“Shocked. Disillusioned. Heartbroken. Angry. Disgusted.I’ve been feeling this way for a while now, but, the incidents that surfaced in the past week have had me feeling these emotions (and more) to the maximum.
Yet, I can’t decide which is worse. The disturbing witnessing of these acts alone or the crippling inability to stop it? It’s like watching… oh wait. I was going to say it’s like watching someone being hurt and not being able to help.
This frustration was truly paralyzing. The hopelessness paired with the helplessness was killing me. I felt ashamed and half-dead, riddled with guilt.Shameful, because I am literally watching people being murdered and I can’t stop it. It’s like I’m half-dead, because how do I continue to live my life with constant news of people being killed every day. On one hand – how do you go to work or enjoy dinner with friends like normal, when the world you once knew has disintegrated. Then on the other hand, you are enjoying life for a moment, posting a selfie with your baby niece on Instagram you’re met with a video of a man being killed on your popular page. Enter, Guilt. Not wanting to revel in the joys of my life and then when I do – it’s stolen and I feel bad for enjoying a life that someone else has just lost.
Whether you can identify with these feelings or not, the effects from these events are truly impairing the world around us.
I didn’t post much on social media in regards to this because I needed to sit with my feelings. I understand the power in showing solidarity on social media, but I think sometimes it can give the false sense of accomplishing something for the cause. And, as an artist – I really wanted to create something for people in a more meaningful manner than in a few passionate, 140 character Tweets.
In sitting with my feelings, I found myself asking “When will our beloved musicians and celebrities DO SOMETHING?”Maybe that something could be to make music, cancel tour dates or even hold a sit-in at Hollywood Studios. But then, I wondered why I was waiting on others or forcing responsibility in their hands? I had to ask myself , “What was I going to do?”I decided to make a mixtape.”
Give the project a listen below and share any moments that may have touched you personally.