that is totally the norm i.e. actor, tattoo artist, musician, etc. I wouldn't pigeon hole my young son into one of those careers by keeping his hair long. Let's face it, as beautiful as Jaden Smith's hair is, would you want your President, your doctor, or your lawyer to wear their hair like that? I wouldn't be able to take them serious in those roles! Now, I don't like those bald headed fades that I see many young black boys with. I don't think it's necessary to cut the hair that low, but a nice taper, or small afro, or fade is VERY appropriate for a young boy. Getting the hair cut is also a ritual and bonding experience between the young boy and dad or grandpa. I wouldn't take that away either!
Thank you all very much for taking the time to read and respond to my post. And thank you Nikki for posting! My son is only 2 so I cant relate to the teasing. However, I do agree that children can be mean and hateful but thats with anything whether its hair, clothing choices or the way your left ear lobe hangs. If my son told me in the next 5 mins that he wanted his hair cut, I would oblige. Im not growing his hair out for selfish reasons, or to"fight the machine", I just like the look on him. He is definitely all boy and his hair is just a reflection of his bright and vibrant personality.
I'm appalled by all the comments in this post saying that it is inappropriate for a young boy to have long hair.
That is the same bs that keeps a lot of girls from going for short hair, let alone going natural. Take a step back and evaluate why you feel that way. Y'all been socially conditioned to feel that way, and blindly passing that feeling on to the next generation is not helping the situation. And this masculine vs feminine reasoning? SMH. I'm disappointed, ladies.
If people don't have the time or patience to take care of their sons' hair, why are they willing to spend that time on their daughters' hair? If women can rock TWAs and other short styles and still be feminine, why is it impossible for boys to have long hair and still be masculine? Everyone has a personal preference, I realize that, but a few of you just aren't presenting any logical argument. If it's your preference, then okay.
My opinion is that up until the point where the child can discern what he or she wants for their hair, the parents are in charge of it. So there's nothing wrong in giving your son a short cut, I'm just saying that I don't agree with supporting your decision by saying, "I don't want my son looking like a girl."
My 9 year old nephew has never had a haircut in his life. People rarely mistake him for a girl. When they do he lets them know he's a boy. His uncle, my husband, had long hair as a child too. He turned out normal. 🙂
I am still livid about my son's father cutting his hair a few months before his 2nd birthday. He turned 2 this past December. He had a ton of beautiful hair but his father insisted that it was too girly. People would mistake him for a girl often, however, I never understood why. He was always dressed in "boy" clothes and most times I kept his hair in very neat cornrows. Cn did a post on me and my children "Natural Family" if you want to see what I mean. I miss his hair and I wonder if I will ever get over it!
Tammy G
curlychics.blogspot.com
@Anonymous 5:30 It certainly felt like you were targeting me because you addressed some other things mentioned in my post. But if you say you weren't then, I'll take you for your word. My son is 2 and I stated in another post that his hair is kept braided most of the time. I understand not putting unnecessary hardships on kids but at this time the hair cut would be my son's unnecessary hardship.
dont take the bible out of context…not cutting your hair applies to if you are a nazarite in addition to which you must not drink strong drink or not be around the dead…
@elitebeauty13 We are in agreement that ages 1,2,and 3 may be too young for a haircut. I would opt for braids of some kind at that age. I don't know how old your child is but my little brother is 9 and if he saw a young boy his age with long hair he would tease the child. That's just how kids are. My brother is a bit of a snot but hey he's still a kid. He makes fun of my hair but I'm an adult so I could care less. Kids can be mean and brutal please be honest about that fact. (Most) Adults have enough tact to keep their mean comments to themselves. I'm just saying I think it best to avoid any unnecessary hardships concerning something as unimportant (especially for boys/men) as hair. Just being a kid is hard enough. I wasn't disrespecting you or your husband and I wasn't targeting you directly in my original statement. If you took it as a personal attack……. You shouldn't have. This site is about positivity but in being positive I also like to be realistic. You may not agree with my reality and thats fine.
