When I wrote yesterday’s post about starting my Grape Diet Detox, I hadn’t eaten yet– I’d only had a couple of glasses of water, room temperature, of course (see ‘shit bougie black people love #33‘) and my will power was popping.
I decided against the Whole Foods delivery and got dressed, loaded Max up and walked the mile to Yes! Organic Market. I hate going to the grocery store (’cause humans) and have everything delivered now, but Yes! Market doesn’t deliver and they’re the only store in the area with a ridiculous variety of organic grapes. Plus the walk is scenic and I could get some much needed steps in. I grossly underestimated the temperature, though. It was hot as hell, no shade all the way but when I finally got there, I had my pick of the best, like 7 varieties. I bought 4 crates, loaded them in the stroller and proceeded to walk back home, which was up hill the entire way apparently… I had no idea we lived at the peak of a slope until I had to push that heavy Mima stroller + 18 pound Max + my ass up a hill for a mile. I never leave home without my Bose headphones (keeps dudes from trying to talk at me), but I had to take them off because of the profuse sweating and my hair is still blown out… so I was annoyed, hot and hungry by the time I got home. Before I even got Max out the stroller, I was rinsing grapes off and stuffing them in my face. I probably ate 2 bunches. They were so good and the water content of them coupled with the chewing action (unlike other fasts I’ve done) totally took care of my hunger pangs. Two hours go by and Gia’s home from school and we’re doing math homework at the table. I raised up from my chair a little to sneak poot, but immediately realized that it wouldn’t end well, so I aborted. You know that feeling. And then I remembered what grape juice does to me on an empty stomach. I googled the side effects of the grape detox and of course diarrhea was way high up there (in defense of the grape diet, you’re supposed to start much slower than I did). I cannot with unpredictable gastrointestinal distress. I might as well do the master cleanse with that terrible salt water flush! So by 7 last night I was sitting on the patio outside our local El Salvadorian restaurant enjoying a glass of Pinot Gri, reading Be As You Are, waiting on my steak that I ordered to go. This is my third failed detox since having Max, maybe I ain’t about that life anymore. It’s cool though, yesterday counted as an ‘I went extra hard on my intermittent fasting‘ day.
Your other self,