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Curly Nikki

Believing in Who You Are When No One Else Does

By January 27th, 202128 Comments
Believing in Who You Are When No One Else Doesby Sherrell Dorsey of

If I had an alter ego like Beyonce’s Sasha Fierce, you’d call me Sunnata Blak. The girl is baaaaad! She’s confident, funny, gorgeous in heels and a red lip and could charm the heck out of any social crowd. Then there’s me. Sherrell. The quiet introvert that worries about the small things, sometimes fears making mistakes and worries herself into rashes (I had one last week I swear).

When I see my colleagues and twitter friends enjoying their lives online, showcasing the things they’re doing and events they’re attending it makes me feel like I STILL need to be doing more. As though my life isn’t fabulous enough or that at almost 25 years old I still haven’t quite arrived. Pause. Since when did my life become a competition with people I don’t even really know?

A few days ago, while indulging in my latest read: The Psychology of Wealth by Charles Richards, PhD, one recurring question I struggled to answer was “what are your values?”

Our values dramatically shape who we are, what we do and the goals we work towards. In a comedy, beauty, fashion, style and wit-centered society it’s a sin to be anything but gregarious, over-the-top and smart-mouthed. After all, it seems that all of the interesting people have the most successes right?

Instead of focusing on all that is wrong with me and right with the “competition” I’m taking a stand against the Sherrell that questions her confidence and abilities and living for the notion that God will conspire to help me to achieve all of my goals and make me the woman I was called to be with or without a successful blog, a book deal, product line, million dollar apartment or a pair of Dior pumps (not that I don’t want all of those things).

Sunnata Blak is going to barter her great traits and share them with Sherrell from now on. Believing in yourself is key. If you don’t know who you are, how will anyone else know the greatness that lies within you?

Sherrell Dorsey is a natural beauty expert, writer, speaker and advocate of health, wellness and sustainability in communities of color. In addition to creating, Sherrell writes beauty articles for Tyra Banks’s beauty and fashion site, Jones Magazine, and Posh Beauty. Follow Sherrell on twitter at


  • teennatural says:

    Thank you for this post!

  • Unknown says:

    This was wonderful post. I had to read it again. I LOVE IT!!

  • Samantha Nneamaka says:

    This gave me the confidence boost i needed right on time . thank you for sharing this deep truth.

  • Mel D says:

    Pause!…I use the word Pause all the time :~). This is a great post. I removed myself from FB in September of last year because I was so tired of feeling like I was competing with others. I had to realize that I needed to get things done for MYSELF and not focus on what the 'success' timeline should be. As previously stated, people can be anyone they want to be on FB and Twitter…the only thing they tend not to be is genuine

  • ShoeHOTLINE says:

    Great piece

  • CSI says:

    Good post. One suggestion: read God's Word the Holy Bible every day instead of Facebook, etc. That will NEVER make you feel unsatisfied with your life. If anything you'll learn that happiness comes from "giving" not "taking" or "getting yours"…Acts 20:35

  • Anonymous says:

    This just fed my soul today. I am an introvert to the core and I have struggled to fit in all my life. I get on facebook or other social media and it seems like everyone is doing so much more than me – traveling,getting married, starting families,etc. And even though my life is good, I can't help but wonder why I'm not "there" yet. "There" comes at a different time and has a different meaning for everyone. I have come out of my shell quite a bit over the years, but I feel like I could do so much more if I could just open up and stop caring sometimes. It's truly a struggle but I am learning to accept and LOVE myself every day. I will be happy. Glad that there are some other curly introverts out there too! 🙂

  • Eby says:

    This is so me! I just wish I can find where I fit and flourish there. Waiting on the Lord is so hard when it seems nothing is happening. I'm just trusting Him. I've been running from what I've wanted to do for so long, chasing dreams that weren't mine. I'm just now waking up. Thanks for this post.

  • Anonymous says:

    I believe everyone goes through this from time to time. I believe how one copes and comes out of it speaks volumes about their character. I commend you on discussing this topic. I believe this can provide inspiration to others. It inspired and provide me with some much needed insight. While I'm aware if the things you mentioned it never hurts to be reminded. Great post!

  • Anonymous says:

    Well written. I too am an introvert, and only after 32 years am accepting her. I know the right people and circumstances will come into my life with acceptance and faith.

    I also know that the information others put out there on twitter/fb is not an accurate depiction of their lives…only what they want people to think, and not to compare myself or my life with these falsehoods.

