Pregnant with her first child, it was supposed to be one of the
happiest times of R&B singer/songwriter Vivian Green’s life.
Unfortunately, things didn’t pan out that way. In her second trimester
of pregnancy, doctors told her that the baby she was carrying had a
severe undiagnosable illness that would leave it seriously disabled, and
if she had the baby it was likely to die within one week.
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“It was
horrible,” Vivian says of hearing the news. “Stuff like he had no
fingers or toes, his entire cardiovascular system was undeveloped;
things that you never want to hear as a mother.” Indeed. As a mom, it’s hard to imagine being told such horrific news. But it
also begs the question, why didn’t she abort since it’s legal in cases
where doctors can predict these types of issues?
In fact, there was a couple in Australia that aborted a pregnancy
at 28 weeks when they discovered their baby would have a deformed left
hand–though most would consider that an extreme reaction. Sometimes, the
pressure comes from doctors who discourage parents from bringing kids
into the world when they know ahead of time the massive challenges the
future holds.
For Vivian, it was simple. “By the time I got the diagnosis I was in my second trimester and he was already moving. So I knew I couldn’t do it.”
Constant prayer and strong family support got Vivian through the pregnancy.
What happened next was a miracle.
“Once
my son was born it was nothing like what the doctors said,” says
Vivian. “He does have some issues. Like he has no opposition in his
thumbs, he was born very small, his skull was flat–it’s gotten a lot
better–and he sometimes has some random things that don’t necessarily go
together, but still, it’s not what they said.”
Clearly, the fact
that he is going on 12-years-old when they only predicted he’d live a
week is a testament to something Vivian learned from her mom, “doctors
are not always right.”
It was this knowing that she would rely on again when pressure
mounted to get him plastic surgery. “One doctor really wanted to start
plastic surgery and I felt that he was too young. Let’s watch to see how
things develop.” Once she received a second opinion from another doctor
who agreed, she felt convinced that her motherly instinct was right
once again, and let her son be.
Today, Jordan does everything for himself, even if it takes him a
little longer. She says her parenting style is often compared to the mom
of singer Ray Charles: “After I see you can do it one time I’m not
going to help you again because I know you can do it.”
Vivian has
been homeschooling Jordan since kindergarten, but plans to transition
him to a regular school now that he’s in the 6th grade. A few years ago,
she had him tested to make sure he was mentally up to par. While his
mental process is a little different, he’s fine. “Jordan’s doctors are
some of the best in the country and they are amazed at his progress,”
Vivian says. And while things may not be nearly as dire as the
doctors predicted, Vivian’s life is far from a walk in the park. Has she
ever regretted her decision to have her son?
“Not at all,” she
explains, “He’s very much a loved child wherever he goes. He’s touched
so many people in the past 11 years. It’s really amazing.”
Given how things worked out for Vivian, one might think that she
would discourage moms-to-be from listening to doctors, but not so.
“I
always urge mothers to do what’s best for them because many children
are born with horrible diseases and doctors sometimes are right about
what they see. So I don’t want to give any false hope that every case is
going to be like mine. I just happen to know that doctors aren’t always
right.”
Vivian also urges mothers to do their own research and trust their instincts.
This article first appeared on Mommynoire.com
