Facing Reality About The Hair You Have

Antoinette and I receive a lot of emails and comments from disgruntled readers that go a little something like this,

“My hair looks so curly and defined when its wet but when it dries it just gets all big like an afro. What products can I use to keep my curls?”

“My hair is so dry, it just wont curl up. I don’t know what to do to make it nice and shiny”

“I am just so frustrated with my hair, no matter what I do it shrinks up! What am I doing wrong?

Hey, granted a lot of you may actually be dealing with hair that is in need of better product coupling, moisture retention etc. I can dig it. I can empathize BUT some of you are simply in denial about your hair! You have this image of what your hair should be and could be if you only got the right products and retained more moisture but you are completely in denial about the true nature, texture and capabilities of your own hair! I know because I use to be in denial. All up until 2 years ago I thought I had Chilli’s hair from TLC waiting to emerge if only I’d find the right products and techniques.

Facing Reality About The Hair You HaveFacing Reality About The Hair You Have

what was I thinking?!

I swore my hair was chronically dry (sure it was) but that once it was moisturized it would shine and glisten like hers. It would lay long like hers, and some how the curl pattern would “correct” itself so that my baby hair would lay it’s ass down on my forehead like it had some damn sense. I just knew I had Chilli’s hair but in my head my hair was “damaged” and “uncooperative”. Something just had to be wrong with my hair because it behaved and looked different from the way it was supposed to look in my head. Cray Cray (I know) but I am not lying. I know a lot of you are nodding your heads, imagining the hair of someone else that you keep superimposing on the hair you really have. Whose is it? Say the name out loud just so you can begin to see the madness. Now stop it! Accept the hair on your head and love it for it is worthy. I can honestly say that through my process of learning my hair and understanding and accepting my curl pattern, I have come to really love my hair. I know what it can do and what it can’t do. I accept those realities with no resentment or sadness. The fact that my hair is not fine but coarse, will never have a glistening shine and that it will never have a Pocahontas look to is really freeing to me and my self esteem. My ish will always poof up and be unruly. I work it to my advantage now. I am proud of it.

So, I want you all to really examine the “issues” you are having with your hair.


Are you truly having moisture and curl definition issues or are you frustrated that your hair is not what you think it should be?

Have you been here? What did you do to embrace YOUR hair?