Let’s be real, dating sucks sometimes. Other times, it’s wonderful! Falling in love is intoxicating, exciting, and well….FUN! But with more ups and downs than the worlds largest roller coaster, finding “the one worth putting a ring on it” can be all but emotionally draining! I’ve been there, done that, got the T-shirt and the healed scars on my heart to prove it! Below, are some of lessons learned that helped me get to where I am now: happy in my relationship, but even more critical, happy with myself.
God Bless The Gal Who Has Her Own. How many times have we seen grown women who have the world at their fingertips today, but are all but destitute tomorrow all because they were depending on the love of a man to feed, house, and clothe them? It’s a situation all too common among able body, potentially fabulous women. Take the time to assess and value your intellect and talents. Use them to become independently successful! Dancing, singing, writing, party planning, or fashion; consider returning to school to hone your skills in whatever you’re good at! When you’re able to stand on your own two feet, you have your own staying power. Even more importantly, If things are to go awry (which they most times do at least once in your life time), you’re not at the mercy of your ex partner to stay afloat.
Look Like What You’re Looking For In A Significant Other. You are smart, you are fabulous, you are gorgeous and you deserve the best. But, if you aren’t showing off all that fabulous, brainy, gorgeousness with a cherry on top, how the heck are you expecting to bag someone with those exact same qualities? If you’re looking for an athletically fit partner, who is financially secure and educated, expect that he or she may be looking for for the same thing! It can be straining on a relationship when both partners aren’t on the same page or at least in the same book, when it comes to lifestyle choices and intellect. Put your best foot forward and keep your eyes peeled for other feet as fantastic as yours! 😛
Don’t Ever Give Up Your Goods and Services At a Discount Rate. Goods and Services, Cash and Prizes, Grace and Mercy, whatever you refer to as “the deed”, should be regarded as valuable. At the end of the day, there is sex everywhere to be had but there is only one YOU. Treat your body, your sensuality, your gift, like it’s priceless (because it is)! He may be nice, he may be showering you with gifts, he may be wining and dining you, but what you’re working with should be appreciated, respected, protected at all costs, because it’s that damn good. Don’t give up the cookies until he’s done all but scaled the side of Mt.Everest to prove that he’s worthy of your love below.
Don’t Ever Allow A Man (or Woman) to Define What’s Beautiful and/or Special About You. Way back when your girl was on the dating scene, she went out on a few dates with a really sexy, slightly older, cop dude. Yes y’all…lol! At first, we hit it off really well, but then I started noticing that he’d be stingy with the compliments and would block the hell out of compliments that other people would make about me! Once while waiting to be seated at dinner, a waitress complimented my shoes. Deputy Douchebag pipes up “They look aight” and rolled his eyes o_O. As dinner progressed, I started to get bored and found myself admiring my reflection in the window next to our table. “You really think highly of yourself, don’t you?” he bitterly commented, “We’re gonna have to change that.” AW HELL NAWL! CHECK PLEASE!!! That was the last time I went out with him! lol! I’m saying this to say that it’s important to find someone who recognizes how beautiful you are and would gladly head any “My Baby is Stunning Inside and Out” campaigns if you needed him or her to.
If He’s Not Right For You, Let Him Go So Your Hands Are Free To Grab On To Whatever Blessings God Does Have For You. As women, most of us are naturally nurturing and will stay until the bitter, dirty end because we don’t want to disappoint or hurt the person we’re miserably with. If it is not a healthy realtionship and you are not spiritually and emotionally content, you should let go. God has better for you. It may not even be a man at the moment! It may be a better job, it may be a nicer home, it may be a college degree, whatever it is, it is surely better than fighting for something that’s not yours to have or keep anyway.
Find Someone Who’s Stupid Enough To Love You, But Smart Enough To Never Let You Go. As awesome as you are, you’re not perfect. There are some qualities that we all possess that drive our significant others up the wall. But, what makes them worth the wait, worth the fight, worth the tears, is the fact that they love us in spite of our shortcomings, idiosyncrasies, and downright bad habits.
Accept, But Never Settle. The perfect man or woman does not exist. If you find him or her, let me know, I’d like to interview them. With that said, you shouldn’t be forced to settle for disrespect, emotional unavailability, or abuse, just because that’s what the other person is willing to dish out. Learn to accept people for who they are, but let them go if they are not what you’re looking for.
I recently dated a lovely gentleman who I felt was perfect for me. I told him about all of the qualities that I liked in him and he simply told me that he was not that person. He knows himself better than I do, so I had to take his word for it. I am sad, but I feel good about the fact that he let me know that he was emotionally unavailable early and allowed me to move on. I've had many men try to keep me on their hook until they finally got their lives together, and that's just not fair to me. I am waiting on my blessing.
I am currently separated from my husband and this advice is dead on. Everything that was said I have had to come to grips with during my separation. This is exactly the stuff that women should take heed to prior to getting married and having kids. It will save them a lot of pain, time and energy. Good advise 🙂
EXCELLENT advice! Spot on
So where do I send my check because this article is worth something big time!! Kudos!!!
This is anon @ 9:00 pm again. Taneica, your hair is gorgeous!
I needed to read this. Thank you! Also, I agree with Jazzy J.
Awesome, thank you!
Very great and powerful article!Wow! this was right on time! It was also a topic that really needs to be discussed and you did! Thank you for this!
pure excellence. thank you. peace.
Wonderful article. Were you listening to my prayers last night. Well said.
This article was wonderful. Great job and valuable info. I loved it!
I Love this!! Especially the part about not giving up the goods too soon!
Too many women and men are having sex way to fast!
How can a man or woman respect some one who doesn't cherish there body enough to wait? We all know that there is a double standard out there, but we as women should cherish our bodies more.
What a 100%+ gem of an article. I am especially touched by, "Don't Ever Allow A Man (or Woman) to Define What's Beautiful and/or Special About You." I think that if more women identified this trait in men, that would be one way to minimize domestic abuse. I am encouraged that you did.
I was in a developing friendship that possibly could have been more, but the person would make condescending remarks, and sometimes raise his voice. I was smart to see where it was headed and decided to not maintain it any more.
AIN'T THIS THE SHO NUFF TRUTH!!!!
Preach on sista girl! What an excellent post! I love your style of writing. You should write a book because I would love to buy it!
I totally agree. This is an awesome post. Well done Taneica!
Great post. I would only change the statement "Look like what you are looking for in a significant other" to " BE what you are looking for in a significant other". There are a lot pf posers out here who have perfected a "look". When you scratch off the paint, however, there is little substance underneath.
For example, if you want a fine, physically fit person, how close are you to your expectation?
Same goes for financial success, academic//professional success, compassion, empathy, etc.
I would say, don't expect more from someone else than what you can offer. Also, be truthful and honest with yourself about who you are and what you have to offer.
"Don't Ever Allow A Man (or Woman) to Define What's Beautiful and/or Special About You." I tell my daughters this all the time. Great knowledge!