If you have healthy hair goals, or even length goals, I urge you: Never. Have. Children. Babies may look cute and innocent, but they were really brought here for no other reason than to ruin your healthy hair progress.
We’ve all heard how pregnancy will help your hair grow, but it’s all an evil ploy to get you to have that hair-harassing baby! Once he or she arrives…it’s all downhill from there. It begins with postpartum shedding, continues with possible texture changes, and after the baby has drawn you into its web with gurgly smiles and sweet coos….it’s all over.
Here are just a few of the tactics these mini saboteurs will use to ruin your hair:
- They’ll pretend they are capable of sleeping through the night. Once they know you’re planning an elaborate wash night, they’ll pretend to go to sleep without a problem… then they’ll wait until you’re in the shower with a head full of shampoo to begin screaming their brains out.
- They’ll take any opportunity to yank your hair right out of your scalp. Their tiny fingers move at super human speeds so they get tangled in a wash-n-go faster than you can say “Ow!”
- They’ll be sure to grab your hair, only when their hands are as dirty as possible. Caked with oatmeal during breakfast? Perfect time to grab mommy’s braid!
- They’ll pretend to be helpless…but when you turn your back they’ll have your Silk Dreams conditioner smeared all over their little legs and the leg of your bed…FORCING you to go online and buy more…even though you’re on a shopping ban.
They’re tricksters I tell ya.
But there are great solutions I’ve been using lately that helps protect my strands from the little hair ruiner:
tie him up
- Buns at the top of my head. And no cute loose ones either. A tight librarian bun, that little devilish fingers cannot penetrate and yank.
give him to his dad and run away from the both of them
- distract him with something shiny while you quickly style your hair (or better yet, hide in the bathroom to style your hair while he’s trapped in his high chair with a snack.
You’ve been warned. Have babies at your hair’s own risk!