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Double Standards: Can We Stop Nailing Black Women to the Cross While Letting Black Men Run Free?

Double Standards: Can We Stop Nailing Black Women to the Cross While Letting Black Men Run Free?
Fabolous & Emily B.

By Brenda Alexander

I’ve already expressed why I don’t stand with Mo’Nique in a previous piece. I even questioned why Tisha Campbell-Martin would ever re-consider a reboot of Martin after she alleged to be sexually harassed for years on the show by her co-star. Those sentiments remain true for me. However, the same way I can call out a woman who I feel isn’t standing in truth or whose actions I find questionable, is the same way I can change any radio station that plays a song by the “Pied Piper” and turn a channel when one of my favorite shows from childhood, The Cosby Show, appears on my screen. Unfortunately, not many others can do the same.

With that being said, it baffles me how many women can so easily take a stance against one another when called for but continue to line dance to R. Kelly’s “Step In the Name of Love” on their wedding day and call to question the validity of Emily B’s accusations against Fabolous.

When will the double standard in nailing black women to the cross but letting black men run free stop?

There’s been dozens of findings against many beloved black men in the public eye, especially over the last few years. The sickening personal behaviors of many have been revealed. Everything ranging from sexual assault allegations, domestic violence allegations and philandering have hit the tabloids. With the exception of Ray Rice, many have suffered slim consequences despite proof that have been presented in their cases. Even with Ray Rice losing his contract with the NFL and struggling to redeem himself since, his wife, the victim in the situation, has come under more scrutiny for standing by his side, with her saying it was an isolated incident. It got so bad that she had to resort to making her social media pages private all the while Ray Rice is interviewed and profiled in 1500 word essays about his road to redemption.

*Insert eye roll emoji here*

This conversation is nothing new yet disappointing everytime it happens. When news first broke that Fabolous was arrested for a domestic issue, I waited for The Shade Room to re-share the news in anticipation of the Fabolous fan train to voice their disbelief. Taking it a step further, I knew it would be a matter of time before commentators would resort to blaming Emily for the situation considering it’s been public knowledge that they’ve had an on-again-off-again relationship, with him rarely publicly acknowledging that she was his woman in the first place. Little did I know that actual video footage would surface showing Fabolous cursing, belittling and attempting to charge the mother of his two sons (apparently in front of them). What was his punishment after the video was released? A sold out performance the same evening in NYC with cheering fans in the audience and a photo op with Lil’ Kim (who he performed with) on IG. That’ll really teach him a lesson. And if I’m not mistaken, didn’t Emily B, who is a stylist and shoe designer, style Lil Kim’ on a few occasions? And doesn’t the Black Barbie allege that she suffered domestic abuse at the hands of Biggie and her child’s father? Way to show your girl power Queen B.

Though there were a few “prayers up” comments and encouraging words for Emily, majority sided with Fabolous, raising questions such as, “Well if she’s so scared, why is there a camera in his face?” Because after all, a woman who dedicated 10+ years of her life with a man and bore two children for him deserves to be (allegedly) striked in the face 7 times that resulted in the extraction of her two front teeth from the damage, right? Wrong. Anyone in this world who thinks otherwise there’s a special fiery place that lies beneath this Earth that I would tell them to go.

Furthermore, it’s been argued repeatedly that women do not come forward with such claims because of the backlash and scrutiny they are put under. It’s hard enough to tell your story but to have your accusers walk free and reap the benefits of the public’s support while you fall into obscurity is double the trauma. We scream black lives matter and protest for the world to see when an unarmed black man is killed by a white police officer and acquitted of charges. We add more money to a proven predators pockets by buying tickets to whatever spring jam he’s apart of while he holds teenage girls captive in his homes. But when a video of a woman being dragged out of an elevator while unconscious from a blow he shot to her face is released to the public, the first comment out of the mouths of many is, “I’m sure she wasn’t innocent.”

Until one of these situations results in the death or serious and irreversible physical damage of one of these women (more than likely a celebrity because that of course would get the most coverage), I fear that unfortunately things won’t change.

Do you feel that black lives matter except when it comes to Black women?
 Double Standards: Can We Stop Nailing Black Women to the Cross While Letting Black Men Run Free?
Brenda is a
Philadelphia native with a love for Marketing, Creative writing, wine
and Jesus. Her work has been featured on Mayvenn’s Real Beautiful blog
and she is the co-author of the book Christmas 364: Be Merry and Bright
Beyond Christmas Night (available for purchase on amazon). Follow her on
IG @trulybrenda_ and

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