Should You Attend a Wedding if You Don’t Support the Marriage?

I’ll never forget my cousin’s wedding. Not because of the decorations, the food, or the love in the air. Instead, I remember all the signs that pointed to the fact it just wasn’t going to work out. My cousin dropped out of school to marry a man who proved to be bereft of all morals. In fact, some of our family members were the victims of his shenanigans. Still, the heart wants what it wants. 

The day was filled with omens. 

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Minutes before my cousin walked down the aisle, my aunt, her mother was still trying desperately to talk her out of it. When she made it down the aisle, that same aunt was supposed to sing a Luther Vandross song to commemorate the occasion but announced, after the first verse, that she simply couldn’t do it. The congregation hummed the chorus lightly, trying to gloss over the awkward moment. Another uncle who was sitting in the congregation caught on fire briefly when he got too close to one of the candles lining the aisle. 

After the ceremony, when a videographer asked the guests for words of encouragement for the newlyweds, the best my dad could offer was, “Do the right thing!” with raised, knowing eyebrows.

You would have been hard pressed to find someone who believed in that union. And sure enough, after a few more years, they were separated and then divorced.

I can honestly say that was the one and only wedding I’ve attended where 75 percent of the guests knew it was over before it started. But knowing what we knew, wouldn’t it have been a better idea to just skip the wedding?

Recently, the women of “The Real” were talking about wedding guests and asked the question Should you attend a wedding if you don’t support the marriage?  According to a poll they cited, 27 percent of the people asked had attended weddings they didn’t support. 

The general consensus was that you shouldn’t be there if you have anything but well wishes for the couple. In fact, Loni Love said that she had skipped her close friends’ wedding because she knew the marriage was doomed.

On the surface, I agree. The answer seems simple. If you’re not there to provide your full support, then it’s probably better to keep your bad energy at home. But weddings and the behavior that accompany them, are tricky. Sometimes, in order to keep the peace or preserve a relationship, it’s better to keep your true thoughts about your loved ones’ partners to yourself. When it comes to love, people have been known to cast friends and family aside in order to be with their beloved. It comes down to the type of relationship you share. Some people can handle uncomfortable truths and revelations while others absolutely cannot.

So you might want to ask yourself, is warning my loved one or sharing my concerns worth the risk of breaking the bond? 

Not to mention, the older I get, the more I realize that just because I want more for my loved ones in their romantic relationships, it doesn’t mean that their marriages won’t make it. Everything ain’t for everybody and all of our standards are different. The opinions of a guest won’t make or break a marriage. Only the people in it can determine that.

Perhaps a better question is if the marriage doesn’t make it, do you have guests who will support one or both of you regardless? The people who will be there whether you’re married or single, should be the ones to witness all the big milestones in your life. They deserve it.