I Almost Gave Up Yesterday… But Then This Happened
“Someone who faces every problem spiritually is never exhausted.” – St. Paisios
I didn’t want to do anything yesterday. I had low energy. Was operating on maybe 3-4 hours of sleep, and wanted to throw in the towel. I remember lying in bed after a small snack around 11am… nothing done (no articles for curlynikki.com, no reels for IG), and received a DM from someone with my own video ‘you almost gave up…’. I immediately thanked them, and assumed a breakthrough posture.
I turned on some praise and worship music. Pumped my fist (like Arsenio Hall used to lol– that stirs the oil here… my son says it makes him want to fight lol, but it makes me feel GOD haha). You could smile intentionally, you could clap your hands (I do that sometimes- ever notice how us millennials do that before we start dancing? lol it gets the people going!). These aren’t coping mechanisms. They’re your body remembering what Heaven feels like- and calling it down again!
You enter a charged state, not by pretending your fatigue or pain doesn’t exist… but by refusing to collapse under it. You’re not overriding reality… you’re outranking it.
Long story short, I did everything that needed to be done… with tears in my eyes at times, yes. But it breaks the cycle. The cycle where when the level gets super hard, when you’re meeting the final boss, you usually sleep more, eat more, or don’t eat at all, or binge a show, or hide away. The next time that usual defeat-feeling comes, you out-Love it! And you say,
“I will not let this atmosphere name me.”
“I will not serve the old script.”
“I will stir the oil. I will light the Fruit. I will make joy louder than fear today.”
This activates Glory. It activates Blessings. My whole day got better. AND, I got some sleep last night and feel absolutely outstanding today and woke up to GoOD news!
Heaviness, tears, everything pressing in… these are GoOD signs. I remember looking down for a second while at a red light yesterday. When I looked back up sitting across the street on the other side, also waiting at the red light was a trash truck that read in heavy, bold lettering, like it was the name or brand of the truck, BATTLE. I smiled. This is battle. But the Gospel is in the air. His Blood is the atmosphere and we already won.
Don’t go back to old ways. You are a new creature.
I love you,
nik
SIT WITH US NEXT WEEK ON SILENT RETREAT!!
