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Curly Nikki

‘All Falls Down’- That Time I Saw My True Self

By January 27th, 2021No Comments
'All Falls Down'- That Time I Saw My True Self
‘Our perceiving self is nowhere to be found within the world-picture because it itself is the world- picture’- Erwin Schroedinger 

Hola Chica,

I wanna show you something.

I’m assuming you’re checking-in via the mobile CN site, so bring your phone up a little closer to your face, like you’re about to take a selfie.  A little closer… a little closer.   Okay. 

Now, take a deep breath and drop all thoughts.  Don’t refer to your story (your name, race, sex, age, job, bae or nah, etc.).  Just look.  #LikeACamera
Now without moving your head or eyes, take stock of your surroundings.  Beyond the phone you may see a desk, or a lamp, a window or even another person.  But in your direct line of vision, there are these words appearing on a white screen (hey boo!), a phone, a pair of hands holding the phone, arms leading up to shoulders, and then, your neck and that gorgeous face of yours.  Wait, no.  That’s not right.  Let’s back it on up.

'All Falls Down'- That Time I Saw My True Self
my view
Keep that phone up in your direct line of vision.  Now, if you turn your attention away from the phone, 180 degrees in the opposite direction, back toward what you are looking out of, what do you see where other people see your face? 

Not a got damn thing, right?  No face, no head, nothing at all! You think you see what others see there (that beautiful brown face, with those big brown eyes and that new red lippie), but you actually just see an open, clear space… empty, aware capacity for the world to appear inside of.  #DeepAF #IKnow #Headless

**if you didn’t do the activity, go back and do it, I’ll wait. It’s essential. Then watch the video!**

This has always been your vantage point.  The first-person perspective (like in that Kanye West video, All Falls Down where he only sees his head/face in the mirror or in Stacey Dash’s sunglasses, ignore Stacey tho).

Usually you feel like you can see what you look like while you’re shopping or while you’re talking to people (which makes you awkward and self-conscious as hell!), but that’s not the case.  Things happen in that space– people, groceries, shopping carts, your arms, your hands, the beach, your office– but you don’t see your face or head until you come across a reflective surface.  And although it may seem mundane or even childish, living from your faceless center has huge implications (thanks Ye)–

1. Keeps you present- You know how I know when I’m truly ‘living in the moment‘?  My face is no where in the picture!

'All Falls Down'- That Time I Saw My True Self
Ernst Mach’s ‘self-portrait’– way more accurate than drawing his face, right?! He drew his view out, instead 🙂 

When driving, there’s the steering wheel, hands, road, trees, other cars.  When shooting TV, there’s the camera, camera men, and faces in the audience. When typing (like right now), there are fingers moving, words appearing, a computer screen, and the dope shit around me. When talking to Boogie, there’s just her face, not my face and her face. Just her’s.  I experience everything from this open space.

'All Falls Down'- That Time I Saw My True Self
with my bestie a couple of years ago… I’m experiencing her face (and the surroundings), but definitely not my face.  I’m the open space, the empty container for her and the surroundings to appear in. 
In each situation, the moment is allowed to unfold more naturally, more fluidly, without my ego getting in the way, without my ego’s interpretations of the moment getting in the way.  Thoughts get quiet (it’s like, automatic mindfulness) and the ‘peace that surpasses all understanding’ becomes an actual living experience.

So whenever you find yourself anxious, frustrated or self-conscious, turn inward and remember what you’re looking out of.  You are already whole, perfect, abundant and loved…you just forgot.  (oh, and you suddenly realize that all those damn affirmations– ‘I am abundant’, ‘I am worthy’, ‘I already have everything I want’– you’ve been repeating, hoping they’ll be true some day if you repeat them enough, are actually true right now and have always been true.  The whole world is in you. You are that. You are all that #AndABagOfChips) 

2. Keeps you from going the hell off- So since there’s never a ‘face to face’ convo, only ‘face to no-face’ or ‘face to space’, it keeps your Petty Pendergrass, Petty Labelle and Tyler Petty in check. When you realize that you’re the space that allows everything to appear, even your ‘frenemy’ is loved unconditionally.  You realize she’s appearing in you and is therefore not separate from you… is you. Seeing this raises your consciousness and conflicts appear less and less.  

“Two-way attention is practical. The solution to challenging situations or problems comes from being consciously open to the One who, after all, invented those challenging situations!”

3. Keeps you ‘in communion with God’ (ceaseless prayer)- We’ve talked about different ways to discover the kingdom within.  This is just another way to climb the mountain (for the exact same view from the top)– some people like to meditate, others pray, others place their attention on real happiness/their natural good feels, and still others look out from their ‘original face‘ (the one you had before you were born).  That’s what we’re doing here.  You can call it pure awareness, I AM,  spirit, THIS, or God.  It’s omnipresent and omnipotent… it’s always here, always now, and it’s what you are, what you always have been and what you always will be.

‘Closer to you than your hands and feet and nearer to you than your breathing is the One, the Source and Container of all things. When you see this One, and live consciously as this Reality, you find peace, freedom, beauty and love, inspiration and guidance.’ –Richard Lang ‘Seeing Who You Really Are’

'All Falls Down'- That Time I Saw My True Self
THAT’s what you are, chica. 

For those of you in the ‘mind blown af’ camp and want more, check out Douglas Harding’s Headless website and book, On Having No Head.  There are lots of experiments on the page to help you see what I’ve briefly touched on in this article.  The one that blew my world open was THIS ONE.  I also like Richard Lang’s book on the same topic and J.C. Amberchele’s The Light I Am and Cracked Open.  I stumbled across my headlessness back in 2013 (while in PA) and feel so nekkid sharing it with you today.  It resonated with me because it allowed me to actually ‘see’ what all the non-dual (oneness) books, like Power of Now, were talking about.  And while I’m sure some of y’all are in the, ‘what she on, tho?’ camp, I hope this post will inspire you to take a fresh look at yourself.
Later Gators, 
p.s.  If you remember your first person status frequently enough and for longer periods of time, you’ll come to see that you’re not aware of this space where you thought your head/face was.  You are the space.  And the space is aware of itself and all the different moments that appear and disappear within it.

p.p.s. if you see dangling curly tendrils, or a blurry smudge (that you take as your nose), or even glasses, when you look out from this openness, know that these are just the first ‘objects’ obscuring your big, open, crystal-clear view into the world.  

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