by Taneica of Shatterproofglassdolls
We’ve all been there; you give your heart to someone, you envision it lasting forever (the white picket fence, dog, two kids – one of each), and you can’t imagine your life without said person. Then, WAHPOW! The relationship has ended, and you’re left standing there with your bleeding heart in your hand, alone. This post isn’t going to be about how to get you back to your pre-relationship glory. You’ll have to read the book for that. This post is a reminder of how fabulous you are in all of your single lady glory! There is something to be said about a woman who is happy regardless of what her relationship status is. Now obviously, stepping out of a relationship isn’t like stepping out of a pair pants, and hurts much, much, more, but it’s totally possible to return to the single realm of life without being miserable and lonely. With this post, I hope to help put things into perspective for you and help you remember all of the things that are fantastic about being single.
FREEDOOOOOOOOOOM! Sorry. I watched Braveheart this past weekend and that was my favorite part of the movie. But in all seriousness, there is a freedom that comes with being minus one that not even plus one divas can fathom, much less appreciate. There’s something so freeing about not having to confer with anyone about ANYTHING. You can buy whatever home you want, paint it whatever color you choose, and decorate it with as much frilly girly or tacky wacky stuff as you want! You can wear whatever you want without worrying about making your significant other uncomfortable and you can stay out as long as you wish without worrying about being inconsiderate! Mind you these are minor things in the grand scheme, but even on a larger scale, your possibilities have way fewer limits on them than they would if you were coupled up….no matter how “cool” your partner may be. Let’s be real, you have to be more considerate in a relationship or it probably won’t be pleasant, EVER. You also have to admit that there are some things that you can do as a single doll that will get a taken doll a side eye and a cold shoulder. Newly single doll, don’t take that freedom for granted. Though it’s awesome being in a relationship, it’s only worth your time if the person you’re with loves you as much as (and sometimes more) than you love yourself. Enjoy your freedom, revel in it, and take pictures for us married, engaged, and “long haul coupled up” folks. We live vicariously through you guys sometimes!
You have a blank slate. Here’s the realness about your relationship: the chick or dude that you were with was not perfect. Heck, neither were you. When you decided to love this person and enter a serious relationship with them, not only did you take on his gorgeous smile and cute butt, you also took on his annoying habit of singing along (poorly) to otherwise good songs on the radio in the car o_O. Ok, so that’s mild, but you catch my drift, right? Now that you’ve been set free, try to look on the brighter side of things. There’s a reason why the relationship crumbled to the point where it was no longer worth being in anyway! Take this opportunity to learn how to recognize your upgrade when he or she comes along! The things that bothered you about your last partner won’t be an issue any longer. Find someone who is an improvement upon what you had to deal with before. Mind you, this person will come with their own pot of annoyances, but at least you can expect to find a better fit for yourself.
I’d like to introduce you to……yourself. The ugly truth about it is, it’s quite simple to lose yourself, literally, when you fall in love with someone. It starts with something as simple as getting rid of a favorite sweater that the other person may not have liked, and can end with you not finding the same shows or music as cool as you used to because your significant other didn’t like either. Let me just tell you that that’s not cool. And I want you to think really hard about who YOU are as a woman. Make a mental note of what makes you fabulous, sexy, proud and invaluable. This is the woman that you are going to take into your next relationship. If there are some things that you wish you were but didn’t have the confidence to be when you were with your ex, NOW IS YOUR CHANCE TO BE THAT AND MORE. Take it! This is your shot to be the woman who you’ve always wanted to be, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, and physically. Think of yourself as a very lucrative investment. Put in all of the time and effort that it takes to make you very marketable (educate yourself, exercise, build your credit, etc) and then make sure that you don’t share your profits (your heart, your time, and your body) until you are sure that the interested party has what it takes to add to your profits emotionally and otherwise.
Last but not least, I want to remind you that you are NOT broken and that you are more than the relationship that you just left. In fact, I am excited for you! You finally get to discover what me and tons of other people already knew: you are fabulous, you’re strong, you’re beautiful and you’re worth loving.
A little pick me up, girl power music:
All the single ladies… what do you most enjoy about the single life?
the timing of reading this article suprise the hell out of me. I was dealing with a complete asshole who was struggling b/w me and his other ex-TOTALLY taking me on this emotional rollercoaster. I went off to college and decided "the hell with him". Not to long ago i found out he has gotten married and is now a father-to-be. I don't want a marriage and baby in my life but to settle down so quickly is a COMPLETE shocker and it has been a bit hard to stop thinking about it. I will copy and paste this to read and remind myself that my worth and strength was just to much for him to deal with. I am in fact HAPPY TO BE SINGLE 🙂 but at the same time, to feel like i have been taken advantage of still hurts like hell. i needed this article.
I love your posts. This one is spot on!
