By Tiffy Kink
In spring of 2013, my sophomore year in college, I met a guy on an app. I had only met up with one guy before him out of the many different guys that hit me up wanting to take me out. While I don’t necessarily allow one experience to generalize another, I will say that the guy I met before was okay and we even ended up in a relationship for a while. It ended abruptly, however, when he transitioned into a new religion and I rejected his invitation to join in said religion. And marriage. I was 19 at the time.
Shortly after, I returned to the app not really looking for anything in particular. In fact, I wasn’t planning on meeting up with anyone and would just use it to meet people in a way I wouldn’t have met them otherwise. Until I met him. A guy who seemed to be nice. We talked a couple times and had really good conversations. We were both techies so we never ran out of things to talk about. He was kind of a dork, with glasses and just how he dressed and stuff. But I like dorks so that wasn’t an issue. He was also Jamaican. Two months into talking, he asked me out on a date and I said yes.
Our first date was cool. We went to a bowling alley and had a good time. I didn’t get any creepy vibes from him and we hit it off pretty well. So much so that when the date was nearing the end, I suggested we go to the movies to extend it. The whole time our date was going on, he kept complimenting me to the point where I asked him to stop. I’m not one for flattery. After the movie, we ended our date and walked to the train station. He waited until my train came and before I got on, I gave him a peck on the lips. Just a peck.
The second date was more interesting. We went to the movies and was horsing around a bit. We made out a little while watching the movie and I guess he wanted to continue that because he insisted on kissing in the seating area near the place where you go in. That would mean that everyone who was walking out and in the theatre would see us. Be looking at us. Admittedly, I’m not the biggest fan of PDA, so there was no problem making out in a dark movie theatre. But not where people could see us. It’s just not my thing. He got mad. And at the end of our date, he walked me to my train, but didn’t wait for me to get on. I understood that he was upset, I just didn’t know how upset he was.
Something I didn’t mention in the beginning was that while we were talking, and flirting, we both traded pictures. Naked ones. Just body parts. Without any previous negative experience, I had been forewarned a long time ago about not taking naked pictures with your face displayed in them. And it just wasn’t my thing. I had done this (exchanged pictures) before with a very select few of guys and didn’t see a problem with it. This will come to bite me in the ass later on.
After our second date, we didn’t talk for a week. Following that, a guy who I was previously chatting with before him, liked a bunch of my pictures on Facebook and that made him furious, though it was out of my control, and I didn’t understand why he cared. I myself thought the act was weird, and he later apologized. But I had a feeling my fate was already sealed.
Following that event, maybe a couple of hours later, he informed me that he was so mad at what happened on Facebook, that he went outside and punched a tree. I was slightly horrified as I had never seen a guy get that angry before over something I quite frankly didn’t think was worth anyone’s anger.
So when it came to our third and final date, he showed up visibly agitated and when I requested that this date just turn into a friendly gathering, he got even more upset, saying that if we didn’t continue this as a date, he would leave. I had already purchased the tickets and didn’t want to waste them, so I obliged.
After that day, we didn’t talk much and he was starting to notice it. I ended up telling him that how he acted on our third date, combined with what happened on Facebook, made me apprehensive to continue seeing him.
“I don’t think we should see each other anymore,” I said, in a simple sentence, explaining that it wasn’t him, that I didn’t think I was the right person for him, and he could probably find someone he would be more compatible with. That was a terrible idea.
He didn’t just flip a lid. He blew a f*cking gasket. He immediately started going off about us and how I “cheated” on him, even though I never recalled us formally entering into a relationship. Unless he mistook me accepting his request that I not talk to anyone else on our second date as us now being exclusive. I didn’t take that to mean anything because I was already not planning on talking to anyone else. I guess I was wrong. This all came out of nowhere.
He then went on to start threatening me, saying that he would expose me for the real person I am. He told me he was going to ruin my life and put the picture, the picture I entrusted him with, on the internet for the world to see. My heart sank to my stomach and I was mortified. I started begging and pleading for him not to do it. He wouldn’t tell me anything further other than I deserve what will be coming to me.
I was standing in my room. Not knowing what to do. Shaking as if I was having an internal earthquake. I didn’t understand how a simple conversation went left so fast. I didn’t lead him on. At least I don’t think I did. Yet there I was. Standing, shaking, and in a cold sweat. I didn’t know what do to or who to turn to. And my phone kept ringing. Him continuing to go off about the person I really am. To him. A slut.
I turned to the only person I knew I could tell at that moment. My older sister. She was at work. I called her, my voice crackling and shaking. She kept asking me what was wrong and I had a hard time getting out until I did:
“You know that guy I was talking to and going to the movies with?”
“I told him that I wanted to stop seeing him….he got mad and now he’s threatening to put a picture I sent him online.”
“I don’t know what to do, this has never happened before with anyone.”
“Okay Tiff. Just calm down and tell me word-for-word what happened.”
I told her. She herself couldn’t make sense of why he was doing this, and she told me to give her his phone number and she would try to talk to him. I did, but it only made things worse. He texted me back saying that I shouldn’t have given her his number and that I have now sealed my fate by doing so.
When my sister came home, we went to her best friend’s house where we further talked about what happened, the timeline, and everything in-between. My sister and her best friend were both livid. They wanted to find him, but I reasoned with them. Telling them that searching a whole borough wouldn’t be feasible. But I understood their anger. Even in that moment I was still partially sympathetic towards him, remembering when he told me that he was very insecure about his looks. I didn’t go off looks, so that wasn’t my concern.
I felt bad for him until he crossed the line. Touching something that had nothing to do with the problem he had with me: My mother. While we were out, he sent a text message to both me and my sister’s phone:
“This bitch is a target. Whoever finds, rapes and kills this bitch gets 5 G’s.”
Below it was a picture of my mother. I was every emotion I could possibly feel. He later sent one with a picture of me as well. Where the hell did he get the picture of my mother? Facebook! I never thought that listing my mother as my MOTHER would put her life in danger. So now what do I do? How many people did he send this to? Did he just send it to me and my sister? Either way, we weren’t sure. We definitely had to go to the police. I could have adjusted to life with a picture of my breasts floating around the internet. But this was something I just didn’t know how to handle. And now I would have to tell the one person who I wanted to keep it from the most that because of me, her life could potentially be put in danger by some guy I met on the internet: My mom.
Tiffy kink is a New York based Sex Blogger whose goal is to spread sex positivity and break down barriers for the sexually deprived and repressed through her blog posts and sex toy reviews where she not only talks about her interactions with sex and masturbation, but she also introduces her readers to body-safe sex toys and advice. If you like what you’ve read and would like to see more, visit her blog Aquakink.com Follow her on Twitter @Theaquakink