By Mwabi Kaira
What rapper and producer Swizz Beatz (Kasseem Dean) thought was an appreciation post to his wife Alicia Keys and a message to men, turned left with a quickness last week.
“Attention all MEN. You shouldn’t be jealous or upset if you have a Queen that’s successful, smarter or better than you! What you should do is thank the most high or step your game up! I can’t stand when I see brothers jealous of the lady they’re with. That ish is very weak. #Realtalk Ladies keep doing you.”
|Swizz & Alicia in Egypt
I read it as I was scrolling my timeline and gave a nod in agreement and also loved the picture accompanying the caption. Swizz and Alicia are in an Egyptian desert looking royal with pyramids in the background.
Before long, the post and caption had made the Shaderoom and the comments were on fire. Some chastised Swizz for only showing appreciation to Alicia and not the other mothers of his children. And then everyone dug up how he left his ex-wife Mashonda for Alicia and that Alicia was a homewrecker. Swizz and Alicia have been married since 2010 and have two kids. Yes, it was a messy situation and Mashonda did feel betrayed back when she appeared on Love & Hip Hop in 2011. To be fair, it was a fresh situation and she was still dealing with it as anyone would. It’s been 7 years and Mashonda and Alicia are now friends. Swizz and Mashonda successfully co-parent. Mashonda frequently goes on family vacations with her son, Swizz, Alicia and their children. They have clearly moved on and are living their best lives. Why then are we still stuck in their 2010 lives if they are not?
|Mashonda, Alicia & Swizz
Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston haven’t been married since 2005 and have both been married and divorced to different people since then and yet people still get upset at their situation. We’re still stuck in 2005 when they’re not. And it’s not only celebrities. How are we still mad at our homegirl’s man for something he did in college when they’ve been married for 17 years and have two whole kids? Why do we continually stay mad at situations that don’t concern us? Some might argue that these people should leave us out of their business in the first place if they don’t want us in it and that is true to an extent. However, our only job is to be listening ears for the ones we love as they vent. We have to find a way to not hold on to their venting sessions and mean mug and roll our eyes at the people they are venting about after they’ve moved on and are in love again. It’s not healthy for one and it does nothing for our mental state. How do we look still mad when they’re happy?
We have to learn to give the grace we want to receive. We live in a culture that promotes groupthink and the fear of missing out even when it comes to popular opinions. Having an unpopular opinion or not caring about pop culture events can make you feel like the odd one out, but it is very necessary. I feel most alive and in touch with my senses when I go against the grain. It makes me feel like I’m using my brain and not just going with the flow. I have seen people get so worked up arguing about celebrities and it saddens me to no end that they have that much passion for people who don’t know their names. Literally, shooting another human being because you disagree with who they think should play Aretha Franklin in her biopic should never be a way of life. I’ll be honest, I see things online about celebrities that I disagree with and want to have entire discussions about with my friends, but I have learned to just exhale and move on to the next thing that can actually bring value to my life. I’m a silver lining kind of girl and I know that before long whatever everyone is talking about will come full circle and there will be a lesson in it. I know, it’s so Pollyanna of me but it has served me well and kept me from unnecessary messiness. Let people live, give them the grace they deserve, and leave their business to them.
Do you think we stay too much in other people’s business?
Kaira is an African girl navigating her way in an American world. She
is of Zambian and Malawian heritage and moved to the USA in 1993.
Writing has been her passion since she could put a sentence together on
the page. Mothering her sons is her pride and joy. She has been an avid
runner since 2013 and has run 10 half marathons and a full marathon.
Keep up with her athttp://africanbeautifulme.blogspot.com