BECOMING SILVER – Pt. 1
My grandpa was 100% gray by 18. My mom was 50% by 40, and 100% by 50. I’m likely 60% or more as I type these words. I’m scared to type this. Because it feels like if I say it to you, I’m committing to it… like I’ll be held accountable, and that’s probably what I need. Every month I look at roots and think, I don’t want to henna. Last month I googled “can I just add henna to my conditioner?” (only for a younger version of me to answer 2026 Nikki lol) because I’ve grown that impatient with the process. I had grown that impatient with my hair. Remember? I wore a turban for like 2 years. I have been taking care of everything and everyone but this head.
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It used to take me nearly 48 hours to henna from start to finish- 8 hours to allow the natural plant dye to release, overnight henna leave-in, and then a long rinse and deep conditioning process (another 3-8 hours before styling and then waiting for it to dry!).
Now I slap it in (in the front only, mind you lol) within 5 minutes of whipping it up and leave it in for 2 hours only if I got busy cleaning or writing or recording. I don’t like anything being on my head. I can’t stand wearing those processing caps that it seems I spent much of my 20s in. I want the easy button. I want the natural button. And while henna is natural, I’ve been feeling more and more called to letting.it.go.
Now, I need you to understand that I’ve said this every month for the last two years. Imma do it. lol. Imma do it. And then I go two weeks past my henna schedule and the white framing around my face makes me feel washed out… like wiped… and I cave and henna again. But only the front lol. This is my hair today. And the back of my hair today. We look and we don’t judge. Back of my hair ain’t seen henna in a minute lol!
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So I’m leaving this right here. God wants my hair to be silver. It is silver. It just looks orange ’cause of my will lol. Now if I could go 100% silver tomorrow, like Storm from X-Men, I soooooo would. It’s the growing it out that makes me uneasy. I’ve seen the before-and-afters and the progression videos. I’ve seen the lovely white-haired influencers, I have a lovely white-haired lady living in my house lol shout out Momma! She’s for it. She said Grandpa would be proud, that our whole lineage would be proud. I’ve fought it for 10 years. Should I lay down my sword? Lay down my henna? I would also be laying down the thickness, the girth, too. Will my hair fall off the bone, becoming even more see-through? Find out in the next installment. For now, know that I’m not continuing my henna sub on Amazon…. today. That’s the first step. I’ll keep you posted! Note: I just henna glossed like 3 days ago lol. So I’m talking BIG right now with my perfectly red roots. We shall see!
P.S. All I can think about is how I want to bleach it but can’t. Henna. Even pure, organic henna can make hair dye and bleach unpredictable, and then I’d have roots anyway (whatever pigmented hair is left). I also think about big chopping because I never have- never had to. Never relaxed. Hmmmm. What would you do?! What did you do?!
