By Maya Wright
Call it what you want: dating, Christian dating, “Dating with Purpose.” Yes, many Christians do date and the truth is, I’ve heard countless positive testimonies. But for me personally, I choose not to date, and to wait on God. When people hear that, it’s like they instantly think you’re weird, you’re crazy, you’re in a cult, that it doesn’t make any sense. It’s like, “How are you going to meet your mate if you don’t date?”
It didn’t take me long to decide that dating was off the table. I’ve had two boyfriends in my life, and neither “relationship” lasted long. The first was off-and-on for about 10 months, while the other was only 3 months. Even though both (boys) called themselves Christians, it was abundantly clear to me that I was more devout. Our priorities were different—I was constantly at church and had my sights set on ascending in ministry, while their interests were more about secular gain. Both times, I found myself drifting further away from God. And above all, they wanted to have premarital sex, and I didn’t, which is an obvious deal breaker.
A lot of people will say, “Oh, you just chose wrong,” or “That’s only two.” But when it was all over, I remember feeling completely lost and apart from God because I had put all of my energies into them and placed my relationship with God on the back burner. I hated the person I had become to try to be who they wanted me to be instead of who God had created me to be. I didn’t even notice all of the negative changes I had made until it was over. I realized that I started dressing differently, wearing more makeup, and being sneaky. I didn’t recognize myself anymore and I knew I would never allow myself to go there again, for anyone.
I decided then that instead of rolling the dice, I would do things the God way, which I believe is waiting on and trusting in Him, as the Word says:
“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6).
I feel like Christians quote these words all the time, but do we really live by them—especially when it comes to dating? We claim we want God be Lord in our lives, but then we don’t even do what the Word says and trust Him to make the decisions because after all, He has the plan.
Even aside from the fact that the Bible doesn’t condone dating, it comes with all kinds of unnecessary emotional baggage. When your emotions are involved, it’s easy to make bad decisions. You could easily end up catching feelings for the wrong person, resulting in years of heartache and pain. My own mother has been very open with me about her relationship with my father and the fact that she wishes she knew then what she knows now. She had four children with him, divorcing twice, and almost losing her life by way of his relentless abuse. Thank God, she made it out, but many women don’t.
I know—that’s just one (extreme?) example. But if there’s anything I’ve learned from being a Christian, it’s that I don’t know everything, but God’s will is sure. My Pastor and First Lady are my example of what it means to choose not to date and wait for the Lord to send the one he made, just for you. At the time when they met, they were both focused on God’s purpose for their lives, not pursuing a relationship, and God spoke to each of them. It was that simple.
So I stay close to God. I serve, I volunteer, I pray (all day, ‘err day), I study, and I keep my mind on God. No, I’m not perfect. Yes, I have desires. But I’m not desperate. I don’t need to be in a relationship. And the truth is, I’m completely happy just serving God. Besides, I’m only 26 and can’t really imagine being married right now. I am thriving in my singlehood. I have goals, dreams, and aspirations. I look forward to getting married and having children one day, but for now, I’m happy with it being just me and God. I don’t need a boyfriend and I don’t want one. I want what God has for me.
And I know it will be well worth the wait.