“I bet the boys are all over you now!” is typically how some attempt to compliment me on my weight loss.
Mmm, I can’t say that my milkshake brings lots of boys to the yard, but the boys are certainly a lot nicer than they were when I weighed 307lbs in middle school. In gym class, my male classmates often taunted me with “You’re jigglin’ baby!” or “Hey Sumo!” when my gym shorts would ride-up between my legs.
Throughout middle and high school and much of college, I never had a boyfriend. My first date was not until I was 23-years-old at Chilli’s. Yep, I was a hot mess of insecurity. Over the years my insecurities subsided, and I have continued to date.
However, there tends to be an ongoing pattern with the guys I date. Things can be going groovy, we talk often, our dates are great, we look forward to seeing one another, etc.
Yet, once a guy finds out that he is dating the former fat chick, I can’t put a name tag on it, but the energy just seems to change. Quite frankly, the guy acts weirded out by the ghosts of my fat girl past.
In addition to the uncomfortable energy, men tend to feel the need to ask very uncomfortable (and inappropriate) questions.
The other night my best friend for the last 17 years, Alma, suggested that I create instructional tips for men on what not to do or say when dating a former fat girl.
So here it goes…
#1 Did you have sex when you were that big?
#2 – At least try to mask the fear in your eyes when you see a former fat girl eat. Also, never ask a former fat girl, are you gonna eat all of that? (Cause, the answer is hell yeah!)
#3 – Don’t annoy the former fat girl you’re dating by asking “Did you exercise today?” everyday!
#4 – Never ask a former fat girl, “Do you have to wear girdles or those Spanx-things?
#5 – Don’t point to people at the mall or in restaurants and ask, “Were you ever that big?”
#6 – Never tell a former fat girl, “You look good, you just need to tone up,” after she just told you that she lost over 100-pounds! Also, the former fat chick appreciates workout tips, she just doesn’t want to hear them all the time!
#7 – When intimate with a former fat girl, don’t rub on her stretch marks in the dark. Her stretch marks aren’t braille!
#8 – Never ask a former fat girl, “Do you think that you will gain the weight back if you have kids?”
#9 – Unless she starts the conversation, never ask a former fat girl about her childhood i.e. “Were you always the last one picked in gym class?”
#10 – Again, unless the former fat girl starts the conversation, don’t ask about sagging skin. Don’t try to casually bring up the topic by saying “…yeah my cousin that lost a lot of weight had lots of sagging skin. Did you have sagging skin?”
***11. Treat her the same as you would a woman who has never been fat.