I gave my marriage 6 years of my life. I divorced last year from a man who didnt love me and my addiction to relaxer. Viva la libertad! I have been getting to know me. This post hits the spot. Freeeeedom.
I so needed this. Sometimes I feel like I'm never going to get over him, but I'm going to print this out for myself and read it whenever I'm feeling down.
*copy, paste, email to myself, and save a copy to computer just in case*
Yup, I'm single and I love it! I can finally eat all my raw onions in peace 😀
You have become a therapist in my head. Your posts are always so timely and on point. I am (most days) happily married but whenever our boat is rocked these are the thoughts that come to mind, how nice it was when it was just me loving me. I made sure to forward this to all my single friends. Love the space you are in at the moment. Cant wait til next post
Thank you!!! I took me awhile to realize this, and even longer to put it in practice, but i'm on my way. 6 years was a long time, but i've been given a new start. And this time I won't give so freely what is not deserve (time, love, me).
Yes, yes, yes!!!
Thank you so much! I just got out of a "relationship" (still not sure what to call it) and I've real down lately. But reading this really has helped! I don't feel so…worthless. I don't feel like I need to dwell on it anymore. I'm not perfect so I will feel a little sad now and then but I will remember this article and I'll get over it.
Having a boyfriend is nice…but there's nothing like the sweet taste of independence 😉
THANK YOU!!!!!!! I needed this! I just went and filed an eviction last Thursday and it felt so free!!! I'm so looking to the single life!!
I'm enjoying the single life so much, that I'm moving to New York City this weekend…although I do hope to meet my knight in shining armour there, because the pickings are pretty slim here in Columbus, OH hehe.
Aside from that, I enjoy being single to a certain extent. Fortunately, my best friends are still single(for now) so we have the freedom to hang out and do fun stuff…unfortuantely, one of them has bitten the dust and got engaged, and I suspect two more of them following suit this year or next. Me, I'm not even close… not quite ready to settle down, but it's on my mind 🙂
Can you get behind a pulpit and preach this sermon! Thankkkk yyyaaa! This reconfirmed everything that I was feeling. Much love to you and your powerful words.
I love that I have someone who believes in my goals… me! No matter how crazy it sounds there's no greater feeling than finally being at home in your skin, it took me a good two years to get over a guy who basically trampled on my heart. It was shortly after that, that I went natural and found myself.
I love being single! I haven't been in a relationship in almost 3 years. Not a long time, I know, but that relationship was so unhealthy. I love the option of doing what I want to and not having to ask your significant other's opinion on everything. I'm going to have a hard time giving up this single life.
As a newly single lady, who is struggling with being "JUST ME" after 2 and 1/2 years, I neeeeeeded this!! Taneica you are awesome.com and I so appreciate how this came right on time.
I love spending my money like the other end of the rainbow ends in my back pocket. I cant tell you how many times I hear women say they cant buy something because their significant other would not like it. LOL as long as my bills are paid, I am buying whatever the hell I want
Thank you for the post. It's been almost half a year since my now ex from a long term relationship felt like "he just needed a break," and to be honest I'm still crying every day over the heartbreak. It's slightly different when one person wants the relationship, and the other doesn't. Everyone keeps saying it will get easier, and I've been trying to be patient, but it hasn't gotten any easier despite the six months because I do feel like I've lost a really terrific guy. I truly wish I could just "snap out of it" as so many people have encouraged me to do. Easier said than done.
Thanks for the post. It came right in time for me. I recently got out of a 7 year relationship. I knew it wasn't the right relationship for me, but it still hurts. This post helped me feel a little better and more positive about the future.
Not having to take into consideration of a mates view or like/dislike or turn off/turn on about your hair/style/oilyness/smell/softness/dryness. Escpescially on your lazy/bad hair days
CARE FREE HAIR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I enjoy the fact that I can go and come as I please… I'm very spontaneous and I dont know if I'm really ready for the responsibility of having to always "check-in/out" right now.
This Right Here is the truth: "Put in all of the time and effort that it takes to make you very marketable (educate yourself, exercise, build your credit, etc) and then make sure that you don’t share your profits (your heart, your time, and your body) until you are sure that the interested party has what it takes to add to your profits emotionally and otherwise." Too often we're guilty of throwing ourselves in situations with men and we're not together ourselves and on top of that we expect them to have attributes we dont even have.
@anon 3:34 and anon 3:40
We'll have to agree to disagree on most points. I understand not all or most single friends are necessarily miserable I was moreso speaking about that constantly single gf that has nothing positive to say about relationships and promotes singledom <- probably not a word lol.
Great post! The best thing about being single is not having to share my bathroom! I have ample space for all my curly hair products and potions and I don't have to feel guilty for encroaching onto his space!!!!!!!!! YEAH!
