By Tiffy Kink
I didn’t really grow up in the most “Sex Positive” household. In fact, I remember the “The Sex Talk” being very brief. I was never formally introduced to masturbation. I imagined it would have been quite an awkward conversation to have with my parents in the first place. So when I discovered that masturbation was called “Masturbation,” I had no idea that I had already been doing it for years. Now that I think about it, I didn’t really have a word for what I was doing. All I knew was that it made me feel good.
It wasn’t until I saw how others (specifically those in the black community) viewed masturbation that I began to feel a bit self-conscious about what I was doing. I felt guilty. As if I were committing a crime every time I rubbed one out. Then I came to an exciting realization: Almost everyone has masturbated at some point and time in their lives and those who look down upon the practice may have already had those thoughts installed into their minds from young. So let’s talk about some misconceptions about masturbation that you may have heard, and why you should ultimately try it at least once.
1. If you have to Masturbate, it’s because you can’t find someone to sleep with you.
Masturbation in most cases has nothing to do with others and is more so about pleasuring the self rather than another person. Let’s face it, sex is everywhere. Finding someone to sleep with in this day and age is not a hard task. Masturbation is reserved for those who want to do it. Partner or no partner.
2. Your partner won’t be able to please you if you masturbate too much.
This is a load of BS. Masturbation is about discovering what makes you feel good, so you can communicate that to your partner. Of course it’s a given that the more you do it, the better you become at giving yourself an orgasm. It makes sense doesn’t it? I mean, how can you pleasure others if you don’t know what pleases you? Let’s also talk about the fact that not every woman has the ability to orgasm from sexual penetration, and a wide majority of women usually find their climax through different methods. The most popular being clitoral stimulation.
3. You are weird and pathetic if you own sex toys.
Sex toys aren’t pathetic, they’re pleasure enhancing tools. During my senior year in high school, I started to think about the day I would be able to purchase my first sex toy. I wasn’t vibrator crazy or anything. I was still a virgin who had made a conscious decision that losing my virginity in high school wasn’t the experience I wanted to have. I believed when the time was right, it would happen. Till then, I could get myself off.
4. You’re going to hell if you masturbate.
How do I say this nicely without insulting someone? Oh wait, I can’t. The issue with these “Holier than thou” types is more complicated than you think. These individuals think for some strange reason they are entitled to issue judgment on those who deviate from the “norm” when it comes to sex and religion. I would like to additionally note that masturbation is not considered a deviant act and does not make you a “Freak.”
In short, masturbation is not “wrong” or “sinful.” We as Women of Color are severely underserved when it comes to the topic of sex. Masturbation is one of those things we keep on the hush hush and we have suffered tremendously from it. We are having less orgasms, many of us don’t know how to articulate ourselves in the bedroom and we feel guilt towards having desires that are not only normal, but a part of human nature.
Am I trying to convince you to masturbate every day? Of course not. I think any woman that has any negative feelings or views towards masturbation should sit down and have a conversation with themselves on why the idea of self-pleasure is so bothersome. Masturbation is not a guilty pleasure. Its pleasure, its self-love, it’s your time to be selfish because you deserve it.