I think that as a community that appaulds the big chop and encourages women to rock their twa's it is kind of hypocritical for us to say that boys should have short hair and girls should have long. That said I have a six year old son who has a short cut. I cut his hair shortly after his 1st bday because I couldn't deal with it and he didn't like me to style it. In the future I'll probably let him decide if he wants to grow out his hair or not. I personally don't prefer men with longer hair but I don't think that these types of decisions should be based only on societal norms.
Black men in America conform by keeping their unseenly 'afro hair' cut short, just like we're taught to keep our hair straight. I say let our boys, or men rock longer hair, just like their caucasian counterparts. Brain washed.
I think Jaden Smith is a cutie pie and his long natural hair (whether it is fro'ed out, corkscrewed or cornrowed)is a big part of the appeal. I don't have any problems with males of any age wearing longer hair. And I don't see anything feminine (or less masculine) about it. Ditto women with TWA or buzzed off haircuts. They don't look any less feminine to me–even without big earrings or makeup. My idea of what's masculine and feminine is about so much more than hair length.
My little boy is 16 months and I plan on never cutting his hair barring any and all medical issues. It is a sexist and outdated notion that little black boys have to walk around looking like brown cue balls! Heck, even the bible says not to cut your hair. My son and his hair are beautiful and anyone who doesn't like it can go kick rocks!
Why would you want your son to have long hair and wear a ponytail like a girl? You can still show off your son's hair in a shorter style. I don't get it.
@Anonymous 4:44 You are trying to tell me that you have never seen a little boy that is completely terrified of the barber shop. True, it does not cause health problems but in MY OPINION it can be a traumatic experience for some boys especially at age 1, 2, or 3. An experience that my husband and I have decided not to let our son endure.
Let's get another thing straight, my son has never been teased for his hair. Others kids clearly can see that he is a boy. It is ignorant adults that choose to judge kids by the basis of there hair that make the mistake. If they take there eyes off his hair and take him in as a whole person he is clearly a boy, from his facial features, the clothes he wear, and his actions.
We can go back and forth all day about this but you're not changing my opinion and I'm not trying to change yours. But to imply that I'm being selfish because of a decision my husband and I have made for our child is not uncalled for especially since you do not know me. Nor do you know the circumstances that led to the decision.
I have a son..he had nice hair…all the old folks said you dont cut the hair until they can talk..who knew…anyhow even though his hair looked nice in my mind i wasnt about to spend alot of time doing a boy's hair…fast forward 15 years…he wanted braids…his hair was so thick..in order to braid it we had to blow it out and then a light press…too much work for a boy in addition to three girls…my rule was he couldnt have braids and earrings, so he eventually cut the hair and got the earrings.
I'm saying all this to say..its hair; on girls its an accessory on boys it's not.
I agree with the post, what's wrong with our society that spends so much time dictating what a male or females hair length should be. Personally, I like seeing a man with long hair, no matter the race and just like a female's hair, it should be kept clean and neat. I also think that with young Af. Am men, there is a trend to wear long locs and I applaud them. When my son was little, I did not cut his hair and when he was old enough to make his own choices, he decided to cut it.
you asked:
Does long hair really equal feminine?
I don't think it "equals" feminine, but I do think it is most often associated w/women. & I would prefer not to date a man with long hair.
Doesn’t boy hair require just as much care and attention as a girl’s does?
I think most men I know luxuriate in not having to put as much attention into their hair as a woman.
How do you feel about boys getting their hair lopped off on their 1 year birthday?
I think my son will definitely be getting his first hair cut when he turns one. I much prefer a low cut Caesar or fade on boys and men. My hair is enough work as it is.
