By Erma BreAnn
Whoever said getting to know someone was fun, glossed over the beginning stages. Getting to know someone is a long term process. In fact, it is never ending. The first few dates are like making it to Wednesday, we’re just trying to get over the hump. As a young woman feeling stuck in ‘forever single’ status, dating becomes boring. I’ve gone on unoriginal dates just to answer the same questions over and over like a trash song on repeat. I know some questions need to be asked because there are important things we should know about someone, but we could get to the point quicker by asking more direct questions and leaving some irrelevant ones in the past. So to keep you from beating a dead horse on your next date, here are 7 Questions To Leave At Home.
1. Closed-ended questions
If you can answer the question with “yes” or “no” I would suggest leaving those questions at home. You are trying to get to know someone, so stop scratching the surface. Closed-ended questions leave room for misinterpretation, and the issue with most is the assumption that we have the same level of understanding and meaning of certain words. I’ve learned my version of clingy is not the same as others. Make your questions clear and leave little room for misunderstanding. Be creative by using scales, hypothetical situations, descriptions, anything to get the answer you want and need.
2. How many relationships have you had?
I would place this in the closed-ended question category. I would also place this question in the shredder. The answer is irrelevant and doesn’t tell you if this person is going to be a good partner. If you are curious about their level of commitment then ask. I would suggest, “How do you define a relationship?” This way you know how they view relationships, which is more important than a number.
3. When was your last relationship?
Much like question #2, I think it’s pointless. I know we like to regulate how much time it takes to get over an ex but that isn’t for you to decide. We like to assume if it has been a short period of time, then they can’t be over their ex and most likely are still involved with them. Television and media has brainwashed us to dictate someone’s emotions. This question says a lot about your insecurities and trust issues. The better question is “How do you feel about your exes?” This is a simple question because how someone views an ex, in my book, is more important than how long they’ve been single.
4. How many sexual partners have you had?
I think this question should be laid to rest. It opens the door for slut shaming or prude shaming, which benefits no one. What is a good number anyways? I’m sure it is somewhere between slut and prude but that’s relative. It doesn’t matter if someone is on number 53 or number 2, their sexual history doesn’t inform you on whether or not they practice safe sex.
“When was the last time you have been tested?” is an extremely important question rarely getting her time in the limelight. I might be more willing to provide my number of sexual partners, I have no shame, if I wasn’t the only one concerned with sexual responsibility.
5. Have you ever cheated?
You know, I’m tired of this one. I have yet to hear a person say they wouldn’t date someone who has cheated and followed through. There are too many women who think they can change a person so why do we stress over this question? Maybe, I’m tired of hearing it because my answer isn’t interesting and I’m not interested in theirs. A better question would be to ask, “What do you consider cheating?” Know the rules of engagement with each person you date because no two people are alike.
6. Do you want kids?
I may be the only person who hates this question. The word ‘want’ makes children sound like an accessory. Wanting kids doesn’t mean you should have them. I have dated multiple people with kids and some without, learning from those experiences I could not have kids with just anyone. It sounds simple to just be on the same page of wanting them. I instantly want to know why they want kids because bringing a child into the world is a great responsibility. We should be asking, “What kind of parent do you envision yourself to be?” If a person doesn’t envision themselves as a parent then they will tell you and of course don’t stay around trying to change their mind if you know you want kids.
7. What are you looking for in a partner?
This isn’t a question I ask or want to answer with too much detail. Never tell someone what you are looking for past communication and honesty. Giving a list of your perfect partner or ideal relationship can lead to the other person trying to be what you want until you’re hooked. Then you get surprised when they switch up and become their real authentic self. Leave this question at home. If you are asked this question, keep your answer simple.