Teyana Taylor Just Increased Gym Memberships Nationwide By 63%

I’ve actually been procrastinating renewing mine for a little bit. In fact, I haven’t had one since college I think, and technically the only reason I did was because it was included in my student fees. Are you judging me right now? But beers are my go to drink and last night I definitely started rethinking it. Somebody needs to invent the Crystal Light version of beer cause my diet clearly isn’t working.

Just like the 3% of people who’ve managed to not see this video, I’m probably one of the 3% of people I know who actually has a Tidal account. So I get the pleasure of not having to fast forward through the VMA reruns and rewatch it with the click of a single button. Each time I watch it though, I’m not mad at Teyana Taylor, but I become more mad at myself. Because if Teyana can bounce back like this two weeks after she had her baby, I’m pretty sure I’m doing something wrong. Something. Like…not properly doing my pushups, or not doing pushups at all.

This morning I called 24 Hour Fitness and asked for the Teyana Special. The salesperson didn’t know who Teyana was so I made her watch the new video with me while I was on the phone signing up for my membership. She also happened to be one of the rare 3% of people who had Tidal so we already had a common bond. After watching the video, we both agreed that this needed to be a thing. So, now it is. The Teyana Special is a special membership for those of you like me who haven’t worked out in years, but want to tone down like Teyana in two weeks. And if I switch from beer to Crystal Light for two weeks, it’s definitely a possibility.

Apparently I’m not the only one feeling this way, because I’ve seen at least 63% of the women on my Snapchat story make an abrupt switch from bottomless mimosas to bottomless lunges this morning. A couple of them even left brunch and went straight to the gym, sundress and all. Because apparently it’s that serious.

But we can’t have you out here strugg like the rest of the world who hasn’t caught on, so just know that I’m looking out for you. So call your local gym and ask for the Teyana Special. Use the discount code mikeorie. It’s good for two free weeks, which is truthfully how long most of us will last before we’re back to our old routines anyway. And if for some reason you haven’t seen any results in those two weeks, I urge you to demand a refund. 

 You’re welcome.

Watch FADE here.