Photo by Brian Wangenheim on Unsplash
Dear Akilah – Friendship Gets Tested By Act of Generosity
by Akilah Peynado of www.akilahpeynado.com
Hello there! I am so concerned about feeling petty that I almost didn’t write to you; but, I need your advice. Here goes nothing…I am a single woman of a certain age. I do not have any children or husband. I live alone and on top of that, I work from home. I said all of this because I want you to know I am a true “HOME-home body”. I am; however, a part of a close-knit circle of women who have become more like family to me over the years.
One of my friends from this circle, let’s call her “Shelia” asked if she could borrow my car to go back and forth to work for 3 weeks while her car was being repaired. Since I work from home 100%, I told her it was okay as long as she would be available to bring it back for some errands on the weekends, etc. Surprisingly, I did not need my car during this time period as my sister was always available on the weekends when I needed to get somewhere.
Here is the dilemma – at the end of the 3 weeks, she does exactly what she said she would do and brought back the car. BUT, she brought the car with its insides filthy, I mean nasty, no I mean disgusting. Coffee cups, crumbs from the chips, half-empty water bottles were EVERYWHERE. On top of that, with only a quarter tank left in the gas tank. She had no apology about the filth or anything to say about the little amount of gas in the tank. Of course, I had to take the car to the carwash and fill it up again; but, honestly, I feel disrespected.
Akilah, I don’t want to lose out on this friendship over something small like this; but, I feel like I should let her know how I feel. Should I say something or just chalk it up to “lesson-learned”?
I Still Have Crumbs in My Hair
Dear I Still Have Crumbs in My Hair
HA! First of all, your sign-off name is hilarious!
I would definitely say something to her. As a matter of fact, I would have said something to her as soon as I saw the nastiness in the car. You went into detail about how you both are really close. I mean close enough for you to lend your car to her for over 3 weeks? Whew. Now, that is what I call “FRIENDSHIP” okay. LOL.
My question is:
Why is this a difficult thing for you to say to her? It wasn’t difficult to give her your car free of charge. With the way Uber rates are, she would have definitely taken a hit in her pockets over the course of 3 weeks without your car. You could have said “no” when she asked and that would have been your right; but, you didn’t. Never feel like speaking your thoughts, ESPECIALLY about your things… “is petty”.
Ultimately, since this is an isolated incident… only this once I would let it slide. However, if she were to ask you for your car again and she brings it back nasty… please without a shadow of a doubt, tell her without hesitation.
Keep me posted.
Please send your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org Attention: “Dear Akilah” to have your question featured!
Find more Dear Akilah and other articles about relationships on Curlynikki.com, HERE!
Akilah Peynado is an Intuitive Guide who runs Slaytheclutter where she discusses all things about the practice of Intentional Gratitude, healing through the contemplation of God, and living a clutter-free life with love. You can find her on IG: @akilahpeynado and on her website www.akilahpeynado.com