Oh! And I completely agree with Anon @3:34 pm. You hit the nail on the head!
I really appreciate this article. Its not about criticizing single women or women in serious relationships or married. I think its simply about being happy with where you are in life. I firmly believe that God will send you your husband if you can focus on Him and be happy with where you are in life. . .single or not.
@anon 2:00pm, alone does not equal lonely; and surely, most people's single friends aren't miserable/trying to bring each other down. find companionship if you want/need it– and be happy with yourself. accept that choosing something [singledom or coupledom] doesn't have to to be indicative of misery or desperation in either case.
Thanks I needed this bad. My boyfriend just broke up with me out of the blue last week and my feelings are hurt. But more importantly I'm super lonly and can't remember the person I was before he came along. I'm sure I'll get back to knowing me and definitely having an upgrade so-to-speak whenever I'm blessed with another relationship!!!
While I am engaged… i can sympathize with you single sisters!! Do it up no call in ,no check in..lol. But nothing can compare to a great relationship even with its problems. Like someone stated earlier about a rainy Saturday doing nothing he lets me do that and accepts me with my hair n craziness. LOL! So enjoy the single life but realize that sharing your life with someone who is great is well… great lol
I love this article… it came at the right time
I hear you but that single stuff is honestly for the birds. I'm not saying be desperate to be in a relationship at all times but being lonely is not the move…. I agree you can't be with someone without knowing who you are but as soon as you figure that out… find yourself a nice man. Don't let these forever single hussy's bring you down. If you have the juice (great personality) then gone and be happy with somebody other than your other single gf (misery loves company) and your empty house.
Nice post. I am in a good/bad relationship. Sadly, my children's father passed away March 1st and that has left me heartbroken, depressed, and again questioning my current relationship. My ex was the love of my life and my best friend, but when we parted ways, neither of us really made it clear that there was no way to make "us" work. I was and am still in love with him. And prior to his death, I was thinking of trying to rebuild our relationship, because I knew deep down that with him is where I wanted to be. He tried several times to get back together, but I was trying to make it work with someone else. That was the problem. I never took the time to find out who I was, I left a relationship that was otherwise great, because of a few issues that could have been reconciled. If you become or are single, please look into yourself and appreciate ALL OF YOU. Don't be like me, now wanting out of the relationship I'm in because I have lost so much by being in it. My ideas are not truly mines, I am not free to be me. I've had doubts of wanting to be here for a long time now, but it's become magnified as I see just how short life is. With my ex – I had everything I wanted, free to express myself as I pleased. He respected me, loved me, provided for me, but my stubbornness was a problem. Now, I feel smothered in a relationship that came too fast too soon. Enjoy your FREEDOM!! Hang out with your girls, do everything that YOU like and enjoy it to the fullest, because unfortunately I'm feeling stuck and trying to find a way out of something that has sucked life out of me. Sorry for the length – thanks for reading.
this was a great article! very empowering to women and very encouraging to the women that think being single is a problem! i loved it
I love Tanecia and her sister Sherica's blog. It's so inspiring and they always manage to keep it real and give it straight-to-you-no chaser. I esp. loved the paragraph "I would like to introduce you to yourself."
My Freedom…freedom to do and go wherever I want when I want. Freedom to miss my weekly wax and it not matter at all. Freedom to be as sexy or as messy as I want. There is something to love about a rainy Saturday lounging with your natural hair all over your head, book in hand and hot chocolate in the other and remote control laying beside you!
This was fantasic and Right.On.Point! I was just telling my co-worker yesterday that I really enjoy being single. Do I want to get married? Sure. But I ain't pressed. I delight in my ability to do and go or not do and not go as I see fit. Yesterday after work, on the way to the car I turned to my co-worker and said, "let's grab a drink." Done. No check in, no phone call. No guilt. Eat, drink, watch, go, do, wear, smell, dress to please ME!
I cannot tell you how much I needed this! I was previously engaged and have been single for the past five months. There have been some VERY TOUGH days and nights(i.e. last night), but in my heart, I know that it is for the best. Sometimes we try to hold on to things that God is trying to show us isn't good for us. It's a HARD lesson. It's a lesson that I am still learning. I am going to take this post, print it and put it on my refrigerator for times when I needed a reminder. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!
well the best part about being single is the ability to be selfish and not having to take anyones feelings, opinions, or thoughts into consideration! I clean when I want, cook when I feel, buy what and however much I want, go when and where I want, wear my hair and clothes exactly how I want. Dont have to think about putting any effort into a relationship or communicating with any one to work any problems out, and I dont have to share the remote lol 🙂
OMG! Thank you for this! Recently I have been contemplating if I should stay in my current relationship, or broaden my horizons…and move on to somebody that better compliments me. I love him dearly, but we have issues! But this article inspired me to look within, and know I can do better!