As women, it’s natural to compare things. But, some women find themselves comparing what they don’t have to what others do. When you step down to this level, you have tossed your throne. We have to understand and realize what we don’t have, makes us who we are. Some grey areas to us may be rays of sunshine to others.
I chopped my hair for the first time July 29th, 2013. I always had the little fairy on my shoulders telling me to “just do it”, but I was once The Girl With The Hair who cared what people thought. That morning, I had enough. I had done all the coloring, straightening, styling, and fro-ing; I was bored- I needed change. After taking out my braids, I knew I had to make a run for the salon before I talked myself out of it.
Once I got to the salon, I walked in nervous yet brave and walked out feeling unstoppable. I felt like I could do anything since I let what was my everything go. It was time I faced my fears, and listen to the voice that had spoken long ago. My first cut was to my shoulders because I didn’t want to make a haste decision and go lower than I wanted the first time. Eventually, I found what look made sense for my face leading me to my actual BC. My second chop was September 8th, 2013. It was tapered in the back, and layered on the top. This was my big chop. Walking out of the salon I felt beautiful. I saw features I never saw- freckles that never had a chance until THEN.
When your hair is your crutch, you have to find some sort of balance with yourself. There are so many insecurities that you may come across when jumping the broom into this natural lifestyle- here are a few I dealt with and what others deal with.
Facing those “why did you do that” people
It was one of those “let me take this selfie first” moments- I got to the car, snapped a pic and let it run free. Out goes the pic, and in comes “OMG, WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!” Some things can be taken out of context when reading because 1. you can’t hear the persons tone, and 2. punctuation marks make things worst. So I sat there, and while tons of amiable comments flowed and the OMG’s honestly were insulting. One way I dealt with that was just being completely honest, “I was bored, and wanted to try something new.” Nobody really had the courage to say they didn’t like it, but the way they reacted, it seemed like they didn’t and it took some getting used to.
When you have to face those people, its a shot to the gut at first*, but when you shower people with complete honesty, they just say “oh ok” and move right along. Not that you should care, but dealing with those people, you see what people expect you to do, look like, and act like. When you don’t feed them their expectations, they react like its abnormal to cut hair. I didn’t know it was your hair that I cut. lol. #UnBothered
That first time out and about with my hair cut, I felt like all eyes were on me. I loved my cut, but that breeze across your neck, reminds you, damn, you have no hair girl! Many women feel that those first couple of weeks of having their cut they look like a boy, don’t feel like themselves, or simply, don’t like it until they have found that balance. When you find that balance, whether it be make up, accessories, or just embracing what you DO have, you won’t miss a thing. It’s all about being proud of you, loving you, and sharing you with the world. Cutting my hair has given a spot light on my freckles, brows, and cheeks. When I had hair, some of that was either hidden, or a simple shadow next to the star- my fro. Embrace, don’t feel exposed.
That “stand still” period
We all have or will go through that awkward stage. I have crossed that finished line just about two months ago, and it was a challenge. Your curls don’t sit right, it has grown a mind of its own, and you are stuck between too much or too little product use. When you are in this stage, you simply either protective style (watch my faux loc tutorial below), add on a few accessories to your wardrobe like hats and turbans (watch my how to below), or simply fluff it out and deal with it. When you reach this period, you have to make the best of it. Everyone’s hair grows differently. Have a little fun while you can before the beast takes over.
This is something nobody tells us about. The struggle of shrinkage that doesn’t allow us to flourish. I found the key to this closed door a little while into my awkward stage. I was trying to get that perfect curl and my curls became heavy, springy, and had taken over my head as a whole. I made use of my wide tooth comb, and picked my roots, or I simply placed my hair in a “pig tail” for about two hours before going out on the top of my head (problem area) so that it stood at attention. Nobody likes flat hair. The number one remedy to shrinkage is stretching.
Everyday women allow men to control their lives. There are tons of women who do, and those who don’t raise a glass- cheers to us! At one point, I was that girl. I cared what he thought about my hair. I learned that you should not allow the opinions of a man dictate what you do when it comes to a minor materialistic change. It took me years to cut my hair because of that insecurity. It had me feeling like I wouldn’t be enough, I wouldn’t be attractive, or he’ll leave. When I realized, that if I person loves you for you, a materialistic image cannot change what love they claim they “have.” No one needs to confirm your curls, only you. Do what you want with what you have.
Having the perfect curls
At the age of 25, 8 months later, I have realized, perfect curls are for those who have time. I do-not-have-the-time. Its all in the same boat as perfecting something that you cannot control. My curls? PLEASE, they win the battle each and every time. If they feel like they want to be iffy, then they will find themselves in line for a wash. When my curls want to sag low, I simply fluff my roots, and go. I have recenlty embraced the “comb out” look, I simply run the wide tooth comb through my hair, add a little moisture (oil) and go about my business. When its all said and done, what your curls want, they will get. Having the insecurity that you don’t have the perfect curls will have you with a mirror, spray bottle, and styler on your waist as if you’re a stylist on duty. Ladies, please remember this if you remember nothing at all- turn the volume up! Switch it up a little, embrace that frizz, and leave the door open for three and four day curls- thats when they usually lay the best.
I say all this to say,
The qualities that you feel you should have to make yourself more of a woman when comparing yourself to another, makes you even less than what you thought you didn’t have from the beginning.
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