by Bennii Blast of The Culture Pine

During our lives we pick up a number of phrases that we may have heard others say, which then cement themselves into our own glossary. You know the kind; ‘you live and you learn’, ‘cat got your tongue’, or if you grew up with Caribbean parents you would have definitely heard; ‘those who can’t hear, must feel!’ Oh the memories….

One of those age old sayings that I pondered on for a minute today was the familiar phrase ‘forgive and forget’. How many times have you heard that one?

Let’s talk about the forgiving part first. Now, I am the worst person at trying to be mad at someone. It is almost insanely difficult for me to hold a grudge against anyone, because quite frankly, I don’t have the energy that holding a grudge takes. Also, forgiving is great food for the soul. Think about it…if you’re spending so much time and emotion into something that hurt you, you will allow it to hurt you even further by taking up energy that could be used to channel new, positive things in your life. Forgiving is something that should be done not solely out of pity for the other person, or because you’re a pushover – you should forgive to allow yourself to move on and do better. Not to mention that with Easter just around the corner…. we should acknowledge how our own sins were forgiven.

What about the ‘forget’ part? Well for me, I do not completely agree with this. Yes, to a certain extent we can forget as in to forgo, or refrain from continuing an argument, but I do not think we should forget in the sense of clean, erasing it from our memory. Why? A part from it proving to be rather difficult to simply remove parts of your memory, I think that we should remember them in order to learn from them. You can’t just forget the pain someone has caused you, and remembering that pain could be a defence mechanism in preventing it from happening again. It will provide you with a valuable tool in being aware of those around you, and learning from any mistakes.

So, I guess what I’m saying is that yes, we should learn to forgive for the sake of our own happiness, but we should never forget what we have been through as it has shaped the person looking back in the mirror today….

Sticking with the theme of forgiveness, check out this performance by the awesome India Arie, Heart of the Matter:

What do you think? Can you forgive without forgetting?