My little bro has the most beautiful curls and my mom lets them grow out to an appropriate length during the winter. I also agree that long hair on a boy is inappropriate. You dang right theres a double standard. Boys are boys and girls are girls we can't do everything the same point.blank.period. Nobody is saying to change the texture of the boys hair because that is natural. Comparing cutting a boys hair to women going natural is a fallacy in reasoning. Harsh chemicals can cause real health problems for women and young girls. I've never heard of a haircut being harmful to anybody. Furthermore I think it is a little selfish to allow your child to be teased and mistaken for a girl just because you would like to go against social norms. An adult deciding to going against a social norm in the hopes of having a healthier lifestyle is totally different.
We cut my son's hair when he was a year old, but every since I've been natural, my son has wanted to grow out his hair into an afro. When he was around 5, I let him grow it out and I gave him coils which he loved (later he wore it in a coil out). I got tired of doing his hair and we cut it.
Now that he is 9, he is growing it out again. The problem for me is that I do not like cornrows or braids on boys, so if it got too long, I wouldn't know what to do with it. I recently did coils once again on him that he loved (He is one of those type of kids that could care less what other people say about him or his hair). I am thinking about letting him grow it long enough to wear it like Dwele, DL Hughley or John Legend's, but I don't know if I'll let it get any longer than that (I'm too lazy to have to do my hair, my daughter's and his – LOL). I will be trying a few styles on him and adding them to my blog.
Very interesting topic by the way!
im 5 mos pregnant with a little boy and i hope to let his hair be free at least until he is 2 or 3 years old. not sure if my SO will let it happen but im gonna fight. i dont really care about societal "norms" and will let my child make that decisions for himself.
@Dionne you're not the only one who agrees with the poster I love my son's long hair and so does he. I do keep it braided most of the time because if not detangling would be very tedious process.
@Anonymous 4:11 just because a boy have long hair does not automatically make them a "Hurricane Chris." Just quit it.
I must be the only one that agrees with Monica (the poster). I have a daughter and CANNOT WAIT to have a little boy with a head full of hair. I vowed a long time ago that if I ever have a son, I'm not cutting his hair. I'll dread it, leave it wild or slick it back in a pony… I think it's absolutely adorable when little boys have long hair… And grown men for that matter. I guess it's just my preference for men. I like hair, the more the better! 🙂
Little boys showuld get there hair cut. It looks more respectable and neat. We don't need anymore Hurricane Chris's in the world
Looking at these responses, I now understand why I didn't get any feed back from my post in the curly parent forum a few days ago. Anyway, I have not cut my 2 year old son's hair and do not plan to. Each person is entitled to there own opinion on the matter but I personally do not see a problem with boys with long hair as long as it's healthy.
Yes, random people do mistake him for a girl but he knows that he is a boy and will let them know as well. We're all here claiming not to want to conform to society expectations of our hair, but its okay to give in to society when it comes to our little boys…I smell a double standard.
Loose, long hair on any race of little boy is feminine-has nothing to do with Af-Am society norms. And no offense, but with all the bad things that can happen to kids nowadays, you sobbed for a week because he had a hair cut? It's great to be proud of your child's hair texture, but come on now.
But I do understand wanting discussion on how to care for a little boy's hair properly.
Boys can have healthy hair without it being long hair. The same way that you take care of a little girl's curls can be done to a little boys curls. However, long hair on a little boys shouldn't be something that is maintained like that on a little girl — keep it cut low, neat and healthy. 🙂
When my sons' first birthdays arrived, it was basically shoved on me from my husband's side and my side. I wanted them to grow their curls out.
Now, my twelve year old is growing his 'fro out. Yay! Also, my three-year old's curls are not cut but trimmed. They are both so cute.
I don't have kids yet, but this topic was discussed with the bf, I am also concerned that my son would be mistaken or treated as a girl. I do not want to cut his hair OR constantly corn braid, I wanted to leave it out and curly, but this society would tease and hurt him emotionally! So I dont know what I will do….
Yeah, having long hair is more of a female thing. I just don't find it appropriate for men, especially little boys, to have long hair. Whether dreads, locs or cornrows, I think that the male species should refrain from keeping their hair long. I think it looks terrible…on any man of any age.