  • Anonymous says:

    I just love that I am reading a lot of things that are promoting self-growth. And part of growing is just knowing who you are and what works for you (or your personality). So often, we get consumed by others not realizing that they may not even be being themselves. We look at what they are doing and what they have and feel as though we don't measure up. I know plenty of people who are so-called doing it big, yet other areas of their lives are suffering. They may have plenty of debt to go along with those trips, tangible items, etc. At the end of the day, we have to be comfortable with the decisions we make in life. By the way, I like the alter ego and the bartering system you have decided to roll with.

  • lindaharrisoc says:

    I agree with Anonymous-March 15, 2012 2:20 PM comment, "If I could "like" this post, I would 100x," except I would have at least "like" it 1000 times. Thank you for sharing! 🙂

  • Anonymous says:

    I'm an introvert in a place where people expect me to be an extrovert…because I'm black, female, dark-skinned, and slightly overweight. You got it: The folks around me are suffering from Need a Mammy Syndrome. lol I am profoundly thankful that I've reached a point in my life where I no longer feel like I need to perform for anybody. It's not easy — not by a long shot — but being yourself almost never is…

  • Anonymous says:

    Hello fellow introvert! My introverted-ness has always had me wondering if what I was doing was enough and if I needed to do more to "impress" people since they always seemed to want to be impressed by my life. I come to learn in my 20s that I'm just content and happy with what I have; there is no need to compare yourself with others. I'm okay despite what others may perceive about me.

  • Anonymous says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this! I just started on a new venture and am constantly questioning whether or not I did the right thing due to lack of engagement – sometimes I wonder if my own introvertedness gets in the way of me being heard. I appreciate your vulnerability, it def encouraged me today.

  • Anonymous says:

    I hope you don't mind but I feel I need to talk to you about being an introvert. Although I've always known that I was an introvert, I did not read any books on it until recently (I'm nearly 45) which was prompted by Naptural85 talking about herself. I didn't read the book that she recommended, but the things that stand out from the books I did read are that introverts are out numbered by extroverts by three to one, introverts renew their energy from within themselves, whereas extroverts get their energy from interaction with others. So as a result of being outnumbered, we can spend our lives trying to live up to how the extroverts around us behave and tiring ourselves out instead of being ourselves and embracing our introvertedness. If you are the 'quiet introvert' that you describe, I'm sure you are fine as you are. I wish I had known at 25 what I know now about introverts (and extroverts) then I may not have made some life choices that I realise now were not good for me as an introvert.

  • Anonymous says:

    I have been in a wheelchair for 7 years due to a severe back injury from a car accident and these posts always make me want to scream. Able bodied people have their health, independence, dignity and privacy. They can go anywhere they want and do whatever they want but are never satisfied, never appreciative and are always griping. Geez, suck it up. You have the world at your feet. Take advantage of it, recognize your good fortune and live your life as it is now!

  • wisecurls says:

    *snaps poetry fingers* Yes, Sherrell, yes! This hit home for me! Thanks for this!

  • Anonymous says:

    FYI- Folks can be anyone they want to be via Facebook and Twitter so don't believe everything you see. Just because people have a BMW or traveling all around the world doesn't mean they didn't go broke to get it or get there or that they didn't have to skrimp, save and sacrifice in other areas of their lives. People put out there whatever they want people to see for attention. With that being said, what God has for you is for you. Don't compare yourself to anyone else. Your time will come. I am sure right now YOU are living someone else's dream.

  • Tiffany says:

    Loved it, and totally enjoyed the way you used the word CONSPIRE;) Powerful.

  • Stephanie-in-Transition!! says:

    I agree with Tiffany B. I was just writing a poem and talking with one of my friends today that I've spent so much time trying to be "enough." Finally, after a near breakdown, I stopped to think, who am I trying to be good enough for? Who am I trying to measure up to? And by whose standards? God made me as I am for a reason and that's the only thing I should be concerned with being "good enough" for. All the rest is temporary anyway. Greater is he that is in the world, than he that is of the world…

  • Tiffany B. says:

    This is great! I was just talking about this yesterday with a group of church members; it's so easy to compare ourselves with others especially with the announcements flashing across our screen. But we have to stop and remember that we are enough, we are successes and we shouldn't be competing with anyone but ourselves.

  • Anonymous says:

    I needed this! Thanks a lot!

  • Anonymous says:

    I love this.

  • Anonymous says:

    if i could "like" this post i would 100x

  • kimickeyhouse says:

    love this!!

  • brinabwell says:

    Thank you Sherrell – loved it, needed it. Wrote out the portion about what God will conspire onto my planner.

  • Emmanuella says:

    Good for you

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